Fanfiction ► The Chronicals of Axel

[Sephy-kun]

Chapter 1
Ale, a quiet 11 year old boy with short red hair, was sitting in his mansion library in a quiet little town called Twilight Town.He was reading a book that was a favorite of his, Journey of the Times. He loved this book so much. he had read it several times, and still loved to read it. He was so focused on reading that he didnt notice the stranger in a black cloak appear. ''It is in this house.....'', the stranger said. Ale had now noticed the man the black cloak. '' Can i help you?'', Ale said. '' It is in this house.....", the stranger repeated. Ale looked confused. ''What is?'' he said.'' The keyhole...'', the stranger said. ''The what?'', Ale asked. '' There is much darkness in you, i can sense it.'', the stranger said. '' I' sorry, but i dont understa-'', Ale tried to say, but it was already too late. A pool of darkness souronded Ale, soon covering his entire body.'' Now'', the stranger said,'' become one of those without bodies'', he said while pionting adark-looking key-like thing out of his cloak," a Nobody.'' Ale fell down on the floor and the pool of darkness dissipeared. and thus, Axel was born........

 

[Zexilicious]

Ale, a quiet 11 year old boy with short red hair, was sitting in his mansion library in a quiet little town called Twilight Town.He was reading a book that was a favorite of his, Journey of the Times. He loved this book so much. he had read it several times, and still loved to read it. He was so focused on reading that he didnt notice the stranger in a black cloak appear. ''It is in this house.....'', the stranger said. Ale had now noticed the man the black cloak. '' Can i help you?'', Ale said. '' It is in this house.....", the stranger repeated. Ale looked confused. ''What is?'' he said.'' The keyhole...'', the stranger said. ''The what?'', Ale asked. '' There is much darkness in you, i can sense it.'', the stranger said. '' I' sorry, but i dont understa-'', Ale tried to say, but it was already too late. A pool of darkness souronded Ale, soon covering his entire body.'' Now'', the stranger said,'' become one of those without bodies'', he said while pionting adark-looking key-like thing out of his cloak," a Nobody.'' Ale fell down on the floor and the pool of darkness dissipeared. and thus, Axel was born........

good fan fic i didn't find any grammatical errors but for all of you that don't know ale is what he thinks his old name used to be but chronicles is spelled wrong

 

[Sephy-kun]

wow! lucky guess! i didnt know! anyways, i need sum more people to post b4 i start the second chapter

 

[AngelOfDestruction]

Chapter 1
Ale, a quiet 11 year old boy with short red hair, was sitting in his mansion library in a quiet little town called Twilight Town.He was reading a book that was a favorite of his, Journey of the Times. He loved this book so much. he had read it several times, and still loved to read it. He was so focused on reading that he didnt notice the stranger in a black cloak appear. ''It is in this house.....'', the stranger said. Ale had now noticed the man the black cloak. '' Can i help you?'', Ale said. '' It is in this house.....", the stranger repeated. Ale looked confused. ''What is?'' he said.'' The keyhole...'', the stranger said. ''The what?'', Ale asked. '' There is much darkness in you, i can sense it.'', the stranger said. '' I' sorry, but i dont understa-'', Ale tried to say, but it was already too late. A pool of darkness souronded Ale, soon covering his entire body.'' Now'', the stranger said,'' become one of those without bodies'', he said while pionting adark-looking key-like thing out of his cloak," a Nobody.'' Ale fell down on the floor and the pool of darkness dissipeared. and thus, Axel was born........

i like this fan fic its cool

 

[Sephy-kun]

alright, if some1 else posts, ill start Chapter 2

if no1 posts, ill just put the chapter on

 

[Katattack]

I recommend you refer to the Articles of Literacy, stickied on this forum.

Right now, your biggest issue is spacing, breaking the wall of text into paragraphs. It looks much cleaner that way.

Also, making your chapters a little longer is also well advised.

 

[Angel Shards]

For a start it's not bad. I agree with what katattack said. Paragraphs and proper spacing/indentation is needed. Add a little more detail. Make the descriptions a little more crisp. Try to evoke emotion in the readers, almost make them feel involved?

Keep up the good work

 

[Sephy-kun]

ok, I'll take your advice, here the next chapter

Chapter 2

Axel struggled to get up from the library floor. Thousands of questions raced through his mind. "Where..... am....I?", Axel asked. He looked at the body of Ale, then at the stranger. "Who is he?", Axel asked the hooded stranger. "He is no one of importance", the stranger replied. Axel grew very angry. " I said, WHO IS HE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????", Axel srceamed. The stranger looked at Axel and noticed the fire in his eyes. "'Ahh, the element of fire'', the stranger replied. Axel looked at the stranger and looked down. "I have no memories. Why?" "Ahh'', the stranger said. " Let me explain...."

After an hour of explaining his history and the history of Nobodies to him, the stranger thought he would be ready to jion them. " So", Axel said. " We are Nobodies?" "Yes, we Nobodies need to stick together", said the stranger. "So, where is this keyhole?'', Axel asked. " In this place", the stranger said. "The basement, lets go." Axel and the stranger walked down to the basment, into a blank room. "We could make use of this", the stranger said. "There it is", he said, looking at a place where it looked like a giant key would fit. The stranger pulled out what looked like to be a giant key. A beam shot out of the key and Axel thought he hearda click like somthing locked. "Why is this happening to me?", Axel asked. " I will tell you", the stranger said.

"So, there are other worlds?", Axel asked the stranger. "Yes", he replied. " And i live in one of them. So, would you like to come with me?" " I dont know, whats in it for me?'', Axel asked. All the stranger said was, "Your memories...". " Allright", Axel said. "I'm in" The stranger smirked. "Very well", he said and pulled back his hood. Axel looked at the man. He was a tal man, who looked like he was in his 30's. He had long, white hair and yellow eyes. " I am Xemnas", he said. " And welcome, to Organization XIII."



is any1 gona post?

 

[Zexilicious]

ok, I'll take your advice, here the next chapter

Chapter 2

Axel struggled to get up from the library floor. Thousands of questions raced through his mind. "Where..... am....I?", Axel asked. He looked at the body of Ale, then at the stranger. "Who is he?", Axel asked the hooded stranger. "He is no one of importance", the stranger replied. Axel grew very angry. " I said, WHO IS HE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????", Axel srceamed. The stranger looked at Axel and noticed the fire in his eyes. "'Ahh, the element of fire'', the stranger replied. Axel looked at the stranger and looked down. "I have no memories. Why?" "Ahh'', the stranger said. " Let me explain...."

After an hour of explaining his history and the history of Nobodies to him, the stranger thought he would be ready to jion them. " So", Axel said. " We are Nobodies?" "Yes, we Nobodies need to stick together", said the stranger. "So, where is this keyhole?'', Axel asked. " In this place", the stranger said. "The basement, lets go." Axel and the stranger walked down to the basment, into a blank room. "We could make use of this", the stranger said. "There it is", he said, looking at a place where it looked like a giant key would fit. The stranger pulled out what looked like to be a giant key. A beam shot out of the key and Axel thought he hearda click like somthing locked. "Why is this happening to me?", Axel asked. " I will tell you", the stranger said.

"So, there are other worlds?", Axel asked the stranger. "Yes", he replied. " And i live in one of them. So, would you like to come with me?" " I dont know, whats in it for me?'', Axel asked. All the stranger said was, "Your memories...". " Allright", Axel said. "I'm in" The stranger smirked. "Very well", he said and pulled back his hood. Axel looked at the man. He was a tal man, who looked like he was in his 30's. He had long, white hair and yellow eyes. " I am Xemnas", he said. " And welcome, to Organization XIII."



is any1 gona post?

awesome chapter but join was spelled wrong

 

[Sephy-kun]

i have to warn you, i cant spell, wander if Mushu's checked this out yet? well, ill start Chapter 3 next week

 

[darkisaac]

Oh, another Axel fic.


Well, It's a good concept, just try to follow the pointers that Kat gave you, and you'll do fine.


Now I gotta update my Axel fic, cuz there's competition! >.<

 

[Angel Shards]

Now I gotta update my Axel fic, cuz there's competition! >.<

UPDATE NOW! -foams at the mouth-

 

[Zexilicious]

UPDATE NOW! -foams at the mouth-

he won't be on till thursday so you will have to wait

 

[darkisaac]

Uhh...

I think shards meant me...

 

[Zexilicious]

Uhh...

I think shards meant me...

oh sorry i didn't look at what she meant but still hes not going to be on till thursday

 

[Zaraki]

Uhh...

I think shards meant me...

Get back to work on yours! i want to know ney I MUST KNOW what happens after the fight with riku!

 

[Sephy-kun]

wuz up! im back! im gona work on Chapter 3 soon

 

[Zexilicious]

hi sephy i posted on your thread like you asked me too

 

[Sephy-kun]

ok so now i can write the next chap. but i gota make it short sorry guys

Chapter 3:

"Organization XIII, eh?", Axel said, pondering on Xemnas' words. "Sounds..... intrueging. Ok, I'll jion," he said, looking at Xemnas. "Where is it?", Axel asked. "It is in another place, and it will take me a while to get the power i need to go there," Xemnas replied. "So," he said. "Why don't you go around and explore the town for awhile?"

Axel walked out of the mansion, smelling the fresh air. "Now I can find out who i am," he thought to himself, not paying attention to the person who he was walking into. He ran into a boy with a white jacket and spikey brownish hair. "I'm....sorry," Axel said. "That's ok," the boy said. The boy held out a hand. "It's ok," he said. "My name's Roxas."

*i think i spell apoligized wrong, but other than that, it should be good!*

 

[Zexilicious]

ok so now i can write the next chap. but i gota make it short sorry guys

Chapter 3:

"Organization XIII, eh?", Axel said, pondering on Xemnas' words. "Sounds..... intrueging. Ok, I'll jion," he said, looking at Xemnas. "Where is it?", Axel asked. "It is in another place, and it will take me a while to get the power i need to go there," Xemnas replied. "So," he said. "Why don't you go around and explore the town for awhile?"

Axel walked out of the mansion, smelling the fresh air. "Now I can find out who i am," he thought to himself, not paying attention to the person who he was walking into. He ran into a boy with a white jacket and spikey brownish hair. "I'm....sorry," Axel said. "That's ok," the boy said. The boy held out a hand. "It's ok," he said. "My name's Roxas."

*i think i spell apoligized wrong, but other than that, it should be good!*

Roxas is awesome my hair looks like his