QFT, Thank you
You intended for it to be a fanfic, but made it into an RP. Ask a mod to move it.
You're a good writier, but learn the difference.
Fanfiction ► The Keyblade Wielders meet The Card Captors
- Thread starter Trey~Ice Knight~
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QFT, Thank you
You intended for it to be a fanfic, but made it into an RP. Ask a mod to move it.
You're a good writier, but learn the difference.
haven't u ever heard of FAN-CHARACTERS? well this is wat they are, they make a character and i write the story. Look around you, almost every fanfic lets ppl post their own made up character to appear in their story^^ examples= ansemjafar's New Organization fanfic, this fanfic by yours truly and PKKZelfar's .hack/E.P/Legacy/Vol. 1 fanfic^^
besides, if it were RP then evryone would control their own character, not me controlling all of them and giving them parts in a story....think about it
Nope, this definitely isn't an RP. An RP actively involves multiple people, each controlling his own character and jointly deciding the final story. In this case, Trey remains the sole writer. He is taking other peoples' ideas for characters and using them at some point; there's nothing RP about it.
Now: onto the fiction. The grammar is at least acceptable, and the plot seems rather fascinating, if a bit cliche. But your pacing leaves much to be desired. Look at this quote:
For thirty seconds after this, I'm left thinking, "what the hell just happened?" Why did big hole open beneath them, and why didn't they react anymore than they did to it? Also, you've introduced close to a dozen characters and not delved an inch into one of them. Just because this is a fanfiction doesn't excuse you from working your characters' personality. So basically, you need to sloooooow dooooown. Don't worry, you won't bore us. We want to hear you weave all the little details and facets of a plot. We want to hear some description of where the characters are, and what they're doing. We want to know what your characters are thinking, and see them show some human emotion. You've written a pretty summary, but elaborate on everything and turn it into a real story, mm'kay?
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I can't even remember the last tie I updated my cross-over fic, it's in my sig if you want to have a read
Name: Draco
Age: 16
Gender: Male
Weapon: Armageddon Keyblade
Element: Fire, Darkness
Appearence: Wears clothes similar to that of Vincent Valentine from Final Fantasy VII but the cape is black and doesn’t wear the claw, like this
Personality: Draco is intelligent and calm in most situations; he can sometimes be a bit self-reserved but is always willing to help anyone who is in trouble. Draco can make friends easily and also has a good sense of humor, throwing in random one-liners that usually always make people laugh.
Bio: Draco's father had been in the Keyblade War which took place approx. 10 years ago, and is one of the few to live to tell the tale. Draco recieved his keyblade from his father after he found out about his father's secretive past. Now carrying along the legacy of the keyblade in his family, he is determined to succeed his ancestors and possibly even surpass them. Draco controls strong Dark and Fire magics, which makes him a force to be reckoned with.
Even though he controls powerful darkness, that doesn't mean he has an ice-cold personality, he loves hanging around with friends and going out like normal teenagers would.
Extra info: He can transform into a demon (like drives forms), he has a very simialr appearance to Diablos from Final Fantasy 8 and 11, I'll give you a short description via PM.
Name: Draco
Age: 16
Gender: Male
Weapon: Armageddon Keyblade
Element: Fire, Darkness
Appearence: Wears clothes similar to that of Vincent Valentine from Final Fantasy VII but the cape is black and doesn’t wear the claw, like this
Personality: Draco is intelligent and calm in most situations; he can sometimes be a bit self-reserved but is always willing to help anyone who is in trouble. Draco can make friends easily and also has a good sense of humor, throwing in random one-liners that usually always make people laugh.
Bio: Draco's father had been in the Keyblade War which took place approx. 10 years ago, and is one of the few to live to tell the tale. Draco recieved his keyblade from his father after he found out about his father's secretive past. Now carrying along the legacy of the keyblade in his family, he is determined to succeed his ancestors and possibly even surpass them. Draco controls strong Dark and Fire magics, which makes him a force to be reckoned with.
Even though he controls powerful darkness, that doesn't mean he has an ice-cold personality, he loves hanging around with friends and going out like normal teenagers would.
Extra info: He can transform into a demon (like drives forms), he has a very simialr appearance to Diablos from Final Fantasy 8 and 11, I'll give you a short description via PM.
thanx fro the new character, he will appear in the new chapter which will probably b posted on monday or tuesday...oh yea, and the new chapter has an unexpected "twist"....so stay tuned!^^
Finally. I couldn't wait for it. I was wondering what happened with it.
srry, been busy wif college exams and other...."fun" things -_- but anyway, i actually found some time to type yesterday so.....
Chapter 3- Madison’s Past ~ Draco the Warrior
*Twilight Town*
“O.OThat was…weird” said Zelfar at he stared at Sakura.
“Tell me about it, it’s like reliving a nightmare^^’!” said Madison as she laughed nervously.
“Well, this can’t be good…” said a mysterious voice from behind the group.
“ Who exactly are you?” said Trey as he stood in front of Madison, protecting her.
“Yea, who’s the hottie?” said Mlixey as she winked at him.
“The name’s Draco, at your service” he said as he turned red and introduced himself.
“Cool! More people in our party!^^” said Zelfar as he greeted the new person happily”
“And by the looks of Dexona, we’re gonna need all the help we can get” said Strixas as he scratched his head.
“Well, anyway, where should we go now?” said Meiling as she thought about the answer.
“I don’t know, I mean there’s so many places to begin!” said Naminé as she laughed nervously.
“Now let’s see….where was it that “The Compass” card was pointing to?” said Lee as he paced around a bit.
“>.< Why didn’t you say this before?” said Meiling as she yelled at him.
“Maybe he was afraid THAT would happen” said Yuki in a low voice.
“What did you say?>…” she said as she everything around her turned dark and she became big.
“Nothing” said Yuki as he reverted into chibi form.
“I remember now! The arrow pointed South!” said Lee as he jumped up.
“For that, we owe you” said Riku as he thanked him.
“South….i guess that means….Radiant Garden?” said Sora as he scratched his head.
“Radiant Garden, the place where DiZ supposedly faded into nothing…” said Roxas as he thought of what could be important in that place.
“Maybe there’s an artifact we have to find there?” said Kairi.
“Well maybe it’ll help us defeat Dark Clow and restore her to normal” said Mlixey as she thought up of ideas.
Suddenly, they were all interrupted by Trey. “Maddy, what’s wrong?” he said as he held her in his arms.
“T-Trey?” she said weakly as she opened her eyes and began to glow.
“Whoa! What’s wrong with her?” said Sakura as she worried about her friend and ran to her side.
“Nothing, her true abilities are awakening…” said Draco as he got closer to the group.
“Trey, I’m okay, everyone, I’m fine….really!^^” said Madison as she got up, only now she had white rabbit ears on the top of her head.
“A viera descendant?!?!O.O…”said Zelfar as he stared at her.
“I guess your father was half-viera, did you ever know him?” said Draco.
“My…my father…i…never met him” said Madison as a tear ran down her face.
“Don’t cry, Maddy, it’s going to be allright” said Trey as he hugged her, dried her tears and kissed her eyes.
“Well anyway, if your okay, then we should press on” said Yuki as everyone began to head towards Radiant Garden.
*Meanwhile, at Olympus Coliseum*
“Very well, Dexona, you have managed to capture another dark being and transform it into a card…” said Dark Clow (in Dexona’s mind)
“Yes, that makes 4 so far, The Witch, The Flame, The Trickster and The Sneak, our next target is The Urchin…” said “Dexona” as she emotionlessly opened a dark portal and went through it to Atlantica.
To Be Continued…
*Twilight Town*
“O.OThat was…weird” said Zelfar at he stared at Sakura.
“Tell me about it, it’s like reliving a nightmare^^’!” said Madison as she laughed nervously.
“Well, this can’t be good…” said a mysterious voice from behind the group.
“
Who exactly are you?” said Trey as he stood in front of Madison, protecting her.“Yea, who’s the hottie?” said Mlixey as she winked at him.
“The name’s Draco, at your service” he said as he turned red and introduced himself.
“Cool! More people in our party!^^” said Zelfar as he greeted the new person happily”
“And by the looks of Dexona, we’re gonna need all the help we can get” said Strixas as he scratched his head.
“Well, anyway, where should we go now?” said Meiling as she thought about the answer.
“I don’t know, I mean there’s so many places to begin!” said Naminé as she laughed nervously.
“Now let’s see….where was it that “The Compass” card was pointing to?” said Lee as he paced around a bit.
“>.< Why didn’t you say this before?” said Meiling as she yelled at him.
“Maybe he was afraid THAT would happen” said Yuki in a low voice.
“What did you say?>
…” she said as she everything around her turned dark and she became big.“Nothing” said Yuki as he reverted into chibi form.
“I remember now! The arrow pointed South!” said Lee as he jumped up.
“For that, we owe you” said Riku as he thanked him.
“South….i guess that means….Radiant Garden?” said Sora as he scratched his head.
“Radiant Garden, the place where DiZ supposedly faded into nothing…” said Roxas as he thought of what could be important in that place.
“Maybe there’s an artifact we have to find there?” said Kairi.
“Well maybe it’ll help us defeat Dark Clow and restore her to normal” said Mlixey as she thought up of ideas.
Suddenly, they were all interrupted by Trey. “Maddy, what’s wrong?” he said as he held her in his arms.
“T-Trey?” she said weakly as she opened her eyes and began to glow.
“Whoa! What’s wrong with her?” said Sakura as she worried about her friend and ran to her side.
“Nothing, her true abilities are awakening…” said Draco as he got closer to the group.
“Trey, I’m okay, everyone, I’m fine….really!^^” said Madison as she got up, only now she had white rabbit ears on the top of her head.
“A viera descendant?!?!O.O…”said Zelfar as he stared at her.
“I guess your father was half-viera, did you ever know him?” said Draco.
“My…my father…i…never met him” said Madison as a tear ran down her face.
“Don’t cry, Maddy, it’s going to be allright” said Trey as he hugged her, dried her tears and kissed her eyes.
“Well anyway, if your okay, then we should press on” said Yuki as everyone began to head towards Radiant Garden.
*Meanwhile, at Olympus Coliseum*
“Very well, Dexona, you have managed to capture another dark being and transform it into a card…” said Dark Clow (in Dexona’s mind)
“Yes, that makes 4 so far, The Witch, The Flame, The Trickster and The Sneak, our next target is The Urchin…” said “Dexona” as she emotionlessly opened a dark portal and went through it to Atlantica.
To Be Continued…
okay, here are the dark clow cards (made from kh bosses)
The WItch= maleficent
The Flame= Hades
The Trickster= the boss u fight in wonderland
The sneak =the chameleon u fight in deep jungle
The urchin=ursula
hope u all liked the new chapter, more soon, promise
The WItch= maleficent
The Flame= Hades
The Trickster= the boss u fight in wonderland
The sneak =the chameleon u fight in deep jungle
The urchin=ursula
hope u all liked the new chapter, more soon, promise
I liked it. Give more lines for Yuki as well. j/k
^^ i'll post another chapter this week^^
new chapter soon...(srry, i've been bust wif finals at college, so...yeah..)
wow, no one's posted or read the last chapter...-_-
- Joined
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- Website
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Ever heard of slient readers? (people who read the story but don't put down comments)
Besides, where is the chapter?
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