What's new

Welcome to Kingdom Hearts Insider

Join us now to get access to all our features. Once registered and logged in, you will be able to create topics, post replies to existing threads, give reputation to your fellow members, get your own private messenger, and so, so much more. It's also quick and totally free, so what are you waiting for?

Ask question

Ask Questions and Get Answers from Our Community

Ask a Mod

Ask Questions from your staff

Contact Staff

If you need additional information or have a concern please contact us.

  • Hello everybody! We have tons of new awards for the new year that can be requested through our Awards System thanks to Antifa Lockhart! Some are limited-time awards so go claim them before they are gone forever...

    CLICK HERE FOR AWARDS

The hall of mirrors



REGISTER TO REMOVE ADS
Status
Not open for further replies.

Diastyl

New member
Joined
Feb 25, 2009
Messages
768
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Location
Writing....
This is just a short story I made... I got it from a dream

The Hall of Mirrors
Chapter One​

This isn't right, Reesha thought quietly.

She rubbed her eyes and saw that she wasn't in her own house but in a strange, empty and quiet house that wasn't even properly lighted. There were just some old, dirty lamps on the walls, but that was it.

Reesha stood up and looked around. The floors were stone gray, and the furniture seemed dusty and cold. The world outside the window was dark and unfriendly and the very sight of it made sent shivers up Reesha's spine.

Suddenly, she heard crying.
A child's crying
Oh no, thought Reesha, not this place again!
But Reesha found herself walking up the old and creaking stairs, and found herself in a strange dark hallway.

Most of the lamps were just in the main hall, and the rest of the house was consumed by dark.
Or that was what Reesha thought. She never explored the house properly.

The child's quiet sobs grew louder as Reesha took a step closer to the door at the end of the hallway, and the noise made Reesha's insides turn to ice.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" She called out.

No one answered, just more sobs.

Even though Reesha didnt want to open the door with all of her heart, she couldn't stop herself. Reesha twisted the doorknob and pushed the door open.

It was an grand room with nice expensive antique furniture that looked like they came from the Victorian era. It was lighted by a couple of lamps at each corner of the room. Reesha felt the red carpet, which was covered with dust.

In the middle of the carpet sat a small child. The child was a small boy with scraggly brown hair and pale skin, like the boy never saw sunlight before.

This is different... thought Reesha to herself. Last time was a different child! A girl!

However, the same words came from her mouth:

"Hello... What are you doing here, kid?"

Reesha took a step forward, although her heart thumped wildly inside her rib cage as if she was walking towards a lion that was starving.

The little boy kept crying and wiping his eyes. Reesha couldnt see his face, but she could see that his clothes were very old fashioned...

"I-I promised I w-was good!" The boy suddenly wailed. "D-Don't hurt me!" He curled up into a ball and cried harder. Reesha felt a surge of pity for the child.

"What's wrong? Are you hurt?" Another deadly step closer.

"He hurt me.... He h-hurt me and m-my friend...." The boy's sobs slowly quieted down, and Reesha felt really nervous.

"Who did?" She asked. "Who is hurting you?"

"I-, i-it's him...... The m-...." The boy began to tremble like Reesha was going to hurt him.

Why are you afraid? Reesha thought. What on earth is this place? And why am I always here every night?

Endless questions.......

"Its the m-master of th-this mansion... He- he makes sure that me and my friend h-hurt every n-night...." The boy rocked slowly back and forth.

"Master? What does he do to you? Please tell me!" Reesha knelt down in front of the boy, looking calm on the outside but scared like hell on the inside.

Suddenly, the boy said, "Find what's left of me, Miss... Find what's left inside of my friend too..."

He very gently took his hands away from his face that made Reesha jump back and total horror. It was so grotesque and frightening that Reesha couldn't even scream.

The boy's flesh fell away from his face, leaving a white skeleton looking at Reesha. The eyes were just empty sockets of an uncomforted despair.

"HELP ME! HELP ME LEAVE! I DONT WANT TO STAY HERE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!"

Reesha felt herself drop on the floor as she felt the boy's skeleton hands on her neck, applying too much pressure on Reesha's throat and cutting off her flow of oxygen. It was like the boy wanted to kill her.

Trying her best, Reesha let out a scream. But it wasn't heard by anyone....

No, no...................

With a gasp, Reesha found herself back in her bed, safe at home.

"Where the hell do I keep going to at night?" She whispered, as cold sweat poured down her forehead and her chest heaved from the nightmare.




So what do you think?​
 

Snow

Stain me Red with Blood
Joined
Feb 8, 2009
Messages
2,227
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Age
28
Location
Somewhere where you can't spoil me
Oo, scary.

But I felt you could have worked more on the initial atmosphere and setting, you did very well creating the initial tension, but perhaps you could rather have created a sense of foreboding as well.

Still a good story. Better than what I write most of the time.
 

Auron

Missing an eye
Joined
Oct 24, 2008
Messages
1,665
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Age
27
Location
In the Farplane
The ending where his face fell off was kinda creepy, I don't think I could have even imagined those words to write that story
 

Diastyl

New member
Joined
Feb 25, 2009
Messages
768
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Location
Writing....
Re: The Hall of Mirrors

Chapter Two
Reesha sighed. She wished that there would be at least one person that would listen to her. It seemed that everyone was ignoring her lately, and that the only person in school that actually knew she was there was a freak.

"Did you know that tulips can see the future? Some old folk used tulip buds to foresee the future calamities....." sighed Myra, the freak.

Reesha laughed nervously. Well, it was better than having no one to talk to at all. However, tulips and the future were definetely something odd.

"Are there any flowers that can tell dreams?" Reesha ventured to ask.

A couple of Seniors passed by and called Myra a couple of names, but she just gave a smile and waved back at them.

"Yes........ But they vanished from the Earth a long time ago....." said Myra.

Reesha nodded and sighed.

"They're called Night Flowers....... and they used to grow right outside this city... Children loved those flowers, but a strange man owned them and only let them take one for a price..." Myra said, her voice was soft and dreamy.

"What sort of price?" asked Reesha.

Myra looked solemn. "I dont know...." She muttered. "No one really knows..."

This kind of surprised Reesha. Usually Myra knew EVERYTHING about legends and fantasy stories, and for her not to know much about them was a shock.

"Didn't you research about these things?" asked Reesha, looking at the girl. Myra's soft blonde hair was messy, and Myra tugged on one of her locks. Reesha knew that Myra was in deep thought.

"I tried, but then everyone keeps telling me that five children had disappeared, and when they searched the man's house, he was gone."

"Gone?" Reesha was startled.

"Yeah....... Disappeared to the next dimension.... They say that the souls of those poor children are still there, and occasionally they roamed outside of the house." Myra said.

"How do they roam outside of the house? Last week, you told me that troubled ghosts stay where they died or had their worst memories..." Reesha said.

"I did, but just like how that man disappeared..."

Reesha felt irritated and wanted to shout "Get to the point already!" but she couldnt push Myra or she would just stop speaking for a day. Reesha would have found it intolerable, especially when she was so close to finding out a little bit of her dream.

Or something close to it, at least.

"People told me not to enter the man's house, or I think it was a mansion... They said that there was a chance that I could just enter another dimension or something..." Myra said.

"Come on! You know those stuff are just totally fake! Didn't scientists prove them to just be tricks or something?"

Myra glared at Reesha, who shrank back. "If you wish for me to continue, then dont contradict me." She said coldly.

"Okay, I'm sorry, sorry........" Reesha bowed her head and apologized. Myra was contented with that, for she smiled the same dreamy smile again.

"There were rumors of strange magic present in the house. Not even cockroaches dared enter the mansion... Like some sort of weird force is present, and is keeping most things away from the place and guarding something..." Myra said.

"Did people tell you this?" asked Reesha.

"No, I experienced it for myself."

Reesha stared at Myra, with a feeling that her eyeballs may drop off any second. Myra raised an eyebrow.

"You can hear the spirits speak to you. A lot who went near there heard it." Myra explained.

She got her back, and started fishing for something inside. Myra pulled out a mini-telescope, a weird charm, a small blue bottle, and a weird looking doll and put all of the items of Reesha's arms. At least Reesha was used to it.

FInally, Myra pulled out a large map that was slightly crumpled and handed it to Reesha with some sort of pokerface.

"Go there, and experience it for yourself." Reesha was stunned as Myra opened the map and used a red pen to circle the exact spot.

Before Reesha could say anything, the bell rang and every student rushed outside to enjoy their weekend.

Myra turned to leave too, and Reesha looked at the old map. It was already going a little yellow and there were a lot of things written on it.

An adventure.........huh? Maybe I can enter there and see if anything can answer my scary nightmares.... Besides, Mom and Dad won't mind... Reesha thought.

"They say that people who have bad dreams often approach the mansion."

Reesha turned to look at the door, but no one was there...​
 

Snow

Stain me Red with Blood
Joined
Feb 8, 2009
Messages
2,227
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Age
28
Location
Somewhere where you can't spoil me
Well, I just read a dozen near perfect short stories just before this. And I find that it really makes me feel that this is, unfortunately, a bit lacking. Too sleepy to actually find why, but I also realised I think that way of my stories now too.
 

Diastyl

New member
Joined
Feb 25, 2009
Messages
768
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Location
Writing....
Okay, can you kindly give some help??? I feel too lazy to actually make things clear........ :))
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
shape1
shape2
shape3
shape4
shape5
shape6
Top