I'll just come right out with it. Not once did I not feel like punching a hole through my diddlying computer screen during this conference. As a long-time PlayStation fan, it pains me to say that this conference was utterly SHAMEFUL.
Last year's show may have been mind-numbingly uninteresting, but this year's was downright infuriating.
So let's recap, shall we?
1) God of War has been rebooted into the autistic, three-way love-child of The Witcher 3, Hellblade and Horizon Zero Dawn (for God's sake, Horizon hasn't even been released yet!).
2) The Horizon protagonist wouldn't shut her obnoxious trap for more than 10 nanoseconds.
3) Half of the conference was dedicated to a peripheral that nobody gives two flying dicksacks about.
4) Squeenix subjecting us to a seizure-inducing wubstep FFXV trailer ending with an horrendously-looking, Kinect tier VR mini-game.
5) Presenting LEGO STAR WARS as if it's the greatest thing since the orgasm.
6) Sony pulling a goddamn Squeenix with Crash and disrespecting every single person in the audience with said stunt.
7) Ending the conference with yet another insipid, uninspired zombie shooter (which surprisingly and thankfully wasn't The Last of Us 2) that they revealed at the start of the damn show.
Make your list and check it twice, khinsiders.
The only things I genuinely gave an iota of a deuce about was Resident Evil 7 and Insomniac's Spiderman game.
That's it.
More importantly, I want you all to brace yourselves for the impending, thought-to-be impossibility that I'm about to divulge to you all...
...I found the Call of Duty Infinite Warfare showcase more interesting than the majority of the shit shown at the conference. MEDITATE on that for a beat, folks. Call of Duty, the baron of blandness, the viscount of vapidity, was able to hold my attention without following an immediate eyebrow raise (what did follow was genuine surprise when I realized the thing was actually Call of Duty).
Just how? How could anyone fool themselves into believing this was a good conference? How come people rejoiced in unison because the Neo wasn't going to take up show time, but the same paste-eating retards then creamed their long johns over Sony feverishly fellating VR for half an hour? How is it that we're 4 years into this black brick's life-cycle and virtually none of these games are even remotely close to coming out?
I was planning on getting the Neo if they released more info about it, but now I've forgone the idea of repurchasing a PS4 entirely. I think I'll just crawl back into my mother's womb and play Ratchet and Clank on my PS3 for the proceeding year, diddly you very much.
"Sony wins"? "Best E3"? Piss off.
Last year's show may have been mind-numbingly uninteresting, but this year's was downright infuriating.
So let's recap, shall we?
1) God of War has been rebooted into the autistic, three-way love-child of The Witcher 3, Hellblade and Horizon Zero Dawn (for God's sake, Horizon hasn't even been released yet!).
2) The Horizon protagonist wouldn't shut her obnoxious trap for more than 10 nanoseconds.
3) Half of the conference was dedicated to a peripheral that nobody gives two flying dicksacks about.
4) Squeenix subjecting us to a seizure-inducing wubstep FFXV trailer ending with an horrendously-looking, Kinect tier VR mini-game.
5) Presenting LEGO STAR WARS as if it's the greatest thing since the orgasm.
6) Sony pulling a goddamn Squeenix with Crash and disrespecting every single person in the audience with said stunt.
7) Ending the conference with yet another insipid, uninspired zombie shooter (which surprisingly and thankfully wasn't The Last of Us 2) that they revealed at the start of the damn show.
Make your list and check it twice, khinsiders.
The only things I genuinely gave an iota of a deuce about was Resident Evil 7 and Insomniac's Spiderman game.
That's it.
More importantly, I want you all to brace yourselves for the impending, thought-to-be impossibility that I'm about to divulge to you all...
...I found the Call of Duty Infinite Warfare showcase more interesting than the majority of the shit shown at the conference. MEDITATE on that for a beat, folks. Call of Duty, the baron of blandness, the viscount of vapidity, was able to hold my attention without following an immediate eyebrow raise (what did follow was genuine surprise when I realized the thing was actually Call of Duty).
Just how? How could anyone fool themselves into believing this was a good conference? How come people rejoiced in unison because the Neo wasn't going to take up show time, but the same paste-eating retards then creamed their long johns over Sony feverishly fellating VR for half an hour? How is it that we're 4 years into this black brick's life-cycle and virtually none of these games are even remotely close to coming out?
I was planning on getting the Neo if they released more info about it, but now I've forgone the idea of repurchasing a PS4 entirely. I think I'll just crawl back into my mother's womb and play Ratchet and Clank on my PS3 for the proceeding year, diddly you very much.
"Sony wins"? "Best E3"? Piss off.
