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Annoyance

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I have needed to make a thread for my writing for a really long time.

Most of these are going to be from my Creative Writing class, some are from prompts, others are random things I've written down. If you're interested, ask me about it.

If I feel a piece is fixed up enough to post a separate thread for, I will do that, but it has to differ from the original posting.

Also, here's a link dump of my OLD embarrassing shit. Feel free to take a look.

Various old writings:
http://forums.khinsider.com/fanfiction/143884-unheard-whispers.html
unheard whispers [A Sora x Riku fanfic from back in the day]

http://forums.khinsider.com/creative-writing/124441-need-name-short-story.html
Need A Name [Original short story that has been updated here.]

http://forums.khinsider.com/creative-writing/144472-game-over.html
Game Over [Short story that may be updated later. Maybe.]



The first piece I'm going to post is something I'm proud of and have finished an ending for and fixed up a bit. What is shown here is the rough without an ending.

http://forums.khinsider.com/creative-writing/210415-stone-house-final-version.html
You can read the finished form here. uwu

Spoiler Spoiler Show



 
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Annoyance

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Prompted pieces will be marked with "Prompt" in the title, I've decided.
[spoiler="Ten Minutes" - Prompt]The snow drifts across the parking lot. Small flakes begin to clump and soon it looks like snow balls being lightly dropped onto the Earth.

You’re sitting in the passenger seat of my car, resting your eyes, chin in your hand. Silence.
I reach for your hand and grasp it. Fingers twist to interlock in this blissful, still moment. The cold can be felt on your fingers, the contrast of warmth lighting me up. The smirk raises your lip slightly and makes me laugh.

You open your eyes, and join me in watching the snow pile up on the window. Soon, darkness will come, the street lights won’t even see us together. Complete disconnection from the world. Only me, and you.[/spoiler]

[spoiler="Business as Usual" - Prompt]
My heart lurched out of my chest the second I heard the not-too-far-off explosion of sounds. The sound stopped and the bright, luminous birds had stopped to see what had happened. The forest was still and quiet only for a moment before they shrugged their wings and go on their business, finding food for themselves and their children, crying in their homes. Beams of sun combed through the rustling leaves, and the sound of the forest returned.

Another explosion sounded, closer this time. Dust blew through the trees and the birds went on, perhaps used to the noises and too busy. They continued to cry and shriek, woodpeckers stabbing away, making a Morse code message of death to nearby bugs hiding in the moist bark.

I walked forward, snapping a twig underneath my foot. The birds knew that I was there now. They stop and wait for me, the predator, to leave them to their business. I will not, I say. I have babies to feed, too.

At the push of a button, everything goes into motion. The branches started to snap and crack, screaming as they twist, and the birds screamed with them. Rabbits and mice began to run past me. The sun became more apparent, more judging, as the clearing was made in the skyline, beating down on me. The stampede of machinery broke through, crushing the younger trees beneath them. All of the animals are shrieking now with their beloved homes. They could not beg or cry for help. These animals would die under the dusty scent of their destroyed homes. Their cries were hushed by the loud behemoth taking over, resilient and neutral. Workers came out with saws and began working right away to cut everything down into pieces, bit by bit. The shrieks were joined by the whining of saws. Feathers flew everywhere, leaving a trail of what once was. Dust and feathers and leaves settled on the floor and I had to lift my shirt collar over my nose and mouth from the scent of death.

A monstrous oak tree toppled over, aged but still full of life, and branched fingers that touched the sky now rest on the forest floor, dead. The workers do not stop, and they began to dig at the stumps of the dead trees. They do not stop until they have more and more of a clearing, roots torn from the loosened soil. The workers continue their business, knowing that the animals will find new homes, or at least that is the idea. The machines keep turning; business as usual.
[/spoiler]
 
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Annoyance

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This post is a bunch of random things I have hidden in my writing journal.


A haiku about something I did on here way back:

Once on a forum
I made a Haiku account
It didn't work out.


A list of things I wanted to write about later [feel free to steal, they're just prompts, some from my text book, others just me]:
- A snowball fight.
- Making spaghetti [or food in general, i just recently made spaghet]
- A girl opening a calendar planner and in big bolded letters, writing "Jeff I'm mad at you" and spending an entire class on doing so. [something i observed]
- A journey that was interrupted
- A disconnection between you/main character and a group
- A bad time, but focus on a positive in the moment



And now for some sappy shitty poetry[???] I was writing while keeping my feelings for my now boyfriend hidden and debating on telling him about it. [I told him about it]

Grabbing fingers
through the sheets
sliding down
down​
down​
Around your sides
slowly
Distance​
closes


[idk what this one is but it's in here]

Please reach out and hold me
Take my hand, hold my chin
Glide slowly to me and wrap
your arms around me, kissing
Me that slow, teasing way


Wrote these next ones at work.

"Unmotivated
Claws gripping me down into my bed. The seal on my eyes will not break and it feels like I'm being crushed into the sheets. My fingers curl into the blanket, squeezing so tightly you could see the whiteness of my bones.



And so I stare
Do not mind me
I will stay,
Patiently
in your Radiance


Another haiku

Do not stomp on me
Through flame and ashes, believe
I will rise again.



 
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I really like your first piece, and you're good at painting a picture. As for an ending. You can have Natalie dive in and save the father. And while she's swimming sprinkle in a few pieces about why she threw him in. I wouldn't delve into a full on flashback, just give the reader enough to know why she hates him. But if you really wanted to extend it you could do a flash back (depending on how long it needs to be). And at the end she can pull him out of the water, to show that she forgives him, and if not forgive him at least understand him (but that's if you want a hopeful ending). I hope that's enough to go on. It's kind of hard to describe without actually writing out a full scenario, but if you want me to go in more detail just ask.
 

Annoyance

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Thank you! I was thinking along the lines of her going in to save him. I think it would add to the length enough. Hopefully.

I don't know if I could do a flashback necessarily but allude to something about (what I was going for) her dead mom. Not sure yet. I definitely have to work on it TONIGHT crap.

But yeah thank you so much for reading. It took a lot to post this stuff.
 

BlackOsprey

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Holy crud, Annoyance. That was great! I particularly enjoyed "Business as Usual." It's been a while since I've read something that hit me with such a strong image while staying pretty brief. I'm definitely going to keep an eye on this thread in the future.

Oh, by the way, if you really are ok with it, I might "borrow" one or two of those prompt ideas. With any luck, I'll be able to get the motivation to do something with them.
 

Annoyance

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Holy crud, Annoyance. That was great! I particularly enjoyed "Business as Usual." It's been a while since I've read something that hit me with such a strong image while staying pretty brief. I'm definitely going to keep an eye on this thread in the future.

Oh, by the way, if you really are ok with it, I might "borrow" one or two of those prompt ideas. With any luck, I'll be able to get the motivation to do something with them.
Oh wow thank you. I'm not too fond of how brief I had it. I feel like it's missing... Something.

But yes feel free. Let me know if you make something with them.
 

Annoyance

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:v to update on the piece I wanted help on, I just uploaded it as it is right now and when it comes to me to ask questions I'll ask what people think I should end on, continue with, etc.
I also plan on submitting stone house to the school literary magazine. So ye.

Just kinda ran out of time for the deadline stuff.

And then the other girl doing it this week didn't even upload anything. Okay.
 

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A haiku because boyfriend.

Butterflies consume
They become my very soul
When I am with you.



I've been getting kind of fond of haiku lately. I may be working on another story soon. We'll see no promises or deadline yet.


Also the girl uploaded her thing and it's the worst thing I've read in AGES.
 

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The Stone House

I imagined something way different before I started reading it; color me surprised! Anyways, I love how Natalie showed her feelings about her family through her actions with the mud and stone. Especially about her father. Honestly, I got a little suspenseful there, because I thought she'd destroy all of it rather than single out her father like that. Seriously, this blew me away, because I love how there's a tiny bit of guilt and perhaps apprehension about being caught for what Natalie had done. And it's explained so well how Natalie feels about her mother and sister compared to her father too. Definitely want to see more of this. Hmm, maybe some remorse for what Natalie had done by throwing her father into the water at the end there?

Ten Minutes

I feel like I've read this one before. I probably have. lol. I still say there's subtle hints of romance, but with tons of innocence in there as well. What I really love about this piece is how content these two people are together as they travel together to wherever there destination is - taking their time and enjoying the moment as they carry on their journey with just the two of them. I could say this strongly applies to them: It's not the destination but the journey. (I forgot the rest of that expression but, it's what I think of right now.)

Business as Usual

I honestly had to stop eating my lunch during this one, because imagining the animals having to leave their homes gave me a dreaded and sinking feeling in my stomach. A sense of horror filled me up at the thought of trees being cut down, when they used to be filled up with so much life. It's like the calm before the storm. Everything about this piece stood out to me in great detail that I felt like I was there, watching it all happen at once. And there's definitely a message or two in there as well for readers such as myself to reflect on.

---

I also like your prompts. :D

And I don't really know much about haiku's, but I took a great joy in reading them. And I also really like the 'sappy' poetry that showed vulnerability and comfort involving your boyfriend, Annoyance, because sometimes you need someone to hold you and give you that sense of love and safety. There's also something intimate about it as well that I feel a bit embarrassed to read it, because it feels like a private moment shared between two people. And real. I'd say well done in conveying it into words.
 

Annoyance

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I definitely wanted to show rather than tell, leaving it open to interpretation to the reader to decipher what's happening in the broken home. I'm definitely working on a complete cohesive ending right now as we speak [kind of, you know] and I'd appreciate any help I can get right now or as soon as possible as I really want to submit this to the magazine for school and I want it to be DONE.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1q07NiqdY-1az3YCGVe0p_aJSb6Tvm-5a1BbzuKODmCc/edit?usp=sharing

I allowed commenting to anyone who would like to see what I'm doing.

Ten Minutes you have in fact read I submitted it to the Winter contest I believe because snow and happy feelings.

I'm really glad you liked Business. ;A; The piece needs a LOT of work, and it feels so preachy but I wanted to write something destructive and seeing that kind of destruction.

I'm happy you like the prompts. I've been keeping a lot down more than before, and I want to keep putting more up if I find any.

Haiku is kind of weird, but it allows me to still try and be poetic, try different word choice. It's essentially a short warm up for me to keep writing and think but not strain myself. And yeah, the poems are a bit personal but I feel kind of comfortable about them now, since all is well and we're dating now and now I'm writing poetry about being with him and being happy which is great I think, maybe.
 
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KingdomKey

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Whoa! I really like where you're going for the ending to The Stone House. :D Natalie imagining her sister's voice to calm down as she searches for the stone representing her father is rather brilliant. It's pretty cool seeing what you're doing as well in google docs. I'm curious to see if you'd have Natalie swept away only to be saved by her real, flesh and blood father, or if she'd let it go, accepting that not all things can be fixed. Or maybe it'll be a completely different alternate ending than what I can come up with. Definitely excited to see how it ends.

Annoyance said:
I'm really glad you liked Business. ;A; The piece needs a LOT of work, and it feels so preachy but I wanted to write something destructive and seeing that kind of destruction.
Aw, your welcome! :) I beg to differ, because I think it's fabulous as it is! Furthermore, depending on the reader, it could be preachy if they looked closely enough at the hidden message or perhaps moral inside of it. Whereas, the destruction and mayhem caused by the workers invading the forest with explosions really shine through in this story.

Annoyance said:
I'm happy you like the prompts. I've been keeping a lot down more than before, and I want to keep putting more up if I find any.

Haiku is kind of weird, but it allows me to still try and be poetic, try different word choice. It's essentially a short warm up for me to keep writing and think but not strain myself. And yeah, the poems are a bit personal but I feel kind of comfortable about them now, since all is well and we're dating now and now I'm writing poetry about being with him and being happy which is great I think, maybe.
I always do, because it helps me write as well! Or come up with something short on the spot.

No kidding on straining oneself from writing stories and whatnot. It's good that you've found a way to warm up to keep writing and it's something that relaxes you too. And personal it may be, it's still really, and people in relationships can relate. Kind of like keeping a journal in real life or sharing things in the Help and Support thread too.
 

Annoyance

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I've been trying to keep my writing journal fresh but in doing so I've been putting off my writing assignments. Thankfully my teacher is lax on deadlines for this class but I can't let them add up. I have a couple I need to really get cracking on a typed draft.
 
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I've been trying to keep my writing journal fresh but in doing so I've been putting off my writing assignments. Thankfully my teacher is lax on deadlines for this class but I can't let them add up. I have a couple I need to really get cracking on a typed draft.
Well hopefully you don't fall behind (though I get the feeling you'll be fine). I know how you feel, and even if they are lenient on deadlines it can still be stressful. Just don't wait till the last minute, and you'll be fine (but I know that can be difficult not to put something off).
 

KingdomKey

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That was a huge turn of events! I really enjoyed the ending and I'm just reeling in shock, because that was something I wasn't expecting at all. To say more would be a spoiler, so I'll leave it at that. :)
 

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That was a huge turn of events! I really enjoyed the ending and I'm just reeling in shock, because that was something I wasn't expecting at all. To say more would be a spoiler, so I'll leave it at that. :)
;A; I'm so glad you liked it. I put a lot into that story and I'm just hoping I didn't mess up or anything. Also feel free to use spoiler marks because I enjoy your reactions a lot hahaha.
 
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Spoiler Spoiler Show
 

Annoyance

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Im gonna post the draft I submitted to the magazine tonight and HOPEFULLY finish at least one draft of a writing assignment I'm behind on.
 
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