Help/Support ► Sibling Help

[Eva]

Since I got some pretty good help last time I posted here, hopefully someone could help me with this problem.

I am 17 years old, and as such, the oldest of three children. My sister, who I shall nickname "Samantha" for the sake of keeping names private, is 14, and my younger brother (nicknamed "Diego" for the same purpose) is 3.

I've always been the quieter child when it came to me and my sister, she was obviously the more outgoing. No biggie, life goes on, I finally get some confidence, blah blah. Ever since we were young we were spoiled rotten (me because I was the first grandchild of the family and my sister was second), and thus have gotten whatever we desired. As I turned around 11-12 my mom stopped giving me what I wanted, explained to me that spoiling me was a mistake and told me that I was gonna have to be more responsible and to work for what I wanted. No prob, I did my best in class, tried to do all my chores (wasn't too good at remembering all of them D. My sister remained spoiled, but I didn't care 'cause I felt all grown up. Same happened to my sister, only she didn't take it as well and threw a bitch fit.

Fast forward to two years later; I ask for a $50 dollar game after getting straight A's and get rejected. My sister asks for a Sidekick phone with a contract after failing three of her classes, and gets it. Didn't bother me, life went on. Same thing happens; I ask for one thing, get rejected, Samantha asks, she gets it. After half a year it finally clicks in my head that she's been getting everything she wants--she asks to go everywhere, she constantly asks for money, she doesn't come home until midnight, and she starts disrespecting my parents. Obviously something's wrong. So I try asking my mom about it, and she just says I'm jealous and shouldn't whine.

Jealous of what, exactly?

Another year passes--this would be a few months ago. My sister confesses to me that she lost her virginity to some guy from her school who broke up with her two days later. She abuses the fact that she always gets her way, has no respect for anyone or herself, is highly conceited, and doesn't know how to shut up. She abuses me and my brother physically ('coz she's bigger and fatter than me) and pesters my dad constantly and blaming him for our parents' divorce, often guilting him into giving her what she wanted. She doesn't listen, she does what she wants, and doesn't realize that she has no real friends and the ones she had that were real hate her now.

My question to you, fellow members of KHI, is this--my sister is slowly becoming a bitchy whore, and honestly I could care less about what she did to me, but I hate the way she treats my parents. Is there any way, any way at all that I can get through to her? Is this a hopeless situation? Should I give up and let life get her when it gets the chance? Will she ever finally open her eyes and realize how immature she is?

 

[Camilo101]

Since I got some pretty good help last time I posted here, hopefully someone could help me with this problem.

I am 17 years old, and as such, the oldest of three children. My sister, who I shall nickname "Samantha" for the sake of keeping names private, is 14, and my younger brother (nicknamed "Diego" for the same purpose) is 3.

I've always been the quieter child when it came to me and my sister, she was obviously the more outgoing. No biggie, life goes on, I finally get some confidence, blah blah. Ever since we were young we were spoiled rotten (me because I was the first grandchild of the family and my sister was second), and thus have gotten whatever we desired. As I turned around 11-12 my mom stopped giving me what I wanted, explained to me that spoiling me was a mistake and told me that I was gonna have to be more responsible and to work for what I wanted. No prob, I did my best in class, tried to do all my chores (wasn't too good at remembering all of them D. My sister remained spoiled, but I didn't care 'cause I felt all grown up. Same happened to my sister, only she didn't take it as well and threw a bitch fit.

Fast forward to two years later; I ask for a $50 dollar game after getting straight A's and get rejected. My sister asks for a Sidekick phone with a contract after failing three of her classes, and gets it. Didn't bother me, life went on. Same thing happens; I ask for one thing, get rejected, Samantha asks, she gets it. After half a year it finally clicks in my head that she's been getting everything she wants--she asks to go everywhere, she constantly asks for money, she doesn't come home until midnight, and she starts disrespecting my parents. Obviously something's wrong. So I try asking my mom about it, and she just says I'm jealous and shouldn't whine.

Jealous of what, exactly?

Another year passes--this would be a few months ago. My sister confesses to me that she lost her virginity to some guy from her school who broke up with her two days later. She abuses the fact that she always gets her way, has no respect for anyone or herself, is highly conceited, and doesn't know how to shut up. She abuses me and my brother physically ('coz she's bigger and fatter than me) and pesters my dad constantly and blaming him for our parents' divorce, often guilting him into giving her what she wanted. She doesn't listen, she does what she wants, and doesn't realize that she has no real friends and the ones she had that were real hate her now.

My question to you, fellow members of KHI, is this--my sister is slowly becoming a bitchy whore, and honestly I could care less about what she did to me, but I hate the way she treats my parents. Is there any way, any way at all that I can get through to her? Is this a hopeless situation? Should I give up and let life get her when it gets the chance? Will she ever finally open her eyes and realize how immature she is?

Wow when I started reading this I didn't think your intentions were to help your sister, but I guess it's a good thing you are mature enough to think that way. I suppose the sisterly thing to do is to just flat out tell her what's happening and try to explain to her she needs to grow up, but I can just imagine she's the kind of person that needs to learn the hard way. So basically try to explain to her, but if she doesn't listen then you really can't do anything and she'll just have to learn on her own. But really TRY to explain to her though, give it absolutely all you got, try to be as sensible as you can. If she shoots that down, you just know she's gotta learn the hard way...

 

[KeybladeLegacy5]

Um I dont really have anything in response to this...she was too spoiled as a child and now is a bitch, there isnt much you can do i dont think...she will just have to face the facts one day by herself..sorry

 

[Rabgix]

I say turn to dad. From how it sounds, your dad is getting abused too. You could try wroking with him for help in this and convince your mom that letting her get what she wants whenever means more spending money. Other than that i say to at least work out a bit and build some strength so can at least defend yourself.

 

[Ehres]

My situation's kind of the same, and it's not looking too great.

But firstly, do the basic thing and sit her down and explain how you feel and what your opinions are on her behaviour. Most teenagers don't like the sound of anyone else's voice, but kudos to you if you can keep calm and tell her you think her behaviour's going to hurt some people. I'm not saying it'll work, and you might have to talk more than once, but at least she'll know what she's doing to people surrounding her. The rest lies on her selfish shoulders, then. Also, try to understand her problems and opinions. If she feels you're unbiased, she's more likely to take heed.

If she keeps being an ass, a few years down the line she'll fuck herself over and realise how many mistakes she's made. My sister's the same. Just keep your head on.

 

[Ordeith]

Well, Flower, the vast majority of people your sister's age are ridiculously impulsive and ridiculously impressionable (even moreso these days by the looks of it); they have sexually maturing bodies, yet still have the brains and the mindset of a child. Add a doting, spoiling parent into the mixture, and you're bound to end up with the typical "teenage party girl". Now that a world of new pleasures has been opened to her, she'll naturally follow her hormones to wherever it is they lead her. It wouldn't surprise me if she becomes and underage drinker, uses a number of illegal drugs in the coming years (if she hasn't already), and continues to have sex when the opportunity presents itself. It's an unfortunate fact of modern America, I'm sorry to say.

As for when your sister's party days come to an end, that's an unpredictable date; could be when she reaches your age, or could continue into adulthood until her age and image finally catch up to her. The main point I'm trying to make is that your sister is behaving fairly normally for a 14-year-old girl, and chances are that it will all eventually end. It's disgusting behavior that devalues her physically and socially--but it's quite normal. The only thing I can suggest you do to comfort your parents is to hold their hand through it all and keep telling them that this is only a temporary stage their daughter is in. I'm sorry if that isn't very much help to you, but I honestly don't know of any definite action that wouldn't lead to some sort of hurt or conflict for your parents.

 

[DiceKiller]

Well, there's a chance you can help her, but because of all the time she developed this, it definitely won't be easy to pull her out of her habit. Your mom may have felt sorry for her when she had reacted unfavorably. When she saw her daughter's grades began to drop, she felt maybe if she were to spoiler her some more, it would encourage her to try to do better. It slowly began to get worse, your mom probably not knowing how exactly to deal with the situation, and your sister began to take advantage of your mom's sympathy. I may not be right, though. It's just that this is situation feels familiar.

Anyway, there's a small chance that your sister may realize the problems she's causing but feels as if there may be nothing she can do about it, and she may not be able to talk about it. If you are going to try to help her, she's either going to need support from a lot of people, she's going to need a hard hit from reality, or possibly both. One of the main things you may need to make clear to her is that it is not to late for her to change. You are also going to have a talk with your Mom and Dad. You are probably going to want to talk to your dad first, as he seems more likely than your mom to change. Tell him there is nothing he should feel guilty about and if he loves your sister, he has to be willing to change the way he treats her. If you are able to convince him, the both of you are then going to want to talk to your mom to help her change. When you have everyone's support, that's when you are going to want to talk to your sister.

What should be made clear to everyone that you talk to, is that it is almost never too late to change. Just because a situation is bad, that doesn't mean that you should feel sorry for yourself and allow the situation to grow worse. You always have a chance to try to fix the situation.

Again, my opinion may be wrong on this, but it's just from personal experience. Let me know if I'm wrong about something so I can change my mind-set on this.

 

[Weeaboo]

I actually have the same problem sorta.

Older sister doesn't do ANYTHING but gets whatever she wants. I alkways the the short end when it comes to stuff. And my little sister? Spoiled in a game beyond belief.

My solution? Tell her to grow up. Also, if she touches you, threaten for the police. I did this to my older sister and she hasn't touched me since.

Mind you, my older sis has hit me with her purse, sat on me (400 pounds hun D: ) and even has kicked me in the had and sat on my chest. Wanna know what for? Because I took her internet because she doesn't do a god damn thing. She doesn't clean like she is supposed to, she doesn't even SHOWER. That is totally gross.....Hell, she has her own computer....It sucks I know :/

And my little sis is spoiled because she always acts like she knows everything :/

...Eh I rambled but plain and simple.

Don't listen to her and try to reason with your mom. Ask her why you're denied things when your lil sis gets it all.

Ask her why she told you that you HAD to do good while your lil sis can get whatever she wants.

All in all, let me talk to her and see what happens /sarcasm.

Hope I helped I guess.

 

[Endgame]

Guess it's true what they say about the squeaky gear gettin' oiled, ya'know.

I don't think there's anything you personally can do. It's up to your parents to set her straight. Why not make them aware of your concerns in the same way you've explained them to us, so they don't think you're just pissed they didn't buy you a psp or whatever.

When it comes down to it, though, if your sister isn't going to listen to you or them, then she's gotta make the mistakes and learn from them herself.

Personally, if my brother wasn't the cool, down to earth little bro he is and was acting like this, I'd give him a 'Wake-the-fuck-up' punch to the mouth, Gurren-Lagann style.

 

[Aria]

I think this is something that your parents would need to deal with. She needs to learn that she can't just go around and act like she does, and that would come from your parents. If they don't do anything abut it though, you should talk to her. Not in a "lecture" kind of way though, because then she'll just tune out. You should show her how she's acting in a subtle way, maybe even get some of her (ex) friends to talk to her. I'm speaking for myself, but I'd much rather have my friends come talk to me. Hope that helped a little

 

[Eva]

I love you guys. ;w;

A part of me really just wants to give up, but my conscience [sp?] keeps nagging me not to. > < If it is a phase, then I'll just have to grit my teeth and bear with it. If there is something I can do, I'll go for.

Thanks for your help guys, realy appreciate it. <3

 

[Weeaboo]

Glad we helped.

When is your b-day?

If you don't get something you wanted then, then that would be the perfect time to bring it up.