Help/Support ► This is embarrassing.

[Aly-chan]

z0mg yeah drama already and school started 5 days ago.

So...

Brooke, one of my best friends, has this problem. She told a guy.. I'll refer to him as Jar, she told him a personal secret. It was so personal, she hadn't told ME yet. Very personal. She told him over the phone and he had secretly made it a three way conversation. Jar and the other girl figured out her secret and began going around the school just blurting it out. D:

She told me everyone was giving her the cold shoulder and weird looks, so she didn't want to tell me because she thought I'd do that to her too.

So...

She told me the secret and replied to her "Why in the hell would you tell JAR of all the people about this? Jar is popular with everyone and if he knows something so personal and juicy like that, he's going to tell them, even if it does break your heart and everyone isolates you,' She said she knew and feels retarded.

I told her he was an ass and she shouldn't have, but I'm not immature enough to start isolating her like the other selfish morons there, though it was very disturbing. I still enjoy conversations with her, but she still so sad and almost going depressed. I wanted to confront Jar and tell him that I could be childish and tell everyone that secret...

But he was actually my first crush, and made me think: 'Why am I overreacting to him? I thought I was over him a long time ago? I mean he has a girlfriend and such. He's a self-absorbed ass that needs to be clean...

But I do like him'

Maybe that's why it hurt so much? I need help on how to confront him and keep myself from looking like a total retard and help my friend out. Thing is, I'm extremely shy, he's my first crush, and lul i cn't think.

LOL HELP

Because right now, I'm not helping her at all with her depression and it really hurts to see her cry.

 

[Deeman]

First, if you want to confront Jar, you're going to have to get the crush-business out of your mind. =/

Second and most important, stick by this girl's side. She's being humiliated severely right now. The thing she needs most is someone brave to stick up for her and stand by her side. You can do it, Aly! Don't be a retard like Jar. Honestly, guys who can't keep secrets, ESPECIALLY from girls, is a complete and utter fool, loser, whatever you want to call him. And this is coming from a guy.

If you feel it necessary, confront Jar and tell him how you feel about his stupid choice to blurt out the secret. We all make mistakes, and that girl does not deserve her secret to be spread about. The important thing is that you keep her spirits up. Jar can wait. Considering that you're shy, there really isn't a need to get after Jar. Deep down inside, he knows of his complete idiocy. You feel free to spell that out to him. >.>

~<3 I do hope things can clear up.

 

[Lycanthrope]

Deeman is absolutely right, Aly.

Really, if she is your best friend, stay by her side NO MATTER WHAT. I'm guessing you are the only one hanging out with her, so, whatever you do, boost her spirits and stick by her side.

 

[Puck]

Stick by your friend's side. She's going through a terrible time and needs your support. This Jar sounds like a fool. Confront him as soon as possible.

 

[violent_anger]

you have two options now, as far as i see it.

1) slap him hard across the face
2) knee him in the groin.


either way works fine


edit: alternatively, you could do both

 

[Thelonepickle]

^HAW HAW FUNNY IDIOT!

x3 ...>.>;

...Anyway. Confrontation with Jar isn't really necessary. Is it even worth it? I mean, how often do you two even talk? You're gonna walk up to him and go, "YOU'RE A MONKEY FAGGOT!" just so that he'll know that you're mad at him? Here comes the honest truth.

-He probably doesn't care whether or not he has your favour.
-He obviously doesn't care about how much he hurt your friend.
-It's not going to benefit her if you tell him off. She knows you hate him.

Look at it from his point of view - this doesn't concern you. And the fact that you still like him shows that you're probably not ready to tell him off. It kind of sounds like you're just butting in randomly, when you don't really have any place being there.

Now, that doesn't mean you shouldn't comfort your friend. Stay by her side, don't talk about him unless she brings him up, and depression is pretty common when you think someone's ruined your life. Surely she has more than one friend, and the ones who are ignoring her now obviously weren't very good ones to begin with.

Why not get some of your friends together to spend time with her? If they're iffy about the whole idea, explain to them what you know. If you're good friends, they'll believe you.

So, basically, unless Jar comes up to you and says, "HEY, I GOT A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ME AND WHAT I DID TO YOUR FRIEND?" you really have no reason to tell him off. People are going to assume that you hate him, if you're siding with her.

Besides. It doesn't sound like you even know how you feel about him. :/

 

[Aly-chan]

...Anyway. Confrontation with Jar isn't really necessary. Is it even worth it? I mean, how often do you two even talk? You're gonna walk up to him and go, "YOU'RE A MONKEY FAGGOT!" just so that he'll know that you're mad at him? Here comes the honest truth.

I wasn't exactly mad at him. I was hurt enough to be frustrated with the concept of how he's treating her. Because right now, he doesn't know that she's going depressed. You could say I was mad at him when it first began, but otherwise, I'm not totally in this until I actually confront him about how he's treating her. I actually talk to him a lot, which is why I liked him so much before he changed going into the Junior High. You could call it puppy love, but it was my first time.

-He probably doesn't care whether or not he has your favour.

I wouldn't expect it if he did. But we are friends.

-He obviously doesn't care about how much he hurt your friend.

He and her haven't talked since then. He's probably heard rumors that she's angry and hurt from him, but he isn't so great in confrontation.

-It's not going to benefit her if you tell him off. She knows you hate him.

I understand that to the fullest. I don't hate him, at the time the strongest feeling was of regret that I ever liked him. But I don't want to drown in her pity and my own. I'll just move on and think about how to her back on her feet with other friends. D:

Look at it from his point of view - this doesn't concern you. And the fact that you still like him shows that you're probably not ready to tell him off. It kind of sounds like you're just butting in randomly, when you don't really have any place being there.

Totally, but she won't tell him off, so who's going to stand up tall for her? After reading what you said, I think the best thing is to have hopes that she'll confront him on her own with us beside her?

Now, that doesn't mean you shouldn't comfort your friend. Stay by her side, don't talk about him unless she brings him up, and depression is pretty common when you think someone's ruined your life. Surely she has more than one friend, and the ones who are ignoring her now obviously weren't very good ones to begin with.

I told her the bolded, but she hasn't gotten the idea that everyone hates out yet.

Why not get some of your friends together to spend time with her? If they're iffy about the whole idea, explain to them what you know. If you're good friends, they'll believe you.

*adds to notes*

So, basically, unless Jar comes up to you and says, "HEY, I GOT A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ME AND WHAT I DID TO YOUR FRIEND?" you really have no reason to tell him off. People are going to assume that you hate him, if you're siding with her.

What is there to side? Everyone is assuming she's a freak, I'm just here to tell everyone that she still human and still the same person you knew as before. I may have disagreed to what Jar did, but I still am willing to be his friend. Hell, I still am his friend, even though he's an ass. Make sense? Maybe not, but whatev luls

Besides. It doesn't sound like you even know how you feel about him. :/

I know. v_v

 

[Professor Ven]

Get a bat and clean the floor with Jar.

And Jar seems more like the *ahem* 'no brain, all jock/preppy' individual. Stick by your friend, that's the best option.

Everything else is, or has been explained;

 

[Thelonepickle]

Child, let me hug you. -huggles Aly- Don't worry. I call everyone child. Don't take offense.

I was worried you were gonna be all, "NO FIAR, i WANT KICK HIS BUTTD!" But you're not. I now see that you really, really just care about your friend, and you're not trying to take this chance to jump down Jar's throat...

Anyway, I completely understand. I mean, Jar was(/is) the first person you cared about that way, and that's something you'll probably never forget. You probably wouldn't be able to hate him unless he did something incredibly awful. Like... Raped a puppy or something.

Well, I'm glad that you're willing to forgive him. That's good. And I'm glad you're standing by your friend. Hopefully, she'll come around. I mean, allow some time for her to be depressed, make sure you're there when you can be, get together with whatever friends you can, and hopefully everything'll be alright. If the environment seems loving enough, she'll probably realize that it's not the end of the world.

Besides, a few days in, and some other kid will probably do something incredibly stupid, and the school will be talking about his feck-up, y'know?

And I'm glad you're open to forgiving Jar. Now, chances of starting a relationship with him...? Slim to none, probably. But maybe you're not even thinking about anything like that. In which case, everything's okay. And if you are, then, well, I guess anything's possible, y'know?

Now, confronting Jar could possibly be healthy to your friend, as long as she doesn't pick a fight or make a scene or anything. Maybe it sounds scary to her right now, but if you can explain to her that any way of letting Jar know that he really hurt her is good. She could... even write him a letter or something if she wanted to. I mean, that could possibly be ideal, because he can just keep it to himself, she can keep it to herself...

Maybe she doesn't even have to actually tell him to make herself feel better, y'know? Sometimes just getting it out in any way helps. You could say, "If you could say anything to him right now, what would it be?" And she could tell it to you. Then maybe she'd come to an understanding about the way she feels, why she feels that way, and start hoping to get better. Not sure.

In short:
-Stay by her side, she needs you.
-It's good that you're not gonna attack him over this, and no one expects you to do that. No one wishes that they would, like, hate their first crush. :/ Not seriously.
-Be strong yourself! You're obviously a great friend, since you're working this hard.
-Your friend probably needs some closure. Somehow.

:3

 

[Alaude Drenxta]

Aly, short version, stick by your friends, good ones don't always come around so easily.

Forget the jackass. If he told so easily and made such an ass of himself in doing so, I don't think he'd care if you told HIS secrets, and that's just petty of you. Don't lower your standards to debase someone else. That makes you just as open to agitation and getting hurt as well.

Comfort your friends, ignore the "children" and their crap. They'll grow up eventually, you'll catch them on the way up.

 

[Q]

Columbian Mafia can do magic if you have the right payment.

...

Sarcasm aside, stick with her and confront Jar. But your friend, honestly, is not smart to tell a very personal secret to a jackass like him. .__. That was stupid on her part. The secret itself - is it about someone in her family? Herself? Why is everyone hating her now at school? I mean, I don't have much experience on these issues, so forgive me for the questions. D:

 

[.:EngetsuDrake:.]

Aw... That´s all to familliar. (Tho I never knew what I didn wrong...)

Yeah, First off, as most ppl said stick to your friends. And if you feel the need to confront Jar do it if you are really shure. When you get angry abute something or that feeling comes suddenly it´s wery easy to make oneself more uncomfortabe. I don´t wanna sceare you or anything but I know quite weel how that kind of guys mind work (I really hate my childhood...). Ya know Aly, you do sound kinda like me, to open minded (A result from me being bullied and ignored by classmates and some teachers for six years, wierd combination) for your own good...

For your friend (and you):
In these kind of situations true friends shine while the rest usually fall. In my opininon it´s not much use to try to contact friends who abandoned you. Let them be, it´s wery akward to talk to them and there is not much feeling of friendship left. Do remember that it's just my opinion and shuld not be taken for granted but I am talking from experience and not thoughts.
Just don´t do as I did and shut yourself of from the socaity, it´s wery hard and akward to get back. I didn lose all childhood friends as they noticed that they became "unpopular" by just beeing whith me, I don´t know why and when I did wrong. I´m just using it as an example but I only have one friend I´ve known for more than five years and that is a bit sad as I´ve lived in the same town my whole life and here are only 40.000 ppl. But this was not abute me so sorry for going offtopic.

 

[Zesty]

alright this is all i can offer
sry if it doesnt help
a] comfort your freind
b] get the crush thing out of your mind it wouldnt help
c] i deal with asses daily. fight fire with fire and leave them speechless

 

[XigbarGun!]

Like everyone else has said, stay with her, keep her company. I've been in a situation like you are, and all I do is forget about it, and stay her friend! (I'm a he, she's a she,) If you see anyone actually being aggressive to her about it, just tell them that they have been the same person before they knew, so does it matter?

Hope this helps, and good luck to you!
*wondering what the secret is* XD No need to tell me.

 

[violent_anger]

...so am i to understand that you will not take the course of action i previously stated?


and to everyone who tells aly to comfort her friend, aly would be a huge idiot if you needed you to tell her that, and i'd like to assume that isn't the case here. so stop being redundant.

 

[XigbarGun!]

^ Well you're not really helping are you? Some people have given more support than that.

 

[Zesty]

geez dude we're just telling her what we think would help
you need to chill
and no XigbarTamponGun i was talking to violent_anger just to clear it up

 

[violent_anger]

you and the other dozen people giving the exact same advice

 

[Zesty]

great minds think alike .

 

[violent_anger]

so do uncreative idiots, eh?