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Fanfiction ► The hatred of haruhi suzumiya chapter one



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Sora|Chey

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ok, this is more of a script than a story, but i wrote this and i thought i should share it, its based on the melancholy of haruhi suzumiya, but its got my own little twists to it, i dont mind if you wanna use it for a play or something (not that you would) so i hope you enjoy :)

Key: italics=kyons thoughts, "= speech, bold=names of character speaking.


it was just and average day in nishinomiya city, the sun was blazing down on the streets like a bright yellow bauble, but then again its never an average day with Haruhi Suzumiya around.
Walking up the usual hill was killing me, the hot weather made me sweat more than i normally do, i pretty much wish i had a car, but the new law came in, no students are allowed to drive, typical, as soon as im allowed to do something that would make my life easier the government decide to flip out and take it away from me. and not just me either, plenty of students here are pretty much getting a crappy deal too. man it pisses me off sometimes-

kunikida: "hey, whats up with kyon?"

taniguchi: "i dont know, he seems to have spaced out or something. hey kyon! you ok?"

kyon: "what? oh, yeah im fine, just thinking"

taniguchi: "miss suzumiya perhaps? you know, theres rumors going around that you and miss suzumiya have a 'thing' going on"

kyon: yeah i bet you started it, i wouldnt put it past you anyway "yeah well theres nothing going on, so you can forget about it ok?"

taniguchi: "hey kyon, you blushing? caus' your face is going majorly red haha!"

kunikida: "hey he's right kyon, are you feeling alright? i can take you to the nurses office if you wa-"

kyon: "im fine, just leave it will you?!"

i found myself storming off towards the clubroom of the SOS brigade, its become a habit of mine since i was forced there by Haruhi Suzumiya on our third week in north high. knocking on the door i found out that Haruhi was subjecting miss Asahina to another cosplay costume, it wasnt fair on miss Asahina, but she looked damn good in that bunny girl outfit, and the nurses outfit, and the...what?! you never saw her so you cant say anything! anyway sitting at the table i found out Koizumi was already there, along with Nagato, Haruhi and the lovely miss Asahina, in her sexy maid outfit. ahh it was like i had died and gone to heaven...

haruhi: "whats with that look on your face? you look like a total dork"

kyon: "uhh...whatever!"

koizumi: "you look a little stressed, may i ask whats troubling you?"

kyon: "just people thinking theres something going on between me and Haruhi, its kind of annoying"

koizumi: "dont let it get to you, miss Suzumiya is a wonderful catch in my personal opinion"

kyon: "yeah, but i cant go around saying i wouldnt mind it, if haruhi found out she'd-"

haruhi: "hey! can you two quit whispering so we can get on with the meeting?"

koizumi: "my apologies miss Suzumiya, please continue"

kyon: suck up "yeah, tell us what crazy idea you've come up with this time"

haruhi: "ok, as brigade leader i thought our next mission would be to look for suspicious goings on around town!"

kyon: "but we already have, theres nothing happening"

haruhi: "because you never thought to look in the right places! sometimes Kyon, i think your a little too dense for your own good!"

great, im getting lectures from miss crazy over there to be smart about my actions, how ironic is that?

haruhi: "anyway, ive planned for us all to go tomorrow, since nobody has anything planned-"

kyon: "how do you know we all didnt have plans? i could have had a date or something!"

haruhi: "since your making such a big deal about it, im going to go ahead and assume you didnt have plans. how about you koizumi?"

koizumi: "actually im free, i was beginning to worry how i was going to spend tomorrow anyway"

shut up, its obvious your just making out your free, in fact, your probably free on purpose!

haruhi: "ok then! mikuru?"

mikuru: "oh..um...no...i guess i dont have any plans..."

haruhi: "good! yuki? do you have plans?"

nagato: "no..."

haruhi: "awesome! so its settled, tomorrow the SOS brigade sets out to scout the town for the paranormal and the supernatural!!"

great...now my free time tomorrow is being snached away from me like some sort of valuble vase from a museum when you pick it up...anyway, i guess i should be happy, ill get to spend the day with haruhi...
 
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Lanydx reborn

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I'm not really sure what I'm reading. It's good for what it is, but I'm not sure what anime this is.
 

KingdomKey

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I like it. I've seen a bit of the anime. Good job Sora|Chey. Will you have more like this later on?
 

lilVon

live, laugh, lobotomy
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Haha I thought you were gonna wright on how much you hate the show. XD I don't care for it myself.
 

Sora|Chey

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the grammar im sorry about, im not exactly a punctuality person, but the switch in writing styles is supposed to make it easier because the last time i wrote just a story type one, i got slated to death, thanks for the comment anyway i guess :/
 

Nyangoro

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constant switch in writing style (from script format to regular story format)

There really isn't any "switching" of formats going on here.

It's all script format. Now, it's not exactly good script format, but there isn't another writing style to be found here.

the grammar im sorry about, im not exactly a punctuality person

While punctuation is definitely an issue, you are also missing one of the most basic parts of forming English sentences. You need to start sentences with a capital letter ;)

I'm not going to comment on the story, because it hasn't really started yet. As for the dialog, it's not really up to Suzumiya Haruhi caliber. Granted, given your age, I would imagine you simply don't have enough practice/knowledge of the English language to write really good dialog. Things like that come with time as you study and pay attention to conversations.

So yeah, if I'm being perfectly honest, there really isn't a whole lot that works in this piece. Still, like I said, you are young. You're still learning how the language works and how to write well. So don't worry, you will get better if you keep practicing and experimenting.

However, I would suggest that you try and write "regular" pieces. Scripts are nice and all, but they are meant to be used in works that also have visuals and audio to go along with it. Since you are writing something that only uses written language, it's better to use a more "ordinary" method of writing.

By the way, that "ordinary" or "regular" method is called prose, in case you didn't know before.
 

Sora|Chey

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Ok? I guess I could start and use proper grammar, it would help alot. But the reason I wrote in script was because im not very good writing as story. Im just going to give up writing stories until I get better at it.
 

Sephiroth0812

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Giving up writing isn't really going to help you to improve, you know that, right?

The contrary would be better, like i.e. take Nevermore's advice, which is really friendly written, as a base and try to improve on that.
You can only get better if you keep writing. ;)
 

Sora|Chey

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yeah i doubt that somehow, im not writing stories again, im giving up on everything in my life, i dont care about anything anymore, its not you guys, its this really shit day ive been having, i just couldnt give a shit about anything anymore
 

Sephiroth0812

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yeah i doubt that somehow, im not writing stories again, im giving up on everything in my life, i dont care about anything anymore, its not you guys, its this really shit day ive been having, i just couldnt give a shit about anything anymore

Now what's with this pessimistic attitude?
Come on, get a bt more self-confidence. ;)

Maybe you should start off with reading some stories around here to get a feel for paragraphs and stuff.
I know it's hard at first, as I am also a beginner more or less (at least in English).
I already wrote some stories in german but never published them anywhere, the story linked at the bottom of my Signature is in fact the first time I try a serious story in English.

Always keep your head up and don't doubt yourself. ;)
 
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