Help/Support ► spineless

[Artemis]

for quite some time now, my friends have been calling me spineless. its mostly because i refuse to stand up for myself because i am afraid of disappointing another person, even if that person happens to be the one that is antagonizing me. it all started once i hit middle school really. i never used to be that way...

now, i let people walk all over me and push me around. i hate being called spineless, it truly does hurt. i let others take advantage of me, and because i dont say anything, they continue to do it. common sense tells me to stop getting walked on, but i just cant seem to do it. even my parents were concerned that i was being bullied in middle school or crap like that because i could never stand up for myself anymore. i think the problem is that i am too nice and i want to please others a lot, even at my own expense.

hopefully, this doesnt become an issue about self esteem, which i am sad to say is very low now. i have been thinking less highly about me ever since i became everybodies pet, and now i am a pessimistic person who is more likely to see the glass half empty. i havent told my parents about how meek i have gotten lately either. please, any help is welcome. i am really not sure what to do about this anymore...

i hate myself for it actually

 

[Lancelot]

Damn girl... It is a bloody hard thing to go through... In my case, i let other people walk over me, because I know if I do retaliate, it'll either end in me bashing the living crap outta them, or them laughing at me constantly...followed by me getting them back for it... And pleasing people at your own expense... It almost kills you in the end... I know it probably won't sound incredibly helpful, but you've got to just try and oust everything that they say about you... It is hard, and at times you do just want to turn around and punch them square in the face (actually, maybe you should try that ), but by doing that, you are making yourself stronger, and not spineless. By doing that, you are becoming the person who has the power, because you can resist whatever the others are doing to you...

<3

 

[Pelafina]

i think the problem is that i am too nice and i want to please others a lot, even at my own expense.

This is the root of the issue.

Why?

 

[Johnny Stooge]

This is the root of the issue.

Why?

Because I'm he's afraid of disappointing them/ the consequences.

 

[Artemis]

Because I'm she's afraid of disappointing them/ the consequences.

well, yes, that and

if i feel i am letting them down, it makes me feel bad. needless to say, i am an extreme pansy. i would rather make them feel better at the expense of myself, than stand up for myself and let them down. if anything ever came down to violence, believe me, i would toss em a punch. but there is no violence in what they do, they just walk all over me.

 

[Danica Syer]

Hey can I give you some advice?

Well I know it's not your fault for being that way and that's great your nice and all but try to stand up and fight--like using your words and choices--VERY CAREFULLY THOUGH! And let them know they can't get to you or change you for whoever you are and all that! And that to become stronger about yourself, you need to gain confidence skills such as finding something you like yourself and all without turning conceited or anything like that, not to mention, it'd help if you ask what to do in these situations, which you are! Remember when people call you names or whatever, ignore them or whatever. If they tease you ignore them. Ignorance can help but if it gets to the point where you can't go beyond ignoring or standing up to them with your words or something that might not be great--like getting yourself--into trouble! Tell somebody else like a grown up--to help you at least! I'm pretty sure they would know how to handle it and all! And though it may be hard at first, don't forget that If you can find something to back up your arguments or have friends that help you out in situations people try to hurt you and all, then maybe you can be more confident and show those people who've called you spineless, that you aren't and that you're stronger then you were before, though this can take alot of time!

Remember: Don't be violent and just stand up for yourself if you know the right words and you know the person who says all that about you are the one to judge you and label you or whatever and yeah, if they step over you--don't let them. I know it's not easy and that'll it take time but if you can find your self confidence and work on it, then find a way to argue back with words (if possible), then that's something I'd tell you to do! Be sarcastic if you have to, that works for me sometime and try not to let what others think about you or whatever get to you. That may why one of the reasons you're stepped on!

I know you're nice and all but if you have to, just stand up for yourself! You can't be stepped on all the time now can you? You want to stop it right?

And I've in your situation before--but I've dealt with people and all! I just stand up for myself if I have to! And it wasn't easy but I managed.

Hope this helps, if not, sorry I tried my best. XD

 

[violent_anger]

Give an example. For all we know, you could be smuggling drugs for them unless you tell us otherwise.

 

[Lycanthrope]

Really, all you can be told is to learn to stand up for yourself. It apparently helps later on in life.

 

[Artemis]

ok
well, ironically enough today, it did come down to violence. here is what happened today.

"Bailey" asked me to type up some homework for her, which i was happy to oblige to since i really would have felt bad for saying no, so i took it home. her printer wasnt working, so i guess she was gonna have me type and print it. (this was yesterday)

today, i forgot to bring it to school for her, and she gave me a good ol punch in my back and arm. actually, she gave me 2. they really didnt hurt too bad, although my shoulder is sore from her first punch, and so i made sure i am bringing it tomorrow.

some other smaller things;
people steal my lunch and food and eat it
they copy off of my homework
they cut me in line for everything
they make me clean up their trash, i feel guilty if somebody else has to clean it when it wasnt theirs
they make me run errands for them
they bully me (sounds like the stupid elementary term, but its not. its more of verbal abuse really)

overall, i live a pathetic existence where i am too spineless to stand up for myself. i want to change oh so badly, i hate myself for being this way.

 

[Nostalgia]

Solving this issue ideally takes place over a series of steps. And it's much easier to work from the ground up, like with most things. First, before you should act differently, or change the routine, you need to figure some things out. Otherwise, it'll end up turning into a mess. I learned something from my psyche class that I think I can apply to this situation. In theory, we're constantly at battle inside our minds. The two opposing sides are the Superego and the id. Normally, the id wouldn't apply to a situation such as this for the fact that it's said to be the source of our darkest drives and impulses. The Superego represents morals and such. It's good to have a balance of these two, and to not let one always win or be your main influence. I think your superego has way too much control. Sometimes it's a good thing. But in this case, when the superego has that much control, it turns you into a tool. That's why you feel the way you do. It's a tough deal, because when the id overpowers the superego, one usually feels guilt, whereas when the superego is stronger, one usually regrets it, even if it's a dormant feeling. I'm rambling right now, so I'll try to make my point brief. The reason why you feel as bad as you do is because deep down, your id constantly loses, and it's causing you to regret every move you make, which as you've already discovered, lowers your self esteem. The lower that is, most-likely, the less of chance the id has, and so it could be a very long struggle. What I would suggest is that you forget about all that bullshit. Drop the load that you feel like you're forced to carry. Forget it, don't give yourself the chance to feel sorry. A little impulsiveness is necessary for this. Your first reaction would probably be to say no, but then you start thinking about how you'll feel bad. This doesn't make you a bad person. From a philosophical point of view, you can think of it as one side of your personality is just stronger than the other, and that lack of balance is what's troubling you. It'll surely feel awkward at first, but you'll benefit from it, so keep reminding yourself of that if you need to. (I'm sorry for making this so much more complicated than it should have been.) But, I hope this helps you.

 

[violent_anger]

today, i forgot to bring it to school for her, and she gave me a good ol punch in my back and arm. actually, she gave me 2. they really didnt hurt too bad, although my shoulder is sore from her first punch, and so i made sure i am bringing it tomorrow.

you had it coming. honor your obligations.

people steal my lunch and food and eat it

eat faster, or if you keep it in your backpack, keep your backpack close

they copy off of my homewor

tell them you're probably wrong

they cut me in line for everything

tell them to take cuts behind you instead.

they make me clean up their trash, i feel guilty if somebody else has to clean it when it wasnt theirs

but....you....do i have to explain it?

they make me run errands for them

can't be that bad. i bet you get excersize.

 

[Iridium]

Why am I always late to these, not sure if my advice will help but I'll give it a shot!

ok
well, ironically enough today, it did come down to violence. here is what happened today.

I see where this is going.

"Bailey" asked me to type up some homework for her, which i was happy to oblige to since i really would have felt bad for saying no, so i took it home. her printer wasnt working, so i guess she was gonna have me type and print it. (this was yesterday)

today, i forgot to bring it to school for her, and she gave me a good ol punch in my back and arm. actually, she gave me 2. they really didnt hurt too bad, although my shoulder is sore from her first punch, and so i made sure i am bringing it tomorrow.

Honestly I would have decked her in the face.

Don't let anyone make you their bitch, have more confidence and say NO, yeah another punch might be headed your way but eventually you won't be asked anymore for these type of favors. Don't take that shit from anybody.

some other smaller things;
people steal my lunch and food and eat it
they copy off of my homework
they cut me in line for everything
they make me clean up their trash, i feel guilty if somebody else has to clean it when it wasnt theirs
they make me run errands for them
they bully me (sounds like the stupid elementary term, but its not. its more of verbal abuse really)

Again, don't be the worlds doormat, your lunch is your lunch (unless that person doesn't have lunch themselves and you're generous enough to share) The line cutting is avoidable but not all the time, just know your limits as to who gets ahead of you. And you're not the garbage ma-..er woman, they made the mess so expect them to clean it up. Playing mom for your friends is the lowest thing you can do, as for errands some can be good but don't hold the whole world on your shoulders.

Lastly. No. Don't take that bully BS, inform a teacher, your good friends or your parents. You can also attack the problem directly, talk to them about it and see how they feel friend or acquaintance. SRMS you don't deserve this crap like any other Joe Shmoe, like Piece said take the progression slowly in steps don't change all at once.

I guess this is all I can do for you, hopefully this will do some good.
Than again it's repeated information.

overall, i live a pathetic existence where i am too spineless to stand up for myself. i want to change oh so badly, i hate myself for being this way.

Will diligence and confidence you can change, just don't take this transformation to the extreme. Keep the personality and charm love ;3

 

[Lycanthrope]

you had it coming. honor your obligations.


eat faster, or if you keep it in your backpack, keep your backpack close

tell them you're probably wrong

tell them to take cuts behind you instead.

but....you....do i have to explain it?

can't be that bad. i bet you get excersize.

Quoted for truth

 

[Vayne Mechanics]

How about you stop sucking and stop being so spineless.

 

[Artemis]

How about you stop sucking and stop being so spineless.

your so right
i always bring this upon myself

 

[ChocobosComet]

i think the problem is that i am too nice and i want to please others a lot, even at my own expense.

I'm like that too. You have to know when to draw the line though or else you'll always be taken advantage of.

 

[Nostalgia]

your so right
i always bring this upon myself

Don't listen to those people that call you spineless. There's no need to blame yourself. It's a simple flaw that can be fixed. There's no reason lost confidence in yourself over it. I already posted a ridiculously large paragraph, so there's no need to say too much more. However, you're a good person. You're not spineless. The fact that you don't give in, and fight your urges just to prevent an inconvenience for someone else is a strength, not a weakness. Those people don't know what they're talking about.

 

[Vayne Mechanics]

Don't listen to those people that call you spineless. There's no need to blame yourself. It's a simple flaw that can be fixed. There's no reason lost confidence in yourself over it. I already posted a ridiculously large paragraph, so there's no need to say too much more. However, you're a good person. You're not spineless. The fact that you don't give in, and fight your urges just to prevent an inconvenience for someone else is a strength, not a weakness. Those people don't know what they're talking about.

The way you live your life isn't something you can easily call a "simple flaw".

 

[Nostalgia]

Every problem has a root. You solve that, and soon everything else related to it starts to come back into balance. Really, my point was that as long as she continues to blame herself, she'll just dwell in her own depression, and she'll continue to submissively act as a tool, when in actuality, she's no more of a tool than anyone else. Subconsciously, she'll be angry that she's doing this to herself, so the cycle will continue. The only way to solve it is to start from bottom, and work her way up. The process itself may not be simple, but when you break it down, it is a simple flaw.

 

[Iridium]

your so right
i always bring this upon myself

You don't know Ken quite well do you? (Then again neither do I :bored