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Moonlight Aqua

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I never really posted anything about myself, but I'm gonna try.

I'm 21, female, I'm an embodiment of a contradiction. I'm a shy, quiet person, but at times I'm aggressive and loud, it seems I'm a different person. But all in all, I'm pretty introverted but not to the point where I'm a loner. I'm pretty happy with just close friends and family, but doesn't mean I can't talk to others, but that's where the problem lies a lot.

I think I'm sociophobic, but I also think I just have low self-esteem. Let me explain, I don't feel pretty or anything special. I know I have a ton of talents and things that are good about me, but sometimes I don't see them. I felt this way since I was little when I was told this as a kid by teachers and students... and it never left me. No matter how optimistic I try to be and ignore this from the past, I still feel horribly hurt.

I went to my neighbor's wedding and I tried so hard to look nice, I know how to fix myself up, make up and cute clothes, but when I arrived, I felt so ugly. I saw some of the neighbor's cousins, who I hated forever, and I felt so ugly, they are skinny and looked so pretty...I felt ugly.

Not only that, I go out and talk to someone and if they look so nice, I'm so scared to look at them in the eyes...

I thought I got rid of this as a teenager, I thought this was a phase, but it's so sad that an adult woman feels like this... Idk what to do.

I'm sorry if I'm ranting my feelings, but I didn't know where else to turn. Thank you for reading...
 

King Sora X

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You're not the only one. Everyone has and some still are in that state. I am from time-to-time. I can't say for sure that I'm as bad as I was in High School as I've gotten better, but the best thing to do is remember that you are special.

I can understand what you mean when you went to your neighbor's wedding. You felt out of place, like you didn't belong or that, as you put it, you felt ugly. The amount of self-worth you feel is probably the same as your self-esteem. The thing to remember is never doubt yourself, and always be optimistic. There's gonna be bad days, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Has there ever been an event in your life that might affect your optimism? That could be a source of why you feel you do.
 

Moonlight Aqua

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You're not the only one. Everyone has and some still are in that state. I am from time-to-time. I can't say for sure that I'm as bad as I was in High School as I've gotten better, but the best thing to do is remember that you are special.

I can understand what you mean when you went to your neighbor's wedding. You felt out of place, like you didn't belong or that, as you put it, you felt ugly. The amount of self-worth you feel is probably the same as your self-esteem. The thing to remember is never doubt yourself, and always be optimistic. There's gonna be bad days, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Has there ever been an event in your life that might affect your optimism? That could be a source of why you feel you do.

Recently, when I was failing math and breaking up with my boyfriend. I was so depressed, I thought of hurting myself, but I didn't, I had my family with me and I was not going to do anything stupid. So I went to see a psychiatrist and she said I didn't have any depression, but I did have calclyxia (it's like dyslexia but for math.) and I needed medication for ADD. I didn't know what to do. But this is how I always felt since I was little. I was bullied a whole lot as a child, by teachers and students. It was worse in middle school, girls calling me lesbian and making fun of me. I got better in my last two years in high school, but it's gotten worse after this recent events.
 

Taylor

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Work on those confidence levels.

Honestly, step one to improving how you feel about yourself is not giving a fuck about what anybody thinks. You're self-conscious, but honestly, you shouldn't be, especially if you really do have all these talents. A large part of how people treat you in person is how you hold yourself, so the more confidence you have, the better received you're going to be, which should hopefully lead to an increase in your optimism!
 

nelly <3

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Sometimes I feel so ugly I feel like ripping my skin off *words taken by Reflection* but seriously that's no joke right there. But sometimes, I put my best clothes on apply a layer of perfect makeup, go out with my friends and I feel like the most good looking person in the world.

Most of the time while I'm home, my hair is in a pony tail and I'm wearing sweats - swear to god I look like a monkey face sometimes but idgaf cause I know that I can turn this into a 180 degree kind of thing. Other than that my talents include making delicious lattes and I feel superior with my job.

Where am I going with this?
Find stuff that boostes your self esteem. I'm 21 yrs old too and in Elementary school I got made fun off cause I was the tallest girl, like none of the girls wanted to hang out with me. SO I said, screw it I'll hang out with the guys then.

I might be a little bit too egoistic but when I feel my best. I say screw everybody behind me!

The best advice I have here, it's find your muse. Confidence girl! I know it takes time, but we're both the same age. Don't let your weakness overpower your strength. My life isn't perfect but I try to make the best out of it. Think positive and all will work out :)
 

king_mickey rule

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Work on those confidence levels.

Honestly, step one to improving how you feel about yourself is not giving a kupo about what anybody thinks. You're self-conscious, but honestly, you shouldn't be, especially if you really do have all these talents. A large part of how people treat you in person is how you hold yourself, so the more confidence you have, the better received you're going to be, which should hopefully lead to an increase in your optimism!

Basically this.

In all honesty, even though I don't encourage arrogance, you need to be a little bit arrogant in order to feel good about yourself. Like Mr. Bat said above me, you shouldn't give a single kupo about what anybody thinks about you.

I can't tell you how to accomplish all of this since it's pretty much different for everyone. It's a switch that you have to turn and that's something you have to figure out yourself.

Just keep in mind that you are not the only one who has this problem. Everyone has this problem every once in a while. Don't focus on what you don't like about yourself. Instead, focus on what you like about yourself. Your talents, do what you enjoy doing, all that good stuff. That's the first step you need to take. Some people can turn that switch pretty easily and some people just need a wake-up call.

I for one needed the latter. Got an accident and well, I was damn lucky I wasn't dead. That, even though it sounds cliché, woke me up. I wasn't enjoying life to the fullest. It was then that I turned that switch and said 'kupo it, I'm gonna start living now'. (Have you seen the movie 'Yes Man'? Even though it's pretty exaggerated there, the message is inspiring: enjoy life). From that day on, I don't give a single fuck what people say/think about me. I know who I am and if they don't like me, well, sorry for them 'cause I don't care.

I think most people have this problem because they fear that people will judge them in a bad way. Like f.e. people that're scared to say something very stupid. Like their whole life will end if they say a stupid thing in front of others. Guess what? Not true. People are waaaay more friendly than that and that's something you'll have to experience yourself. And even so, if people judge you in a bad way, then they're just not worth your time.

Anyway, I hope this all helps ya out a little bit. It's up to you now :)
 
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Moonlight Aqua

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Work on those confidence levels.

Honestly, step one to improving how you feel about yourself is not giving a fuck about what anybody thinks. You're self-conscious, but honestly, you shouldn't be, especially if you really do have all these talents. A large part of how people treat you in person is how you hold yourself, so the more confidence you have, the better received you're going to be, which should hopefully lead to an increase in your optimism!

I'll give it a try... I just hope I don't get scared to talk to anyone...

I used to feel like this in highschool but like batman said once i stop caring. no really like stop caring to a point i was being an ass hole i didn't worry about what i looked liked the only thing i am still socially self conscience about is the way i act and do certain things.

I was kinda like that in Highschool... idk what happened... lol.

Work on those confidence levels.

Honestly, step one to improving how you feel about yourself is not giving a fuck about what anybody thinks. You're self-conscious, but honestly, you shouldn't be, especially if you really do have all these talents. A large part of how people treat you in person is how you hold yourself, so the more confidence you have, the better received you're going to be, which should hopefully lead to an increase in your optimism!

Basically this.

In all honesty, even though I don't encourage arrogance, you need to be a little bit arrogant in order to feel good about yourself. Like Mr. Bat said above me, you shouldn't give a single kupo about what anybody thinks about you.

I can't tell you how to accomplish all of this since it's pretty much different for everyone. It's a switch that you have to turn and that's something you have to figure out yourself.

Just keep in mind that you are not the only one who has this problem. Everyone has this problem every once in a while. Don't focus on what you don't like about yourself. Instead, focus on what you like about yourself. Your talents, do what you enjoy doing, all that good stuff. That's the first step you need to take. Some people can turn that switch pretty easily and some people just need a wake-up call.

I for one needed the latter. Got an accident and well, I was damn lucky I wasn't dead. That, even though it sounds cliché, woke me up. I wasn't enjoying life to the fullest. It was then that I turned that switch and said 'kupo it, I'm gonna start living now'. (Have you seen the movie 'Yes Man'? Even though it's pretty exaggerated there, the message is inspiring: enjoy life). From that day on, I don't give a single fuck what people say/think about me. I know who I am and if they don't like me, well, sorry for them 'cause I don't care.

I think most people have this problem because they fear that people will judge them in a bad way. Like f.e. people that're scared to say something very stupid. Like their whole life will end if they say a stupid thing in front of others. Guess what? Not true. People are waaaay more friendly than that and that's something you'll have to experience yourself. And even so, if people judge you in a bad way, then they're just not worth your time.

Anyway, I hope this all helps ya out a little bit. It's up to you now :)

Thank you... I'll try. I'm try to be arrogant, but I'm usually told since I was little to not to say things to myself like I'm pretty because it sounds arrogant and wait until someone tells me... but it's rare being told that.

Sometimes I feel so ugly I feel like ripping my skin off *words taken by Reflection* but seriously that's no joke right there. But sometimes, I put my best clothes on apply a layer of perfect makeup, go out with my friends and I feel like the most good looking person in the world.

Most of the time while I'm home, my hair is in a pony tail and I'm wearing sweats - swear to god I look like a monkey face sometimes but idgaf cause I know that I can turn this into a 180 degree kind of thing. Other than that my talents include making delicious lattes and I feel superior with my job.

Where am I going with this?
Find stuff that boostes your self esteem. I'm 21 yrs old too and in Elementary school I got made fun off cause I was the tallest girl, like none of the girls wanted to hang out with me. SO I said, screw it I'll hang out with the guys then.

I might be a little bit too egoistic but when I feel my best. I say screw everybody behind me!

The best advice I have here, it's find your muse. Confidence girl! I know it takes time, but we're both the same age. Don't let your weakness overpower your strength. My life isn't perfect but I try to make the best out of it. Think positive and all will work out :)

Thank you! I'll try! I guess I'll wear a bit more makeup, since I rarely wear any.... mainly because ITS SO HOT!!!!!!!!!!!! D:
 

Cosmic+Amarna

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I never really posted anything about myself, but I'm gonna try.
I'm 21, female, I'm an embodiment of a contradiction. I'm a shy, quiet person, but at times I'm aggressive and loud, it seems I'm a different person. But all in all, I'm pretty introverted but not to the point where I'm a loner. I'm pretty happy with just close friends and family, but doesn't mean I can't talk to others, but that's where the problem lies a lot.
I think I'm sociophobic, but I also think I just have low self-esteem. Let me explain, I don't feel pretty or anything special. I know I have a ton of talents and things that are good about me, but sometimes I don't see them. I felt this way since I was little when I was told this as a kid by teachers and students... and it never left me. No matter how optimistic I try to be and ignore this from the past, I still feel horribly hurt.
I went to my neighbor's wedding and I tried so hard to look nice, I know how to fix myself up, make up and cute clothes, but when I arrived, I felt so ugly. I saw some of the neighbor's cousins, who I hated forever, and I felt so ugly, they are skinny and looked so pretty...I felt ugly.
Not only that, I go out and talk to someone and if they look so nice, I'm so scared to look at them in the eyes...
I thought I got rid of this as a teenager, I thought this was a phase, but it's so sad that an adult woman feels like this... Idk what to do.
I'm sorry if I'm ranting my feelings, but I didn't know where else to turn. Thank you for reading...
I wouldn't say that being shy and quiet at times and loud and aggressive at others is a contradiction, many people are like that and it mostly has to do with the situation and hand, so thats not abnormal. I'm sure that a lot of people feel this way. You've gotta really not care what other people think, it will only hold you back and prevent you, and I tell you, allowing yourself to feel that way is an illusion, our mind tricks us into things all the time. You may be thinking to yourself 'omg what if that person thinks this of me, etc, etc,' but in reality those thoughts you may be having may actually be pretty far from that person's actual thoughts. Some people are as critical or stuck up as you are thinking, but the majority are not, really. You really shouldn't ever feel inferior whence compared to other people, they're the same as you or I, everyone feels pain, feels alone, and is embarrassed at times, we think that we are all so different, but really we are all very alike in many ways that gets commonly overlooked.

I know me or others simply saying words can't change anything but hopefully they help encourage or cause some sort of realization. You should be able to look into a pretty person's eyes, they are not a god/goddess and are just as imperfect as the next person. Everyone has their own problems, no one is immune. Also this culture makes us obsess with other's, what they have, what they do, etc. and this is why so many people have personal problems, because they are tricked into thinking that you, yourself is not ok, good, acceptable, etc. It is an illusion. And like you said for the wedding, you got all fancy and made yourself look nice, just because there is someone there who may be more pretty doesn't mean that you or what you did is now invalid or that it amounts to nothing, that is a lie that your ego is telling you.
 

theirlosthearts

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Work on those confidence levels.

Honestly, step one to improving how you feel about yourself is not giving a kupo about what anybody thinks. You're self-conscious, but honestly, you shouldn't be, especially if you really do have all these talents. A large part of how people treat you in person is how you hold yourself, so the more confidence you have, the better received you're going to be, which should hopefully lead to an increase in your optimism!

This, though, in addition to not caring about others' opinions (with the possible exception of someone you really care for), make sure that you don't care when you think that another person/people do something better than you. The cousin's at the wedding who were so skinny, etc. probably didn't care about whether or not you didn't look as good as them (they might of, but this is just an example), but you did care. I guess it's just important not to go ahead and accept the fact that you're not going to be the best at everything compared to everybody else on the planet. I hope you feel better!
 

Moonlight Aqua

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Why don't you wear none at all?


Well... I really don't like it much... I used to get a lot of acne and nothing was helping, so one day I stopped putting on make up and I cleared up. Now I don't get acne much, but I don't like wear it much since it clogs my pores. Not only that, make up has a ton of chemicals that we don't really know, so it's a bit risky to wear it all the time. It really messes up your skin, that's why people that wear it more all the time tend to age more in appearance than others who wear it minimal. (That's how I still look like I'm 17, when I'm actually 21...xD)

But a bit doesn't hurt me... but it's hot where I am... so it ends up hurting me with acne. xD


I wouldn't say that being shy and quiet at times and loud and aggressive at others is a contradiction, many people are like that and it mostly has to do with the situation and hand, so thats not abnormal. I'm sure that a lot of people feel this way. You've gotta really not care what other people think, it will only hold you back and prevent you, and I tell you, allowing yourself to feel that way is an illusion, our mind tricks us into things all the time. You may be thinking to yourself 'omg what if that person thinks this of me, etc, etc,' but in reality those thoughts you may be having may actually be pretty far from that person's actual thoughts. Some people are as critical or stuck up as you are thinking, but the majority are not, really. You really shouldn't ever feel inferior whence compared to other people, they're the same as you or I, everyone feels pain, feels alone, and is embarrassed at times, we think that we are all so different, but really we are all very alike in many ways that gets commonly overlooked.

I know me or others simply saying words can't change anything but hopefully they help encourage or cause some sort of realization. You should be able to look into a pretty person's eyes, they are not a god/goddess and are just as imperfect as the next person. Everyone has their own problems, no one is immune. Also this culture makes us obsess with other's, what they have, what they do, etc. and this is why so many people have personal problems, because they are tricked into thinking that you, yourself is not ok, good, acceptable, etc. It is an illusion. And like you said for the wedding, you got all fancy and made yourself look nice, just because there is someone there who may be more pretty doesn't mean that you or what you did is now invalid or that it amounts to nothing, that is a lie that your ego is telling you.

You... really hit the nail right on the head... Exactly how I feel... Idk why it makes me think this way though. I took a lot of classes of psychology, I understand it's all in my head, but I still feel it... It's frustrating.


This, though, in addition to not caring about others' opinions (with the possible exception of someone you really care for), make sure that you don't care when you think that another person/people do something better than you. The cousin's at the wedding who were so skinny, etc. probably didn't care about whether or not you didn't look as good as them (they might of, but this is just an example), but you did care. I guess it's just important not to go ahead and accept the fact that you're not going to be the best at everything compared to everybody else on the planet. I hope you feel better!


Yes true... it's hard though... imagine years and years of feeling like this... it's hard to get rid of that sense of thought I had for so long.
 

Sweetfire13

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I think it's very noble of you opening yourself up in a matter like this. We all know how much life sucks, it just does. I have troubles talking about my problems with friends and family, let alone vent them out in public and I commend you for that. I think that the way to help yourself is to look inside and see what you know you can do about it, not what you think you can do about it.
 

Sorax 122

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This feeling often happens to me a lot, and I know that it is a hard and frustrating state of mind to just get past. But really it is all in your head, like everyone has said. Just don't care what other people think because it only matters what you and the people close to you think about yourself. :)
 

Moonlight Aqua

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I think it's very noble of you opening yourself up in a matter like this. We all know how much life sucks, it just does. I have troubles talking about my problems with friends and family, let alone vent them out in public and I commend you for that. I think that the way to help yourself is to look inside and see what you know you can do about it, not what you think you can do about it.

Thank you for your kind words. I'll try to look deep inside me to see what I can do.

This feeling often happens to me a lot, and I know that it is a hard and frustrating state of mind to just get past. But really it is all in your head, like everyone has said. Just don't care what other people think because it only matters what you and the people close to you think about yourself. :)

I'll try... it's hard, but really when in life is anything easy?
 

D.D.D

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Well, like everyone else said, just ignore all of those people who put you down. Their stupid put downs aren't worth your time or attention. Just know that they are rotten to the core for being so mean, and that what they say doesn't matter. What matters is what you think. Confidence rides on the assurance that you know yourself well and are proud to be who you are.

I know how it feels to see other girls who you think are better looking, have cuter clothes, are skinnier, etc.... Just ignore that. Focus on what you like about yourself, not what you hate or what you wish you had.

A good form of self help is to look into the mirror and tell yourself what you like about your appearance. Do you have pretty eyes? Do you have nice legs? Is your hair shiny? Are your clothes super cute that day? Do you love your smile?

The best way to look more attractive is to be more confident in yourself. Flitting your eyes away from people is asking them to not see your beauty. Keep your chin up, stand up straight, smile, and look people in the face. It's that daring, that boldness to say, "Here I am!", that makes you truly beautiful.

So cheer up! :) Just remember to be yourself and keep smiling. Everyone's toughest critic is themselves.
 

Villen

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I used to be really sad, I had many breakdowns during high school to the point that i couldn't even step on a classroom even though there wasn't anyone teasing me. It was just the thought of people around that scared me. I lost so many classes during that time that it's not even funny. I was a very negative person and all, my family didn't help either back then because they didn't understand my behavior and things like that. but in the end of the past year I started going to Therapy, then to a psychiatrist and I found that I have a condition called Schizoid Personality Disorder (Schizoid personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia).

I lived in denial for a good six months because i couldn't admit that I wasn't mentally "healthy" and wasn't in control of my own mind. But this year I had another breakdown and I gave up one part of my dream career as a game designer because of the same problem that i had in high school: i couldn't just cross my whole city to get to the class because there were people everywere. And that was when it clicked, yeah, I have a condition.

And it helped me A LOT just to admit it. My family showed support, my girlfriend showed support and i learned that I'm not the only one and I learned that it wasn't me just being silly. I felt encouraged to live with it and fight it if it's necessary.

See, i'm not saying you too have a condition, god forbid me. I'm just saying that if you feel bad about something inside yourself just exteriorize it, Yeah, you can cry and scream for a while but you will end up great afterwards if you manage to see it like i did. Seek help (as you are already doing here in the forums) and be strong. You are strong, we all can be strong. Understand that us, people that you never saw directly or people there aren't even in the same country are here to support you. I'm sure it will help. It helped me.
 

Shinra

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I actually understand where you're coming from... listen... if you give up now you're gonna end up like me, and honestly, my life is almost utterly hell... but if I can hold on to some shred of faith that by some miracle, my life will finally correct itself, So can you... now listen... pride and self-esteem go hand in hand, and if you keep holding on to it, you will perk up and by perking up, good things will happen. now I know I'm just saying what all the previous posters said before me but it's no less true because it's repeated by person after person until it is annoying.

but one thing that is also true is grin and bear it if it get's hard quickly.
 

Moonlight Aqua

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I actually understand where you're coming from... listen... if you give up now you're gonna end up like me, and honestly, my life is almost utterly hell... but if I can hold on to some shred of faith that by some miracle, my life will finally correct itself, So can you... now listen... pride and self-esteem go hand in hand, and if you keep holding on to it, you will perk up and by perking up, good things will happen. now I know I'm just saying what all the previous posters said before me but it's no less true because it's repeated by person after person until it is annoying.

but one thing that is also true is grin and bear it if it get's hard quickly.

So true and thank you all. I think I'm doing better... I kinda had an epiphany today... but I hope it lasts. But I'm doing so far well.... I actually spent a whole day with friends and I was not afraid of anyone or what others thought! I was like... this is how it feels to be normal.
 

Cosmic+Amarna

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So true and thank you all. I think I'm doing better... I kinda had an epiphany today... but I hope it lasts. But I'm doing so far well.... I actually spent a whole day with friends and I was not afraid of anyone or what others thought! I was like... this is how it feels to be normal.

Regardless of if it 'lasts' or endures or whatever, is it not kind of better/more important that you did (at least) have it (an epiphany)? Not everybody gets to experience such things or recieve clarification like an epiphany to their problem/situation. I'm happy to hear that for you, just try to act upon or whatever, because that information or knowledge is meant to be used in constructive and positive way.

I hope you can be not afraid of others on the regular.
 

Moonlight Aqua

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Regardless of if it 'lasts' or endures or whatever, is it not kind of better/more important that you did (at least) have it (an epiphany)? Not everybody gets to experience such things or recieve clarification like an epiphany to their problem/situation. I'm happy to hear that for you, just try to act upon or whatever, because that information or knowledge is meant to be used in constructive and positive way.

I hope you can be not afraid of others on the regular.

Thanks!

It seemed to be good... I was a bit afraid at school today but I was still doing good, not to the point of getting really scared or anything, so it was all good! :3
 
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