Help/Support ► Torn

[Dead Ascension]

Well hai thar, relationship thread. Do excuse me if it seems short and jumbled.(Using mobile...)

Anyways, right now, Im in a relationship and I happen to like her very much. We've been together for at least a month. Now, why the fuck am I putting this up if I'm happy? Answer : An ex of mine.

This ex of mine, we were together for 6 months, 2 months for a long distance relationship. Now, we had plenty in common. We chatted at least every other day, called once a week and therein lies the problem. Eventually, we lost contact with each other and that's how we broke up.

Earlier, I had found out she came back and we bumped into each other. We had a long talk and in the middle of our conversation, she told me that she still loves me. I told her I was with someone else. With her replying. and I quote 'I wont go between you and her. I just wanted you to know that I still love you, that's all.'

And this is my problem. Im torn between my ex who I still have feelings for which I thought were long gone, and my current girlfriend who I love as well. My question, is this : What am I going to do? And please, no follow your heart answers.

 

[UsagiOkami]

My advice is to look at the problem long term,if it was that easy for you two to drift apart then what is to stop you two from breaking up again and then just getting back together over and over again? Is that something you want to deal with? Not to mention if all it took for you guys o break up was not talking to each other for a while was the love even true to begin with? Some people like the idea of being in love with the person more then they love the person, I'm not saying that this is the case but if your ex is willing to move on maybe you should too.

 

[Pelafina]

The best solution I see is to take a break, (break up, whatever terms you'd like to use,) with your current girlfriend. At the least, that should give you a good chance to step back and look at the whole situation a little better than you can now.

You definitely ought to discuss this with the current one as well, not only may she add valuable input, but good couples share things like this. Keep in mind as well that the old one may just have feelings for you (and consequently, you for her) because it's something that you remember fondly, and people often gravitate towards something that they used to have.

Whatever you do, it's your choice- you're in the situation, and know its nuances far better than we do. Make sure that you're clear on whatever it is you decide, and don't make any decision too lightly.

Good luck.

 

[Dead Ascension]

We still kept in contact(very rarely, though) but it was after a month and a half that we broke up. :/ Does that change anything?
And as for talking to my current girlfriend, she understands wholeheartedly as we were best friends before we got together so she knows how I think. But, right now, I can tell that she's distraught over this as well.

 

[UsagiOkami]

Well if you have been going out with this new girl for a month and were able to love her and be fine with not going out with your ex it sounds to me that (and correct me if I'm wrong) you weren't all that depressed about not being with her, if you managed to get over it that fast and go out with another girl how much do you really love your ex? Now I'm not sure if this sounds harsh or not it's just how my mind works but, if you were able to break up with your ex in the first place understanding that you would not be going out with her again then did you really mean that much to you? If it was a mutual agreement then it sounds like neither of you had all that much of a problem with not seeing each other again.

 

[Dead Ascension]

Lets see...my ex and I broke up around the end of december giving me four months to get over it. Its pretty much the case of 'lingering feelings'. I wouldnt have gotten over it without my current gf who helped me out and became my shoulder to cry on. Im not sure how big a gap it is. From my breakup to my current relationship which is four months.

Im just confused. In the end, I know I have to make a choice. But Im just scared. Scared of breaking the other's heart. Im afraid that if Im forced to choose between the two, I would be at a complete loss. :/

 

[UsagiOkami]

I think it ultimately comes down to whether or not you feel you are in love again because you have seen her again or if you are in love again because you remember being in love with her; You need to look at where you are in life and determine if this is where you want to be, or is it somewhere else. I think that Pelafina has a good point and that maybe you should distance yourself from the problem for a little bit, maybe get the oppinions of some of your friends and especially your family, what are their oppinions on both girls and how they view your happiness with the two of them.

I think that perhaps you should worry less about breaking anothers heart as you have already learned that time heals all wounds but instead focus on what would be best for your life and how you want to live it and whether the girl you are with or the girl you left is a part of that plan. Yes you will have to make a decision and you will have to come to terms with the fact that no matter what you do, even prolonging giving an answer will cause hurt and pain to both girls and yourself as well, sixteen is pretty young to have that much pressure but you will come across harder thing in the future then who you go out with, not to mention the fact that if your ex truly loves you then even if you pick the other girl she might just wait for you, eventually you might realise that you made a mistake but that's the chance you run when you deal with relationships. I hope this helps.

 

[Dead Ascension]

Thank you. Thank you, both of you.
I'll take them into consideration. I feel a lot better now. At least, I have a semblance of order in my life again as well as an idea on what to do. Once again, thank you.

 

[keybladelegacy]

I think your EX can wait if she still has feeling for you. Stick with your current girlfriend but dont like stop talking to your ex at least yall can still be friends. If she still have feeling you, you should still talk to her now and ago but not alot.

But you'll make the right decision.

What am I going to do? And please, no follow your heart answers.

This is how i was going to end my paragraph.:tongue:

 

[Danica Syer]

Who do you seem to love more? Who do you want to be more in your life? My advice would be that stick to whoever YOU think will last longer in a relationship. Sometimes the past may come back and all but that doesn't mean we can't forget the present. Anyway, what I'm trying to say you have to try and pick one? Which will it'd be? It's hard but more in terms of who would you lose and or have waiting for you? Your ex might but your current girlfriend? Is she okay with it too? Have you talked to anybody else like your family/friends about this? What have they said? Have you talked to both of them about this? If not, please do so. It would be great to seek what others might have to say or at least an advice from them. And so far, I would recommend taking Pelafina's advice. He's got it all down and so it seems. Anyway, do whatever you have to do and go for what YOU think is right or know what you want. If you need a break to think this over and all, do so. Although you should let both of them know...anyway, that's all I can think up of. Sorry if this wasn't helpful! Good luck then!

 

[Annoyance]

I'd probably stay with the girlfriend you have now.
There aren't really any difficulties that could arise in a relationship like that.
If you went with your ex, it'd be really hard for you both since you coudln't see each other and whatnot, right?