The morning of Kingdom Hearts 3 release



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Domination

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You wake up to an alarm that you have set for 8am, December 5th, 2023. Today is the day that Kingdom Hearts 3 is released worldwide. Wow, Japan didn't even get this one before us. Hallelujah.

You get in your car and make your way down to your local game store. Your mother can't drive you anywhere anymore because you no longer live in her basement. You're independent now. It's scary... but it's nice. You have an estimated time of arrival of 8:30. 8:30 is when the store opens. You're an absolute genius. Always punctual.

You burst in the door exclaiming like a lunatic at exactly 8:31am. You're excited. You're a Kingdom Hearts fanatic. The store has been opened for a minute now, but that's okay. A minute lost compared to the next 165 waking hours you'll spend playing Kingdom Hearts 3 is nothing. You're the first one to the counter. The acne ridden fourteen year old at the counter knows exactly what you're there for. I mean, what other member of a fan base would make an entrance like this into a game store this early in the morning.

Kevin the store clerk hands you a sealed copy of Kingdom Hearts 3. It's beautiful. It depicts a mature, more serious Sora, surrounded by the six other guardians of light (I shouldn't have to explain who they are. They were leaked right before E3 2022.) You don't even thank the clerk. You deserve this game and nobody can take that away from you. After all, you've been waiting for approximately 17 years now.

You drive home, you run three red lights. Who cares? You have the right. You're on your way to play the most highly anticipated game of the last two decades.

You park, run into your room and lock the bedroom door. You won't be leaving for two weeks. You rip open the seal, slam the disk into your Playstation 5 (the game took so long to produce that they had to release it on two generations of consoles, PS4 and PS5).

-Queue Dearly Beloved- It's beautiful and you shed a solemn tear. You smash the 'x' button to select new game. You obviously choose Proud mode. After all, you're the best Kingdom Hearts player from your home town of 4000 people.

As the opening credits end and (SPOILERS ABOUT KINGDOM HEARTS 3 STORY), something seems a little off. The game throws you into the tutorial. You're given a deck of cards. Kingdom Hearts 3 has adopted the Chain of Memories battle system and has mislead the entire community for the last 10 years.

Do you kill yourself?
 

Howler

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CoM battle system in KH3 would make people create riots all over the world and start a war against Square Enix.
 

Xickin

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Yes, a thousand times yes, but only after killing them all (the development team) in a blood rage amongst my brethren. Tetsuya Nomura's head will be stuck on a pike on top of SE's building amongst the other higher-ups, even Akira Toriyama for his work on Chrono Trigger. Those lower than them will be subjugated to hard labour under our rule. And once 50 years have passed and the great "Kingdom Hearts III War of 2023" has come to an end with me as your sovereign king, I will order a mass execution on all of my citizens and honourable seppuku on my underlings, but not on their youngest descendants; no, they will not repeat our mistakes, they will be pure of mind and heart, something the original Kingdom Hearts taught us, and know the consequences of releasing that bullshit to the general public. Finally, when all is said and done, I will reenact the scene from KH when Sora points the Keyblade of People's Hearts on himself, smile and everything; my darkness will end.
Years later, when our children are in their adult life and they have offspring, they will tell the story, the nightmare, the rule of "Xickin the Unmerciful AKA Xickin the Prostrator" (I went through a Vlad the Impaler faze 4 years in) and they too will tell their descendants and so on and so on until I become nothing more than an idea, a boogeyman. But the thing with ideas is, once you are one, you're immortal so long as you are thought of if even by one person; this will be my legacy.
 
Last edited:

catcake

eien no chikai
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Many complaints would be sent but let's be real, I'd still play the game. Whine nonstop and make a Twitter account just so that I could tweet SE how utter garbage they are, but still play the game.
 

Grono

KH ☼ D&D ☼ Music ☼ Wack.
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Yes, a thousand times yes, but only after killing them all (the development team) in a blood rage amongst my brethren. Tetsuya Nomura's head will be put on a spike on top of SE's building, amongst the other higher-ups, even Akira Toriyama for his work on Chrono Trigger. Those lower than them will be subjugated to hard labour under our rule. And once 50 years have passed and the great "Kingdom Hearts III War of 2023" has come to an end with me as your sovereign king, I will order a mass execution on all of my citizens and honourable seppuku on my underlings, but not on their youngest descendants; no, they will not repeat our mistakes, they will be pure of mind and heart, something the original Kingdom Hearts taught us, and know the consequences of releasing that bullshit to the general public. Finally, when all is said and done, I will reenact the scene from KH when Sora stands himself with the Keyblade of People's Hearts, smile and everything, my darkness will end.
Years later, when out children are in their adult life, and when they have offspring, they will tell the story, the nightmare, the rule of "Xickin the Unmerciful AKA Xickin the Prostrator" (I went through a Vlad the Impaler faze 4 years in) and they too will tell their descendants and so on and so on until I become nothing more than an idea, a boogeyman. But the thing with ideas is, once you are one, you're immortal so long as you are thought of if even by one person; this will be my legacy.
Best thing I have ever read on this site since Chuman's MoM memes.
 

SoulXaldin

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Square Enix would have to be a whole bunch of drunken Japs on bad LSD trips to even remotely consider implementing COM's battle system. Millions of fans, especially from this forum, will pick up their torches and pitchforks and make their way to every international division of Square Enix and destroy them, so much so that the remains will be reduced to rubble and cemented powder. All because of that tiny mistake. Maniacal Laugh! Maniacal Laugh!
 

Caxinuld

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I'd be pretty disappointed, but as long as it's 99% glitch free and doesn't have the save crashing bug, I'm happy to get this version of KH3, even if the gameplay is drastically different from what was seen before.
 

Chuman

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do we finally get a second pack of KH playing cards in the box? and seeing how sora is more mature, the gameplay will obviously emulate poker.
 

Hakan Xatos

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First off, I'd have it ordered and delivered to my doorstep. Screw going to Gamestop, this game I've been waiting for years to play is coming to me not vice versa.

Then sitting in a recliner with a bowl of popcorn and a Sprite on my side I begin to play this CoM game play based III....
and totally love it! Personally I enjoyed CoM very, very much so it probably wouldn't bother me.

Now if this was Re:Coded minigame game play then I got some bottled up passive aggressiveness to settle with SE..
 
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