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Story Idea( Lucas)



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Trukybldemstr2

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So far i have written three background poems that will help with the Book I will begin working on soon. Please if anyone is interested in learning more please let me know...or something.
 

Trukybldemstr2

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Darkness falls and they don't appear
When sin shrouds the earth and the people are in fear
The Chosen Four are nowhere to be found
And because of this the world is Hell bound


There are whispers that the prophets were wrong.
Perhaps this is true...or they misinterpreted the prophets' song.
Maybe the time for the four hasn't arrived
Or maybe that number was wrongly contrived

The world has fallen into chaos and calamity
But without the Four this world will lean towards insanity
And if the Chosen Four aren't really the Chosen ones
Then who shall rid this world of the evil that has been done

There have been rumors that the savior isn't one of the chosen
And this has kept the people of the land to remain in their fears frozen
But it also has given the people a new kind of hope to hold
That maybe this is not the end as the prophets had foretold

If the rumors are true, then one question remains
Who shall redeem the land from this terrible reign?
Who is the one who shall take up sword and shield?
Who is it that will cause evil to yield?

WHO?
 

Trukybldemstr2

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The ashes fell from the twilight sky
And yet she still refused to cry
She knew this would happen one day
Yet she wasn't ready to give in and pay

This was the price she paid for him to live
Yet in order to pay, her life she had to give
She knew what the future had in mind
Why could't her payment have been deaf or blind

She would never see the end of this tale
Only the beginning, which was not so well
Thinking of this crushed her heart
But she had to smile when she realized her part

The tears began to flow as she held her son
And it seemed that he was given life from the rays if the sun
As she felt life flowing through his veins
She felt it leave hers and it left only pain

The Ashes fell from the twilight sky
And she finally let loose and began to cry
She knew her son would save them all
And that made her smile as she began to fall

With her dying breath she thought of his name
And prayed that he would wear it without shame
She whispered his name as the tears came down
And breathed her last breath as she hit the ground.

"Lucas" is the name that escaped her mouth
This the hero who will save us now.
 

Trukybldemstr2

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The night sky personified their fears
And gave way to agony and un yielding tears
The prophets had gone mad with no sign
The stars gave no answers, they only shined.

The World began to quake with fear
As word began to spread of the evil drawing near
Who would save them....many began to ask
Who would be given the daunting task?

The prophets prayed to their gods for help
But the only answer they got was the guard dog's yelp.
The gods were silent on the particular night.
And this gave the prophets a fright.

"How would the people react?" they thought
When they found out that the prophets didn't have the answers they sought
Suddenly they came up with a heinous plan
That would quickly wash the blood from their hands

Without the gods guidance they chose
The four who would slay the World's deadly foes
Or so the prophets hoped the people would believe
Because without the gods blessing this was not to be achieved.

They quickly came up with a false prophecy to tell
The prophecy that would send four souls to hell
And yet the prophets only cared about their own skin
Even if it meant turning their backs on the gods and committing a sin.

With a smile on their face and a tremor in their hearts
They stood before the people and performed their practiced parts
The gods had spoken and had given this degreee
Four heroes had been chosen and this was the prophecy.

The four heroes chosen were all well known
And from that day on many people that a bright aura around them had shone
In all reality they were not the ones chosen....
The gods were not ready for their choice to be spoken..
 

tangerine

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It needs... you know... structure.

You also need to work on your writing and rhetoric. The quality of writing that I see here isn't very good; writing a lengthy bit of text is sure to help you improve, though, and therefore I wish you luck in bettering yourself. Be mindful of poor literary devices such as "the night sky personified their fears" which makes no sense. The night sky is not a person and so it can't personify something. While I understand what you meant to write, you didn't write it properly and so the meaning is completely skewed. Just be careful with your choice of words.
 

Trukybldemstr2

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It needs... you know... structure.

You also need to work on your writing and rhetoric. The quality of writing that I see here isn't very good; writing a lengthy bit of text is sure to help you improve, though, and therefore I wish you luck in bettering yourself. Be mindful of poor literary devices such as "the night sky personified their fears" which makes no sense. The night sky is not a person and so it can't personify something. While I understand what you meant to write, you didn't write it properly and so the meaning is completely skewed. Just be careful with your choice of words.

Thanks...perhaps i should have taken the time to write these...they are all just ideas....not the story...and each only took me 5 minutes to write...so yeah...
 

Dr_Mario64

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The concept is great. This would make an awesome initial setting. The conflict is good but needs clarification. You need to make it clear whether this is man vs. man, man vs. god, or man vs. society because it could be any one of these. By this I mean, "who exactly is the antagonist?" Just throw in a climax and resolution and you're good to go. It's a good plot; just incomplete. Also, not to be a prick, but all this doubleposting is just begging for an infraction. Keep an eye out for the mods.
 

Trukybldemstr2

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The concept is great. This would make an awesome initial setting. The conflict is good but needs clarification. You need to make it clear whether this is man vs. man, man vs. god, or man vs. society because it could be any one of these. By this I mean, "who exactly is the antagonist?" Just throw in a climax and resolution and you're good to go. It's a good plot; just incomplete. Also, not to be a prick, but all this doubleposting is just begging for an infraction. Keep an eye out for the mods.

Its Man vs.......an evil I haven't thought of yet.....That is my next step...I was leaning towards some sort of demonic force....but im not sure yet..But thanks though...im glad to have you opinions...they will help...I will have two more one from the gods perspective and one from the main characters perspective
or maybe 3...another from the enemy
 

tangerine

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The concept is great. This would make an awesome initial setting. The conflict is good but needs clarification. You need to make it clear whether this is man vs. man, man vs. god, or man vs. society because it could be any one of these. By this I mean, "who exactly is the antagonist?" Just throw in a climax and resolution and you're good to go. It's a good plot; just incomplete. Also, not to be a prick, but all this doubleposting is just begging for an infraction. Keep an eye out for the mods.
... You can have more than one conflict in a story. A conflict is a part of the plot; it's not the plot itself.
 

tangerine

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I get what you're saying but the writer has to make it obvious. The conflict is a little too vague for my liking.

Not bad for 15 minutes total, though.
No, no, no. It doesn't have to be obvious. You can have more than one antagonist. Great novels always have more than one conflict and it's not always clear which is the predominant one. Take The Great Gatsby, for example: there is a plethora of conflicts present and it's a combination of all of them that make it an interesting story. One straight-forward conflict is boring. Stop giving bad advice.
 

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I know, but I hate stories that make you search for the plot. I know from experience that it is very difficult to write a multi-conflict story without making the climaxes run in circles and collide with each other. Don't get me wrong. Most stories I write have multiple conflicts but usually no more than three. What I'm trying to get at is that although they do enhance the overall plot multi-conflict stories can become a royal pain if you don't plan them correctly. For this reason, I don't recommend it to beginning writers as even experienced writers have a tendency to overdo it and throw their entire plot out of whack.
 
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