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Fanfiction ► Return of the organization?!



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~RIKU~DaRk P0WeR

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Sora has disappeared with Kairi. The king is comatose. Tidus and Wakka have joined the darkness. Destiny islands has disappeared. The worlds are consumed by darkness. Donald and Goofy are searching for a cure for the unconsious king. In the heart of it all lies the reforming of the organization?! Sephiroth has all the answers but he's not giving it up. Riku will need all the help he can get from Axel and Roxas??



I'm treasurer of the Full_heart 101 fan club
http://forums.khinsider.com/showthread.php?t=76682
 
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~RIKU~DaRk P0WeR

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OK... here goes... Hope its not a complete failure
Chapter 1: Shard of hope
The boy tried to scream but darkness flowed out of his mouth instead. His vision was blurred, but there was something that was strikingly clear... There were eleven hooded people wearing long black cloaks. Thinking it was an illusion,he shook his head to clear his vision, he saw it more clearly now. Two people were bowing to them. Tidus? Wakka? The boy could not believe what he saw. His friends were bowing to the Organization? But that wasn't possible!! He had helped destroy the organization!

The truth hit him hard. Somehow his friends had given up to the darkness, and in doing so, brought back the organization. He was being consumed by the darkness slowly but surely. Yet in the moment of greatest dispair, he had hope. A voice reached him.

"You cannot do this alone. You need help. Do not be afraid for fear will slow you down. I will help you but I can only do a limited amount of things..." the voice said. It came from everywhere and anywhere all at once.

"Help!" the boy willed.

And so help arrived: in the form of Namine. She held his hands gingerly and said,"Be well..." she pulled and another boy stood in front of the weak teen.

Willing the darkness away, he said to Roxas;"Go find Riku! He is the only one who can help!"

Roxas nodded. He turned and ran, leaving Sora to be consumed by the darkness. The next thing he knew, Sora was completely gone, consumed by the darkness... Fading...

Roxas felt as though a part of him had just died but could not afford to look back. He continued running, tears streaming from his eyes."I'll get riku and save you! I promise!" Looking up,he imagined Sora's wide toothed grin and braced himself for the battle to come, for behind him was Xigbar...

"This is not gonna be pretty." He muttered to himself and summoned both his keyblades. Roxas got into battle position and shouted a loud war cry.

As if on cue, a teenager awoke, silver hair barely touching his nose. His cheeks were wet with tears, as though he had been grieving for a friend and his sea-green eyes glowed with deadly determination...
 
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Inner-Demon

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It's very poorly written. I's that should be capitalized are wrong, an I on it's own should never be "i". You have too many '...' which take away from a story. '...' should be used rarely, either for dramatic effect or pauses when a character speaks, never just tossed around like a bad black joke on comedy night. It shows terrible writing skills on your part and hinders the overall flow of the fiction.

And, NEVER just use numbers, you need to actually spell it out. It's just careless and makes the reader assume you don't give much time on the piece. The way the story is written just isn't exciting, an event that should be tense is left laughable because of how you word it.

Work on your writing skills. Google up how to write, or pay attention in school. Either would be helpful for you.
 

Lady Aino

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Your writing is okay. I wouldn't say it's the best I've ever seen but I wouldn't say it's the worst either. Just keep at it and I'm sure you'll get better. Don't get discouraged, remember practice makes perfect.

 

~RIKU~DaRk P0WeR

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Chapter 2:The Key vs The Freeshooter

"Roxas!! Lost your touch?? Haha." Teased Xigbar as he fired off multiple shots towards Roxas, who barely dodged them.

Roxas scowled. "I do not have time for this." he thought, dodging off the shots and trying hard to get close enough to Xigbar.


"Rrrr!" shouted Roxas as he finally caught Xigbar offguard. Landing a backbreaking blow with Oblivion, he twirled around and lifted Xigbar high up into the air with the Oathkeeper and relentessly attacked with a flurry of blows. He was about to land a critical blow when Xigbar warped behind him and gleefully shouted, "Roxas!!" before sinking two shots into his flesh.

Roxas tore at his back in agony, his usual white outfit transformed into a shade of crimson red. He looked up briefly to see Xigbar grinning as he placed the point on his forehead...

"OH-NO" groaned Roxas as Xigbar readied his blaster.

(meanwhile)
A group of heartless appeared, surrounding Riku. "Damn I do not have time for this!" Muttered Riku as he finished them off with a single blow. The darkness was taking over his islands yet again. He had had nightmares about it all too often, all because of his curiousity, he had single-handedly caused the downfall of his home-world.

He swore an oath to himself. "I will not let that happen!! I will save the islands at all costs!"

In the far-off distance, Riku could see two figures fighting an intense battle, and one of them looked ALOT like Sora and he was using TWO keyblades. "Must be Sora and that form-change thing." Muttered Riku. He took a deep breath and ran toward that area, not knowing that someone was watching him.

"Heh" chuckled the mysterious figure.
 
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The Lone Dragon

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"Hmmm... who should Riku be fighting?" Kurix asks to Akihike.

"Possibly Larnexe...or Zexion..." Akee states monotonusly...she found this boring...

"Don't pay any attention to Akee. She's only wants to read other stuff, like...
stuff... yeah." Kurixs says slowly.
They (meaning Quay and Akee) were just finishing a sugar-high with Axel, Xigbar, Luxord and most of all, Riku.

"Riku should fight Zexion, though...I've always wondered what his weapon was like. This one dude, named Mr. Garbanzo on Fanfiction.Net, had a great description of what Zexy's weapon was... let's see..."
Kurix manages to climb to the computer and get to his story.

"It's called What Comes After, and it's on chapter 64, or "69". Depressing that it has only like 36 or more chapters left." Akee laughs at Quay's sarcasm.

"There it is," Riku says, who happened to be so tired, he didn't really move or do much to be noticed. Kurix read aloud:

Meanwhile, Zexion moved his hands into a different position, and bluish-black energy began to surge between them for a few seconds before flickering a little and forming into a long shape. Slowly, a dark blue, staff-like weapon began to materialize in his hands. On one end were three of the familiar cross-point designs of the Nobody symbol, which appeared on nearly every Organization XIII member's weapons. On the opposite end were several parts jutting out, including two more cross-points. Attached to the flat part of the staff, near the top, was a small, upside-down Nobody symbol, and at the bottom near the three cross-points, several silvery-colored crystals were embedded into it.

Zexion gripped his weapon with one hand, then held the other out in front of him. Another surge of blue-black energy appeared, quickly forming itself into a small, shiny, perfectly-round black orb. The orb floated into the air for a few seconds, drifting upward, before finally coming to a stop directly above Zexion's staff, resting in midair just above the top of the weapon.

"Yeah, we know. he writes too much. That's Garbanzo for ya."

"Well, at least we're reviewing this for Kerry." Akee moans. She has a brain freeze.

Riku decides to metion a tought; "I found that you need to describe more. Not as much as in that quote. That was almost too much. Please take into consideration that your viewers may be bored with your story if it is all wierd to read...just beware."

"COOKIES AND MILK FOR ALL!!!" Kurix happened to have a spare... dozens of dozens of cookies and many gallons of milk. He starts to throw the rest around to share with all.

While Kurix chucks cookies and bottles of milk, Riku and Akihike wave goodbye to you.

P.S. Check out the info on Akihike and Kurix on my Fan Fiction. Net profile; a link is in my sig.
 

~RIKU~DaRk P0WeR

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Chapter 3:The Freezing Touch Of Defeat

"Holy Crap" Groaned Riku as a hooded figure charged towards him. Summoning his Way To Dawn, Riku performed a sweeping slash, catching his assailant off-guard, and hitting him in the stomach. His enemy collapsed and glowed blue, before completely freezing into a statue of ice and finally, melting into a puddle of water. A sharp chill passed through Riku as the puddle moved toward him and grabbed hold of his legs, freezing back into ice.

Riku heard a maniacal laugh and looked up, and there, floating in midair was Vexen, a hand to his forehead in a dramatic pose, laughing away.
Vexen stopped and said,"So... You have not improved at all. I'm very disappointed with that, Riku..."

Riku rolled his eyes and hacked at the ice frozen onto his feet. The glistening blue ice broke off into tiny pieces and Riku got into his battle stance."Lets get this over with, Vexen!" Shouted Riku towards the eldest member of the organization. What he got for his reply was an irritated look, followed by the usual;"Respect your elders!"

Grabbing this chance, Riku jumped and slashed at Vexen's unprotected body. Why didn't he dodge? thought Riku as his weapon connected. The blade went in from Vexen's right shoulder and came out from his left hip. His entire body split into half and dropped toward the ground. That was way too easy thought Riku as he heard the sickening splat.

Looking down, Riku saw that Vexen's body had converged into... A puddle of water. A sharp pain radiated through his back as a weapon tore through his firm muscles. Grimacing, he looked towards his left to see himself, wielding a Souleater and wearing the uniform of darkness.

But something was different about this Riku, he was bigger, stronger, faster and much better than the original Riku. Above the battle and safe from stray attacks, a figure was watching and chuckling at the same time. " What will you do now, Riku ? " Muttered the figure before bursting into another fit of laughter.

[meanwhile]

Somehow, he had dogded Xigbar's attack. Just as Xigbar was about to shoot him in the head, his instincts kicked his logical mind away and he reacted,knocking Xigbar's weapon away and stunning The Freeshooter, giving him enough time to recover. Standing upright, Roxas shouted:"Heal!" Steam emmited from his wounds as they magically bonded together, leaving the skin scar-less and smooth as a baby's.

Roxas readied his kayblades and leapt. This time, he was too fast and too agile for Xigbar to dodge. Roxas was running entirely on adrenaline, and his blades moved so fast, all that could be seen of him was a twirl of black and white (think sorta like berserk). Xigbar shot Roxas, or at least he tried to shoot him, because all the shots fired were immediately deflected back.

Xigbar warped behind Roxas in a bid to get a lucky shot, but Roxas had anticipated that. Reaching deep into himself, Roxas concentrated and his keybaldes glowed a light blue, he leapt toward Xigbar with inhuman agility and gave a dynamic finishing blow. All Xigbar could do was watch as both keyblades found their target: his unprotected spine. "Urgh!" gasped Xigbar, that was all he could manage as the blades had connected with a loud crunch.

Xigbar lay sprawled on the floor, coughing blood as he strength slowly seeped away from him. Roxas stood there panting. Dismissing his keyblades, he he thought triumphly: I've won!. Taking in a deep breath, he turned and ran, in hopes of finding Riku before he got into a battle.
 
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SoraOblivion93

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Ok first post here , supportin my fren here .

Lolx so tis wat u been up to haha. Not bad for your first attempt , try more detail chapters will be better . Jia you !
 

`theONEwingANGEL

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this is not so bad but a chapter mainly on 2 fights is not to my liking. try putting in more details like what your friend above has said.
 

~RIKU~DaRk P0WeR

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Chapter 4: Of Kings And Books

Pfft a light went out. It spread like a plague until the entire corridor was dark and gloomy. A figure emerged from the darkness. "Let the games begin!" it said. All around him, bright yellow orbs appeared. They weren't orbs, but eyes. Thousands of yellow eyes appeared. The haertless spawned like crazy until the entire corridor was bright with the glow of their eyes.

Goofy was doing his usual rounds when he went past a unusually bright corridor, and was overcome by dozens of heartless. "Gwarsh, its the HEARTLESS!!!" he screamed, with a wild look of panic in his eyes. He sprinted to the throne room and raised the alarm. The heartless, as though sensing danger, began an attack. It happened so fast no one saw it coming. The entire castle was teeming with heartless in a matter of seconds. "THUNDER!!!" shouted Donald, eliminating a squad of heartless in front of him. He was escorting Daisy and Queen Minnie to the vault keeping the cornerstone of light, out of harms way. Finally reaching, he left them there and rushed to help Goofy, who was having trouble with a group of Darkballs.

More heartless appeared, but were taken out with a sweep of the Keyblade. King Mickey took out more of the heartless and called in Donald and Goofy. " You two follow me. We have to take out the leader of the heartless and the others will soon follow." spoke Mickey urgently as he rushed to the area where the power of darkness was strongest.

A cloaked man walked towards Mickey and took off his hood, revealing him to be: Zexion. A heartless changed into Zexion, then another and another until the entire garden was filled with Zexions. "Stop playing and fight me, Ienzo!" shouted Mickey. Donald and Goffy were nowhere to be seen and Mickey could only fight alone. An annoyed voice filled the air;" My name is Zexion!!" An attack followed, a squadron of Zexions charged for Mickey.

With a wave of his keyblade, Mickey dispersed the illusion, revealing the real Zexion levitating above him. In his hands was... A hard-covered book with the symbol of the Nobodies in front and the symbol of the Heartless behind. "Heh... Now the fun really begins..." said Zexion in an annoying sing-song voice. Mickey took out a golden orb and ate it. He glowed golden and levitated in mid-air, all the rocks near him floated up and surrounded him, forming a shield of rocks(think naruto when he transforms, the rocks are the red chakra).

The rocks glowed white and crumbled off. Standing in the mess was: Mickey, with a silver suit and TWO keyblades. "Final form." Said Mickey with a smile. Zexion was unimpressed, with an evil glint in his eyes, Zexion asked," Do you like stories, your majesty?

With that, Zexion opened his book and muttered something softly, and all of a sudden, Mickey was in an unfamiliar place. "Do you know anything about Little Red Riding Hood??" an omnipotent voice asked "I hope you do, because you're gonna relieve the story, as the wolf..." The voice laughed and Mickey was astounded. He rushed to the nearest stream and, staring back at him was: a hairy wolf...

"Oh no..." groaned Mickey.
 
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