@ Annoyance, I was kind of just in the mood to write it I guess. Otherwise, I'll take what you said into advisement and incorporate how the characters feel in the stories next time, instead of making up a random biography for the characters.
Durarara one-shot KK style
Having been invited to this anonymous building, Shinra and Shizuo were the last to arrive on schedule.
"So, this is the place?" Shizuo asked, adjusting his glasses and starring up at the building.
"That's what it says on the card, Shizuo." said Shinra, having been invited too.
Celty took out her cellphone and asked "Shouldn't we be heading inside?".
"Yeah, it's not like we'll be defenseless or anything, so let's go inside and get this over with." said Shizuo, having made up his mind and proceeded inside of the building.
Shinra felt Celty's arm loop around his waist in an iron like grip, taking him inside with her before he could bolt. "Celty, are you scared?" he asked with a lope sided smile, before getting elbow in the gut.
Celty let go of him with a shake of her head, walking inside by herself and leaving him kneeling on the cement. "Celty! I was joking!" he called out after her, slowly making his way inside.
Making their way inside, Shizuo could hear voices echoing around the room and realized this was an auditorium.
Celty looked towards the stage, where a table happen to be sitting in the middle of and a few people occupying seats already.
Shinra instantly ran onto the stage after spotting a few familiar faces, like say your favorite info broker and Kyohei Kadota.
Having made his way onto the stage, Shizuo was nearly seething at the sight of Izaya Orihara. That he started stomping his way over to him with deadly intentions of wiping the smirk off his face.
"What's that flea doing here!?" shouted Shizuo, ready to tear him apart.
"Nice to see you too, Shizu-chan" retorted Izaya, pulling out a knife and ready to flee at a moments notice.
"Excuse me, no fighting is permitted inside of the building, so I'll have to confiscate any weapons on your person" said the Authoress.
"Ha, looks like you'll have to hand over your switch blades Izaya" said Shizuo.
"Fine, I'll hand them over but Shizu-chan has to wear these." said Izaya, pulling out a pair of handcuffs and dangling them on his index finger.
"You're out of your freakin minds, if you think I'm putting those on!" said Shizuo, sending a murderous glare at Izaya.
"I'm afraid to ask, just where you on earth you got those cuff's, Izaya." said Kyohei, sitting back in his chair with his feet propped up on the table.
"Celty if you'll do the honors of placing those cuffs on Shizuo, that would be great." said the Authoress, sharing a mischief glance with Izaya.
"Why does it have to be Celty?" protested Shinra, folding his arms across his chest.
"I didn't hear you offering to do the job." said the Authoress, posing with Izaya's switch blades.
"It's no big deal." typed out Celty, standing before Shizuo and placing the cuffs around his wrists.
"Now, let's get down to business and explain why you're all here today." said the Authoress, with a skip in her step.
"Yes, why are we here?" Shinra asked, adjusting his glasses and staring intently at her.
"I needed you, Celty, Kyohei and Masaomi here as witnesses," said the Authoress, with a sly smile.
"In case things go wrong." she continued.
"And what gave us the honor to receive your invitations, Miss Authoress?" asked Izaya, indicating himself and Shizuo.
"I wanted to see how long, you and Shizuo could stay sane in the same room together." said the Authoress.
"Here, take this Masaomi" said the Authoress, handing Masaomi a baseball bat.
"I thought weapons weren't permitted in the building?" asked Kyohei.
"My building, my rules." said the Authoress, pacing back and forth in thought.
"Thanks, think this will come in handy. I have a few things to settle with Izaya." said Masaomi, holding the wooden bat.
"Oh sure, take my weapons and make me defenseless, that's really kind of you." said Izaya, sarcastically at the Authoress.
"Your welcome." she said with a smile on her face.
"So, will Mikado or Anri be joining us soon?" asked Masaomi, feeling bored.
"They were invited, but said they couldn't make it until later." answered Kyohei, watching the mysterious Authoress go through their things.
"If your wondering what I'm doing, I'm taking your stuff because I can." said the Authoress, swiping Shizou's glasses and putting them on.
"Fanastic." said Shizou, earning muffles of laughter from Shinra and Masaomi.
Kyohei having been leaning back in his seat, started to feel thirsty and took ahold of the cup that just happened to be sitting on the table across from him.
"Is this stuff safe to drink?" asked Kyohei, indicating the cup with the pink liquid inside of it.
Celty gave a shrug, watching Shinra sniff the contents of the cup and announcing "It smells good. Like strawberries."
"Yeah, it's safe to drink." said the Authoress, trying to keep the smile off her face.
Izaya lifted his right eyebrow up at her, leaving the cup untouched and waited to see what happens after consuming said drink.
Shinra was the first to gulp his drink down and practically shouting "This stuff is awful! What is this!?".
"Do you have any water?" Kyohei asked, not liking the sugary contents of his drink.
The Authoress bursted into laughter at the look on both their faces before slowly regaining her composure. "Yeah, there's some water bottles underneath your guy's chairs."
"What you just had a sip of, was Powerade." she said a moment after, taking a drink of it.
"How can you stand it?" Masaomi asked, having taken a small cautious sip of it.
"I don't have a choice, until I'm restocked with Mountain Dew." said the Authoress, balancing the Powerade on the top of her head.
"That means, you guys get to suffer with me until that happens. Except I'm not that mean and was nice enough, to give you guys bottle of water instead." she said, with a small frown.
Izaya noticed it didn't take long for that frown of hers to turn into a devious smile, that he kept to himself and watched in amusement.
"Now, I'm going to have you guys repeat a few things after me. If any of you even think of disobeying me, Masaomi here, will hit you on the head with the baseball bat." said the Authoress.
"Now repeat after me, What do we want? Dew! What do we need? Money!" said the Authoress, watching everyone except Shizou and Izaya do it.
"Masaomi, hand me that baseball bat for a minute, will ya?" said the Authoress, digging in Izaya's pockets for his cellphone.
"Your making a big mistake." said Izaya, watching her dangle the cellphone in front of him.
"I don't think so." said the Authoress, placing it on the table and handing the bat to Masaomi.
"Would you like to do the honors, Masaomi?" she asked, holding out the baseball bat.
"Hold on," said Masaomi, having just thought of something hilarious.
"If you say the following 'I want to kiss Shizuo's a**' then I won't smash your cellphone to smithereens, Izaya." he said, with a smirk on his face.
"Yes, I dare you to say it flea." said Shizuo, with a growl.
"Your next, once we're done with Izaya." said the Authoress.
"If you think a cellphone is going to motivate me into saying it, you thought wrong." said Izaya, with a calm look on his face.
"Wait Masaomi-" said the Authoress, getting a bad feeling about it and putting up a hand to stop him.
"That's to bad." said Masaomi, swinging the bat down with everything he had.
"Maybe not for me and Celty of course, but I don't know about the rest of you." said Izaya, holding up the palm of his right hand where his cellphone just happen to be resting.
Everyone frantically checked there pockets for their cellphones, only the Authoress came up empty handed with her cellphone missing.
"I'm going to kill you!" said the Authoress, jerking Izaya to his feet by the collar of his shirt.
"It's not my fault you mistook my cellphone for yours." said Izaya, pulling her hands off his shirt.
"Give me your cellphone. In exchange for destroying mine!" demanded the Authoress, threateningly.
"Ah, ah, ah, you didn't say please." said Izaya, making her growl.
Celty having grown bored with all this, tapped the Authoress on the shoulder and making her forget about Izaya for the moment.
"What is it Celty?" she asked.
Celty pointed to the tv and asked "What's that for?".
"I'm so glad you asked Celty. Let's watch, shall we!" said the Authoress, turning it on.
Everyone within the room stared up at the tv, waiting to see what was going to happen on it. Shinra started to get a bad feeling, when he recognized the room the tv was showing.
"Oh Celty~ are you done showering yet?" he asked, edging to the door to the bathroom with a camera in his hand.
Shinra started to sink lower into his seat the more he watched himself on the tv. While Celty kept watching, not fully catching on what was happening just yet.
"This will make a nice addition to my collection." whispered Shinra, snapping what shots he could before Celty came walking out of the bathroom.
Celty stood up abruptly from her chair and caught everyone's attention as the tv came off of the ceiling.
"Shinra! You got ten seconds to explain just what the hell you think you were doing! Taking pictures of me in the bathroom! That was an invasion of privacy!" she typed out, before throwing the phone at him.
"I'm sorry Celty! I wasn't thinking and-" said Shinra, making up excuses on the spot until the tv started levitating above Celty's head.
"Celty, this is all just a big misunderstanding." said Shinra, slowly and backing up out of his chair.
"Just so you know, you guys are paying for any damages that happen in this auditorium." piped in the Authoress, earning a glare from Shinra.
"That's not helping." retorted Shinra, hiding behind Shizuo.
Celty not satisfied with Shinra's excuses threw the tv at him, except it smacked right into Shizuo's face with a whack and knocked him over.
"Alright, THAT'S IT!" shouted Shizuo, breaking his handcuffs in half and charging for Izaya.
Everyone who didn't want to stand in Shizuo's way, moved out of the way and kept as far away as possible. Watching Shizuo lose it and stare menacingly at Izaya, who just happen to smirk back at him.
"You know Shizuo, Izaya doesn't have anything on him right now, right?" said Masaomi.
Shizuo smiled at that, lifting the table over his head and sent it sailing out the door after a running Izaya Orihara.
"Careful Masaomi, you don't want to patronize Izaya." said Kyohei, with a meaningful look.
"Well, that was fun." said the Authoress, hearing new footsteps enter the room.
"Hey guys, we just passed Izaya and Shizuo on the way here. Did we miss anything?" asked Mikado.
"Not at all." said the Authoress.
"Hey Boobylious." greeted Masaomi, with a smile on his face.
"Hello." said Anri, happy to see everyone.
"You do realize, that Izaya is gonna come back and retrieve everything you took from him, right Miss Authoress?" asked Kyohei.
"Of course, that's why I'm gonna get a running head start before they come back." said the Authoress, with a smile on her face.
"Better get going, cause it looks like their headed this way." said Masaomi, watching the sparring match between the two of them.
"Looks like we'll have to chat another time, Mikado, Anri." said the Authoress, with a wave and took off running.
"We'll fill you in on what you missed." said Kyohei, watching Shinra and Celty take off too.
The end.
A/N yeah, was kind of just being random with this one and hopefully it got a few good laughs out of you guys.