Osterix Chronicles



REGISTER TO REMOVE ADS

Annoyance

Filthy SJW
Joined
Jan 20, 2004
Messages
4,612
Age
28
Location
Aurora, IL
Website
twitter.com
  • Nothing's Like Before
  • Advanced Chain of Memories
  • Crafty Soul
  • Character of the Week
  • Retired Staff
  • Mog Boss
Why not post it onto the actual post instead? You don't really wanna link docs onto here, though there isn't necessarily a rule against it. It's just a bit odd to. Regardless, I'll have a look at it in whatever format, I'm bored.
 

KingdomKey

The Traveler
Joined
Sep 25, 2010
Messages
6,260
  • Retired Staff
  • Graceful Assassin
  • The Gambler of Fate
  • Beauty Within
  • Cloaked Schemer
  • Whirlwind Lancer
Upon reading this, I fell under it's spell. I'm simply enchanted by this story! You ought to publish it! Oh my gosh, what a way to meet your potential husband too! I like him. *grins* I'm curious if the whole immortality/power Asli thought about will come into play later on in the story. And Sull is a peculiar yet interesting character. I'm quite fascinated about him. Shame they live with such an abusive father tho. Please update more!
 

KingdomKey

The Traveler
Joined
Sep 25, 2010
Messages
6,260
  • Retired Staff
  • Graceful Assassin
  • The Gambler of Fate
  • Beauty Within
  • Cloaked Schemer
  • Whirlwind Lancer
Since I recalled you mentioning new updates, I'll give you my thoughts on chapter two, chapter three, and the prologue!

I find it mysterious how Spadille no longer believes in Osterix as his god. Oh dear god, that's terrible how he forgot himself upon hitting Ro'ko, because the fear of it is real and I feel so bad for him now! I can't believe what a bunch of scumbags the nobles happen to be! Including the guards! Man, Ro'ko getting a new scar seems kind of sad. i feel bad for Spadille as well. I find Keran to be amusing. And damn, General Dirge making an appearance himself to stop Asli from being felt up was pretty damn shocking. And wow, Asli learns the truth in a matter of minutes! I do wonder what will happen now that she knows her uncle is being set out to be killed, and I'm dying to know the other reason her uncle has to die; according to Keran who doesn't know at the end of chapter three. PLEASE UPDATE! xD I love this story!
 

Hoid

New member
Joined
Jul 5, 2015
Messages
93
Age
22
  • Partners
  • Character of the Week
  • Shipper
  • Writer of Writers
  • Crafty Soul
  • Rising Star
Chapter Three is now finished! It looks like you read it when I wasn't quite done with chapter three, but I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far! Let me know if you think there is anything I need to improve upon. Hope you enjoy it!
 

KingdomKey

The Traveler
Joined
Sep 25, 2010
Messages
6,260
  • Retired Staff
  • Graceful Assassin
  • The Gambler of Fate
  • Beauty Within
  • Cloaked Schemer
  • Whirlwind Lancer
My oh my, the revolution has certainly begun! I'm quite curious what's gotten them all so concerned over a man drawing something on paper. It must be important to say the least! I'm still quite frankly amused with Kearn and his behavior overall. I never would've guessed him to be a man of blood lust, although he did kill those two guards and continues to argue among the crew to no end. lol. As far as critiquing goes, you just want to make sure to read it over again, because certain words are missing, including a comma or two, and when you mentioned a duo in the prologue, you forgot to turn body into 'bodies' because there's more than one of them unless they're sharing a body? So that's really all I can critique unless you want me to nitpick it apart and fix your errors? :3
 

Hoid

New member
Joined
Jul 5, 2015
Messages
93
Age
22
  • Partners
  • Character of the Week
  • Shipper
  • Writer of Writers
  • Crafty Soul
  • Rising Star
Yeah, grammatical errors on my part are pretty much a given. I try to keep an eye out for them and fix them when I can, but some are bound to slip by. One day I'll find time and do a more thorough search and fix them all, but for now I'm just trying to focus on coherent storytelling. Thanks for the feedback!
 

Hoid

New member
Joined
Jul 5, 2015
Messages
93
Age
22
  • Partners
  • Character of the Week
  • Shipper
  • Writer of Writers
  • Crafty Soul
  • Rising Star
Chapter four is (finally) finished! Hope you all enjoy!
 

KingdomKey

The Traveler
Joined
Sep 25, 2010
Messages
6,260
  • Retired Staff
  • Graceful Assassin
  • The Gambler of Fate
  • Beauty Within
  • Cloaked Schemer
  • Whirlwind Lancer
I read chapter four! Wow, they really did succeed in killing Soreli. Honestly, I didn't expect Inia and Asli to get along so well either, and it was good seeing Adman help Asli out from being trampled to death from fleeing nobles left and right. Of course, it's good to see Sull and Adnam are alright. Why was Kearn having a crisis over a viola is beyond me, and it made me laugh a little out loud, because it was unexpected. I'm curious what will happen next. Will they go after Asli's father? Or are there much bigger plans in store? I can't wait to find out!
 

Hoid

New member
Joined
Jul 5, 2015
Messages
93
Age
22
  • Partners
  • Character of the Week
  • Shipper
  • Writer of Writers
  • Crafty Soul
  • Rising Star
Kearn is a bit... off. In the previous chapter he had made a comment in passing about how he didn't believe violas existed, and when he saw one, he was very confused. I realized early when I started writing that this book would be very dark, so I would need somebody to be a counter to that dark tone. Kearn was my answer. He does provide some comic relief, but I didn't want that to be his only role in the story. I'm obviously not going to say exactly what role he will play, but I will say that Spadille, Caian, Kearn, Ro'ko, and Dirge have done very important things in the past, and I will slowly reveal what those things are. I'm glad that you're liking it so far :biggrin:. And Spadille and company have much, much bigger plans in store...
 
Last edited:

Hoid

New member
Joined
Jul 5, 2015
Messages
93
Age
22
  • Partners
  • Character of the Week
  • Shipper
  • Writer of Writers
  • Crafty Soul
  • Rising Star
Hope you guys didn't forget about me! After what has been way to long of a wait, Chapter Five is finally finished! There has been one slight adjustment made. In Chapter Four, Asli, Adnam, and Sull run back inside in order to rescue Rared and Jarbly. I have changed this. I had originally planned for Asli and company to run inside and encounter Spadille and company, but I've decided that I wanted to take this in a different direction. Rared and Jarbly are safe, and they met their family outside. I hope you all enjoy Chapter Five!
 

KingdomKey

The Traveler
Joined
Sep 25, 2010
Messages
6,260
  • Retired Staff
  • Graceful Assassin
  • The Gambler of Fate
  • Beauty Within
  • Cloaked Schemer
  • Whirlwind Lancer
Damn, this got intense. I really don't want Inia to die, because I like her a whole lot. Of course, this is one mighty list for them to conquer in order to free the people of Voman and take down God himself. I'm actually surprised there's another assassin out there besides the group lead by Spadille and company. Caian and Spadille certainly have it rough. I'm curious how they recruited the others in the first place. And what it'll mean, if a person can attempt to use more than one card at once. I loved this chapter and really can't wait for more, because it's so damn good.
 

Hoid

New member
Joined
Jul 5, 2015
Messages
93
Age
22
  • Partners
  • Character of the Week
  • Shipper
  • Writer of Writers
  • Crafty Soul
  • Rising Star
Chapter Six is here! It is a bit shorter than the previous ones, but the next chapter will be much longer. I hope you enjoy! And please, any feedback is much appreciated!
 

KingdomKey

The Traveler
Joined
Sep 25, 2010
Messages
6,260
  • Retired Staff
  • Graceful Assassin
  • The Gambler of Fate
  • Beauty Within
  • Cloaked Schemer
  • Whirlwind Lancer
Finally read chapter six! I wonder who Dirge will pick to fight against the Sentinel? It seems like the Osterix isn't happy with the current events happening in Voman. Of course, I like the things being implied about the assassinations, because it seems like nobody trusts anybody in this story per se. And I'd love to see how a Sentinel versus a elite guard with cards will do in a fight. Shame it has to be to the death. Can't wait for chapter seven.
 

Hoid

New member
Joined
Jul 5, 2015
Messages
93
Age
22
  • Partners
  • Character of the Week
  • Shipper
  • Writer of Writers
  • Crafty Soul
  • Rising Star
And after what has been FAR to long, Chapter Seven is FINALLY finished. I'm really sorry that it took so long, but the combination of personal problems and me trying to figure out where exactly I want this story to go led to me not having as much time to write as I would like. Hopefully I'll be able to write at a more consistent pace going forward. I would like to note one change:



I believe early in the book I detailed the dates of the first and second Voman-Lavia war. I am now establishing that the first war happened 25 years before the events of this book, and the second war occurred 2-3 years before. The death of Spadille's family occurs directly after the second war.



As always, criticisms are welcomed with open arms! Hope you enjoy!
 

KingdomKey

The Traveler
Joined
Sep 25, 2010
Messages
6,260
  • Retired Staff
  • Graceful Assassin
  • The Gambler of Fate
  • Beauty Within
  • Cloaked Schemer
  • Whirlwind Lancer
Chapter Seven/Flash Back

Damn. I'm really happy Spadille stabbed the captain in the back. What a jerk! Dirge becoming captain after that felt so right. It's really cool seeing how all of them met. Especially Spadille and Dirge. I can't believe Caian was a mere teacher. It's too bad he lost his granddaughter and Noela. Seriously though, the jerk of a captain stabbing a wounded woman in the heart... it blows my mind to think about. I got to learn a lot about the tightly knitted group of assassins.

Chapter Eight

C'mon Asli! You should've went for the assassin instead of the abusive Laurent Joville! You shouldn't care so darn much about the household name. I hope Asli sees some reason soon, or her brother Sull talks some sense into her. I still feel a bit bad for her having to be afraid of her own house after having people die inside of it. Either way, I look forward to reading more of chapters. It was good for a short chapter. :)
 

Hoid

New member
Joined
Jul 5, 2015
Messages
93
Age
22
  • Partners
  • Character of the Week
  • Shipper
  • Writer of Writers
  • Crafty Soul
  • Rising Star
Haha, I'm glad you're enjoying it! I actually wasn't quite done with Chapter Eight, you must have read it before I could finish. But as soon as I'm done, I'll let you know! Thanks for reading! :biggrin:
 

Hoid

New member
Joined
Jul 5, 2015
Messages
93
Age
22
  • Partners
  • Character of the Week
  • Shipper
  • Writer of Writers
  • Crafty Soul
  • Rising Star
Chapter Eight is done! You all know the drill by now, leave any criticisms you want, and I hope you enjoy!
 

KingdomKey

The Traveler
Joined
Sep 25, 2010
Messages
6,260
  • Retired Staff
  • Graceful Assassin
  • The Gambler of Fate
  • Beauty Within
  • Cloaked Schemer
  • Whirlwind Lancer
Chapter 8.

How odd. Laurent and Inia are acting a lot more differently than before. It makes me suspicious. Did Laurent's encounter with dead enough to make him see what a terrible person he was? And Inia would make a good soldier. Perhaps Asli is right to be more wary about the Joville household. I'm curious what either one could gain from Asli by being two faced? Anyways, I greatly enjoyed reading this chapter. I like how nice the coachman was to Asli. I do feel a bit bad about her being looked upon with disgust from sitting up front instead of in the back. But I'm also proud of her for staying up front, cause it's a wise move on her part instead of risking death at the hands of merchants and ect.
 

Hoid

New member
Joined
Jul 5, 2015
Messages
93
Age
22
  • Partners
  • Character of the Week
  • Shipper
  • Writer of Writers
  • Crafty Soul
  • Rising Star
And Chapter Nine is finally finished! I had taken a break for a little while, I was trying to figure out where I wanted to take this, and I now have a firm grasp on how the story will play out. I'm also unsure how much longer I'll be releasing these chapters, because I may end up planning on publishing this one day and I don't exactly want spoilers hanging around.

On a side note, about how many point of view characters do you guys think I should include? Spadille and Asli will continue to be the two main characters, while Dirge will have the occasional POV chapter as well. Caian will continue to have a few more flashback chapters, and he'll probably have a few normal chapters. I've also thought about having Laurent and Sull as POV characters, and the next chapter will probably be a Laurent chapter. But how many POV characters could I have before things got confusing? I'll probably ask the Guild thread. Anyways, I hope you enjoy!
 
Top