Help/Support ► Should I just break up with him?

[stephaknee]

I know that by even asking this question, the answer is clearly yes.

Essentially, I got a text at 1 AM from a friend saying my boyfriend was currently hooking up with another girl. Boyfriend denies it but admits he was with her and drunk. He has lied to me about this girl before. And that's about all the back story I have the energy for.

 

[Wehrmacht]

So he's done this before then?

I would at least consider it then (breaking up with him that is), but if you're fed up with him and he has a track record then go for it. Guy doesn't know what he has, clearly. :v

 

[stephaknee]

So he's done this before then?

I would at least consider it then (breaking up with him that is), but if you're fed up with him and he has a track record then go for it. Guy doesn't know what he has, clearly. :v

Thanks Paolo <3

I think the biggest thing is that I want to believe him, and I want to trust him, but I think it's gone past that point. It is not fun to be or deal with an untrusting partner, neither of us deserve that.

 

[Chris]

I suggest you don't mimic the cries of the ridiculous girls in my school who have a skewed perception of reality and use the whole "we both make mistakes, but our relationship is a beautiful thing and we learn from them" shit. I've heard that one so many times and it makes me rage hard. Second chances should be hard to come by, third chances shouldn't even exist. Maybe I'm just a cynic from my past experiences, but that's the way it seems it should be to me. You clearly know your situation better than us, but from an outsider's view it seems that simple to answer.

 

[Ehres]

You pretty much have it figured with the trust thing: if you can't trust your partner because of things he has done (time and time) before, then it really isn't worth it. Don't put yourself through that and just let go. Yeah, it hurts for a while but everyone knows that, but it's for the best.

 

[Enchanted Rose]

Sorry to hear this

It sounds like immaturity rather than anything else, but nevertheless, I think you have to give a firm signal that such behaviour is unacceptable, and that you won't tolerate being treated that way.
He should know what it means to enter a committed relationship, and so will have to deal with the consequences of loosing you.

 

[_EX]

Think about it, what will happen if you just forgave him?
He wouldnt wise up, as he has done this before. He would probably lose all respect for you and your relationship if you just look the other way everytime. Getting him to change, using this against him, will not work too. Guys dont like it when you hold something against them.

 

[Dogenzaka]

You should simply because you know he's lied to you (about something that doesn't need to be hidden. Either you're just friends with another girl, or you're cheating on your girlfriend) and you can't trust him. Trust is the basis of any relationship.
1.) He should not be drunk with other women (at least without you around). Period.
2.) You should be able to trust him on his own.

If those two simple things can't be done then there's no reason to be in a relationship with him, because then how can you ever expect the relationship to grow or progress? I mean, say you get married or really serious or something. These problems aren't going to go away unless they're dealt with or you break up...and they will just hurt you worse later.

 

[Xorne]

If you don't trust him, even if you want to, and you are stressed about it... what's the point of staying in a relationship? Honestly, in the long run, do you think you'd be better off trying to work on things with him or by breaking it off?

He's not the last guy you'll be able to date. I'm sure you could find better. When people talk about trying to work on a relationship I think you should realize that those in healthy relationships working with each others quirks are what you should be thinking about... Not about someone lying to you. That's not cool and you shouldn't accept it. You're worth more than that and he should know that.

 

[Bukkake Sensei]

The real question is whether or not you're willing to tolerate that level of disrespect from your partner. If the answer turns out to be no, tell me so I can book a plane ticket to Boston.

 

[Ophan]

That's unfortunate to hear Stephanie, ironically my sister who has the same name as you is going through the same situation with her husband....which is a whole nother scale of deceitfulness. But would you really be willing to tolerate that level of disrespect in the future? The first time is a warning, and the second is the red flag, but it's all up to you whether you think that things can continue with him for the better. Advice is fine, but it's ultimately up to you to do what you feel is necessary. After all you know him better than we do.

If it's not worth it, then i'll be buying my ticket to Boston as well ;P

 

[Oberon]

dump him and come over to my place i'll show you a good time ;]

 

[stephaknee]

It's done. Thanks everybody.

 

[Ophan]

oh damn! women act fast. I don't understand some guys though...not treating a lady with the utmost respect is being ignorant of the long line of men waiting to take that woman's hand