Chapter 13: I.P.M.S
Day: 50
Beach house: 10am
Once again the Organization thought it was a good idea to stay indoors to avoid any of the weird kids that stalk them or, if not those weird kids, then dragged into some kind of situation, which would involve doing things that most people would be sent to jail for.
The past few days have been bad for both Xemnas and Xion. Many things wouldn't leave Xion's mind like the fact she's still not complete along with the rest of the Organization, the fact she can have feelings for Riku and care about her family and friends without a heart. Up until that day Axel was shooting everyone on the islands with Vexen's memory ray gun, she never thought about all that stuff until now.
Xemnas was having a hard time as well. He's realised that his 'children' are growing up and eventually everyone will leave him. Xemnas wandered into the living room looking gloomy.
"Hey superior" Luxord said. Everyone besides No. 4,6,7,8,9,12,13 and 14 were playing go fish.
"Hi" Xemnas gave them a false smile and sat on the couch, sighing heavily. "Where's my children?" he asked.
"Well…" Marluxia said. "Roxas and Xion are playing some kind of violent video game in the game room, Vexen's doing some kind of experiment and everyone else went shopping"
Xigbar then remembered something "(shadow) I spelt 'Condoms' wrong on the shopping list" he hissed to himself.
Meanwhile: Supermarket
Larxene got out the shopping list and Demyx was exhausted from carrying all that shopping. "Okay eggs?"
"Check" Demyx wheezed.
"Bread"
"Check"
"Tampons and pads"
"Check" Demyx gulped. He felt uneasy about Larxene mentioning the names of certain items that are used by Larxene and Xion when their time of the month comes around.
Axel and Zexion looked at their shopping list and raised a brow. "What does that say?" Axel asked himself. What they didn't know was that Xigbar had spelt Condoms wrong. "Carrots? Chocolates? Grocones?"
"conmens?" Zexion suggested. "Well it'd be impossible to pick up a con man in a supermarket"
"You called?" A random con man said as he appeared behind them.
"GO AWAY! WE'RE TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT THIS WORD SAYS!!!" Axel yelled at the Con man. The Con Man looked at the word a smirked.
"That's Condoms" He chuckled.
"WHO PUT CONDOMS ON THE SHOPPING LIST?!!" Larxene yelled. Everyone in the supermarket gave the group funny looks.
"There's only one person we know who'd write that down on our shopping list" Zexion said.
Back at the beach house
"AACHOOO!!" Xigbar sneezed.
"You okay Xigbar?" Luxord asked.
"Yeah I'm fine, must be hay fever"
Marluxia raised a brow. "It's summer"
"Oh yeah" Xigbar chuckled. "Hey Superior! What's eatin' ya?"
Xemnas let out a loud sigh as he lay on the couch. "My children grow up too fast. I mean Zexion and Axel are starting University soon, Larxene's going to be in the 12th grade, Xion's got a boyfriend" Xemnas sighed once again.
"Y'know technically they aren't you're kids" Xaldin said.
"But I gave birth to them" Xemnas said as if it was normal.
Everyone stared at Xemnas and they all felt a twitch under their eye "WHAT?!!!
Xemnas sat up and faced the other nobodies. "Y'know they were born from nothingness…I'm nothingness"
Xigbar stood up "oh god it's the nothingness speech!!"
Lexeaus stood up along with the other nobodies "RUN AWAY!!!"
The Living room was left empty. The only person left was Xemnas. He furrowed his eyebrows in annoyance. "Stupid (bandit)s"
Xemnas sighed and walked around the house. He wandered into Vexen's room, also known as his laboratory. "Hey No.4"
"Oh superior" Vexen said with surprise in his voice. "It's not often you walk into my room"
"I'd rather not" Xemnas thought to himself. His eyes wandered over to a tube of pink liquid that Vexen was holding. "Say Vexen what is that?"
Vexen looked at the pink liquid "oh it's a youth potion. I thought I could shed a few years"
Xemnas rolled his eyes. "Oh great another experiment" Then suddenly, something unexpected came to his mind. "Wait I have an idea! I can prevent my children from growing up!" He looked at Vexen and wandered. "But how do I get the potion off of him…wait I know." Xemnas pointed towards Vexen's window "OH MY GOD IT'S A DISTRACTION!!"
Vexen's head turned. "WHERE?!!"
Xemnas snatched the youth potion and ran out of the room "mwuahahahahaha!!" He laughed and headed towards the kitchen.
Vexen ran out of his room, hoping to catch the madman "give that back superior!!!"
Xemnas got out two cups of cola and added the youth potion to it. He walked into the room where Roxas and Xion were playing Street Fighter.
"Oh c'mon there's no way you defeated me again!" Roxas whined.
"Well I just did" Xion smirked.
"B-b-but girls can't be good at Street Fighter"
"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY??!"
"Oh Roxas, Xion! I thought you could use a drink" Xemnas interrupted the argument before it got out of hand.
"Wow thanks superior" Roxas said. They both took the drinks and were about to drink it.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Vexen yelled. But it was too late. Roxas and Xion had drunk the whole thing.
"This tastes kinda funny" Xion said. Suddenly a bright light surrounded the two young nobodies. The light faded and Roxas and Xion had turned into babies wearing what they were wearing before but in baby size. The babies crawled towards the dog flap.
"where did they go?" Xemnas asked himself. Roxas and Xion crawled out of the dog flap and headed towards the beach. "DAMN IT!! WHY DID WE HAVE THAT DOG FLAP?!" Saix sat next to Xemnas and barked loudly. "Oh sorry Saix I forgot that you're a dog now."
"Damn right (berserker)" Saix barked.
The Beach
Roxas and Xion sat on the beach in their baby form. Roxas pointed at Xion and laughed. "hahahahahaha!! Xion you're a baby"
"So are you" Xion said and rolled her eyes.
Roxas looked at his chubby baby hands and gasped. "OH MY GOD!! B-b-but how?"
Xion looked towards the beach house that they crawled out of. "That stupid Mansex!" she cursed "He poisoned us with some kind of baby potion"
Roxas looked at the beach and his eyes widened "wow…I never realized how big the beach was"
Xion rolled her eyes "we're babies"
"So…"
"Everything is going to be bigger"
"Oh right!"
Xion sighed "at least we still have out teenage minds"
Roxas pointed at something in the distance "HEY THERE'S SOMETHING SHINY!!"
"At least some of us have" Xion thought
Beach house
Axel, Zexion, Larxene and Demyx walked through the front door and dumped the groceries in the kitchen. "Yo superior!" Axel waved to Xemnas. "Where are Roxas and Xion? Are they still playing that video game?"
Xemnas's eyes shifted. "uuh um yeah…sure"
Larxene raised a brow "Xemnas what did you do?"
"Nothing at all" Xemnas nervously chuckled but he knew Larxene didn't believe him. "Well… I may have turned them into babies"
"WHAT?!!" the four young nobodies screamed.
"Well then let's find them" Zexion suggested and started looking for the two babies. "They must be somewhere inside the house"
Xemnas was sweating out of fear "actually they escaped from the dog flap"
"Since when did we have a dog flap?" Demyx asked.
"Does nobody remember that I'm a dog now?" Saix barked
Beach
Xion was sick of being a baby already and she just wanted to turn back into a 15-year-old girl. "Damn why did I have to become a baby, I don't know where we are anymore" she groaned.
Roxas was digging through the sand. "Xion! This is fun" he smiled.
Xion sweat dropped "I think the sudden youth has gotten to him" Xion was looking around and she spotted a familiar face "RIKU!!" Xion yelled and crawled towards him. "RIKU! RIKU!! HELP I'VE BEEN TURNED INTO A BABY!!"
Riku smiled and picked the baby Xion up "well aren't you a cute little baby" he smiled then he looked at the baby closely "hmm…you know you look a lot like my girlfriend" Riku pondered but then he came up with a conclusion "OH NO!! YOU MEAN XION REALLY DID GET PREGNANT??!! I THOUGHT THAT CRAZY GUY WAS JOKING!!"
"I AM XION!!" The Xion baby yelled.
Riku paced around nervously "oh god why didn't she tell me she has a kid! I could've supported her and the baby and I could've looked after them"
"Riku it's nice to know that you'd support me even if I had a child that wasn't yours but SERIOUSLY IT'S ME!!" Xion yelled but to Riku's point of view all Xion was saying was "gugagagagaaa"
Riku put Xion down and pointed at her "stay right here and I'll go get your mother"
Xion sweat dropped again "I don't think leaving a baby on the beach is very good parenting"
Roxas crawled towards Xion and laughed "well if you're a baby then technically Riku's a paedophile"
"oh shut up you nitwit" Xion yelled "Let's try somewhere else" and the two babies crawled across the shore.
The streets
Riku was on his way to the beach house when he suddenly realised "wait…if I'm going to be a good boyfriend then I should be a good father too!! Oh god I left the baby on the beach! I'M COMING XION JR.!!!"
The beach
"I think Riku's been hanging out with Sora way too long" Roxas said.
"so have you" Xion snapped.
Suddenly they saw muscled men carrying the demon sisters on their deck chairs, coming towards them. "is that the demon sisters?" Roxas asked.
"I guess" Xion said.
Suddenly the herald from the group came up to the babies.
"YOU BABIES!" he yelled. "You are in the way of Scarlet and Neko Jenova! Leave now or you will have to face punishments."
Xion nudged Roxas "ROXAS ACT CUTE!!"
"Alright!" Xion and Roxas gave the man really huge puppy eyes.
"What's going on?" Scarlet asked.
"There are a couple of babies in the way m'lady" the Herald explained.
"Babies huh?" Scarlet smiled "Let me off". The muscled men lowered her chair and she walked towards the babies.
Roxas looked at Scarlet and panicked "OH NO!! IT'S SCARLET!!!" Roxas yelled "SHE PROBABLY EATS BABIES!!"
"RUN!!" Xion yelled. Roxas and Xion tried to run but they realised that their baby legs couldn't even support them standing. "Curse these baby legs!!"
Suddenly a looming shadow appeared above them.
"Oh no we're going to DIE!!!" Roxas yelled.
"I'm too young to die!!!" Xion yelled. "But before I die I want you to know, I still think you and Axel are gay for each other"
Roxas glared at Xion "yeah well I want you to know that I read your diary"
"That was you?!" Xion asked. "I thought it was Demyx"
"We both read it. It was a very interesting day"
They both turned around to face Scarlet, but what they saw was not what they expected.
"Hey are you all right?" she asked in a kind voice and gave off a kind smile.
Xion shuddered. "My god that's scary. Is that even Scarlet?"
"Well she's got a pretty big rack and she has power" Roxas thought aloud. "B-but she's……nice"
Scarlet picked up both the babies. "aw it's okay darlings. Where's your parents?"
Roxas started to fall asleep. "my god…she's warm…and nice…it's scary. Ain't that right Xion" Roxas looked towards Xion but she was already asleep.
The muscled men who were carrying Scarlet and Neko's deck chairs sweat dropped.
"Is she alright?" one of them asked.
"Oh boy not again" Neko sighed. "She's suffering from I.P.M.S"
Another muscled man's eyes widened. "OH NO! SHE'S P.M.SING!!! EVERYONE RUN!!" The muscled men sped off into the distance except for the herald.
Scarlet faced the herald and gave him a death glare. "You're fired"
"What? Why?" He asked with fear in his voice.
"HOW DARE YOU YELL AT THESE TWO ADORABLE AND STRANGELY FAMILIAR LOOKING BABIES?!!" Scarlet yelled at the Herald, who by the way ran off like a little girl. Scarlet looked at the babies with a warm smile on her face. "It'll be alright my darlings"
Sweet Street: 11 am
Xion's slowly started to wake from her baby nap. She looked up at the sky and the hood of the pram. "It was just a dream" she said to herself. She rubbed her eyes and then looked at her small baby hands. "Wait…my hands are still chubby" She turned over and saw the baby Roxas sleeping soundly. Xion turned the other side of the pram and gasped. "HOW DID WE GET ON A PRAM??!"
Suddenly the pram stopped and Neko popped her head in. "hi there babies!! My name's Neko"
Roxas awoke and screamed. "OH MY GOD NEKO!! WHY ARE YOU SO BIG?!!!" He screamed.
"We're still babies" Xion answered. "Man I'm so used to Neko being slightly smaller than me"
"Neko" Scarlet said. "You scared the children" Scarlet picked up Roxas and hugged him. "It's okay honey. Neko's just a silly girl isn't she?"
"heeey!" Neko snarled. "I'm not that bad"
Xion started sweating uncontrollably. "Okay…we've been babynapped by the Demon sisters. This is NOT good" She thought. "Stupid Mansex! Why did he turn us into babies, we're completely vulnerable"
Somewhere down the street Kano Toshiro from the Toshiro clan and Cobalt from the Hate club/ Demon brothers were having a glare down "I am now the perfect man for Scarlet san. I can blow up things, I'm intelligent and I'm not a pervert" Kano said with a smirk on his face.
"Hey I've only groped Scarlet 3 times this week." Cobalt said.
"How many times this month? Cobalt san?" Kano asked.
"…43" Cobalt sweat dropped. "…and a half."
"Half?"
"She shoved a grenade down my pants when I came up to her" Cobalt chuckled nervously.
Scarlet walked past Cobalt and Kano with the pram and Neko followed behind with an ice cream in her hand "Neko! I told you before, don't drip the ice cream onto the children." She scolded.
"Sorry Scarlet. It's really hot and the ice cream's melting fast" Neko sighed.
Scarlet looked into the pram and tickled the babies "whose the cutest little babies on destiny Islands. Yes you are yes you are."
"are you sure that's Scarlet? Did she have a nice twin sister at some point?" Xion asked.
"nope that's Scarlet." Roxas said. "I can recognise that rack anywhere"
"pervert!" Xion muttered under her breath.
"You know what" Scarlet said. "I'm going to take you to Toy Kingdom."
"TOY KINGDOM!" Neko's eyes sparkled. "I love toy kingdom"
"Not for you Neko" Scarlet said. "it's for the children"
Meanwhile Cobalt and Kano stared at Scarlet and the children and their eyes popped out of their heads. "Scarlet…has kids?!!" they screamed in unison.
"I don't remember her being pregnant" Cobalt said. "…well then again she did look like she gained weight a few months ago"
"are you calling Scarlet san fat?!" Kano growled.
"no…not at all" Cobalt stuttered.
Sora, Wakka and Kairi saw Scarlet, taking the babies and Neko into the Toy store. They all looked like they saw a ghost.
"Why does Scarlet have a couple of babies? Ya?" Wakka asked.
"She's raising a delinquent army." Sora said. He got stared at by Kairi and Wakka. "She has to be, that's the only way to explain why she has kids."
"Should we call the police?" Wakka asked. "I don't think those babies are safe with Scarlet and Neko ya"
"Do you really think the police stand a chance against the demon sisters?" Kairi felt a twitch under her eye.
10 Minutes later
Xemnas, Saix and the rest of the exchange students entered Sweet Street in order to find the missing babies. Xemnas had one of Roxas's shirts stolen from the laundry so that Saix would be able to sniff them out.
"Superior" Zexion said. "Vexen had a nobody detector back at the beach house"
"WHAT! WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING BEFORE?!!" Xemnas yelled.
"I did" Zexion mumbled.
Saix turned towards Toy kingdom and barked. "Saix? Did you find them?" Larxene asked the dog.
"Yes I did thank you very much" Saix barked.
"Hey guys! They're in there" Larxene announced.
"MY BABIES!!" Xemnas yelled at ran into Toy Kingdom
Toy Kingdom
"Neko?" Scarlet asked. "Would you mind looking after the babies while I change into my Goblin Queen costume for Tonight's costume party with the Gelato Family"
"Don't worry Scarlet. They're safe with me" Neko pinched Xion's cheeks. "aren't you, you little cutie"
"OOOW MY CHEEKS!!" Xion thought.
Roxas was hugging a heartless plush toy. "Xion! Isn't this heartless plushie cute?"
Xion felt a twitch under her eye. "Roxas…I think that's a real heartless"
Roxas dropped the heartless. "AAAH!" he screamed. "GET IT AWAY!! GET IT AWAY!!" Roxas summoned his keyblade but it was way too big for him. The weight of the key blade dragged Roxas to the floor. "ow" he said.
Neko picked up the keyblade and sighed. "You're not allowed to have this toy," she said in a stern but kind voice. "See look, it says 'Ages 3+"
"I didn't know my keyblade had an 'ages 3+' sign" Roxas thought aloud.
Suddenly Xion spotted some familiar looking faces. "Roxas! It's the superior and the others!"
Roxas turned around and saw Xemnas looking very very VERY happy to see them. "MY CHILDREN!!"
"Oh no" Xion sweat dropped.
Xemnas was so close to reaching his 'children'. He was close to reaching them but Scarlet stood in front of the babies. She was wearing her Goblin Queen Costume and she looked even more evil than she did before.
"S-S-S-SCARLET?!!" Demyx stuttered. "What are you doing with the babies?"
"GIVE ME BACK MY CHILDREN!!" Xemnas yelled.
"hmm let me think about that" Scarlet grinned. "No" Suddenly she got out a remote and beneath Toy kingdom emerged a Goblin castle like fortress. Everyone besides the nobodies and Neko evacuated from the store. Scarlet was about to grab both the children and take them inside.
Meanwhile: Outside Toy Kingdom
The kids of Starlight Academy stared at the goblin like fortress thing that appeared out of nowhere. "Hey that's the Goblin City mark 3" Olette said "That's not supposed to be out yet"
"How would you know?" Lightning asked.
"Uh…umm" Olette started sweating uncontrollably. "I read guns and ammo"
"Oh okay that makes sense" Lightning nodded her approval.
Back at Toy Kingdom
"I'm going to ask you again. GIVE ME BACK MY CHILDREN NOW!!!" Xemnas yelled.
Suddenly, Riku popped out of nowhere and took Xion. "There you are Xion junior" He said. "Now I can return you to your mother.
Xemnas blinked a few times, wondering where the hell Riku came from. "Okay…give me back my child"
"Yes! We have Xion back!" Demyx cheered.
Xemnas snatched Xion off Riku "thank you for saving my baby spoon head."
Riku cocked his head to the side "your baby?"
"Don't worry honey" Xemnas said in a baby voice "your safe from that evil (berserker)"
"I miss Scarlet already" Xion sighed, "…wait what am I saying"
"Um Superior?" Axel asked. "What about Roxas?"
"MY BABY!!" He screamed. Xemnas gave Xion to Larxene. "Look after Xion. I'll back" Xemnas walked up the steps to face Scarlet who had Roxas captive, quite comfortably against her massive bosom.
Larxene looked at baby Xion and smirked. "Y'know what, maybe you should stay a baby. Then I shall raise you to become my evil minion! MUHAHAHAH!!"
Xion sweat dropped. "Can I pleeease turn back to a teenager yet?"
"No way Larxene!" Riku said. "If anything I should be raising this child. It is Xion's baby after all"
Zexion sweat dropped. "Um…Riku…hate to break it to you but…that IS Xion"
Riku raised a brow. "What?"
"Yeah Xion and Roxas got turned into babies" Zexion explained. "It shouldn't surprise you that it was Vexen who made a youth potion, should it?" Riku shook his head in agreement.
"Oh I hope Xemnas can get Roxas back" Axel muttered under his breath.
Xemnas reached the top of the steps and he looked calmer than before. He almost looked like his old self before Vexen turned him into a crazy/girly/perverted fatherly like man.
"Goblin Queen" Xemnas said to Scarlet "give me the child. Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered. I've fought my way here to the goblin city mark 3, to take back the child you have stolen."
Larxene raised a brow "does this feel like a rip off of a David Bowie film to you."
Neko shrugged "probably foreshadowing the next chapter"
Zexion gave Neko a funny look "next chapter?"
"Never mind" Neko sighed.
"What's Scarlet's problem anyway?" Larxene asked. "Why is she looking AFTER kids?"
"Oh that. She suffers from I.P.M.S" Neko explained.
"I.P.M.S?" Larxene asked.
"I KNEW IT!!" Demyx yelled. "I was wondering why you've been acting grumpy recently"
Neko shook her head. "No I.P.M.S stands for Instant Perfect Mother Syndrome. Scarlet gets I.P.M.S when it comes to Children smaller or younger than her" She explained.
"Oh okay" Zexion nodded. "That explains it"
In the meantime Scarlet looked at Roxas and then gave Xemnas a glare. "No!"
"What do you mean no?!!" Xemnas asked. "It's my child!!"
Scarlet shook her head in disappointment. "If you had been a good father in the first place, you wouldn't have left them on the beach all by themselves"
Xemnas faced downwards and a smirk appeared on his face. Once again he looked like his old self. "You give me no choice" He summoned his Aerial blades and faced them towards Scarlet.
"First the Labyrinth now Star Wars?!!" Larxene groaned. "What else is going to be ripped off?"
Scarlet raised a brow. "Light sabers? You serious?"
"THEY'RE NOT LIGHT SABERS!! THEY'RE AERIAL BLADES!!"
"They look like light sabers" Scarlet sighed. "But whatever. I have these" She got out two sticks of dynamite and threw them near Xemnas. She put Roxas down and got her own light saber. Where the light saber came from? No one knew.
"HOLY CRAB ON A STICK!!!" Xemnas yelled and kicked the dynamite somewhere near the other nobodies.
They looked at the dynamite and screamed. "What the (heartless) Xemnas?!! We have a baby, woman and a dog here!!" Axel screamed.
"Aww you considered me as a woman that's so sweet of you Axel" Larxene cooed. "But I digress. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!"
Neko grabbed the sticks of dynamite and threw them far away. "Well that solves it" she said.
"Where do you think they went?" Zexion asked as the dynamites exploded somewhere far off. Neko shrugged and watched her sister fight Xemnas.
Scarlet fought with Xemnas, star wars style. Scarlet wasn't very skilled with the sword, but she was still whooping Xemnas' butt. Xemnas got knocked down very dramatically. He almost got up but then Scarlet faced her light saber towards him. "any last words my dear friend"
Xemnas said nothing but only looked at his surroundings. Xemnas lived a great life. Sure he was about to be defeated by a sadistic teenager and there was a point in his life before he became a nobody, when he unleashed heartless into the world and pretty much doomed us all. But other than that he lived a good life with the people who…tolerated him the most.
A bright light surrounded Roxas and Xion. Larxene placed Xion down and watched Xion and Roxas slowly transforming back into their normal ages. The light disappeared and left Roxas and Xion as teenagers…and completely naked.
"OH MY GOD!!" Roxas screamed and covered the part where the sun doesn't shine.
Xion looked down at her naked body and screamed while covering her private bits as well. "AAAH!! D-D-DON'T LOOK AT ME!!"
"XI-XI-XION!!!" Riku screamed and then got a major nosebleed.
The other guys could only stare, twitch and then stare. "DON'T LOOK YOU IDIOTS!!" Larxene yelled and threw her long coat to Xion.
Scarlet took her light saber away from Xemnas. "Wait you mean, you two weren't babies?" Scarlet asked.
"I'm really sorry Scarlet" Xion said with sincerity in her voice. "But we were temporarily turned into babies because of Xemnas."
Scarlet looked towards the ground. "Oh, okay" Scarlet said with sadness in her voice. "Sorry for the trouble Xemnas" Scarlet got rid of the fortress with the push of a button and walked towards the horizon.
"Wow…Scarlet seems sad" Zexion said.
"Oh when that child has left she often goes through this moment of angst" Neko explained. "Oh well…it was nice seeing you guys. I better follow Scarlet" She smiled and then left the nobodies.
"Excuse me" Roxas asked the nobodies. "Can someone give me a pair of pants" Everyone turned around and saw Roxas who was still nude.
Beach: 1pm
Kano and Cobalt were wandering around the beach when they found Scarlet looking towards the ocean. "Scarlet?" Kano asked. "Is everything alright? Did that pervert touch you again?"
"WILL YOU STOP CALLING ME THAT?!!" Cobalt yelled.
Scarlet let out a sigh. "I want to have kids of my own," She said.
Cobalt and Kano gasped. "I'LL BE THE FATHER!!" Cobalt and Kano yelled and then glared at each other again.
"I'll be!"
"No I'll be!"
"I got to second base!"
"Only because you're a groping hentai!"
"Hentai? What do chickens have to do with that you stupid yakuza?"
Scarlet sighed and looked at the pair, and smiled suddenly. She would never say it out loud, but if it came down to it, she would love either of them to father her children, and it did help that they were both considerably hot.
Neko popped down beside her and gave her an ice cream.
"So," she said, "Are you going to pick one of them?"
"I don't think I will," Scarlet mumbled. "We're criminals, these things have a way of illegally working themselves out."
End
