Help/Support ► Probably getting kicked out soon and I need some advice on where to go.

[_EX]

Well, as the title says, I am probably going to get kicked out soon and I have no idea what to do or where to go.

I will explain in short the reasons why.
I dont like my dad, he is very racist (as in yells "slant eyed gook" at every asian on tv, especially the guy from mythbusters). Its ok though I still have my mum to talk to at home.
I also have a japanese girlfriend, whom I wanted to meet my parents because we are at that stage in our relationship. I warned her about my dad. I told her the worst that will happen is that he will ignore you (he is a coward anyway. She was safe). I just wanted her to meet my mum. My girlfriend took the news well and agreed to meet them.
But, before that day, she told some people about my father, who then told my mum.
She was pretty pissed that I said that about my dad, even though she agrees that he is racist, so now both parents dont like me and are angry. She hasnt told my dad what I said because she knows he will kick me out immediately. I have apologised to my mum about this and it did nothing, what was said was said, even though I did it to protect my girlfriend (she had a right to know what she was getting into. I wasnt just ranting about them).

Because of this drama, my girlfriend said that I can stay with her in Japan with her parents if I get kicked out. I was happy to hear I had something good going for me.
We both want to get married (but I guess you will say it is just teenage hormones. But, for the record. I was with my ex-girlfriend for 18 months and, after two months with my new one, I already love her 100X more than I ever loved the other one) so I know she is prepared to do this for me. Her parents in Japan will take me in, as they have host students frequently apparently. But, I dont know if I should go with her. Is it right to do that?

Just some facts:
Im 17
I live in New Zealand
I have no job, even after trying for like 3 years quite hard.
I have maybe $1700USD worth of money in the bank (from my grandmother)
I have highschool level Japanese
I have 1 year left before I graduate school
I was intending on living in Japan after University (which parents probably wont pay for anymore)

Knowing that, should I go?

If I should, have you got any idea on how I would go about doing all this?
Would I need citizenship or something?

If you can help, that would be VERY VERY appreciated.

 

[krexia]

Your parents cannot legally kick you out if you're a minor. In New Zealand, you're a minor up until you turn 20 years old. If they try to force you out of your home, you can call the police. My advice would be to forget about moving to Japan, find a way to finish high school and get into university. Moving in with your girlfriends' parents is a stop-gap solution that will get you absolutely nowhere in the long term.

Before you commit to moving 5,000 miles away to a country where you know exactly one person, make use of the support networks around you. Talk to your teachers and to universities about residence options at university, about grants and scholarships and student allowances and student loans. I know at least two people who paid their way through university with zero support from their families and zero savings, thanks to government help and loans. Assuming many of your friends will also be going to university, you're likely to be able to find a few to share a flat with, which will keep your living costs reasonable.

Without a visa, you can't legally stay in Japan for more than 90 days. Once you turn 18 you'll be able to apply for a Working Holiday Visa, which is probably the easiest way to get longer-term permission to stay in the country - but bear in mind that you can only get a Working Holiday Visa to Japan once in your life. If you want to stay in Japan after it expires, you'll probably need to start studying at a university that can sponsor you for a College Student Visa. You won't be able to obtain a full Work Visa without a university degree.

Furthermore, what would you actually do if you moved to Japan? You won't find a job at a Japanese company with high school Japanese; at the very least you'd need a Level 2 qualification on the JLPT. You might be able to find a job doing Eikaiwa, but that isn't exactly a career prospect. Getting accepted to a Japanese university is very difficult, and would be nigh impossible if you haven't completed high school. In both secondary and tertiary education in Japan you'd again struggle with the language barrier.

Finally, from my personal experience, living in Japan sucks. The work ethic is a nightmare, the culture is blatantly (although not maliciously) xenophobic and sexist, and if you don't look Japanese you will always be seen as an outsider.

 

[_EX]

Damn. Thank you very much.

My mother and sister both told me he would kick me out so I just assumed he could.
My girlfriend's father has a restaurant that I could work at apparently but I think I will just stay here first.
My Japanese teacher says my best and easiest bet is to go for a teaching english job in Japan (so maybe Jet programme). Apparently, I am known to my girlfriend's old english teacher, who she said has been giving me advice about this. One of the teachers there didnt even speak japanese at all, so I felt pretty good about my chances. I have been studying for 3 years now. Not much but it is more than them.

I still want to live there. I have wanted to since I was like 4. There wasnt really any other option for me. I hate New Zealand so much.

Anyway, thank you very much for your help. I probably wouldve left if they told me to.

 

[Orion]

I live in New Zealand

The fact that I have spent the last two weeks within two thousand kilometres of you has just ruined my otherwise fantastic holiday. Our of curiosity, where are you?

 

[Hamster Lord]

I'd say finish college and high school first, but I dunno what to say about the Japan part though.

 

[_EX]

The fact that I have spent the last two weeks within two thousand kilometres of you has just ruined my otherwise fantastic holiday. Our of curiosity, where are you?

Nice to know I have a fan out there.
Manawatu region. North Island.

I'd say finish college and high school first, but I dunno what to say about the Japan part though.

I know that if I get through university, I can have a very good chance to get in. Apparently, the bare minimum you need to teach english in Japan is a degree of any kind (because they are so desperate for them). If i get a degree in Japanese, I think I will be ahead of the rest, not to mention all the paid scholarships they have for perspective language teachers.

 

[krexia]

My girlfriend's father has a restaurant that I could work at apparently but I think I will just stay here first. My Japanese teacher says my best and easiest bet is to go for a teaching english job in Japan (so maybe Jet programme).

You can't legally work in Japan on a tourist visa (the kind you get to enter Japan for up to 90 days), and you can't get a Working Visa without a university degree or "considerable professional experience in the applicable field". You need to have a Bachelor's Degree or equivalent to apply for JET for this reason. Again, you can get a Working Holiday Visa once you turn 18, but it's only valid for up to one year.

Once you get a university degree and can apply for a Working Visa, then yes, it's dead easy to find a job teaching English in Japan. I did it myself for a month in 2006, on a Working Holiday Visa. You generally don't need any Japanese language ability or teaching experience; being a native speaker is enough to get you a low-level job.

That said, while teaching itself is a rewarding experience, again, eikaiwa doesn't exactly offer much in the way of career prospects. I was bored by the end of my month; there's no way I could've done it long-term.

Again I think you'd be much, much better off staying in New Zealand, where you speak the language, know the culture, won't have to worry about visa-related legal issues, and can take advantage of the government support available to students. At least until you finish university - once you have a degree you'll have a lot more options.

 

[_EX]

Thanks again for the help. I really do appreciate all this.

I had no idea I needed a degree before I can get a working visa. I guess I have no choice but to stay here for a few years.
Out of curiousity, do you know how easy it would be to get citizenship there? I have a feeling they will be quite strict on it.
I heard it is hard for people to start working there. Apparently, you need a job before you can get a working visa there. Is that true?

I hope I can get a sufficient teaching job with the qualifications I will have by then.

Does it have to be Eikaiwa? I had my heart set on Osaka. I know many people there.

Thank you for the advice but I know I want to live there. I have known for a long time.
NZ economy is awful. We dont have enough jobs and, instead of encouraging more people to create them, the govt just pays everyone unemployment money. I know it is the same with other places but when I have been applying EVERYWHERE for the last 3 years and not had any luck (same story for pretty much everyone I know, including qualification-required job seekers). If I can get enough money to get out of here, I will be lucky.

Thank you.

 

[Turn]

Does it have to be Eikaiwa? I had my heart set on Osaka. I know many people there.

Then you'll probably be pleased to learn that Eikaiwa actually refers to English conversation schools, and not an actual place.

 

[krexia]

Thanks again for the help. I really do appreciate all this.

To be honest you might want to confirm the responsibility of care thing - the age of majority is definitely 20, but I've been reading some more stuff online and it seems like people under 20 are allowed to assume some adult responsibilities even though they're technically minors. Generally your parents can't refuse to care for you if you're underage though. Or if they do, the state will look after you.

In the absolute worst case, do you not have any extended family in New Zealand, or friends who you could stay with locally?

Out of curiousity, do you know how easy it would be to get citizenship there? I have a feeling they will be quite strict on it.

Yeah, they're pretty strict. You have to have lived in Japan full-time for over five years, be very fluent in the language (you have to go through an in-person interview, in Japanese, with a Ministry of Justice official), and you'll have to renounce any other citizenship you have.

I heard it is hard for people to start working there. Apparently, you need a job before you can get a working visa there. Is that true?

Yeah, most of the time you need a Japanese employer to sponsor your application. Often you can organise that from overseas, though. When I applied for my Working Holiday, I got in touch with the eikaiwa school I wanted to work with (Gaba) and set up an interview before I left Australia.

Does it have to be Eikaiwa? I had my heart set on Osaka. I know many people there.

Err... eikaiwa is 英会話, English conversation. It's a colloquial, catchall term for English teaching jobs in Japan

 

[Radiant Princess]

My best friend's sister lives in Japan teaching English and she loves it! She was only meant to be staying for a year but this is her 4th. So mabye in a few years after you finish Uni and have more of a chance getting a decent job I'd see not much of a problem in going.

She had very little Japaneese but she's improving and doesn't want to go back. Save up, finish Uni and your alot more likely to enjoy it! She's in Kobe, a while away from Osaka but she visits there. The more time you spend in New Zealand the more prepared you are for when you actually do go to Japan. You'd have extra time to save up, more qualifications, more time to practise Japaneese and more time to mull it over and really think about this. In the mean time learn more about what to expect when you go, culture etc. I really hope this helps.

As for your parents just try to stay out of their way as much as possible and when you do have to talk to them grin and bear it and think of your girlfriend.

 

[_EX]

Then you'll probably be pleased to learn that Eikaiwa actually refers to English conversation schools, and not an actual place.

Haha. I know. I am an idiot.

To be honest you might want to confirm the responsibility of care thing - the age of majority is definitely 20, but I've been reading some more stuff online and it seems like people under 20 are allowed to assume some adult responsibilities even though they're technically minors. Generally your parents can't refuse to care for you if you're underage though. Or if they do, the state will look after you.

I should research this because I know of someone who got kicked out when he was 17. He wasnt the smartest so he couldve just believed they were allowed to do it. He started flatting and now he makes his own drugs.

In the absolute worst case, do you not have any extended family in New Zealand, or friends who you could stay with locally?

I hope so. Most of my family think I am demon spawn now so I dont know.
It is a scary thought because I have never asked for something so big before.

Yeah, they're pretty strict. You have to have lived in Japan full-time for over five years, be very fluent in the language (you have to go through an in-person interview, in Japanese, with a Ministry of Justice official), and you'll have to renounce any other citizenship you have.

Im sorry. I am not familiar with the visa system. Other than working and study visas, how would I ever make up 5 years in Japan?
Also, I know they would have some sort of inquiry about this but, would marrying my girlfriend be a good idea? I mean I love her, so I am not using her for this but this could be a lucky break for me, couldnt it?
This would be in the distant future of course.

I found this just now http://www.japan-guide.com/e/e2221.html.
There is something called "Naturalization"

Foreigners, who have resided in Japan for at least five consecutive years (less if married to a Japanese national), have shown good conduct, have never plotted against the Japanese government, have sufficient assets or ability to make an independent living and are willing to renounce any other citizenship held, can be granted Japanese citizenship.

That could work.

Yeah, most of the time you need a Japanese employer to sponsor your application. Often you can organise that from overseas, though. When I applied for my Working Holiday, I got in touch with the eikaiwa school I wanted to work with (Gaba) and set up an interview before I left Australia.

Thank you. I heard stories about friends who applied for jobs online, got interviews and had to pay for their flights to Japan and didnt even get the job. It seems pretty brutal.

Err... eikaiwa is 英会話, English conversation. It's a colloquial, catchall term for English teaching jobs in Japan

To be honest, I immediately thought of Ishikawa, when I saw that, so I just assumed it was a city.

My best friend's sister lives in Japan teaching English and she loves it! She was only meant to be staying for a year but this is her 4th. So mabye in a few years after you finish Uni and have more of a chance getting a decent job I'd see not much of a problem in going.

Thank you! That gives me hope.

She had very little Japaneese but she's improving and doesn't want to go back. Save up, finish Uni and your alot more likely to enjoy it! She's in Kobe, a while away from Osaka but she visits there. The more time you spend in New Zealand the more prepared you are for when you actually do go to Japan. You'd have extra time to save up, more qualifications, more time to practise Japaneese and more time to mull it over and really think about this. In the mean time learn more about what to expect when you go, culture etc. I really hope this helps.

I should probably tell you why I am so desperate to leave so soon.
When I saw all my girlfriend's pictures and heard all her stories from Japan, I was just amazed at the different cultures. I would estimate, her and her friends go out 4 nights a week. Places like Karaoke, night clubs, Love hotels (yes, her friends go there), house parties or just walking around at night having fun. Then, they sleep during class and still get good grades. I understand I might be hyping it up in my mind but still... This year, I would say I have had 6 nights out, all up (most would be sleepovers with friends, playing games and stuff). I hate this boring country and its stupid mentality. Apparently, it is better I stay inside all day and night and play dead space than go out with friends and have fun.
I am usually not allowed to go places, often the reason is "oh, you did something with your friends a few weeks ago". And, this is common for a lot of people here. It is just not in our nature to socialise outside of school. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I want to be in Japan, where bars and Mc donalds are not the only things open at night. I dont even drink alcohol, so I am automatically bored as fcuk here.
I am only young for so long. I dont want to waste this time in this hell hole. That is why I am determined to leave here so soon.
If I go to japan, and I do ONE thing that is fun a week, I will be satisfied. I have very low standards, yet NZ doesnt forfill that.
I know I am more privillaged than most, but I just want to leave here ASAP.

As for your parents just try to stay out of their way as much as possible and when you do have to talk to them grin and bear it and think of your girlfriend.

Thanks, I ignore my father. I only talk to him when he talks first (which doesnt happen often). He doesnt like this either. It is seriously the best I can do. When he has his rants about how we should kill all the blacks so the world would be better, all I think of is "SHUT THE fluff UP". So, I just keep my mouth shut and hide in the computer room.
I spent 14 hours in here yesterday so I didnt have to go to the lounge and hear him talk.


Thank you all for helping me. It is very helpful.

 

[Kazuma]

Why would your father kick you out for saying he was racist or an ass? My dad and I have arguments like these and he'd never kick me out for something so insignificant as a name calling and back talking. Really EX, you and your father should get over this little quarrel.

 

[_EX]

Why would your father kick you out for saying he was racist or an ass? My dad and I have arguments like these and he'd never kick me out for something so insignificant as a name calling and back talking. Really EX, you and your father should get over this little quarrel.

He has said on two occasions that he would kick me out. Both my sister and my mother are sure he will kick me out.
He assaulted my brother for being disrespectful, because he wasnt a minor anymore, and has threatened to assault me.

 

[krexia]

Im sorry. I am not familiar with the visa system. Other than working and study visas, how would I ever make up 5 years in Japan?

You'd need a long term visa. Apparently it's not hard to get a Working Visa renewed once you have a job in the country; I have friends who've been here for over ten years just by renewing their visas.

Also, I know they would have some sort of inquiry about this but, would marrying my girlfriend be a good idea? I mean I love her, so I am not using her for this but this could be a lucky break for me, couldnt it?

I urge you in the strongest possible terms not to marry your girlfriend until you've been together for much, much longer. I know you love her, and I don't mean to diminish that one bit when I say that you simply cannot know how your relationship will progress in the long term. Love isn't always enough to make things work out - I've learned that the hard way - and whatever else is happening in your life, marriage is NOT something you want to rush into.

I found this just now Immigration to Japan.
There is something called "Naturalization"

Yeah, that's the same citizenship process I was talking about. The process is not easy and can take over a year.

I heard stories about friends who applied for jobs online, got interviews and had to pay for their flights to Japan and didnt even get the job. It seems pretty brutal.

A Working Holiday visa is your best friend here. You aren't required to work with one; in fact you're expected only to be doing part-time work to supplement your travel funds, and they're a lot easier to get than a full Working Visa. If you're dead set on coming to Japan, I'd recommend starting on a Working Holiday visa, using the time to find a job, and then applying for a full Working Visa with the help of your employer.

But I'd also recommend finishing university first, given that it's very difficult to get a Working Visa without a degree.

I understand I might be hyping it up in my mind but still...

Oh, just a little. I'm expected to work 70 hours a week and am lucky if I have time to go out one night a week. I regularly invite my coworkers to parties and meals, and none of them ever come. I almost never get to see my friends in Tokyo; some only have a couple of days off per month and our holidays never match up. I ask what they do after work, and they say, "I sleep." Japan is not, by any stretch of the imagination, some kind of utopia where everyone is super-friendly and parties all the time. Partying while you're a high school student living on your parents' dime is one thing; finding time to do so when you're in the workforce is something else entirely.

Your lifestyle depends on factors much more proximal than the country you live in. As a teenager I had vastly different experiences even from girls who were at the same high school as me - the 'popular' crowd were constantly out partying, whereas some girls would hardly speak during school and never socialise outside it. I look back fondly on my time at high school; some of my friends loathe the school's very name.

The reason you don't go out as much as your girlfriend is because your parents don't let you, not because you live in New Zealand. It's great that your girlfriend has such a fun life, but not everyone living in a given country has the same experience.

 

[_EX]

You'd need a long term visa. Apparently it's not hard to get a Working Visa renewed once you have a job in the country; I have friends who've been here for over ten years just by renewing their visas.

Thank you. I guess that is my plan from now on. You just changed my life. Thank you. haha

I urge you in the strongest possible terms not to marry your girlfriend until you've been together for much, much longer. I know you love her, and I don't mean to diminish that one bit when I say that you simply cannot know how your relationship will progress in the long term. Love isn't always enough to make things work out - I've learned that the hard way - and whatever else is happening in your life, marriage is NOT something you want to rush into.

haha. I know. She is only 16 now. I meant after I get a degree in NZ. At the earliest, when she is 19. Her parents did when they were 19 and have openly said they would support her if she got pregnant young or wanted to get married at that age (Im not going to have kids yet. Dont worry)
I will have at least 3 extra years to get to know her, but I am pretty confident. A lot of strange things have happened to me and her to get us together, but again, I am the one to hype things up in my mind.

But I'd also recommend finishing university first, given that it's very difficult to get a Working Visa without a degree.

Yeah. I will do that. You have convinced me. I cant leave NZ until I am 18 so I should start something to make the whole process easier. I am definately doing Japanese language. Apparently it is a good idea to do Japanese studies (I assume that is history and culture) if you are doing the language so I will keep that in mind. Would I need to take Pedagogy too?
I should probably say that teaching is just my plan for now. I am open for the possibility that I could think of something else later on. I do think teaching will be a thrill though so I believe I can happily do that as long as I am able, if I cant think of a new career.

Oh, just a little. I'm expected to work 70 hours a week and am lucky if I have time to go out one night a week. I regularly invite my coworkers to parties and meals, and none of them ever come. I almost never get to see my friends in Tokyo; some only have a couple of days off per month and our holidays never match up. I ask what they do after work, and they say, "I sleep." Japan is not, by any stretch of the imagination, some kind of utopia where everyone is super-friendly and parties all the time. Partying while you're a high school student living on your parents' dime is one thing; finding time to do so when you're in the workforce is something else entirely.

I know I know. Haha.
It is just that I know the nightlife is more welcoming than western cultures, from what I have heard.
She says it is accepted for teenagers to have their socialising time at night, rather than directly after school or just weekends. That is different to western society, isnt it? We would automatically see teenagers out in groups at night as 'trouble makers' or 'that kind of people' (people who dont really care about schooling and are just interested in having a good time).
It is very different to me. Even if you are the most social person in my school, you would only go out at night to all the parties (probably a max of 10 a year). There is no other reason for kids to go out at night, unless they are out causing trouble.

The reason you don't go out as much as your girlfriend is because your parents don't let you, not because you live in New Zealand. It's great that your girlfriend has such a fun life, but not everyone living in a given country has the same experience.

It isnt really like that here. If you come from a good home, your parents say no. If you come from a broken home, your parents dont really care what you do. Kids from those families are usually the 'bad kids'. They are the ones you will find being drunk at age 13 and having sex in the bushes.
That is the two stereotypical NZ families.
Either way, it is different to my girlfriend and the majority of people she knows (at least her grade at school)

 

[Katurian]

Hey, so I was kicked out of my house when I was 16 (I'm 20 now). Even though I was legally a minor and their dependent, my parents didn't care and asked me to leave. It was for a lot of reasons that just built up over time. Thankfully my grandma paid for my education so even though I wasn't living at home, she was willing to still pay for it. Luckily, I have a 30 year old brother that let me stay with him for awhile until I finished school. I also stayed at various friends houses. Their parents were more than willing to have me stay over. I have since moved to a new city.

I would honestly suggest sticking around New Zealand until you graduate from high school. As for Uni, you can always take out loans. Keep trying to get a job, I know it's easier said than done but just keep your head up and keep positive.

The posters before me have a lot more incite to the foriegn affairs-ness but if you do get kicked out or things get bad between you and your parents, I just wanted to let you know you can talk to me if you want. I still constantly fight with my parents even though I'm 500 miles away from them. I was just told I wasn't welcome to visit home for Christmas Break to see my siblings and niece and nephews, but I'm going regardless and I'm gonna stay at a friends. Like I said, if you want to talk or vent to someone, you're more than welcome to talk to me. I'm a great listener

 

[_EX]

Hey, so I was kicked out of my house when I was 16 (I'm 20 now). Even though I was legally a minor and their dependent, my parents didn't care and asked me to leave. It was for a lot of reasons that just built up over time. Thankfully my grandma paid for my education so even though I wasn't living at home, she was willing to still pay for it. Luckily, I have a 30 year old brother that let me stay with him for awhile until I finished school. I also stayed at various friends houses. Their parents were more than willing to have me stay over. I have since moved to a new city.

I would honestly suggest sticking around New Zealand until you graduate from high school. As for Uni, you can always take out loans. Keep trying to get a job, I know it's easier said than done but just keep your head up and keep positive.

The posters before me have a lot more incite to the foriegn affairs-ness but if you do get kicked out or things get bad between you and your parents, I just wanted to let you know you can talk to me if you want. I still constantly fight with my parents even though I'm 500 miles away from them. I was just told I wasn't welcome to visit home for Christmas Break to see my siblings and niece and nephews, but I'm going regardless and I'm gonna stay at a friends. Like I said, if you want to talk or vent to someone, you're more than welcome to talk to me. I'm a great listener

Thank you very much. I was smiling as I read that. Haha

I dont really have a choice now. I have to stay in NZ until I am at least 18 and I wont get a good job until I have some kind of qualification.

My sister might take me in, but she has already told me she takes the side of my parents, so I dont think that will be anything permanent. Luckily, the university I want to go to has nice dorms and the NZ, gives out money to pretty much anyone now. I can get a student allowance ($200 a week or something and they will pay for accomodation if I dont live with my parents).

Hey, Krexia, If I get a diploma of japanese languages , amoung other subjects, would that be enough to get me anywhere in Japan?
Diplomas are only 1 year of study and I can easily keep ties with my girlfriend over 1 year (she is going back before I would even start College). I really dont want to wait 3 years. Long distance isnt the best thing, you know. If we are still together after the 1 year apart, I am welcome in her house till I get myself sorted. That is a huge advantage to me.
Just a thought.
Thanks again for the help everyone.

 

[Ip Man]

I just wanna say, thanks krexia. I got a friend in a not so different situation as _EX and he also has plans to move out of his home. He's considering Japan as one of his options. Im gonna let him know all the information you just posted in this topic so he's well informed before he makes a decision.

 

[Kazuma]

He has said on two occasions that he would kick me out. Both my sister and my mother are sure he will kick me out.
He assaulted my brother for being disrespectful, because he wasnt a minor anymore, and has threatened to assault me.

Just curious what did your brother do? I just want to know I really want to help you and give you my opinion.

And right now your way to young and financially disadvantaged to get married.