Help/Support ► Relationships. hard to tell interest?

[Gildragon]

Yes, believe it or not. Your fellow awesomness Gildragon,GD, Daniel Craig, yes even Daniel Craig has girl problems. seriously. Its hard for me actually to find someone I am interested in. Read on.

OK now I am gonna talk about my situation.

I keep having social issues. like not knowing how to MAKE friends. alsmot every friend I have invited me, started talking to me, etc. Now don't get me wrong I can be an excellent friend, ask for example Nelo or Ultima Star, but because of these social issues It affects relationships that I might have that go farther beyond normal friendship

First off I believe I should be familiar with someone before I start dating them. Like either from aplay or church or something. (I also wanna say at 20 years old I have only had 3 Girlfriends)

My problem is this, sometimes I have trouble discerning whether a girl is actually interested in me. I mean sometimes I'll think that just a girl being nice to me, automatically means she is interested in me. Sometimes when I see a girl flaunting herself not necessarily to me but on occasions when I am obviously in view, I think she is flirting with "ME."

I have acted on these instincts and FAILED MISERABLY. To be honest its happened enough that I don't know how to tell even that any more.

Sometimes girls or friends of girls would approach e and say "hey, I'm/ She's interested in / wants to date you"

And I knew they were lying.

My first two Girlfriends were a mistake (shouldn't have dated them) and the last one was only because really she was a blonde whoe like me first and I adored her. she might hav elasted longer if I didn't have to move. but oh well.

The thing is I eventually want to get married to someone. I dont' know that with the way things have ended up how I would even start "looking for" a girl, or telling if a girl is interested in me.

and its driving me crazy. I'm starting to get desperate. That happening has affected my judgement before and it ended badly. I almost feel like giving up on the whole thing. Except for one thing... I really don't like to quit.

 

[Rix]

I don't know what to say Gil... I really do want to heøp you, but on this case I'm not sure if I can help you... i kinda had the same problem with guys.. All I can say is that you shoud never give up! be patient and you will meet a girl sooner or later You are a goodlooking guy with such a nice personality and I don't think 3 girlfriends is not bad at the age of twenty.. You know that many girls wants guys that hasn't had many relationships right? So it's not a bad thing...

Sorry that i can't give you better advice on this, but just don't give up ok?

 

[Gildragon]

*sigh.* yeah I guess, It's just that its been such a long time

 

[Rix]

yeah.. i know, but please don't give up. you never know what will happen. maybe you will meet her tomorrow? We don't know. Just don't give up.

Any others that can give Gil some advice?

 

[Gildragon]

yeah.. i know, but please don't give up. you never know what will happen. maybe you will meet her tomorrow? We don't know. Just don't give up.

Any others that can give Gil some advice?

not to put you down or anything Rixam, but that to be honest is the kinda thing I hear all the time, and it just doesn't seem to make a difference

 

[Dogenzaka]

I understand what you feel.
It's definitely good practice that you get to know someone well and extensively before you date them. After all, you don't wanna date someone you find out later isn't who you thought they were, right? And in my opinion, marriage is the ultimate goal of any romantic relationship. Dating should be where you strive to see if the person is fit for marriage, and if you can see the two of you lasting together in a marriage. And lastly, that marriage is a lifelong commitment--take it seriously. If you don't think you can be with the person and their family your whole life, don't marry them, respect the commitment it is. Divorce rates are too high for you to add to it.

Now that that's out of the way, I'd say that you seem to have a more reserved and almost cautious way of looking for girls (I might be wrong). If so, that's okay! You just need to find a girl that is the same as you, that wants to get to know you and doesn't mind being friends before anything else. I'd say if you like a girl, try hanging out with her and her friends and your friends on separate occasions, and just hang out with her to get to know her. I'd say, make sure to throw in a couple of comments every once in a while like "You look beautiful today", etc., just throw in anything subtle and not too imposing or creepy to expand it just beyond a casual friendship, and look for signs and reactions of that from her, to help signify that you might be looking for more than a friendship. If you see the two of you growing closer and can both see each other as more than just a friend, ask her formally if you can court/date. If her parents want to know you first, it will be a big plus of respect to her if you meet her parents or ask them for approval, etc., even if it requires waiting a little longer it's worth it.

If you have any more questions or anything....let me know...=P

 

[9890]

Yes, believe it or not. Your fellow awesomness Gildragon,GD, Daniel Craig, yes even Daniel Craig has girl problems. seriously. Its hard for me actually to find someone I am interested in. Read on.

I find this hard to believe you are quite attractive for a male, and you seem to possess quite awesome characteristics. But if you say so...XD

I keep having social issues. like not knowing how to MAKE friends. alsmot every friend I have invited me, started talking to me, etc. Now don't get me wrong I can be an excellent friend, ask for example Nelo or Ultima Star, but because of these social issues It affects relationships that I might have that go farther beyond normal friendship

There is no 'exact' way to make friends I believe, however it does help to be socially active, or have good socializing skills. What I feel your issue is, is the way you percept what the other person was/is going to react to you making yourself welcome? Maybe?

First off I believe I should be familiar with someone before I start dating them. Like either from aplay or church or something. (I also wanna say at 20 years old I have only had 3 Girlfriends)

My problem is this, sometimes I have trouble discerning whether a girl is actually interested in me. I mean sometimes I'll think that just a girl being nice to me, automatically means she is interested in me. Sometimes when I see a girl flaunting herself not necessarily to me but on occasions when I am obviously in view, I think she is flirting with "ME."

I have acted on these instincts and FAILED MISERABLY. To be honest its happened enough that I don't know how to tell even that any more.

Sometimes girls or friends of girls would approach e and say "hey, I'm/ She's interested in / wants to date you"

And I knew they were lying.

My first two Girlfriends were a mistake (shouldn't have dated them) and the last one was only because really she was a blonde whoe like me first and I adored her. she might hav elasted longer if I didn't have to move. but oh well.

Just so you know it’s not the quantity of girls you’ve dated but the quality. The way we percept the other sex’s feelings or attitude is normally what we reflect ourselves, maybe if you are confused of what they are thinking of you, normally, is your own trouble of what you percept of them, if that makes sense.

The thing is I eventually want to get married to someone. I dont' know that with the way things have ended up how I would even start "looking for" a girl, or telling if a girl is interested in me.

and its driving me crazy. I'm starting to get desperate. That happening has affected my judgement before and it ended badly. I almost feel like giving up on the whole thing. Except for one thing... I really don't like to quit.

Whoa, slow down son! Marriage is an even bigger step as you should know; if you are having troubles with finding love then you are far off from this sadly. Your desperation is also quite normal, it really is the whole ‘patience’ issue, but easier said then done.

P.S. I consider you a close online pal, you have me also.

 

[Gildragon]

I find this hard to believe you are quite attractive for a male, and you seem to possess quite awesome characteristics. But if you say so...XD

I guess I am a nice guy. I ama little wed at time. personally, I don't know why people think I am attractive. Although I'm not liek this anymore, I used to look at the mirror and hate myself.

There is no 'exact' way to make friends I believe, however it does help to be socially active, or have good socializing skills. What I feel your issue is, is the way you percept what the other person was/is going to react to you making yourself welcome? Maybe?

Well, Its that I don't know how to instigate starting something. like I'll always joing in on a conversation or be invited. I never START anything, I might add something to it or make it more interesting, so people may want to be freinds with me, but I never seem to know how to let people know that I'd like to hang out with them without feeling awkward. The thing is I don't normally feel awkward in most social situations so it confuses me

Just so you know it’s not the quantity of girls you’ve dated but the quality. The way we percept the other sex’s feelings or attitude is normally what we reflect ourselves, maybe if you are confused of what they are thinking of you, normally, is your own trouble of what you percept of them, if that makes sense.

Yeah, I don't think I was ready to date, at least the first one. or if I was ready I acted too hastily

Whoa, slow down son! Marriage is an even bigger step as you should know; if you are having troubles with finding love then you are far off from this sadly. Your desperation is also quite normal, it really is the whole ‘patience’ issue, but easier said then done.

Well I don't need to get married right away. I just want it to happen. and If I don't even know how to tell a girls interest marriage just isn't going to happen unless a girl comes straight up to me and tells me she's interested, and wants to date. that happens rarely enough, and thats not enough to tell whethe or not I shoudl mary this person

P.S. I consider you a close online pal, you have me also.

I hope you weren't making an offer there. lol

 

[9890]

I guess I am a nice guy. I ama little wed at time. personally, I don't know why people think I am attractive. Although I'm not liek this anymore, I used to look at the mirror and hate myself.

I was always self conscious of my looks also, until girls started asking for my number and getting little comments on my looks, now I fully embrace the way I look, and not to brag but am rated quite attractive. (There’s photo of me in my Fanclub for those that don’t know what I look like)

Well, Its that I don't know how to instigate starting something. like I'll always joing in on a conversation or be invited. I never START anything, I might add something to it or make it more interesting, so people may want to be freinds with me, but I never seem to know how to let people know that I'd like to hang out with them without feeling awkward. The thing is I don't normally feel awkward in most social situations so it confuses me

Well then this may indeed be the an issue to your inability to socialize to women in general if you can't strike a simple conversation with friends, do you have any idea as to how this problem came to be?

Yeah, I don't think I was ready to date, at least the first one. or if I was ready I acted too hastily

I must admit I went out with a few girls, mainly because they were simply attractive and popular, I didn't have much thought of the matter as it was merely a social status issue. I wanted to be known as "That Gavin is sleeping with that girl, he must be cool" etc.

Now I got passed that stage I think it was quite pathetic, I mean sure I scored big time with the ladies, but hell I felt alone at the end of it all. We didn't love each other it was merely lust. So at least you attempted at the idea of love with a few girls.

Well I don't need to get married right away. I just want it to happen. and If I don't even know how to tell a girls interest marriage just isn't going to happen unless a girl comes straight up to me and tells me she's interested, and wants to date. that happens rarely enough, and thats not enough to tell whethe or not I shoudl mary this person

Exactly, anyhow just for now don't aim to high at the thought of marriage etc.

I hope you weren't making an offer there. lol

LAWL NO! <3

 

[Lancelot]

Well like you said Gil, yu should be farmiliar with them first. I mean, in school its good cos you might get classes with em etc. With you, you gots church etc. So maybe you just gotta... iI'm not sure how to put it... uhh... "flaunt" yourself lol... But yeah, just some friendly chat is a good builder of confidence too, even if its with people you don't really know that well, cos the fact that your getting out there and making an effort ends up feeling great for yourself. Then after a while, try going out somewhere. It doesn't have to be an overly public place, maybe a little restaurant on a weekday or something when there isn't many people around, so it doesn't make you as tense... I can't really say to much more, but i hope that kinda helps mate

 

[Dark-Disciple]

Hey dude.... I was reading this and it was rather interesting the amount of parallels that I was able to connect with you over here...
So dude, here's the thing:
Let me build up on what Dogenzaka stated, for I believe his to be the best advice given to follow at the moment^

If the problem you have at the moment is knowing whether someone is interested on you or not, my advice here is to really not give it much attention if you actually like that individual. And here's the explanation behind that:
If there is something that you should never do in a relationship (or while aspiring for a relationship for that matter) is to double-guess yourself.
Trust me, You have absolutely no idea how many times I have completely screwed up because of this.
(And just for the hell of the argument, here's an example: )

---I once told a dear friend of mine to meet me somewhere after her third hour of school, because apparently I needed to tell her something.
All the cards were played right, and she knew exactly what I was talking about even before I ever said anything....
(yeah..... believe it or not, the whole B.S. thing with body-gestures-being-a-huge-part-of-a-conversation is not really that B.S after all)

And by the looks of it, leaving with a huge blush on her face, I knew for a fact that it would all work out somehow (yeah.... look for this type of signs)

And so we parted our ways to await for our third hour to finish, when I suddenly started breaking into an intangible train of thought. I started double guessing myself.
Soon, Ideas came to mind, and I started believing that I had no chance with someone as beautiful as her, and then I started degrading my self to the point in which, by the end of third hour, I was Johny raincloud himself.

And there she stood where I had told her, looking as amazingly stunning as ever.
I literally felt like sh!t.

When the time came, I ended up not asking her out, but instead, asking her is she wanted to come to the park with me and some friends (which, the way i said it, sounded just like any other "Hey, maybe we should Hang out this weekend, but not really" statement that we give all of our 'other' friends once in awhile....)
She looked at me rather confused at first, but then she was completely cool about it and hugged me with a yes and a smile on her face^

So in the end, I was actually glad I was able to come up with that instead of telling her some other fabricated Bull which would've destroyed the moment, But I was sick out of my mind to not have been able to ask out someone who I held close and dear, and whom I would soon find out also liked me back....
(and this is where most people would normally think that the story would end........)

[Actually after our last class, I actually meet up with her again, gave her a teddy bear, told her what happened..... told her that I double guessed myself too much, and decided to straightened things out, and asked her out in the end.....
So yeah, if anyone cares, we went out for 8 months, having to stop because she was moving away...]

So the moral of the story here is that, Dude, if you think that you are starting to like someone, Don't give much thought to the idea that they might or might not like you back. Soon enough you will know...
Instead of doing that, focus your attention on doing little things for that Special Someone, (like, I don't know, hang out with her, or talk to her on a daily basis..... drop some "You look lovely today" statements here and there, open the door for her.... things of that nature) And soon enough, instead of guessing whether or not that person likes you, you are hypothetically forcing them to do so in a way that always seems productive.

And If you are still looking for that someone special, here's a little advice that I found to be the greatest of them all:

"Always look for someone that isn't beautiful to the point of charming other man, or as Ugly as to scare them away...
Always look for someone in the middle who happens to have the same taste in music as you"

(yeah..... trust me on that one. If they have the same taste of music as you, even down to the picky bands that no one listens to except for you, Dude, trust me, you Have found "THE ONE")

And if anything, Dude, I bid you the best of luck and I just hope that everything works out for the better with you.

 

[Gildragon]

^yah, i get what you mean with the whole compliments, holding doors, doing favors thing. the thing is, i'm so gosh darn nice that i'll do that for people anyways, whether i'm interested in them or not.

the music part makes sense, chances are though that since i'd only date a christian girl that she would like the same. i sing too (mostly love ballads) so some one i can sing to is important

 

[Dark-Disciple]

^yah, i get what you mean with the whole compliments, holding doors, doing favors thing. the thing is, i'm so gosh darn nice that i'll do that for people anyways, whether i'm interested in them or not.

the music part makes sense, chances are though that since i'd only date a christian girl that she would like the same. i sing too (mostly love ballads) so some one i can sing to is important

Or someone you could sing with....... whichever one floats your boat^
Move to either Ireland or any country in Latin America. It would make your search a little easier^

 

[Dogenzaka]

Move to either Ireland or any country in Latin America. It would make your search a little easier^

lol conservative, Mary-worshiping Catholics isn't what I think he means

Do you have a girl that you like in mind, Gildragon?

 

[Gildragon]

The thing is, I also haven't seen anyone here that I like. Maybe I need to move, I dunno

 

[Lancelot]

Nah, don;t move mate! Just keep your eye out when yourgoing around the place, you might see someone then... I mean, try look outside of church and play groups(you know what i meant lol, sorry), but it would be better if its someone you can get to know somehow... sorry im not much help

 

[Gildragon]

And in my opinion, marriage is the ultimate goal of any romantic relationship. Dating should be where you strive to see if the person is fit for marriage, and if you can see the two of you lasting together in a marriage. And lastly, that marriage is a lifelong commitment--take it seriously. If you don't think you can be with the person and their family your whole life, don't marry them, respect the commitment it is. Divorce rates are too high for you to add to it.

I just wanted to say. I support this comment. Maybe I'm judge people way to early. Maybe I need to get epopel interested in me.

 

[kingdomfighter5]

I cant give you much help, because i am in the basic same situation as you. I like a girl and she as well as a bunch of other people know but I cant find the right time to ask her. Or if is would even be interested. But i can offer you this piece of advice. Ive found its best not to worry if she is interested in you first. Just take the first leap, be confident and ask out a girl that you have been talking to and have made sum sort of friendship. Or just wait a year, go to some clubs and buys some cute girl a drink.

 

[Dogenzaka]

Eh, I don't recommend that. Especially if he's not old enough for alcohol. He might get drunk, end up with a one-night-stand with a girl he doesn't even know, and then it'd be over the next day. I think he's looking for a serious relationship, though, I'm not one to ask about serious relationships and drinks at bars.

 

[Rix]

well.. I think it depends on what kind of bar he goes to, but yes, there are way to many at bars and dance clubs that is only looking for a one night stand or a flirt... But someone is looking for something serious too But like I said, it deends on what kind of place you are going to.