Rejection doesn't sound like fun times

[Phoenix]

"Have you ever gotten rejected by a person you really liked beyond the physical attraction? If so, how did you deal with it?"

Not that it's happened, mind you, but I'm sort of preparing mentally for it so I can keep the "crying alone in my shower" bit to a minimum. So discuss.

 

[Unabomber]

to be honest, i just kept goin on with my life.
then again i don't really think i liked someone i dated beyond their looks.

you could always drink. party with friends. being around people that make you happy is a good way to cope with rejection.

 

[Ophan]

I have, and it hurts.....really bad. When you find someone you like beyond their physical attraction, it's a rare feeling. The effort to show your affection towards that person can be great, and usually to make things easier you'd go with a more paced attitude to letting that person know. If rejection does happen, be prepared to have your emotions fall dramatically, but at the same time if it's a situation in front of that person then just kinda back out slowly, and maybe ask why you were rejected, and just sort of mildly explain your feelings and let it be. It takes quite a long time to get over, but if you end up meeting someone just as good, or better you'll heal up from that pain. If the opposite happens....well then congrats.

 

[Banishing Blade]

Not that it's happened, mind you

Nobody turns down Phoenix.

 

[Bukkake Sensei]

Have I ever been rejected by a person I liked beyond a physical attraction? Dude, absolutely. To this day it happens all the fucking time. If you start hitting on ten girls it doesn't mean you're going to make it with all ten of them. You might snag one of you're lucky, two if you've got game, three or four if you're me.

When I was younger my reaction to any type of rejection from the opposite sex was the fairly typical self loathing you see at some point or another in all men who don't have unhealthy superiority complexes, but I've noticed as I've gotten older that rejection went from being something I was afraid of to something I no longer feared, and from that to something that hurt to something that no longer hurts. How do I deal with it? I couldn't really tell you. I think acceptance is a big part of it, and being able to walk the line between thinking that something is wrong with you and thinking that something is wrong with the person who rejected you is a tremendous virtue (most people lean towards one extreme or the other).

Training yourself not to regret putting yourself in a position to be rejected is also a big part of training yourself not to be afraid of it in the first place, I think. I would rather be rejected 9/10 times but put myself out there a thousand times than only put myself out there when I know I'm going to have my feelings reciprocated if the latter only amounts to a fraction of the former -- wouldn't you? I don't think any of my friends have not heard me use the Babe Ruth analogy that I like to bring up whenever they show hesitance, but the point of it is that fear of failure is a shitty reason to pass up adventures, and I don't want that on my mind as I lay on my death bed. When you really understand that fact with the core of your being, it's hard to let rejection feel like anything greater than an innocent try.

To be honest, I think it's more difficult for me to answer whether or not I did like most of the girls who I've had these experiences with beyond the physical attraction alone. I am not a believer in love at first sight, but I also find that a person's physical behavior can say a lot about them, and there have been times where I've been very drawn to a person without ever speaking to them as well as without wanting anything physical from them. But if you're willing to accept my loose definition of what constitutes an attraction that goes beyond appearance alone, then rejection is still a very big part of my life and one that I'm completely comfortable with.

Interesting idea for a thread, man. Glad I thought of it.

 

[Zero]

I think I have but only a couple and after a couple of rejections I feel bad for a little bit and then I get over it.

 

[Wehrmacht]

Well, sort of.

It's funny because in all my years I've only ever really been particularly attached and attracted to two girls romantically, the first one much moreso than the second; the first one happened when I was 14 (I've gotten the impression most boys have their first attraction of the sort at a younger age than that); the second happened more recently and it's a much less passionate, insecurity-generating interest.

My main experience with rejection comes from the first one. She never outright said "no" (and well, I never asked her out or explicitly confirmed I liked her), but that was the impression I got from her and the way her friends and others spoke of the situation. If any of you were there with me as the whole ordeal unfolded I'm inclined to think you'd agree, but I suppose the possibility that I was overly insecure, pessimistic and fearful regarding myself and the outcome (flaws which I could argue I still possess) is something I can't and won't entirely dismiss.

I have to admit it was pretty shit (really, in these kind of situations it can't be much else).

Over time I just grew to accept I couldn't be with her (moving the next year helped a lot) and it didn't hurt any more. I didn't really do much out of the ordinary. All it took was time.

 

[Laz]

"Have you ever gotten rejected by a person you really liked beyond the physical attraction? If so, how did you deal with it?"

Not that it's happened, mind you, but I'm sort of preparing mentally for it so I can keep the "crying alone in my shower" bit to a minimum. So discuss.

Men dont cry dude(at least i dont). Anyway if he/her/them/we reject/rejects you; the only thing you have to do is say "i dont need you" and go on with your life dude. I cant imagine a feeling so strong for somebody[except family]that could make you cry in a shower; that sounds like a soap opera.

 

[Et Cetera]

"Have you ever gotten rejected by a person you really liked beyond the physical attraction? If so, how did you deal with it?"

Not that it's happened, mind you, but I'm sort of preparing mentally for it so I can keep the "crying alone in my shower" bit to a minimum. So discuss.

Personally, I've never even wanted to ask out a girl I've only been physically attracted to. A sort of emotional attraction is absolutely a requirement for me, which may be the cause of a)me being single and b) (as zion said) a lot of pain.

It may be because I'm shy, but I've only ever been able to go for a girl that I like being around, and feel comfortable with.
That's not to say, however, that if I have a more-than-physical attraction for someone, I automatically go for it. Quite the contrary, it's so nerve racking for me to even think about bringing it up.

Unfortunately, 100% of the girls I've asked out (which is five in the past three years) have given me the "just friends" speech. I'll tell you, it freaking sucks, I've felt pretty low after "telling her how I feel", mainly because that person made me so happy in the first place.

The only way I know how to deal with it is time (most of which I spend sulking). Until you get over it. That's all I can say.

Men dont cry dude(at least i dont). Anyway if he/her/them/we reject/rejects you; the only thing you have to do is say "i dont need you" and go on with your life dude. I cant imagine a feeling so strong for somebody[except family]that could make you cry in a shower; that sounds like a soap opera.

You and I really different in that respect.

 

[Ophan]

Men dont cry dude(at least i dont). Anyway if he/her/them/we reject/rejects you; the only thing you have to do is say "i dont need you" and go on with your life dude. I cant imagine a feeling so strong for somebody[except family]that could make you cry in a shower; that sounds like a soap opera.

It just sounds like you've never fallen in love.

 

[Laz]

You and I really different in that respect.

That's what i love about people; we are so f.cking different. Seriously, Phoenix, if somebody rejects you. Just forget about it, occupy your time with stuff and get the f.cking over it .

It just sounds like you've never fallen in love.

FYI yes, i have twice; the first one i was the dumper. I dont know what she saw in me but i got her crazy. The second one had me in the friend zone for like 5 years...wait a sec this is not about me. This is about Phoenix and helping him.

 

[Lolita]

I don't think i've been really rejected before, and i've never been in a relationship before, but when the time comes that i'll get rejected over somebody I really like beyond words, not just because of their physical appearance, it'll probably be a bit hard, as i'll be dissapointed in the outcome of things because I liked the person alot, but in the end, i'll do my best to move and and just say "well, it's your loss", because there's plenty of fish in the sea, and there will be many opportunities in life to fall in love.

 

[Lycanthrope]

The only reason anyone would reject me is because I'm a ginger, and most people are not keen on obtaining gingervitis.

But seriously, when I get rejected, I move on. Rejection is a part of life.

 

[Ashes Remnant]

Of course I've been rejected. Went head over heels for this girl, yet she treated me like shit, and flirted back for around a year. We're still friends now, even tho she dated the same guy 3 times in the time I've crushed on her. Shit happens.

 

[Stavvy]

You know, when I want to ask someone out, all you have to ask is, "Reasonably, what's the worst that could happen? She'd say no, things MAY be awkward for a bit, if she's shallow enough to let that happen, and then you can go back to being friends." Then just go and ask her out. If she says no, get over it. It's not the end of the world, there's billions of other girls out there anyway.

Of course, you can keep trying, if you really think she's that special, or have nothing better to do, but some may consider that stalking if it gets too out of hand.

So yeah, I've been rejected before, but I never really let it get to me, not anymore. Hell, I was at a party a few nights ago and essentially got rejected twice. That didn't stop me from enjoying the rest of the night, either. It's just something you gotta go through.

I mean, going back to Sam's statement, you'd rather put yourself out there for a chance at something good rather than go through life alone, wouldn't you? To put it in extremes, at least.

 

[frisson]

Men dont cry dude(at least i dont). Anyway if he/her/them/we reject/rejects you; the only thing you have to do is say "i dont need you" and go on with your life dude. I cant imagine a feeling so strong for somebody[except family]that could make you cry in a shower; that sounds like a soap opera.

Believe it or not, another person can mean that much to someone.

 

[Faris]

Rejection I don't think is the worst, I think its kinda crapper to have loved and lost I suppose.

 

[Phoenix]

Nobody turns down Phoenix.

You speak nothing but truths, friend.

Interesting idea for a thread, man. Glad I thought of it.

*ahem* Your post is the fourth one after mine? For shame.

Men dont cry dude(at least i dont). Anyway if he/her/them/we reject/rejects you; the only thing you have to do is say "i dont need you" and go on with your life dude. I cant imagine a feeling so strong for somebody[except family]that could make you cry in a shower; that sounds like a soap opera.

1. You do realize that the shower thing was half-joking, right?
2. Though I don't want to use the word "love", it's indeed very possible to feel strongly about someone.


Let's keep the topic in perspective though, guys. It's not that I need help to deal with a recent rejection (as I said, that hasn't happened). I just realize that if it does happen in this particular case, it's going to hurt like fuck and I was curious as to how people deal with this specific hurt.

Remember this is Discussion, not Help & Support =/

 

[The Big Lovin']

Rejection sucks.

Cry a little and move on.

And yeah, I've been rejected. Not all laydays love the BIG LOVIN'.

 

[Johnny Stooge]

I drink. And then drink some more.

But I do that anyway.

To be honest though, I haven't really put myself out there in quite some time but when I did and was faced with rejection I went through a not so pleasant experiance. However, I was pretty young back then and it was a weird sort of situation. But you move on because you have to.