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Fanfiction ► The Dark Shadows



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Darkslayers

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The Dark Shadows

Chapter 1: Where It began​

Ryo woke up with a very long yawn. He looked at the clock,

"No, I am going to be late for school!" Ryo said with a soft angry voice.

Ryo raised up and got out of it his bad. It was almost summer time and school would be out today. Ryo knew he had to hurry up before his mother started to yell at him and tell him to hurry up. Ryo striped of his shirt and thought he should just wash his hair today. Finally, he was done with washing his hair, and he went to his closet to see what he wanted to wear today. But he wanted to wear something simple for school. Ryo choose a white t-shirt with a Dark Wolf on it, and picked shorts that just looked pretty normal.

"Ryo, are you ready yet?" His mother smiled

"Yes mom!" Ryo walked into the living room and got his shoes.

He tied his shoes and got his last piece of homework that he needed to pass Math. His mother walked out the door, and so did Ryo. But Ryo looked over where his mail box is and his garbage. The garbage can was not standing up and there were plats, paper, and other things on the ground. He ran to the garbage can and picked it up. He walked up to his mother's car and got it. While, he was in the car he wonder what could have got into the garbage. They reached the school and Ryo walked out of the car and ran to school.

"Hey, Alex,!" Ryo said to his best friend.

Alex looked back as soon as he said that to him.

"Hey pal, how’s it going?"

Just as Ryo was going to answer but bell rang and he said.

"Ugh, I’ll tell you later!" He said to Alex

The hours past and now it was math time. He took out his homework to pass Math hopefully. He walked up to Mr. Anderson and gave him his Math homework that took him forever to do. Now all he can do is wait.

"Good job, you have pass Math!" His teacher said.

Finally school was over and it became a big party after the bell rang in school. He told Alex,

"Come over, my house right when you leave." Ryo winked and Alex winked right back at him.

Ryo walked home, because he only lived 1 mile to the school. When Ryo got home, he noticed nothing was changed since the morning. After while, watching TV, he finally seen Alex walk up to his house. But when Alex walked up, everything stopped except for Ryo.

"Huh, what’s going on!?" He said loudly

Ryo looked out side and was very shock what he was seeing. All these little strange creators jumping around his house. It seem it didn’t happen to his house only, all the creators were all over the place. They were very dark and he had no clue what they were! Ryo opened the door.

Sorry if this is not the best. I am trying my best:closedeyes: I am learning still, but suggestions are welcome.:thumbsup:
 
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PaopuStar--

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It's good ^^

But, I think you might need to make your chapters longer and more detailed; like probably fill us in about his days at school :)
Oh and btw, check your spelling lol!

That's all, I think! Keep going, it's good so far! :]


And the dark creatures;
Heartless, by any chance?
 
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Essence of Elegy

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It's a good start. But as PaopuStar said, make your chapters more detailed and extended, and check your spelling. Other than that, keep it up!
 

Anonymous

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Some (actually... a few) grammar errors...
But I agree with the others. Try to be more descriptive- you leave far too much to the imagination (what does Ryo look like? Where do they live? What gender is Alex? o_O)

Just keep practicing though, and make sure to spell check in word!

(Oh, and one last note- you misspelled "creator"- it's "creature"... I don't know why but this bothered me XD)
 

Danica Syer

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I like although like the others say, lack of detail. I mean it's good but yeah... :D And I think this is the beginning of writing a good fanfic...er...that sounded weird but I think I'm trying to say I think this lack of detail in your story helps you realize what you should do and write better! There, hopefully I got that out!
 
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