It's been a really weird week. I wonder if I can use any of this to scratch off a Summer Challenge?? Probably not. edit: shoot, can we change the title of the thread to just "Simple Stuff", please? I'm not allowed hahaha.
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The cold steel walls that surrounded Alex reminded him of the inside of his toaster oven. Whenever he used his toaster oven at home he was also filled with a wonderful feeling. He would know that he was in for a sweet treat of some kind; maybe it would be a Pop Tart or a bagel. Or perhaps he'd be reheating a leftover slice of pizza or two. Unlike his encounters at home, however, Alex was most definitely not filled with a wonderful feeling. In fact, the feeling that filled him could be described as overly not-wonderful. Indeed, the very last thing Alex felt as he tiptoed down a corridor like he'd rather be barreling up it was 'wonderful.' As un-wonderful as he felt, he marched on in the unknown pastry heater lookalike. In a manner of seconds the corridor ended and he entered a darkened circular room. As soon as he stepped foot inside, bright lights flickered to life and Alex was greeted with Paco, the pelican statue mascot of the Safe and Sound theme park. Alex never realized just how tall the statue was, and as he stepped on to the metal rink that held Paco up, he noticed he only reached up to the pelican's round kneecaps. This caused a wave of heat to rise from Alex's stomach. How dare Paco be taller than him? Just who did this mascot think he was? If it wasn't for the fact he was made of metal, Alex might just have picked a fight with the pelican. Why, Paco wasn't even wearing clothes! Alex decided that this gave him the moral high ground. Instead of laying down the gauntlet, he decided to be the bigger man (metaphorically speaking. The Paco statue dwarfed Alex, after all) and turn the other cheek.
Unfortunately, the moment he did so was the moment he decided that it would be a bad idea. Just in front of the doorway he had just entered were a pair of pink wrinkled floating hams. It took Alex a second to realize the hams resembled two human brains that didn't feel like following the law of gravity. To counteract his cheek turning, he decided to turn the first cheek and face Paco once again.
“I know we've had our differences,” Alex whispered as he hurried behind the statue in fear, “but I would very much like to hide behind you now.” The fact that he was hiding behind Paco's legs—which were only three inches thick and made for a terrible hiding place—did not deter Alex in the slightest. As he cowered behind his metallic rival, Alex couldn't help but wonder just what he was looking at. Surely those weren't a pair of floating brains? And yet there they were, as real as the scrawny pelican legs he was huddled behind. The brain on his right approached the statue, it's voice booming throughout the metal room.
“Oh mighty one! We apologize for disturbing you from your keep, but we have a dire sense of curiosity that needs fulfilling!” The room was silent for two minutes, and it was then Alex realized they were waiting for a response. Given Paco was an inanimate object, this was impossible so Alex decided to give them a hand.
“Um. Go on, then?”
“We have monitored your keep from above for many years and we can not fathom how or why those Earthlings continue to worship you!”
“Worship?”
“Naturally! They would even go so far as to spend their currency in order to worship you and follow your teachings!”
“Teachings?! Those are just roller coasters and rides.”
“How do you do it, noble one? How do you amass a large following that loves you so?”
“Uhhh. I dunno. They just have fun when they come into the park, I guess?”
“Fun!” The second brain's voice reverberated around the room, “Of course, it's all so clear now! It's very apparent why you are a deity!”
“A what? Errm. I mean, thanks?”
“We shall return you home soon, great one. First we must report our findings to our superiors and be told our findings are sufficient.”
“Oh, I understand. I know how it is with bosses and such.”
“Humble too! We thank you, great one!” With that, the two brain-balls turned around and hovered silently out of the room.
“Never could understand brains,” Alex muttered to himself, “bloody awkward organs. Can't even feel them unless they're hurting. Not much good then, are they?” Despite his initial absolute terror from the interior décor, Alex quickly became bored of Paco and decided to explore. Interestingly enough, deciding to explore due to boredom was the number two reason for exploration. These explorations often led to wondrous discoveries such as finding a new vending machine with different snacks in a shopping mall, a fuzzy dog scratching himself in the park, or—the most rare and valuable find of all—a dead body. Most humans would be discouraged (at best) upon the discovery of a body but there are a few who would be pleased by it. They would, of course, not be pleased at being pleased and would most likely seek psychiatric help shortly after, but they would still feel that initial burst of glee for the discovery. With all that said, the number one reason for exploration was, of course, for conquering new lands. The person who followed this reasoning was much more likely to encounter a dead body and even if they didn't, they would probably create one or two on their journey or become one themselves. Ergo, if you want to find a dead body for whatever reason, then exploration for the sake of conquering was your best bet.
Alexander Blanket was, for better or for worse, not going to find a dead body. In fact he wasn't going to find much at all. The toaster-like hallways he blundered through all looked remarkably similar and it didn't take long for him to get lost. More than once he encountered a door that opened as he approached, but those often led him to bare dead ends. The whole area very much reminded him now of a hospital. Not in the sense that it was a place for healing, but rather that the sterile walls and echoing footsteps made him rather uncomfortable and strangely gassy, and he always seemed to get lost in hospitals. Unfortunately, it seemed unlikely that he would find a nurse here to help him find his way, though it was also just as unlikely that he would accidentally wind up in the morgue again, so all in all he decided to call the situation even. He stopped in his tracks suddenly. As if from thin air, another brain-ball appeared ten feet away from him, hovering towards his direction. Alex's first instinct was to hide, but just like the inside of his toaster oven, there was no cover to be found inside the space ship. Instead he decided to incorporate a tactic he had learned from his brief experiences as a secretary: kill them with kindness.
“Why hello there,” Alex went, “fine day for a...uh, float, isn't it?”
“Who said that?!” The brain boomed, twirling this way and that in an attempt to find Alex.
“I said that.”
“Who?!” The brain turned once more but ultimately gave up the chase. “I knew this ship was haunted,” it said to itself as it floated passed Alex, “I told Znart to take the S4-421, but nooo he just had to take the S5 instead. 'Oh but it's got the Tri-Light tractor beam!' he says. Well I hope you enjoyed the beam because we're all going to be possessed out here and kill each other...” The brain went on and on as it bounded ahead, bobbing left and right as it spoke, obviously very interested in what it had to say to itself. Alex sighed. It wasn't the first time he had been ignored so blatantly, but it was the first time it had happened in a space ship. That struck him in a celestial manner he hadn't realize existed. Alex sighed once more for good measure and continued on his way.
