But you did want critique so you could improve, right?
I reviewed yours because there's a lot of room for improvement. That, and I was expecting a KH snark.
Fanfiction ► Our Kingdom Hearts fanfic of total randomness!!
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But you did want critique so you could improve, right?
I reviewed yours because there's a lot of room for improvement. That, and I was expecting a KH snark.
Well we do snark at the fanbase. But that's about it.
That's why I'm looking forward to future chapters.
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Anyone want to update me on what a Snark is?
But yes I would like to improve my writing CA59. So your critiquing is very much appreciated XD
But yes I would like to improve my writing CA59. So your critiquing is very much appreciated XD
Mocking someone or something. Trust me it's not always good. Also we just focus on telling a story then telling someone off.
Kairi hugged her boyfriend back smiling.
“Sora I’m fine, and I didn’t scream.” She said.
"That", not "at".
Do you mean "ruined"?
Use a comma.
Run-on. Also, why does she think he needs saving? (Idiocy +1)
Why is he just standing there?
Run-on.
Run-on.
Who writes that? "Ouch", I mean. You don't need to put that, it's stupid and unnecessary. Just show the readers that he's in pain somehow. (Idiocy +1)
[/quote]Sora said.
“Kairi stop, Axel’s a good guy now.” He said while grabbing on to the tip of her Keyblade.[/quote]
Besides that, the sentence needs to be fixed.
Comma after "Kai".
You did not have to skip a line.
Why would he call him that?
Why did he shorten "Organization"? Also, the word "a" should come before "ripped".
"We'll" should be "Well", and "would" should be "wound".
You didn't have to skip a line.
Again, you didn't have to skip a line. Also, what exactly IS the bad part?
What is a "cowboy thing"?
"Vial".
Comma after indeed.
Comma after "been".
Period at the very end.
Skip a line after the second one, and either merge the first two lines together, or skip a line after the first as well.
Why is he cussing unnecessarily?
The "S" in Freeshooter shouldn't be a capital letter. Also you could either skip another line, or put the two lines together.
The formatting here is odd.
What did the "Terra side" look like? Also, there's no pair of quotation marks after "hell!".
Weird formatting.
Too many spaces between most of the lines.
"Evil" and "dark" shouldn't be capped.
I personally wouldn't capitalize "Chakrams", but whatever.
Weird formatting.
See above.
Run-on.
The formatting here is also strange.
It's "obvious".
Do scene changes properly.
Either capitalize "Heartless" or don't. Choose one, instead of constantly switching. (Inconsistency +1)
There doesn't need to be a comma after "grabbed".
This sentence needs to be fixed.
Who's "he"? This will confuse some readers.
What is with the unnecessary cursing? I'm just curious.
We know that...we're not morons.
“Sora I’m fine, and I didn’t scream.” She said.
"That", not "at".
Do you mean "ruined"?
Use a comma.
Run-on. Also, why does she think he needs saving? (Idiocy +1)
Why is he just standing there?
Run-on.
Run-on.
Who writes that? "Ouch", I mean. You don't need to put that, it's stupid and unnecessary. Just show the readers that he's in pain somehow. (Idiocy +1)
[/quote]Sora said.
“Kairi stop, Axel’s a good guy now.” He said while grabbing on to the tip of her Keyblade.[/quote]
Besides that, the sentence needs to be fixed.
Comma after "Kai".
You did not have to skip a line.
Why would he call him that?
Why did he shorten "Organization"? Also, the word "a" should come before "ripped".
"We'll" should be "Well", and "would" should be "wound".
You didn't have to skip a line.
Again, you didn't have to skip a line. Also, what exactly IS the bad part?
What is a "cowboy thing"?
"Vial".
Comma after indeed.
Comma after "been".
Period at the very end.
Skip a line after the second one, and either merge the first two lines together, or skip a line after the first as well.
Why is he cussing unnecessarily?
The "S" in Freeshooter shouldn't be a capital letter. Also you could either skip another line, or put the two lines together.
The formatting here is odd.
What did the "Terra side" look like? Also, there's no pair of quotation marks after "hell!".
Weird formatting.
Too many spaces between most of the lines.
"Evil" and "dark" shouldn't be capped.
I personally wouldn't capitalize "Chakrams", but whatever.
Weird formatting.
See above.
Run-on.
The formatting here is also strange.
It's "obvious".
Do scene changes properly.
Either capitalize "Heartless" or don't. Choose one, instead of constantly switching. (Inconsistency +1)
There doesn't need to be a comma after "grabbed".
This sentence needs to be fixed.
Who's "he"? This will confuse some readers.
What is with the unnecessary cursing? I'm just curious.
We know that...we're not morons.
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O.O I'm curious to see my chapters critiqued and I'm wondering if there that bad.. >_> most of my problems are commas. Knowing if there necessary all the time. I would make an example but it would probably be better if you just see for yourself.
Thanks for the critiquing so far.
Btw I meant to mention this earlier.. You don't need to add these (Idiocy +1) to get your point across! And there's nothing wrong with ending a chapter stating *End of Chapter 2* we know everyone gets it but we do it cause we want to.
Otherwise thanks for your time.
Thanks for the critiquing so far.
Btw I meant to mention this earlier.. You don't need to add these (Idiocy +1) to get your point across! And there's nothing wrong with ending a chapter stating *End of Chapter 2* we know everyone gets it but we do it cause we want to.
Otherwise thanks for your time.
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Yeah the whole idiot points is getting on my nerves. When I wrote that chapter it was late at night and I was moving so yeah. So read all of the chapter so far then review.
That's no excuse, if you really couldn't have posted it at any other time, the least you could have done was edited it.
your right its not an excuse but using the term "idiocy +1" is making you look like a jerk than critic :/
dont get me wrong nothing wrong with critiquing hell thats one of the points of this part of the forums but you dont have to call them an idiot to get your point across
and also wouldnt help them more if you elaborated on what you mean when you tell them run-on and weird formatting? cause how will they know what was done wrong if you dont give an example?
dont get me wrong nothing wrong with critiquing hell thats one of the points of this part of the forums but you dont have to call them an idiot to get your point across
and that can be debated since we've seen sora grab the keyblades blade b4 and not be harmed in kh2.
and also wouldnt help them more if you elaborated on what you mean when you tell them run-on and weird formatting? cause how will they know what was done wrong if you dont give an example?
cause they wanted it there, also the part you quoted that on only had one curse word so is it really that big a deal?
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I quoted a phrase with one swear word, but they were still unnecessarily cussing throughout the whole story. Cussing should only be used for emphasis, not to try and make something or someone "edgy" or "badass".
As for the blade grabbing thing, I'm not sure I remember that. If you can show me a scene, I'll take that whole part out.
As for the blade grabbing thing, I'm not sure I remember that. If you can show me a scene, I'll take that whole part out.
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okay then qoute the parts with excessive cursing and state your point not the one with just the word ass in it :/
also how do you know there trying to be "edgy" or "badass" thats just an assumed reason for the cursing so why not ask why all the cursing and depending on their answer make your comment.
*sigh damn youtube button, sorry you'll just have to click the link* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=907iOjtGhOQ the reactoin command as you fight cerberus is a good example.
it may have been unnecessary but so was your idiocy and stupid comments, you dont need to insult to get a point across.
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You want to know my reason for cursing? HERE IT IS: Riku has had some issues with darkness. He finally got clean of all that. Now he's stuck it the middle of it all. It was joke for comedy. Could I do better yes, but I'm not in the mood to rewrite twenty something chapters when I have another fic to do, and another project.
Axel seems to me like one of those foul mouth types, and Kairi is bit of a snarker. Not to be edgy or badass.
Also I have heard people say ouch. Ya know what, I'm done with this. Who the heck do think you are? You review and talk alot of smack, yet I have not seen you do a thing yourself. Most of the time when your on this site all I see you do it bitch. Snarking and putting something down doesn't make you like smart or better then the rest. It just makes you, whinny, stuck up, and annoying. You know what you are? Just another 20 year old girl on the net, that's about it. There is nothing that sets you apart from the jaded assholes that I have to put up with on the net. In fact what the hell gives you the right to be jaded in any way? Your 20, and I bet you have all your eye sight. If you don't even like the fic why bother to review in the first place. We are not the best, nor do we act like it. We will improve, but I will not put up with this anymore. You say I can't handle criticism? I have two friends, who are total hard asses and make your so-called reviews look like nothing!
You are unwanted, not needed, and I bet the only reason you do this is because you have no friends in real life. Yeah this is what happens when you call me an idiot. You want to call me names, well be sure to know your getting even more. Not nice is it? Also if you sent a mod after us. Only go after me. Kingdom Key isn't the one calling you out I am.
Axel seems to me like one of those foul mouth types, and Kairi is bit of a snarker. Not to be edgy or badass.
Also I have heard people say ouch. Ya know what, I'm done with this. Who the heck do think you are? You review and talk alot of smack, yet I have not seen you do a thing yourself. Most of the time when your on this site all I see you do it bitch. Snarking and putting something down doesn't make you like smart or better then the rest. It just makes you, whinny, stuck up, and annoying. You know what you are? Just another 20 year old girl on the net, that's about it. There is nothing that sets you apart from the jaded assholes that I have to put up with on the net. In fact what the hell gives you the right to be jaded in any way? Your 20, and I bet you have all your eye sight. If you don't even like the fic why bother to review in the first place. We are not the best, nor do we act like it. We will improve, but I will not put up with this anymore. You say I can't handle criticism? I have two friends, who are total hard asses and make your so-called reviews look like nothing!
You are unwanted, not needed, and I bet the only reason you do this is because you have no friends in real life. Yeah this is what happens when you call me an idiot. You want to call me names, well be sure to know your getting even more. Not nice is it? Also if you sent a mod after us. Only go after me. Kingdom Key isn't the one calling you out I am.
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Then why the heck did her profile have 15?
[video=youtube;uuKK80z2lYc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuKK80z2lYc[/video]
Look how butthurt you are! You wasted so much time piecing together a "psychoanalysis" of me, hoping to hurt my feelings! This is pure comic gold at its finest! If you could put as much effort into your story as you did here, I could get a few laughs out of it!
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Edit: Double post, delete this.
Delete what? The thread? You?
I was talking about the double post.
How about all of you stop spending so much time insulting one another?
Unless, of course, you don't realize how completely unhelpful this is in any sense of the word.
Unless, of course, you don't realize how completely unhelpful this is in any sense of the word.
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