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The Story Of An Orphan



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bubbles

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A story I made about an orphan girl named Tora Mai Yamada. And it is pretty long so if you want to keep reading please be patient while I make my next chapter I usually make them once a week maybe less if i'm busy but anyways here is the first chapter.



I woke up to the sound of a beeping noise,my alarm clock my eyes were foggy then I remebered it.
"My birthday is today!" I shouted knowing nobody could hear me I was finally Ten into double digits.
I ran downstairs to see everyone,I live at an orphanage there are lots of kids so it is hard to get attention but today I will.
The owners of it greeted me as I walked down the steps they grabbed my hand and pulled me into the kitchen.On the table was a big,chocolate cake just for me.
I looked at them "thanks guys!" and gave them a hug "happy birthday" she replied.Everyone started to sing to me it felt good to be noticed once in a while.
Then as the day went on it was almost time to go to bed I brushed my teeth,put on my pajamas,and got in my bed.I fell asleep fast.I was woken up to the alarm again and got out of bed.
"Yesterday was great I wonder how this one will be" I whispered quietly as she put on some clothes.I walked down the steps with a smile
and looked at everyone "hi guys!" I said cheerfully nobody even noticed her she frowned and walked up to her room.
"Another day" I said to herself she got in my room and turned on the TV.I heard footsteps coming up and voices I had never heard before.The owner walked into my room with a man and women "Tora this is Mr. and Mrs. Kawasaki."
"Hello" I said with a smile "they would like to adopt you" my mouth dropped and my smile was gone.This places wasn't that great but I didn't want to go live with some strangers but I had no choice.
"Come with us,Tora while we fill out the forms" Mrs.Kawasaki told me.I did and in about a half hour I was in their car going home with them.their house was beautiful it was big,and very clean and neat.
After a little while it was dinner time but at dinner they just seemed to fight they never talked to me.This was same old same old I thought to myself.The next day was the same also they would fight and keep yelling at each other.
"STOP IT!" I yelled "since i've got here all you two have been doing is fighting" I told them.Mr.Kawasaki walked over to me "you don't tell us what to do" he said and shoved me until I hit the wall.I lived there for five more years and all they would do was yell,hit me,or tell me to do something for them.
I couldn't take the next night I got a bookbag filled it with a blanket,some money that I had saved,two bottles of water,some outfits to to change clothes,and a couple sandwhiches and chips.
I put it on my back and when I knew everyone was asleep I ran out of the house and down the street.After that I knew this was the beginning of my adventure.
 

Danica Syer

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I like it so far though I would recommend 2 things:

1. Dialogue formatting.
2. Some more description is used.--Show not tell is a good tip. :D

Otherwise it's good. :D
 

Bliip

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yeah, i like it but i agree with Snow Candy, needs some more description. other than that i like it, keep writing!
 
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