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Oh yeah!? Well look at this then....a totally f*cked up Omake Chapter!!
Warning: Omake chapter contains suggestive themes, sexual banter, and a totally random, ill-concieved plotline. It may be hazardous to your health to read this filth.
Omake Chapter: Cameos and Cocaine
It was a cold night in The World That Never Was, and Demyx was silently suffering the loss of his Larxene. Demyx heard footsteps approach, as the steps echoed closer and closer, and thin man emerged from the darkness. He was quite pale, with heavy bags under his eyes, and his short, greasy, black hair buried under a straw hat. Demyx eyed the haggard man curiously, wondering what he would be doing in this non-existent world. “Who are you?” Demyx asked him, “A Nobody?” The thin man’s eyes widened, and a look of extreme disappointment splashed across his face. “Nobody?” he sighed, “I certainly ain’t nobody” he said in his crackly, british accented voice, “I’m a f*cking god among men!” he blurted. “Demyx looked at him, even more confused, and even a little intrigued, “What’s your name?” Demyx questioned. “My name…” the man said slyly, “Is Pete Doherty!!”
“EH!?” Demyx shrieked, “How did you get here?” Pete Doherty tapped a slender finger on his chin “I suppose I got done in by them little black things wif the glowy eyes. I tried to fight them off wif my powers, but-“ Demyx cut him off. “Powers? What Powers?” Demyx asked in bewilderment. Pete Doherty chuckled, exited to reveal his special abilites, “I can gain superhuman hyperactivity and the ability to break laws…All I have to do…is snort a lot of coke!!” he exclaimed. Demyx fell over suddenly, as if in an anime, “You what!? he yelped. Pete Doherty flung his arms open, “Yep! I loves me cocaine!” he proclaimed, crossing his arms across his bony chest, “BOHAHAHAHA!” he bellowed.
Pete Doherty’s maniacal laugh made Demyx think of Larxene and her cruel laugh. A glum look graced his face, catching Pete Doherty’s attention. “Aww, why so blue, panda bear?” Pete Doherty asked with feigned concern. “My girl got sent off” Demyx sighed. Pete Doherty pouted, knowing how Demyx felt, “Mine and me parted ways a little while ago too” he shrugged. “What was your babydoll like?” Pete asked him. “She was sadistic, wicked temper, lithe, cute boobs” Demyx said, as if on the verge of tears. Pete Doherty pursed his lips and looked upward, trying to get his scattered brain together, and try to picture Larxene. “My Katie’s a model, you know, like on the teli.” Pete said with an arrogant fondness in his voice.
“Fag?” Pete asked Demyx. “Demyx glared at him with gloomy eyes, “Don’t let the fauxhawk-mullet fool you. I’m not gay!!” Pete Doherty hung his head in disspointment once again, he took out a cigarette, and placed it in his mouth. “Fag”, Pete mumbled, pointing at the cigarette. Demyx snatched it out of his lips, and ripped it in half, “smoking is bad, you dirty-lungs!” Demyx snapped. When Demyx looked back up at Pete Doherty, his mouth was lined his cigarettes, in a very cartoonish manner. Demyx was prepared to break all these smokes as well, but before he could make his move, A blazing wheel dashed between him and Pete. Axel caught the wheel, which had lit all of Pete’s cigarettes for him. “Smoking is cool kids, got it memorized?” Axel said, his back turned to them. Axel turned around quickly and gave two thumbs up to an imaginary audience, and proceeding to speak in a fashion similar to that of infomercial hosts. “Hey there kids, having trouble getting that girl to notice you? Need a good way to relax? If so, you should pick up smoking! Try some mentholated ones, they’re refreshing and badass! Got it memorized?” Axel said, pathetically pitching the idea to the nonexistent audience.
“Smoking isn’t cool at all” said a voice which echoed throughout the room. On a high ledge in the castle, there stood a boy, dressed in strange black clothes, with unrealisticly spiky hair. “And it’s addictive too, bitch” scoffed the boy. The boy jumped down from the outcropping, and as he hit the ground, brandished his unusual weapon. It was pitch black, about 14” long, and made out of a thick rubber. He introduced himself as Luke, The Dildo Master. Luke rushed at Axel, ready to end his imaginary infomercial. Luke swung his might pleasure tool at the tobacco enthusiast, but he was stopped. A man repelled down from the ceiling, and looked at Luke, his handsome smile stopping Luke in his tracks. Luke looked unbelievingly at the man who had stopped his attack, “….Tom Cruise?” Luke whispered in frightened awe. Tom Cruise put his hands together on his right side, and began to charge up a powerful energy between his palms. “Scientology-ha-me-ha!!” he screamed, firing a blast of energy at Luke. Luke was sent flying backwards, and skipped painfully along the ground. Tom Cruise turned his gaze to Axel. Axel readied his chakrams, and Tom Cruise crouched down. Cruise suddenly jumped high up in the air, “Super Couch-Jumping kick of doom!” he yelled, as he prepared to bury his foot into Axel. Axel simpli sidestepped away, leaving Cruise to fall comically onto the floor.
Luke rushed at Tom Cruise once again, only to be stopped by Pete Doherty. “Hold on a second there, how bout I get a little part in this brawl” he said to Luke. Pete quickly whipped out a plastic bag of white powder, and buried his face in it. He inhaled deeply, and brought his head up. There was white powder scattered about his stubble, and his nostrils were caked with it. His eyes however, were now bloodshot, and filled with a desire to fight.
Cruise and Axel were still fighting valiantly, exchanging blows at lightning speed. Axel, seeing an opening, spun at chakram at Tom Cruise, cutting his shoulder deeply. Tom Cruise fell to the floor, although remaining strong, and on his feet. Cruise choked back his tears, ignored the pain, and raised a hand to the sky. “By the Church of Scientology! I. Have. THE POWER!!” he howled.
Crickets chirped. Cruise was left powerless.
“Why?” Tom Cruise asked himself, bewildered. “Why? Why won’t you lend me your power L. Ron Hubbard!?” he bellowed. In a flash, Axel enveloped Cruise in a flurry of quick attacks. Tom Cruise stood frozen, unable to comprehend what was happening. “War of the Worlds was anti-climactic, got it memorized?” Axel barked. Cruise groaned with pain. “And Mission Impossible 3…had a less-than-successful opening weekend.” Tom Cruises wound opened, spraying blood. Tom Cruise fell to the ground, ready to jump on that big couch in the sky. “You’re so…glib” were the last words he uttered.
The fight between Luke and Pete Doherty was already drawing to a close. Pete lashed out with a coke-fueled, hyperactive kick, hitting Luke in the jaw. Luke lunged at Pete, stabbing him in the gut with his mighty dildo, “The Cherry Popper” attack. Feeling invulnerable from the cocaine high, Pete Doherty fought back immediately, charging at Luke with superhuman speed. He brought down another kick on Luke, on to have Luke block it with his weapon, his “Cock-Blocker.” Luke reared back, and plunged his rubber weapon into Pete Doherty’s throat. “Deepthroat it!” he shouted, intending to end the battle with this strike. Luke shoved it in further, Pete cringing in pain and humiliation. “Tonsil-deep” Luke said proudly, before sending Pete Doherty to the ground, leaving him unconscious. Luke pointed his dildo at his defeated, coked-up adversary “Pwn3d b1+ch!!” Luke yelled in excitement.
Luke looked over at Demyx, who had slept through the whole thing, drooling like a baby.
nice to see you are ok... what can i say... that was truly interesting. I don't see Axel as a smoker, but i loved Luke's cameo! Cruise deserved worse. you should have given him horrible manic depression and skitzophrania. thanks for writing! can't wait for the real chapter SOON!
To have just read this all in one night it was quite amusing ending the reading with that ... um, how to best say this? Oh, yes. RaNdOm chapter. But don't get me wrong, I Luuurve random. and this fanfic.
It's alll good. So please keep it up and hopefully post an update soon You have definitely caught my attention.