• Hello everybody! We have tons of new awards for the new year that can be requested through our Awards System thanks to Antifa Lockhart! Some are limited-time awards so go claim them before they are gone forever...

    CLICK HERE FOR AWARDS

Sky Angels- Please PM me your emails if you want to recieve the rest of the Chapters



REGISTER TO REMOVE ADS
Status
Not open for further replies.

cloudxxzach

New member
Joined
Jan 18, 2009
Messages
306
Location
Midgar
Re: Sky Angels

I welcome critque but not b*tching if you think its bad. As for the commas and semi-colons, I often add in them in but my computer says its "misused".

I get this problem alot too! But sometimes I just ignore it...I get it alot for fragments when someone says something...:(
 

Cinollex

tssssss
Joined
Jun 1, 2008
Messages
2,957
Awards
2
Re: Sky Angels

There are better ways of obtaining empathy than 'short, sharp sentences'. Your typing in general; it could use more puncuation. It gets painful to read. Note. 'Typing' not 'writing'. What you have here is creative, executing it is the issue.
 

Izayoi

galactic cancer
Joined
May 17, 2007
Messages
6,355
Age
28
Location
The Land of Sand and Prisms
Re: Sky Angels

Interesting...

I think I just got one: Memory and Celebrations

Whaddya think? You are entitled to hate it if its too cheesy.

Needs more mysterious titles. It's a wild fantasy story, right? No need for something so straightforward.

There are better ways of obtaining empathy than 'short, sharp sentences'. Your typing in general; it could use more puncuation. It gets painful to read. Note. 'Typing' not 'writing'. What you have here is creative, executing it is the issue.

Emphasis on punctualness.
 

Rauxlen

I've posted once since 2010
Joined
Jan 30, 2008
Messages
2,079
Awards
4
Age
26
Location
SHRUGS
Re: Sky Angels

Gah, I'm late D:
But that chapter was cool.
Yay for festivals!
 

LadyofShadow

Captain L.O. Shadow
Joined
Jan 21, 2008
Messages
1,837
Age
29
Location
On Board the my ship, Moon Rider.
Re: Sky Angels

I really enjoyed writing this chapter...

__________________________________________________________________________
Chapter 6: In the Darkness of the Night

That night, Dawn lay awake in her bed. She was finally left alone to think and reflect on the past events. It was the one time her mind wasn’t heavily laden with worry. Dawn was exhausted but she couldn’t sleep. So, she thought.

Dawn had saved Tito’s life! He was nearly dead and she forced the water out of his lungs. She had powers. Unnatural Earthling powers. First she shot out of the water then she saved Tito’s life. For brief second of flying, she felt like she had wings. Flyers’ wings. So soft, so strong. For hours she stared into the darkness replaying these events. She was getting powers. She was becoming a Flyer.

At last she sat up. She needed answers and there was only one place she could think of going; the orb room. Dawn lit a candle then wandered down the dark corridors. The castle was really creepy at night, especially by candlelight. The wind howled over the cracks of the castle creating a horrible moaning noise. Strangely enough, Dawn never noticed that in her room. They must have been sound proofed or something.

Dawn kept one hand over the small, flickering flame to save it from the harsh infiltrating winds. At night, the beautiful paintings looked dark and sinister; especially with her candle. The stern Flyers’ faces seemed to be glaring at her as she moved more quickly down the halls. Half of her wanted to turn back to her warm, safe bed but that meant she would have to face all the glowering faces again then lie awake all night in her bed. The thought crossed her mind of waiting till morning to go to the orb but that would mean someone could find her.

Something about that room made her think people didn’t want her in there. It was just a room with an orb; a strange mystical orb that came to life when she touched it. At last, she arrived at the door. Taking in a deep breath, Dawn pushed the door open. The room seemed extra dark at night. This time, after she closed the door, Dawn set her candle down where the door was so when the room went dark she could remember where it was in case the ghost of her self were to try anything again. Dawn gently kissed her crystal then walked towards the orb.

Hesitantly, Dawn placed her hand back on top of the stone orb. Immediately like before, it came to life and the room went dark. But this time the images of the Flyers didn’t appear on the walls and the ghost just appeared but made no movement towards Dawn.

“Forgive me; I did not realize you were not ready for your destiny.” The ghost said bowing her head slightly.

Dawn scanned the ghost of her. Instead of blue wings, they seemed sort of a turquoise colour. Sure the ghost wasn’t going to try anything; Dawn sat down next to the candle. She was going to be there a while.

“I have some questions.” Dawn breathed. “Well actually a lot and you seem to hold many of the answers.”

“This is correct but I cannot guarantee I will answer them all.” The ghost said sitting down in front of the orb.

The ghost sat perfectly upright and stared unblinking at Dawn as if gazing through her soul. Dawn shivered. The ghost’s eyes were creepy and the unblinking was really weird. The candle beside her was her only warmth in the cold, dark room.

“Who…who am I? Who are you? What am I doing here?” Dawn asked.

The ghost lowered her head. “You are the destined one. An Earthling girl who will become a Flyer and defeat the darkness. I am your Flyer half. You are here because you have questions.”

Dawn snickered slightly. Her ghost had a sense of humour. The ghost smiled then her face hardened again.

“What does the Destined One mean?”

The ghost hesitated. “I- I cannot say.”

“Please. Why is everyone afraid of me?” Dawn begged. “They’re not saying anything but I can sense it. When Tito spoke to the council they where was fear in their faces. Every time Tito mentions me being the Destined One there’s fear laced in his tone.”

“I am sorry. I told you I cannot guarantee all the answers to your questions.” The ghost responded.

Dawn lowered her head. She was hoping for answers to her bigger questions about herself. She sighed. Well since she was here, might as well ask other questions she had on her mind.

“So…what’s the history of Flyers?”

She was quite curious. The ghost smiled. A question she could easily answer. The ghost rose to her feet then placed her hand on top of the orb. The glowing blue orb flashed white and an image poured onto the left wall from Dawn’s perspective. The history was drawn in the style of a Japanese Anime since back then there were no cameras back then to film the whole thing. It was really cool. As the ‘movie played’ as the ghost narrated. There was even music to add to the scene.

A long time ago, the first angel fell from Heaven: Lucifer. The first Dark Lord followed suit and fell from the Flyers into Darkness. The raw power he was tempted with was too great and became a servant of Lucifer himself. The first Dark Lord, formally known as Leo, created the Dark Creatures out of species whom fell into darkness as well. He changed them into the horrible creatures.

The Dark Creatures live a now torturous life of slavery. They are starved and tortured to attack out of hunger. Dawn looked away from the images of the poor animals crying in the night, burning in the fires of hell because of their tragic mistake. The ghost replicated the screams so well Dawn almost felt like crying. Her voice had some how split into two. One being the narrator ghost and the other being the cries.

The scene past a few seconds later to one of a great war. Mangled bodies, of all species including Dark Creatures, polluted the wasteland. In the distance, the sound of the clashing metal could be heard in the background. A sad piano tune sang slowly as the “camera” soared over the carnage dramatically.

The battle raged on for many years. Millions died. Earthlings and Flyers took the worst damage. The first King of the Flyers, King Izon, fought the Dark Lord. They fought, for seven days in the sky. That week was known as the day the sky was both night and day at the same time. King Izon had golden wings; the rarest of all Flyer wings. He was only thirty years old. The two enemies battled viciously.

It seemed- King Izon was winning until the seventh day. Both opponents were exhausted; their wings barely struggling to keep them in the air. And that…was King Izon’s ultimate down fall. The Dark Lord had found a new strength and the King…hadn’t.

The Dark Lord cut King Izon’s blade in half- and his left wing off.

The King screamed in pain but before he fell the Dark Lord caught him by his collar and brought him close up to his face. The two were so close their noses were practically touching.

The Dark Lord smiled; soaking in his victory of his enemy is pain. Cutting a Flyer’s wing off was more than or just as painful as losing a limb wide awake.

“I…win.” The Dark Lord whispered in King Izon’s ear sending a chilling shiver down Dawn’s spine.

She had heard his voice before in grunts and battle cries but never had she heard him speak. And she wished she hadn’t. His voice was hard to describe. It was cold yet memorizing. His voice would send shivers ricocheting down your spine but at the same time it almost drew you nearer. A hypnotic, deep, smooth male voice.

“No you don’t.” King Izon whispered back loudly.

He suddenly thrust his broken blade into the Dark Lord’s side; angled straight for his heart. Dawn both smiled and winced at the Dark Lord’s howl in pain. Both angels were suspended in the air. The Dark Lord writhed in pain. White cracks splintered from the wound all over his body. Dawn punched the air in victory as if she was actually standing there.

But at last second before the explosion…the Dark Lord…smiled.

Dawn froze and didn’t even flinch when he exploded in a ball of light. That smile- that dark malicious smile- would remain in Dawn’s memory clear as crystal forever. It might have been her imagination but it almost seemed as if he was looking straight at her. Dawn shivered again.

“And then King Izon disappeared. But his wise son took the throne and a new age of peace began. Although it was only a few years later when the second Dark Lord rose and the bloody wars began again. It’s been this way for millenniums.” The Ghost concluded breaking Dawn’s thought.

For now, Dawn shook the imagine of the Dark Lord’s smile out of her mind. She wanted him out of her head so she changed the topic.

“So…what sort of powers do Flyers have?”

The ghost smiled. Another question she could easily answer. The ghost tapped the top of the ball twice; once to rid the last scene then twice to bring up a new image. It was just a picture, rather a chart of the different Flyers. It was kind of humorous. The Flyers were represented by stick figures with large wings; each a different color. Eight Flyers, ‘stood’ in two rows close together at the top while two Flyers ‘stood’ at the bottom in either corner; separate from the group. Their wing colours went in order (from left to right) of Blue, Red, Green then Turquoise; followed by, in the second row, White, Silver Brown and then Purple.

In the left bottom corner stood a Flyer with Black wings and in the bottom right corner stood a Flyer with Golden Yellow wings. The ghost walked over to the chart, pointed to each Flyer and gave a brief description of their powers.

Blue wings were Water Flyers and probably from that you’ve guessed they have water powers. Water Flyers are the only Flyers who can actually fly in and out of the water; like ducks. Red wings, the Fire Flyers like Tito, were Flyers with the power over fire. They could manipulate and create fire but they could also be burned by it if not careful. Many Fire Flyers had lost their wings because of foolish behaviour with their powers. Green wings were officially titled Plant Flyers but nicknamed by others as Veggie Flyers. They could control plants to use in attacks but they could not make a plant grow without a seed first. So often times in battle, Plant Flyers would carry a bag seeds with them so they could plant a seed then grow it and use in attack.

But in the Flyers’ castles they were the producers of food. Dawn was about to object to this when the ghost quickly explained that the whole thing about Flyers providing protection while Earthlings provided the food was a lie. Propaganda used to make the Earthling governments look good. What Earthlings traded for protection against the Dark Creatures was their services. If ever the Flyers needed help, the Earthlings were obliged to help or lose their protection.

Anyways, turquoise wings were the Ice Flyers. All of them lived in castles in the North Pole. There they were trying to keep the ice from melting but due to Earthlings, their job has grown incredibly difficult- almost impossible. Many of them had to move to the castles in the South Pole in fear of over using their powers and dying. To exhaust your self as a Flyer with your powers meant death.

White wings, commonly associated with angels, were the Light Flyers. And not in weight. They would draw power from the sun and moon then use it to blind their enemies in an attack. At the time, Light Flyers were quite rare-ish. They hadn’t quite found a good purpose for their powers yet. Silver wings, like that of Xander the Great, were Speed Flyers or simply known as Speeders amongst their comrades. They had the power of wind in which they influenced to make themselves faster. Ever wondered what a shooting star was? I’m sad to inform you that it was just you catching a quick glimpse of a Speed Flyer flying over head.

As in all common stories, Brown was the colour for Earth: the Earth Flyers. They possessed powers over the land. They could not use the sea bed though and were much slower Flyers than the others. But they were very strong. Jud was an Earth Flyer except due his wings being slightly golden he had weaker Earth powers but was just as fast as the average Flyer. Then finally, standing last in the row was the Purple winged Flyer. Purple wings were rare-ish as well but had a purpose. They had powers over sound and telekinesis. The old ‘if a butterfly flaps its wing in Mexico, a tsunami hits Japan’ rumour was just a lie to cover up Techno Flyers’ mistakes.

Then the ghost came to the two Flyers in the corners. Black wings were the Dark Creatures. Those whom had fallen into darkness. The slaves of the Dark Lord. Dawn shivered again at the mention of his name.

“Gold wings…the rarest of all Flyer wings. So far of the thousands of great kings, only three have had golden wings. Golden Flyers have been known to have every Flyer power available and so much more...” The ghost concluded.

“What sort of powers will I have if I really am the destined one?” Dawn asked.

“It all depends on your wings’ colour. At the moment my wings are changing meaning your powers are still growing and undecided. Now of course, Flyers’ wings are not limited to these ten basic colours. There are several variations such as darker colours or mixed colours which provide slightly different powers except for Gold and Black. But each power comes from a basic strand.”

Dawn pondered this a moment. She looked up again about to ask another question when suddenly the ghost’s expression grew scared then she opened her mouth to scream but froze. Dawn scrambled to her feet staring at her ghost. Suddenly the ghost spiked like a magnet hitting a computer screen. She fizzled then was ripped to shreds by another ghost. Dawn’s eyes widened.

“Hello my dear.” The Dark Lord ghost smiled.

The Dark Lord wore a long black cloak that completely hid his body. He stood about seven feet tall; enough to tower over most people. A black helmet covered his face except for his mouth and two slits large enough for his victims to stare into his orange eyes. He looked very similar to Volos…just much taller and a more terrifying aura.

The Dark Lord walked up to Dawn and ran his metal clawed fingers through her brown hair. He wasn’t just a ghost. He was there! Dawn trembled before the sight of him. There was nothing she could do. All the Flyers were still asleep and she didn’t want to endanger them by making them fight the Dark Lord whilst half asleep. His hand moved to her right cheek. The cold steel shot another shiver down Dawn’s spine.

He leaned in close and whispered into her ear.

“You will be mine.”

Dawn’s eyes grew wide when suddenly his eyes flashed; rendering her unconscious causing her to fall limp in his arms. The Dark Lord gently slid his hand under her knee then lifted her up as if she weighed nothing. He looked back at the orb and smiled.

“Well done.” He sneered sinisterly at Dawn’s ghost standing in front of the orb looking guilty.

She looked away in shame. She had just betrayed the Flyers and her Earthling all for the sake of living. But had she died, Dawn would have died too. The Dark Lord stepped on the candle; smothering its flame in wax then plunging the room into pure darkness. He kicked the wall slightly causing it fly open. The Dark Lord stepped through then slipped through the earlier shadows of the dawn. The sun would rise soon and the Flyers would wake.

Silently as a shadow, the Dark Lord snaked through the corridors back to Dawn’s room. There he gently placed her back on her bed. He stroked her long brown hair once more. Before he left, he took a black medallion in the shape of a Dark Creature out of his pocket. He clutched the dark object tightly causing it to turn into a shadow then placed it inside Dawn’s chest.

“You cannot escape me. You cannot escape your destiny.”

And with that he left just as the sun peaked its head above the castle horizon.


__________________________________________________________________________
Enjoy and leave some constructive critique! Thanks for reading!
 
Last edited:

madammina

Notorious White Mage Captainess
Joined
Feb 14, 2008
Messages
11,621
Location
Phantom Manor
Re: Sky Angels

EEK!

Good chapter, (I have a feeling she will be a gold flyer though) And poor flyer half...
 

Rauxlen

I've posted once since 2010
Joined
Jan 30, 2008
Messages
2,079
Awards
4
Age
26
Location
SHRUGS
Re: Sky Angels

Oh no, the Dark Lord D:
Great chapter ^^
I did see a few places where commas should've been added (I think).
But yeah. Awesome :D
 

Rauxlen

I've posted once since 2010
Joined
Jan 30, 2008
Messages
2,079
Awards
4
Age
26
Location
SHRUGS
Re: Sky Angels

Oh, no problem.
I just wanted to add some kind of constructive criticism. And basically... that's all I'd be able to point out.
But I'm not a great writer myself, so... Just ignore my opinions on grammar and stuff XD
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top