Help/Support ► Still on a Leash

[Key]

Hey guys, i've got a liiiiiiiiiiiiittle issue here.



Lately I've been spending my time on the computer, watching TV, playing videogames and drawing some various fanarts. My mom tells me to get a life, that videogames and all the rest of the stuff i do are a waste of time.

My problem is, how can I "get a life" if she doesn't allow me to do so?

My mom never lets me out of the house. She won't let me stay over at ANY of my friend's house unless she "knows their parents," I can't take a walk around my neighborhood (which, by the way, is COMPLETELY safe) and there are blocks on my computer that don't let me access ANYTHING after 8:00pm.

I'm 16 and now a Senior. The rest of my friends are out and about, hanging out, going to movies --- what am I doing? Sitting in my basement playing Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy XIII for the ten-thousandth time because i have nothing else to do.

Thing is, how does she expect me to DO anything if i'm on such a tight LEASH?! I've tried talking to her, but she just says stuff like "Oh, we'll see," or "You're just making excuses, go do something productive." Like what, do the laundry? It's been done for three days!

How do i make her see that she needs to loosen up the rules and actually give me a bit of freedom if she doesn't want me glued in front of a screen all the time??



Just so you know, I've never given her any reason to be reluctant, I'm a straight-A student who's doesn't get in trouble and has never received a detention in her LIFE.

 

[Silver_Soul]

talk to her
and explain to her that what she asks you is impossible unless she cuts the chord

 

[ThePromise]

...Where's your father at?...she ever give off this "You're all I've got, I won't let anything happen to you." vibe?

 

[squall leonheart]

Get over it you're still a minor.

Its not like you're 19 or something, she has a right to be as controlling as she wants.

Or you could get a job get emancipated and live by yourself...

 

[Apollo]

There isn't much you can do if you already tried talking to her. You're only 16 so she has complete control over you, just wait it out until you're 18.

 

[Key]

talk to her
and explain to her that what she asks you is impossible unless she cuts the chord

I've honestly tried that :/

...Where's your father at?...she ever give off this "You're all I've got, I won't let anything happen to you." vibe?

OH, Sorry, my dad's still around. he just travels constantly because of his job, he's gone basically all summer :/ i should have made that more clear, my bad.

Get over it you're still a minor.

Its not like you're 19 or something, she has a right to be as controlling as she wants.

Or you could get a job get emancipated and live by yourself...

nnnneeeeeeeh. D: get a job, yes. move out? uhhh... is that even legal?

There isn't much you can do if you already tried talking to her. You're only 16 so she has complete control over you, just wait it out until you're 18.

...Alright, more verbal torture....

 

[Roa]

My mom does something on so similar.

She tells me I need to make friends, but she pushes most of them away. (Telling my friend who's parents out of town, to leave and don't come back, and scream is NOT a way for me to keep friends) :| And then I have one friend whom i get bored when I hang out with- soo soo soo much. And she like supports it "Well why dont' you hang out with Rachel*"?
*let's just call her that.

Well guess what, she's boring as hell. I don't like ballet. (Rachel is obsessed with it. ) I don't like girly girl stuff. I am NOT the master of make-up. I rarely know how to apply it myself. I don't care if we were on Rani watch last summer. i really couldn't care less. :|

And so yea, all I can tell you is, do what she tells you, atm. if she tells you to chores, get those done, and do what she'll let you. :|

To pass the time, I would recomend a safe hobby. Or something. Draw. I really don't know what you like to do.

I know, it really sucks, I feel your pain so bad, and I wish I could help you. D: I really do.

 

[Apollo]

nnnneeeeeeeh. D: get a job, yes. move out? uhhh... is that even legal?

It's what getting emancipated is about. It's an option you could consider if you feel the situation is really that bad. I'm not sure about the process but it includes getting a job and going to court.

 

[Key]

Ok, yeah, it's honestly not that bad, Apollo. D: I'm just trying to find a way to get through the summer without wanting to rip my hair out because i (1) am completely and utterly dying of boredom and (2) because i keep hearing the same thing over and over and over and over and it drives me nuts.



Wow, Roa, looks like we ARE in the same situation, huh? Problem is, I'm already doing all i can do to keep myself busy and it's stuff she "disapproves" of. except for the drawing, but she still sort of doesn't like it because i can't draw realism and stick to aanime/fantasy stuff. so i'm kinda backed into a corner on that one :/

 

[MESMAR_RISING]

Get a job. Don't get emancipated. Yes, you are 16. Yes, you should have more freedom. If you had a job it'd show that you're at least somewhat responsible, and you'll have more of an opportunity to get out of the house. The money doesn't hurt either.

 

[Apollo]

Have you tried explaining to your mother that those are the things you're into? You could also try doing some more chores around the house to make her happy and get off your back. How does dad feel about it all? You could try talking to him about it or having him talk to your mom when he is around.

 

[squall leonheart]

Get a job. Don't get emancipated. Yes, you are 16. Yes, you should have more freedom. If you had a job it'd show that you're at least somewhat responsible, and you'll have more of an opportunity to get out of the house. The money doesn't hurt either.

Should?(have more freedom) Thats more or less up to parents.

And yeah you shouldn't get emancipated, its really for people who can't live at home but don't want to go to a foster home.
You can try getting a job, but that's hard enough for people with prior experience and an open schedule all year long, another option is community service I suppose.

Or you could kill her and run from the cops.(yes these are just going to get worse and worse...)

 

[Oracle Spockanort]

Well I never really understand these situations because my mom cut the leash when I was 13 when she saw I knew how to choose my friends.

But you should try getting a job, slowly easing your way out to places with your friends like ask your mom for something simple "Hey, can my friend come over?" and "Hey, can I go to my friends house for a few hours?" then try and build it up from there. You'll get out eventually. Try and help around the house a lot too. And maybe to impress your mom have like the Discovery channel on when she walks in or something.

 

[tangerine]

Keep on persisting in trying to convince her. If it's a no go, a temporary fix to being told to get a life is to reply with: "just because I don't have the same life as you do it doesn't mean that I don't have a life." If that hits home, you can continue with: "but if you're really that worried about it, I guess I can go out" to make it seem like you're doing her a favor instead of it being the other way around when you ask her if you can go out. It's a nasty little trick but she likely won't notice what you're pulling.

 

[Lycanthrope]

It's been said quite a few times in this thread, but get a job. If you show more responsibility, you may be rewarded for it with freedom.

 

[Ehres]

Get over it you're still a minor.

Its not like you're 19 or something, she has a right to be as controlling as she wants.

Should?(have more freedom) Thats more or less up to parents.

She's 16, not 10. She should be able to do what every normal 16-year-old does; i.e. hang around with her friends, go over to friends' places, sleep over at friends' places. Clearly she's trustworthy since she's never been in trouble and clearly she's dedicated to her studies, so her mother has no evidence or right to think she'll be swanning off causing trouble for herself and others. This is a matter of her mother's insecurity.

I think you need to slowly implant the image into her head, Key. Ask her if there are any chores that need doing. When they are done, ask her if there's anything else that needs doing. When that's done, tell her you're going to go for a walk. If she objects, ask her what else there is that you could possibly do. If she tells you to go and watch television or do something "productive" tell her going for a walk, keeping fit and getting fresh air is productive. If she panics, tell her you'll be back within an hour and if she's worried she can call you on your phone. Don't be afraid. Just do it.

 

[Dogenzaka]

dealwithit.gif

No but seriously, you could get a job or be with kids that your "parents know" or if they don't know your friends, introduce her to them, invite them to YOUR house, and let her meet their parents.

Once you graduate and go to college it'll be fine, though. So don't sweat it.

 

[Key]

And now, for epic post.

Have you tried explaining to your mother that those are the things you're into? You could also try doing some more chores around the house to make her happy and get off your back. How does dad feel about it all? You could try talking to him about it or having him talk to your mom when he is around.

Yes i have, yes i do that already, he tends to try to stay out of this kind of stuff, okay, I'll try.

Should?(have more freedom) Thats more or less up to parents.

And yeah you shouldn't get emancipated, its really for people who can't live at home but don't want to go to a foster home.
You can try getting a job, but that's hard enough for people with prior experience and an open schedule all year long, another option is community service I suppose.

Or you could kill her and run from the cops.(yes these are just going to get worse and worse...)

You were doing fine until you said "kill her." XD

Keep on persisting in trying to convince her. If it's a no go, a temporary fix to being told to get a life is to reply with: "just because I don't have the same life as you do it doesn't mean that I don't have a life." If that hits home, you can continue with: "but if you're really that worried about it, I guess I can go out" to make it seem like you're doing her a favor instead of it being the other way around when you ask her if you can go out. It's a nasty little trick but she likely won't notice what you're pulling.

That's actually a good idea. I'll try it next time.

She's 16, not 10.

THANK YOU.

She should be able to do what every normal 16-year-old does; i.e. hang around with her friends, go over to friends' places, sleep over at friends' places. Clearly she's trustworthy since she's never been in trouble and clearly she's dedicated to her studies, so her mother has no evidence or right to think she'll be swanning off causing trouble for herself and others. This is a matter of her mother's insecurity.

I think you need to slowly implant the image into her head, Key. Ask her if there are any chores that need doing. When they are done, ask her if there's anything else that needs doing. When that's done, tell her you're going to go for a walk. If she objects, ask her what else there is that you could possibly do. If she tells you to go and watch television or do something "productive" tell her going for a walk, keeping fit and getting fresh air is productive. If she panics, tell her you'll be back within an hour and if she's worried she can call you on your phone. Don't be afraid. Just do it.

Thanks for the advice, Sol. I'll do my best to try this, it sounds like it'll work.

Get a job. Don't get emancipated. Yes, you are 16. Yes, you should have more freedom. If you had a job it'd show that you're at least somewhat responsible, and you'll have more of an opportunity to get out of the house. The money doesn't hurt either.

It's been said quite a few times in this thread, but get a job. If you show more responsibility, you may be rewarded for it with freedom.

dealwithit.gif

No but seriously, you could get a job or be with kids that your "parents know" or if they don't know your friends, introduce her to them, invite them to YOUR house, and let her meet their parents.

Once you graduate and go to college it'll be fine, though. So don't sweat it.

Kinda hard to do at the moment, since adults are having job issues an i don't think they'll pick a teen over an experienced adult, but i'll have to give it a shot. And you're right, Dogen, it's just one more year. if i have to, I'll just wait.

Thanks for all the tips, guys, i really appreciate it.

 

[Dogenzaka]

Kinda hard to do at the moment, since adults are having job issues an i don't think they'll pick a teen over an experienced adult, but i'll have to give it a shot. And you're right, Dogen, it's just one more year. if i have to, I'll just wait.

You'd be surprised. Would a store like Hollister rather hire a 40-year-old over-qualified adult familyman for summer work at the store, or a bright and shining young teenager with nothing to do for a few months?

 

[Jesus]

my situation isnt as bad as yours but my parents also have suddenly tightened the leash. i used to be able to go hang out with my friends all the time but as soon as i skipped a grade this year, my parents decided all my friends since pre-k are losers and that i shouldnt associate with them. now i have to hang out with some other guys (who are great) but they arent the same as my other friends and now i cant even go out with them.
so do what i did, volunteer or you could get a job, it really does help and as a bonus, i convinced my friends to go aswell, so two birds with one stone i suppose