Help/Support ► Too Skinny? I need Advice!

[CAB_IV]

Hey guys, once gain, CAB landed himself into something over his own head, and he must break down and let it out.

I am INTENSELY concerned with a person close to my heart, (you may know of me speaking about her in my "Inner Conflic" thread).

When i saw her (for the first time since last year actually, although we talk all the time) this past saturday to go to the prom, she was skinny, but she has always been skinny. However, her backbones were frightenly visible, and dark marks showed up around them. She is almost flat.

Now I'm not someone who is concerned about looks, especially when it comes to her. I've been so far down the hole as far as being in love with her that there is no turning back no matter what her body looks like. I'm just DEEPLY concerned with her well being. If she is just naturally skinny, then thats totally alright.

However, one of my sisters has an eating disorder (although she isn't all that skinny) and lately there has been so much talk about them, and also just about everyone who has seen our photos together comments on her skinniness. Its starting to concern me, because as i've said, i care about her, and i don't want anything bad to happen to her.

I'm not sure how i would recognize if a problem was there, and I can't even imagine a way to ask her about her body/weight. that crosses way to many boundaries, even though i only mean it in concern.

I need help!

 

[Dogenzaka]

Sometimes it's just unavoidable. People have different bodytypes and metabolisms. It's very typical of people, especially thin ones, to fill out once they hit their early-to-mid twenties, so her body right now is most likely not her full adult body.

She might have an eating disorder, but those kinds of people are most likely the most sensitive to those kinds of questions, so I suggest just watching her and seeing if she eats enough. If she does have a problem, try to present it to her gently and tell her she has your support.

If she doesn't have a problem and you just want her to gain weight, though:

Tell her to lots of high-carb and high-calorie foods. This however does NOT mean eat unhealthily. Don't snack out at Jack in the Box 5x a day, but eat foods with a lot of carbs/calories, like pasta. Work out these carbs/calories at the gym. The key is eating even when you're not hungry. Make yourself eat if you have to, and prepare for an expensive food bill. It can be just as hard for some to put on weight, if not harder, than it is for some to lose weight.

There are various weight-gain solutions, in fact at Smoothie King there's a drink called the Hulk for those working out and wanting bulk, with over 900 calories per 20 oz.

I know plenty of adults who tell me they were skinny fools until they hit their 20s and their metabolisms leveled out. My metabolism, personally, is a raging fire. I could eat nearly as much as I want and not gain any weight whatsoever. It can be frustrating, just remember that you'll fill out eventually.

In the meantime, she'll want to get your body into the habit of taking what it absorbs and turning it into muscle. This can be a long process if you don't work out or haven't before. Try to pick up an active sport or weight-lift, and as hard is it will be, eat a high-carb/calorie diet while working out. Your results might vary, but hopefully it will get your body into taking what it eats and turning it into muscle and fat, rather than just expending it on energy.

If people tease her for being skinny, just say it's better to be skinny than a fat lard. As long as you eat enough and are healthy, it doesn't matter if you're skinny to be honest. Obesity brings a lot of health problems though. So be happy. Some guys like the slim and lean look too, and above all you're probably more flexible and elastic in speeds, and most likely tall as well, so those are all pluses.

Just tell her to give her body time. Most metabolisms peak during the teenage years, so it's likely it will just go downhill from here ;]

 

[Darkness of White]

Calculate your BMI - Standard BMI Calculator
if you have the information needed to fill out the calculator, then i suggest that, it might tell you a little more than we can. i think that if many of someone's bones are showing, then i think that they are underweight, but some of my bones show, and i am overweight, so that doesnt mean much

 

[Dogenzaka]

Keep in mind, it is OKAY TO BE SKINNY. It's not necessarily a sign of bad health. Some people's metabolisms just work that way. As long as she eats healthily, and lives healthily, it doesn't necessarily mean anything's wrong with her. On the other hand, it could be a sign of something deeper, like intestinal parasites or something.

 

[Darkness of White]

Keep in mind, it is OKAY TO BE SKINNY. It's not necessarily a sign of bad health. Some people's metabolisms just work that way. As long as she eats healthily, and lives healthily, it doesn't necessarily mean anything's wrong with her. On the other hand, it could be a sign of something deeper, like intestinal parasites or something.

that is a good point, my mom had one of those once and lost alot of weight very quickly

 

[violent_anger]

Buy her a pie or cheesecake.

 

[CAB_IV]

Sometimes it's just unavoidable. People have different bodytypes and metabolisms. It's very typical of people, especially thin ones, to fill out once they hit their early-to-mid twenties, so her body right now is most likely not her full adult body.

Thats good to know.

She might have an eating disorder, but those kinds of people are most likely the most sensitive to those kinds of questions, so I suggest just watching her and seeing if she eats enough. If she does have a problem, try to present it to her gently and tell her she has your support.

I'm not sure if she does. In fact, she was giggling at me because i wasn't even able to eat a little of my dinner (which is weird for me, because i can usually destroy a large plate of food in seconds), while she totally cleaned off her plate every course.

I get nervous though, because I have a person in my family who is bulimic, and she tries really hard to hide it, even to go so far as to downright lie (she stole all the marshmellows from my cereal bowl and denied it, even though we were the only people home when i poured it and when i discovered the marshmellows were gone). It can be hard to pick out those with a disorder, and it can be devastating to your spirit. This is my greatest fear, because she is such a kind person, I just hope i'm over reacting.

If she doesn't have a problem and you just want her to gain weight, though:

If she is healthy then thats alright. Its just that so many people made comments about it that i was concerned. I naturally want the best for her.

If people tease her for being skinny, just say it's better to be skinny than a fat lard. As long as you eat enough and are healthy, it doesn't matter if you're skinny to be honest. Obesity brings a lot of health problems though. So be happy. Some guys like the slim and lean look too, and above all you're probably more flexible and elastic in speeds, and most likely tall as well, so those are all pluses.

yeah, i'm pretty tall, and last i've seen she is a bit faster than me. Here we are. I'm not sure if you can see how skinny she is, but i still need to scan my photos. Shes beautiful in my opinion, but like i said, some people were concerned, so i just want to be sure.

Keep in mind, it is OKAY TO BE SKINNY. It's not necessarily a sign of bad health. Some people's metabolisms just work that way. As long as she eats healthily, and lives healthily, it doesn't necessarily mean anything's wrong with her. On the other hand, it could be a sign of something deeper, like intestinal parasites or something.

Yeah, i know, i just hope she isn't getting to skinny. the picture i linked doesn't actually show how skinny she is, but as long as she is alright, then so am i. I just wish i knew more about how she eats and stuff to know if she is healthy or not. I don't think she has been in the position to contract a parasite though. The only thing i get worried about additionally as far as living healthy is that she gets sick alot and misses way to much school. sometimes its dumb things, but a lot of the time she genuinely doesn't feel good.

I've known her for ages , and only half way through sophmore year until she moved, and after that we could pretty much only talk in the phone or IM. When she left she was fairly skinny, and even when she was here a year ago so was still skiny, but not this skinny, there was more meat to her. I hate to say it took me a while to notice. I mean, i expected her to look different, but all this feed-back on her skinnyness is unnerving. I suppose i was still in shock, and it felt a little weird to be with her the whole evening.

 

[CAB_IV]

Buy her a pie or cheesecake.

She had one. She took that thing down. I can't even eat cheesecake that fast even when i'm starving and i have a high desire for it.

 

[violent_anger]

Well then, if she ain't barfing it up later, you have nothing to worry about. I doubt she's even on a diet.

 

[kabal]

Keep in mind, it is OKAY TO BE SKINNY. It's not necessarily a sign of bad health. Some people's metabolisms just work that way. As long as she eats healthily, and lives healthily, it doesn't necessarily mean anything's wrong with her. On the other hand, it could be a sign of something deeper, like intestinal parasites or something.

that is a good point, my mom had one of those once and lost alot of weight very quickly

And when they got it out you came into existence.

amirite?

 

[Darkness of White]

And when they got it out you came into existence.

amirite?

thanks alot, you have any idea how much that hurts?!

 

[Dogenzaka]

LOL that is not that skinny. That is NOTHING to worry about. Trust me, she's fine. And if she's eating healthily in front of you, then I'm sure nothing's wrong with her diet either.

I've known her for ages , and only half way through sophmore year until she moved, and after that we could pretty much only talk in the phone or IM. When she left she was fairly skinny, and even when she was here a year ago so was still skiny, but not this skinny, there was more meat to her. I hate to say it took me a while to notice. I mean, i expected her to look different, but all this feed-back on her skinnyness is unnerving. I suppose i was still in shock, and it felt a little weird to be with her the whole evening.

Is she in college by any chance?

Girls who go to college tend to lose a bit of weight sometimes. My sister, my friend, many got VERY skinny in their college years, due to lack of sleep, lack of eating healthily, and stress from schoolwork and working all the time. They got their weight back after they graduated XD

Either way, people's weight fluctuates throughout their years, as long as she's eating healthily and she doesn't look like a skeleton wrapped in skin, I think she's fine.

 

[kabal]

thanks alot, you have any idea how much that hurts?!

Only an inkling.

also, as to what's going on in this topic...

Dogen nailed it.

Unless you see her refusing to eat, then I don't see a problem. Especially if she's eating that much.

 

[CAB_IV]

LOL that is not that skinny. That is NOTHING to worry about. Trust me, she's fine. And if she's eating healthily in front of you, then I'm sure nothing's wrong with her diet either.

I'm going to have to scan some of my other pictures, because you really can't see what i'm talking about there.

Is she in college by any chance?

Girls who go to college tend to lose a bit of weight sometimes. My sister, my friend, many got VERY skinny in their college years, due to lack of sleep, lack of eating healthily, and stress from schoolwork and working all the time. They got their weight back after they graduated XD

still seniors. she gets out in just over two weeks though.

Either way, people's weight fluctuates throughout their years, as long as she's eating healthily and she doesn't look like a skeleton wrapped in skin, I think she's fine.

This is why her spine was worrying me. In some of her pictures from behind, you can really see all the backbones poking out toward the small of her back, and there are dark marks around them. It is really pronounced, you can see it very clearly in some photos as well, just a big dark bumpy line going down her back. Thats the part that caught my attention, but i initially wrote it off as her just being skinny. She doesn't look like a skeleton, but she has almost no fat on her at all, and thats what seemed to be worrying everyone else (they didn't see that picture of her back).

probably the most concerning thing is why is her back having that bruised look? I figure if someone were just bony/skinny, their skin would be the same...

 

[Kazuma]

Tell her if she doesn't eat she gunna get really sick.

 

[CAB_IV]

You didn't actually read the first post didn't you?

 

[Dogenzaka]

This is why her spine was worrying me. In some of her pictures from behind, you can really see all the backbones poking out toward the small of her back, and there are dark marks around them. It is really pronounced, you can see it very clearly in some photos as well, just a big dark bumpy line going down her back. Thats the part that caught my attention, but i initially wrote it off as her just being skinny. She doesn't look like a skeleton, but she has almost no fat on her at all, and thats what seemed to be worrying everyone else (they didn't see that picture of her back).

Again, not a big deal. If she was really nutritionally deprived and thin because, she would have a swollen belly and not be able to live as actively as I'm assuming she does.

I have skinny friends whom I can count each bone down their back to their butt, and feel each rib in their chest. Meh, they're happy and healthy and don't care. People are different weights, and most likely it's just temporary or fixable

 

[Bukkake Sensei]

This is what concerns me more than anything else. You're describing a perfectly normal girl with a rampaging metabolism, I don't think she has an eating disorder.

If her back is covered with dark marks (i.e., bruises) then it's probably a sign of something worse.

But maybe I'm misunderstanding what you meant by "dark marks".

 

[kabal]

Tell her if she doesn't eat she gunna get really sick.

You're a modern day Jesus, aren't ya? Thank you modern day Jesus. You worked your miracles here in this thread.

Son of Sam -

I'm pretty sure he meant the dark marks were shadows. Meaning, her bones are protruding out enough as to make shadows, or dark marks, under them.

 

[Garth]

I'm pretty sure he meant the dark marks were shadows. Meaning, her bones are protruding out enough as to make shadows, or dark marks, under them.

Correct. I'm pretty thin myself, and I actually have some dark marks on my spine. I thought they were just birthmarks at first, but now I think they're just marks from underneath the skin. I've been healthy so far, so I don't think they'd be anything to worry about.