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Help/Support ► Problem with friend's mental health



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Endgame

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Hmmm I don't know but it seems that you are contridicting on what you just said... though it's IMO. Also you say this as if it were fact,well have you ever stop to think that someone else can actually help her though it? I mean if she actually allows it. hmmm Now I've raised a few questions myself.

How's that going to work?

Person who wants to help: "Stop being depressed."

Her: "Ok then."

And they all lived happily ever after.



Why is it that I seem to be the only person who lives in the real world rather then deluding and lying to myself with romantic notions, overused empty phrases, or blind faith?
 

Jolteon

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How's that going to work?

Person who wants to help: "Stop being depressed."

Her: "Ok then."

And they all lived happily ever after.



Why is it that I seem to be the only person who lives in the real world rather then deluding and lying to myself with romantic notions, overused empty phrases, or blind faith?

Such a predictable answer.I'm not stupid,of course it isnt that easy,but thinking like that helps you gain courage and try to help out those you care for,be it if they're in love or they're family members or w/e. You never know until you try. I understand that you live in the real world,but saying things so harshly won't help you gain peoples attention. Unless of course they want the cold hard truth,then by all means give it to them. Heck I would too.
But always being so harsh Isolates you from others. They want help and see if they can find a solution to ease their pain. What you say doesnt help alot,sometimes it just adds to their pain and then turn away from the others who actually want to help.
 

Endgame

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Such a predictable answer.I'm not stupid,of course it isnt that easy,but thinking like that helps you gain courage and try to help out those you care for,be it if they're in love or they're family members or w/e. You never know until you try. I understand that you live in the real world,but saying things so harshly won't help you gain peoples attention. Unless of course they want the cold hard truth,then by all means give it to them. Heck I would too.
But always being so harsh Isolates you from others. They want help and see if they can find a solution to ease their pain. What you say doesnt help alot,sometimes it just adds to their pain and then turn away from the others who actually want to help.

At least I give them information that can help, if they choose to listen, rather then empty promises and shallow 'feel good' phrase.

"Things will get better"
"It's not as bad as you think it is"
"At least you have the people you have"
"Jesus is with you"
"I'm always going to be here for you"

So great, you made them feel better about themselves for one night. That does nothing to solve the problem itself. If there's a fire in your living room, you can leave the room and pretend it's not there, but your house is still going to on fire unless you put it out.

Who cares if they end up pissed off at me, in the end, I give them the truth, and information that may help. And perhaps, if there's the slightest chance that it does help, and they do get better, then in the end, it was worth them being pissed off at me.
 

Jolteon

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At least I give them information that can help, if they choose to listen, rather then empty promises and shallow 'feel good' phrase.

"Things will get better"
"It's not as bad as you think it is"
"At least you have the people you have"
"Jesus is with you"
"I'm always going to be here for you"

So great, you made them feel better about themselves for one night. That does nothing to solve the problem itself. If there's a fire in your living room, you can leave the room and pretend it's not there, but your house is still going to on fire unless you put it out.

Who cares if they end up pissed off at me, in the end, I give them the truth, and information that may help. And perhaps, if there's the slightest chance that it does help, and they do get better, then in the end, it was worth them being pissed off at me.

Hahah yea you are right. Flame all you want,if it helps it helps. We both have different approaches,but the thing is,the others see that and form an opinoin about what we just said. Well w/e that was a great discussion.
 

Semisubtle

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No, what you're saying is definitely having an impact, and the more I read of different people's opinions the more I get a picture of what I can do that will help the most. I do appreciate it. I just can't ignore the fact that it's happening. This is most definitely not a cry for attention on her part, and I refuse to ignore it until the central problem is determined. Until then, the fact remains that she's still intentionally hurting herself, and there's no reason for her to take such drastic measures.
 

Dogenzaka

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Yeah because saying 'I believe in god' is gonna magically make her problems dissapear just as well as the medication would.

Not gonna comment much on this matter, but I will say that for people who do become Christian and truly mean it in their hearts, many of them drop their addictions and stuff cold turkey. I know people it's happened to before. One of my close friends right now in fact used to traffic all sorts of drugs around the country, got drunk everyday and abused his girlfriends. He got in a motorcycle wreck, survived, believed that God was the one that saved him, turned his life around and he's a completely different person today--very gentle and kindhearted. Not the jerk he used to be.
 

Shade737

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Why is it that I seem to be the only person who lives in the real world rather then deluding and lying to myself with romantic notions, overused empty phrases, or blind faith?
So do you think that after saying that I believe in God we just sit there and do nothing? No, we actually do things ex. taking medications, looking for a cure etc. to go with helping the situation.
 
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Most people are familiar with the expression "God helps those who helps themselves". Interpret it as you will. :)

I will say that a lot of medical experts classify cutting as an addiction, and my experience has been that people who become born again Christians to help them reform their lives are, more often than not, trading off a physical addiction for a religious addiction. One is not healthier than another, because ultimately have still lost control over a part of your life and are dependent on something for stability.

So no, Jesus is not what this girl needs. Jesus is not a passable substitute for self-confidence, security, or willpower, all things that she clearly lacks. Placebo effect or not we are still talking about something that merely hides symptoms, not a long-term remedy. It's also a little bit disturbing to think that, as Shade put it, looking for a cure comes second to going on the Jesus patch. But I am not here to judge.

Misanthropy, I understand the premise of everything you're saying and agree with most of it, but seriously -- enough. You need to work on learning when to keep your mouth shut.
 
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Most people are familiar with the expression "God helps those who helps themselves". Interpret it as you will. :)

I will say that a lot of medical experts classify cutting as an addiction, and my experience has been that people who become born again Christians to help them reform their lives are, more often than not, trading off a physical addiction for a religious addiction. One is not healthier than another, because ultimately have still lost control over a part of your life and are dependent on something for stability.

So no, Jesus is not what this girl needs. Jesus is not a passable substitute for self-confidence, security, or willpower, all things that she clearly lacks. Placebo effect or not we are still talking about something that merely hides symptoms, not a long-term remedy. It's also a little bit disturbing to think that, as Shade put it, looking for a cure comes second to going on the Jesus patch. But I am not here to judge.

Misanthropy, I understand the premise of everything you're saying and agree with most of it, but seriously -- enough. You need to work on learning when to keep your mouth shut.

Nobody said that religion is a cure for mental disorders. At least I didn't. So long as it isn't neurotic (which is really what you're describing), though, there's nothing wrong with using belief to aid the healing process.

As for medication, well, if it is in fact a mental disorder, then it would do a better job of getting to the source of the problem than trying to surmount any social issue alone. Assuming the medical approach is correct, just solving a social issue and putting on a display of self-confidence would only mask the symptoms of a disease.

There's also the option of psychotherapy if it isn't a disorder. Nothing wrong with getting a helping hand to help yourself.
 
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Nobody said that religion is a cure for mental disorders. At least I didn't. So long as it isn't neurotic (which is really what you're describing), though, there's nothing wrong with using belief to aid the healing process.

DarkLightning seemed to be suggesting exactly that, but I certainly didn't mean to lump you in with him.

As for medication, well, if it is in fact a mental disorder, then it would do a better job of getting to the source of the problem than trying to surmount any social issue alone. Assuming the medical approach is correct, just solving a social issue and putting on a display of self-confidence would only mask the symptoms of a disease.

Based on all of the problems that the topic creator has described -- shitty, negligent parents as well as several failed relationships, punctuated by a pathological need to validate herself through sex -- I'm fairly confident that I can take the position that she doesn't have a neurological disorder.
 

Thelonepickle

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For starters...

Tell her to wear a rubber band around her wrist. Anytime she feels like cutting, tell her to snap the rubber band. I know it sounds really simple and stupid, but it's helped a lot of the people I know who cut.

Also, I don't think it should be taken so lightly... I mean a lot of people in this thread seem to think, "Dude, she needs to wake up, snap out of it..." Cutting seems to me to be pretty addictive. Years from now, let's say she's perfectly healthy, she might have a bad day or something and still think about cutting.

I dunno. I hope I helped a little.
 
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DarkLightning seemed to be suggesting exactly that, but I certainly didn't mean to lump you in with him.
Ah, right. Just kinda jumped on that due to the placebo reference.

Based on all of the problems that the topic creator has described -- shitty, negligent parents as well as several failed relationships, punctuated by a pathological need to validate herself through sex -- I'm fairly confident that I can take the position that she doesn't have a neurological disorder.

In which case:

If there's an obvious situational problem then, yes, that needs to be taken care of.

There's also the option of psychotherapy if it isn't a disorder. Nothing wrong with getting a helping hand to help yourself.

However, taking the position of no neurological can be a bit of a slippery slope. Situational issues can, over time, tamper with the brains output of certain neurotransmitters to the point where permanent changes in brain chemistry can occur. In fact, the physical form of the brain can be altered (more often than not the structure of the amygdala and frontal lobes since they are most commonly associated with emotion).

I'm not undermining the social issues here though. It's clear that a resolution to those problems must take precedence, but we have no way of knowing whether or not at this point it could be a disorder. If and when the issues are solved and the symptoms don't cease, that is when medication needs to become a part of the picture.
 

dr.korytco

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She subconciosuly is presuming control of her pain , agony by cutting herself, I believe . In theory , concept its worth exploring to speak with her , tell her you think that she is out of control and she how she reacts . Let her know that you are there for her , but feel that she is not in control .

Humans can be self descrutructive by nature, and given her insecurities as a woman she could simply be finding ways to vent her fears, lack of confidence. I would help build her confidence up. I would compliment her in ways that she knew you truly meant it .

Could you please try that for me.

I once cut myself just to feel it, think it over, and try to help others who did it obsessively .

Tell her that she should find other means of venting that she is too beautiful to be cutting herself and that you rather see her cry and talk to you than go on hurting herself.

Ask her why she chooses to live her life in constant pain, tell her that she is better than that .

Buiild her up , make her realize that life is about choices and opportunities not about something that starts and dies within the soul, but a vessel for the soul to travel . Endless opportunities , and solutions.

Forget the doctors, they know nothing they know theory, concept, she can help her self she experiences her problems every day she just needs a little help by having some one considerate in her life make her consider another perspective, angle of what she is doing to herself , let her want to quit before she dramatizes it , and fins other reasons to go on hurti9ng ourself thinking that she is some extrodinary psycho-puzzle box.

She is a good person, she has no real issues, she just makes some wrong choices that any sane , rational mind can understand with just a little time and thought into it.

Creative thinkers aren't necessary to help those who are mentally wild, just people who think like people. We are all human, and no one needs to be complicated, rather we can all be simplified because in the end we all share things in common to one another.
 

ViVi94

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I don't personally believe in cutting. I don't see how hurting yourself will solve a problem, I just don't. But, my friend cuts herself too, both of my friends did actually. I feel like I'm hanging around emo people, actually, hell, I am, but whatever, that's not the problem right now. I don't think it's an attention getter, my one friend is DEFINATELY a attention getter, she shows off her scars on her wrists and dyes her hair black, so that' not your friend by the sounds of it.

Have you told her to call you whenever she feels like cutting herself? I might work. . . if she agrees that it.
 

Semisubtle

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Yeah, I told her to ALWAYS come to me if she ever feels like that again. Thing is I'll notice pretty quick if she gets any more new scars (we always get ready to go out on weekends together), so I'll know when to crack down if need be. Still, I'd rather have it not be a problem at all, I hate that she feels like she has to punish herself for feeling normally.
 

Semisubtle

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I've been talking with her a lot, about the issues at hand and just life in general, and tonight she asked me to take the scissors out of her room, which she'd been using to cut. I see this as great improvement, so thanks to everyone who gave me advice. I took a little from everyone and it does seem that I'm getting through to her, even by the smallest possible margine. Thank you!
 
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