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Original Work: Shattered Skies



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Zeagal

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Hello. Just thought I'd post some stuff I've written over the years. This current story is an original piece of mine called Shattered Skies that I started when I was 13. Specifically Shattered Skies: Wars of Time as this is the first book of a trilogy that I hope in the future will amount to a franchise with atleast two more storylines. I'm posting the prologue for the first hopeful book now since I just finished editing it for the millionth time. Chapters will come soon. Please tell me what you think so far and feel free to offer constructive criticism. Especially when it comes to parts that might not be that original, like if I accidently stole a name that I thought made up, but actually remembered from something else or later when I get stuck for how to say what is supposed to happen, but that doesn't come in until about chapter nine. So, without further delay, I present my prologue for Shattered Skies: Wars of Time....


Prologue: The First Strike

Deep in the northernmost regions of a planet known as Archea there exists a labyrinth of crumbling ruins. Half way through the ruins is said in many of the world’s legends to be a fine line, one that cannot be seen by even the most trained eye. It is, at this point on the globe, that time is said to split and one side creates a mirror image of the other, or so it seemed. It is this line that separates past from future and is called the present, or the Archaic Line in many of the legends. The two sides of the line, known as Old Archea and New Archea in the legends, were at a time difference of more than five hundred years, but the two still ended up in a violent war all due to the actions of a greedy emperor only concerned with enlarging his borders.

The day a young farm boy would celebrate his fourth birthday an army from New Archea clad in red and silver armor reached this line. The man in the front shouted orders at the other men. “Bring me the young Guardians!” They did as they were ordered. Two frightened soldiers stepped forward bearing a young girl about the age of three and a boy about the age of six chained together. The men brought them to the Archaic Line and pushed them past it, even though they couldn’t see it they knew it was there. After a flash of bright light the children could be seen on the side of Old Archea. The young boy held out a hand to the little girl and helped her up checking if she was okay. The rest of the soldiers immediately followed. The twelfth division of the emperor’s army succeeded in breaking through the invisible wall dividing the past and future. They descended down the great northern mountain to the war in the world below. This war has been raging for over two hundred years itself and seemed that it could stretch on to the ends of time. This was about to change, and these past two hundred years of war were only the beginning.
~End Prologue~
Some things seem longer in Word...
 
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DJQuackQuack

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WOOT!!! I'm looking forward to this XD.

When in doubt, throw children in front of you :p

Very unique concept and plot, but easy to understand. Success :D
 

Zeagal

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Edit: Full Chapter 1 is up, enjoy and comment if you like. Chapter 2 will not come until Friday night or Saturday morning, I got too much school to worry about.

Chapter 1: Zeagal’s Capture

Zeagal a seventeen year-old boy living in a small village called Nevaar located in Old Archea woke up to a sunny morning that he thought was no different than any other. He put on his normal attire of a white t-shirt and cotton pants, slipped on his boots and went down the hall to the kitchen where his mother Elaine was busy making breakfast. “Good morning. Anything big happening over at the fields today?” she asked as she put two eggs on a chipped plate next to a piece of wheat toast and then placed it on the counter in front of her son.
“No, today we’re just plowing fields and maybe we’ll start putting down fertilizer if we have enough time,” he replied as he quickly ate his meal standing against the stone wall. His mother decided not to ask any more questions because she knew that he had been late for work recently and wanted him to be on time today.
When Zeagal finished his meal he walked to the door and started to leave, but before he got there, his mother came over and gave him a hug, “Goodbye and stay safe,” she said to him.
“Mom, stop, I am just going to work, nothing’s happened yet.” Zeagal said as he walked out the door and onto the dusty main road that went through town.
About halfway to the fields Zeagal met up with Van, a nineteen year-old boy that was found half dead outside the village ten years ago, about the same time Zeagal’s father went off to war. Soon everyone was talking about the young boy. The news reached the town’s doctor who felt sorry for him and invited Van to stay with him for a while. After a month of searching for Van’s parents, he was officially adopted by the doctor and his wife. Van and Zeagal met in the market a week later during a fight. They later became best friends when serving their punishment.
“Bad news,” Van said, “We’re assigned to work two different fields today so we can’t eat lunch and hang out like we usually do.” Van was tall, had longish brown hair, and a fairly muscular build with slightly tan skin. He was wearing the same kind of clothes as Zeagal, a t-shirt and cotton pants. He was, to most girls, considered very attractive, and judging by the way flirtatious girls stood on the side of the road and waved as Van walked by, he was very attractive indeed.
“That’s too bad,” Zeagal said sounding disappointed. The two of them decided to do some catching up as they walked to work and enjoyed their limited time together for the day. The two boys parted ways once they came to Van’s field. Zeagal waved to his friend as he turned and walked further down the road to his assigned field on the far edge of town where he worked diligently the rest of the morning.
***
Rather than work the fields, Zeagal’s mom, Elaine, spent most of her morning taking care of her garden in the backyard. She used her apron to gather tomatoes and carrots for their dinner that night and occasionally stopped to say hello to neighbors. Once she was finished, Elaine walked to the house with her vegetables and set them on the table. She went over to the cupboard and took out a good sized bowl. She then walked slowly back to the table. Suddenly a high-pitched siren filled the air causing Elaine to drop the bowl and cover her ears. She was trying to figure out what the siren was for when she remembered the note her husband had sent her before he was killed in battle. She ran to her bedroom, and pulled out the top drawer of her dresser. She sat down and rummaged through it for about a minute and found a folded piece of paper. The note read, “Dear Elaine, on this day seven years from now the village of Nevaar will be ambushed by a small army sent by the greedy emperor of Londora that initially began this war. I’m writing this letter to warn you of the dangers you will soon face if you stay, and to advise you to move far from the village. I fear I will not be returning anytime soon so please follow my request and protect both yourself and Zeagal from these dangers, Love Eridan.” Elaine’s heart was racing; she never believed that the contents of the note could be true, it all seemed impossible to her. She had decided that moving because of her husband’s note along with some ridiculous fears and warnings was not a good enough reason, and so she never even considered it. She stood and heard more sirens accompanied with screams from the villagers, “Oh, Zeagal,” she said faintly then ran to the door as fast as she could. She gripped the metal handle with both hands, threw it open and came face to face with a man bearing the red flag of the empire.
***
When Zeagal was just about to sit down to lunch, he heard a loud siren, and tried to ignore it. Sometimes the village used it for drills in case of an emergency so Zeagal didn’t think much of it. After a few minutes of the dreadful noise, he began to see women and children running out to the men in the fields screaming and he saw small pillars of smoke arising from the thatched tops of houses. Soon Zeagal was up running across the hilly countryside into town. He was seeing more and more people fleeing from the village, and it was making him worried, not only for his mother, but for himself as well.
Zeagal had reached the last hill, but knew that he would be seen by whomever and whatever was causing the trouble. So instead he decided to sneak behind the houses and avoid the roads all together. Zeagal crept silently along the back side of a house and looked for any sign of trouble before crossing the alleys between. His house was on the other side of town so he had to be careful or he would get caught before he even got halfway. He had gotten to the second row of houses and kept going, waiting a couple of seconds each time he heard a noise.
Three rows into town he got his first look at the enemy. They were soldiers dressed in silver and red armor with helmets that covered their faces. The group Zeagal saw consisted of three soldiers with swords bearing the symbol of the empire on the hilt: a silver dragon wrapped around a red sphere. So the war has finally come to Nevaar, Zeagal thought with a scowl on his face as he saw the soldiers. It was only a matter of time. He dismissed the thought when he heard a slight rustle in the grass behind him. It just about made his heart stop. Zeagal spun around prepared to fight and let out a gasp when he saw that behind him crouched Van. “What are you doing? You nearly gave me a heart attack,” Zeagal said in hushed tones.
“I was just trying to get to my parents and saw you,” Van answered back also speaking in hushed tones.
“You could have warned me…or something.”
“Yeah, I know. Listen, I’m going off this way,” Van pointed to the left towards the central part of town, “and when I can I’ll come and help you. Okay, best to stick together.”
“Okay,” Zeagal said questioningly as the two friends parted ways. Zeagal continued on alone, always watching for trouble and dodging soldiers when necessary. The one thing that changed throughout his journey was that the number of soldiers kept increasing the further he got into town. Zeagal had thought that they were making their way slowly to the other side and it was just his timing. The real reason was that they had already found what they were looking for: Zeagal’s house.
***
There were two guards with swords positioned at the front door of Zeagal’s small house and one man with an axe patrolling the ground around it. That meant that in order to get into his house Zeagal was going to have to sneak in the back window and make his way to the front from the inside. He didn’t know if any soldiers were actually in the house, but he was planning to find that out once he got in.
Zeagal waited until the guard with the axe passed and ran silently over to the window. He climbed in with difficulty and hit the floor hard. Zeagal winced preparing himself for when the guards would come rushing in. It was then that he saw his father’s old practice swords hanging up on the wall. His father had used them to train Zeagal if he was ever needed in the war. Zeagal took one in each hand and swung it as if to test their strength. “Not much, but it’ll have to do for now,” Zeagal said to himself, “I don’t know how long I can last like this though. They’re pretty flimsy.”
Not a second later, two guards with swords smashed down the door to the room. “Man you guys are slow,” Zeagal said with a sigh and jumped over a chair avoiding an attack from the soldier on the right. Zeagal lashed out in midair with one of his own swords at the guy on the left, denting the forehead of his helmet. The soldier he had hit slashed at Zeagal reflexively before Zeagal landed and missed. Not wanting to get backed into a wall, Zeagal ran down the straight hallway that joined the front and back of his house in attempt to lure his enemies into a larger area. When he reached the kitchen he turned around facing the hallway, swords at the ready, waiting for the soldiers to enter the room. Zeagal’s plan was to stun them enough so that he could get away, but these plans soon changed when the wall to his right exploded sending Zeagal flying across the room hitting the opposite wall with a thud. The man with the axe he saw earlier was standing in the rubble. He charged at Zeagal swinging his axe, Zeagal barely had enough time to roll away before the axman sent his weapon through the wall where Zeagal had just been. Zeagal stood slowly wincing from pain and crouched down in an attack position ready for another charge. The axmen yanked the axe from the wall showing no struggle and stood brandishing his weapon. The swordsmen who faced off with Zeagal in the back room had arrived. They took a quick look around the room, ran over to the axmen and stood at his side waiting for their orders. “What are you doing fools?” shouted the axmen “Get him!”
The two swordsmen ran straight at Zeagal from both sides. Zeagal felt a presence deep inside him start to take over his body and decided not to fight it off. He had nothing to lose. The presence turned into some form of energy that quickly ran down his arms to the swords changing the color of the blades to a deep purple. Then it took control of Zeagal’s motor skills and changed his eye color to the same deep purple as his swords for a finishing touch. Zeagal, with his renewed power, spun around knocking the swords of his attackers away, and at the same time released a blast of purple energy from his swords. The two swordsmen were sent crashing to the ground on the far side of the room. An instant later the mysterious power receded to the back of Zeagal’s mind and was replaced with a sharp, shooting pain in his back. Zeagal fell to the floor, an arrow sticking in his shoulder. Zeagal looked up using the last of his strength and saw the axman drop his helmet and walk over to an archer with the same armor on, both with an astonished look. “Excellent shot.” The axmen said, “Once the poison activates, he should be out for a few weeks.”
“That was some power,” the archer replied, “The boss has got to see this.”
“I lost,” Zeagal said to himself weakly as everything started to turn black. Zeagal’s head hit the floor as he slipped into unconsciousness.
~end chapter 1~
 
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Zeagal

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Sorry it was a day late, but I got it posted, leave a comment...constructive criticism would be nice.... Chapter three would come tomorrow, but I have a project for school to get done. It will either come tonight when I have more time or be put off until next weekend. Sorry.
Chapter 2: Lindsay

“Wake up. Hey kid, wake up. For the thousandth time, wake up!” Zeagal slowly opened his eyes allowing them to adjust to the lack of light. “Finally, I thought you were gonna sleep through the next century or somethin’.”
Zeagal sat up slowly and looked around the room. He was in some kind of cage with holes at the top and down the center of the walls to let in some small light and give air to him and whoever was with him. Other than those slivers of light, all Zeagal could see was darkness and the dark shape of another person. “I’m Lindsay, and you are?” asked the voice. Zeagal looked toward the figure with a confused look on his face, “You don’t talk much do you,” came Lindsay’s voice.
“Oh sorry, I’m Zeagal. Excuse me but, where are we?” Zeagal asked.
“We’re at a big research facility in the middle of a huge city called Crutia. I believe this place is called Guard which is a lab branch under control of the emperor; it specializes in human experiments. You and I are being held here because they believe that we each have a special power that most people can’t control, let alone possess.” Lindsay answered.
“Who are they?”
They are the board of scientists that run the experiments. The guy who runs this place is a man named Orin. It’s his job to separate people like us from everyone else in this place by performing experiments on everyone here. It’s cruel.”
“Ah, so what’s your power?”
“I have been told I possess a style of martial arts that disappeared over one thousand years ago and can use a thing called a time tunnel to travel from the past to the future or vise versa. What about you?”
“All I know is that I can summon a power from deep inside my body and release a massive amount of energy from whatever weapon I wield. It just happened one day; it was a scary thing to go through. I don’t know about this time tunnel you’re talking about though or anything about my own power really.” Zeagal said doubtfully.
“Have you been tested yet?” Lindsay asked
“Not that I know of,” answered Zeagal.
“Then they should test you soon, happens to everyone eventually.” said Lindsay, after some more talking a voice was heard from outside the cell.
“He’s in here with the freak girl!” The door opened letting massive amounts of light in. Zeagal squinted to see a couple of soldiers in the same red and silver armor as the soldiers that attacked Nevaar, Zeagal’s village, come in.
“Yeah, this is the guy he wants,” said the other soldier. They stepped in and grabbed Zeagal by the arms and dragged him out the door. As he was being dragged away, he caught a glimpse of Lindsay. She looked about the age of sixteen and had brown hair of medium length. She was wearing a white jump suit with a thin electric blue stripe down both sides. Zeagal noticed that he too was wearing one of those suits.
“I guess they’re going to test you now,” Lindsay said quietly as the soldiers closed the door leaving her alone in the dark, “Good Luck.”

***

Once in the light Zeagal saw exactly what the inside of Guard looked like, the room they were in now was like a giant warehouse with high ceilings and many boxes like the ones he and Lindsay were in. Zeagal guessed that the boxes held more people that were used for experiments. “Alright this way,” said the soldier holding Zeagal’s right arm, “don’t give us any trouble or else.” The soldier said as he set Zeagal on his feet forcing Zeagal’s arms to go behind his back as if he were in a pair of handcuffs.
“Believe me,” Zeagal said to himself sarcastically as they walked further down the row of cells, “the last thing I would ever give you guys is trouble.”
“Watch that mouth kid!” yelled the soldier on his left, “You wouldn’t want to be turned over to Orin would you?” Zeagal chose to keep quiet for now.
They passed by rows and rows of cells, some were smaller than the one he was in, and yet others were bigger than his house back in Nevaar. It seemed like the rows would never end when, finally, they reached the far wall and stopped. One of the soldiers ran over to a button several feet away and pushed it. The wall in front of them opened up showing a vast room with higher ceilings than the one they were just in. It was full of machines and computers used for experiments the likes of which Zeagal had never seen. Zeagal stood there for a few seconds staring at the new sight when one of the guards pushed him forward into the large room as the wall closed behind them.
The new room looked about four stories high and had a domed ceiling with level upon level of computers and testing tables where scientists in lab coats scurried around trying to complete their experiments. There were several elevators that Zeagal could see moving up and down between levels, and it was to one of these elevators that Zeagal was being led. The two guards pushed Zeagal onto the platform and pushed the button that corresponded with the floor that they were headed. As they were going up Zeagal noticed that on the opposite side of the room was a large balcony where one man stood observing the activity level in the lab. Zeagal assumed that this was the Orin he had heard so much about. He was too far away to see his face, but Zeagal knew that Orin was looking straight at him, his stare bore deep into Zeagal’s soul.
The elevator stopped with a jolt at the highest level, directly across from Orin’s balcony, Zeagal looked up again and noticed that he was no longer there. The soldiers led him off the platform and up to a scientist in a lab coat wearing glasses that were too big for his head. The scientist hooked Zeagal up to some machines with a white helmet and handed him some white rods. The scientist was about to say something to him, but was interrupted by a man whose voice was full of superiority and arrogance. “Finally, it’s time to test our little Guardian, our guest of honor,” the man said loudly as his elevator came to a stop. The man riding it looked to be in his late twenties and had long, dark hair tied behind his head in a small ponytail. He also had a scar along the left side of his face and the greenest eyes Zeagal had ever seen. He was wearing an unbuttoned lab coat and a black suit with a red and silver striped tie. He walked up to Zeagal and said, “Hello, Guardian. My name is Orin.”
“Yeah, I know who you are,” Zeagal said angrily, “don’t call me a Guardian either my name is Zeagal. I don’t know anything about this Guardian crap.”
At this remark Orin smiled and to himself quietly said, “You will soon enough.”
“What?” asked Zeagal.
“Nothing,” snapped Orin, “You can start the test now number 32.” The scientist walked over to a computer and started it up. He motioned for Orin to step away; Orin did what was asked of him. Then Orin waved over the soldiers that had Zeagal before so the two could begin the test. The soldiers nodded to their boss and ran over to Zeagal taking out their swords.
Before Zeagal knew what was happening he had been surrounded. His first instinct was to run, but that would never work with Orin right there so instead he tried to use the rods he had been given as swords. He ducked down dodging a blow and swept his foot under the soldier opposite the one who had swung and knocked him to the ground. Zeagal then jumped up and ran to his left dodging blow after blow holding the rods out in front of him to act as a small shield. One soldier quickly ran over with his sword pointing out from his side slicing Zeagal’s clothes and skin. Zeagal winced and jumped up to attack the one following the first, but was hit in the stomach with the soldier’s arm. The soldier thrust his arm out to the left throwing Zeagal several feet in the same direction. Zeagal bounced and rolled several times before finally stopping inches away from the edge of the level.
Zeagal looked down to the floor nearly forty feet below. Then his gaze shifted to his attackers and he flipped himself onto his feet. The soldiers were running at him fast like before, and there was no escape. Zeagal had to figure something out fast or he would be pushed over the edge. He lunged forward into his enemies’ way, he once again exchanged blow after blow inching closer to the edge with each strike. He remembered what he had done in his home the day the army came for him, and with a final burst of energy pushed the soldiers back several feet.
It was now or never, Zeagal searched the corridors of his mind for that power. The guards were getting closer, running faster and faster. He was panicking, and at the last possible second he found it. Zeagal let out a loud yell that released the power within him. His eyes and rods turned purple as before, he was ready. The purple aura caused Zeagal to do the same thing he had done in his home, he spun around sending out a burst of purple energy. The soldiers were flung out into the empty space behind Zeagal and plummeted to their death forty feet below. Zeagal’s eyes changed back to their normal color as did the rods. He stood there breathing heavily as the power receded once again, this time without pain, or the arrow.
Orin walked up to Zeagal clapping his hands and smiling the same evil smile as the first time they met. “Well done young Guardian. You are indeed the one we were searching for and we shall confirm it while going over the data retrieved during your fight.”
“What are you talking about?” Zeagal asked trying to catch his breath.
Orin said nothing, but instead nodded for another group of guards to come over. They removed his helmet, took the rods, and led him to the elevator in the same way the other two soldiers had done. The whole way back to the cell Zeagal kept quiet and gave the soldiers no trouble. He was too busy thinking about what happened in the lab and about what Orin had said to him. That’s why it surprised him when they threw him back in his cell with Lindsay and closed the door.
“What happened?” Lindsay asked worriedly.
“I met Orin and ended up fighting some soldiers. He even said that I was the one he was searching for.”
“He said that to me too, it was hard for me to go through with fighting them, personally. Is that all he did? She asked.
“Yeah…Can we talk later I’m kinda tired.”
“Oh, of course. I should’ve known,” Lindsay said flipping her hair over her shoulder.
“Thanks.” Zeagal answered. He walked to the opposite side of the room from Lindsay, found a small bed and fell into a deep sleep, and he was happy to not be alone.

***

The next days inside the Guard facility were spent participating in a wide array of tests and experiments. Some days he had to fight soldiers and others he was writing on paper, and others he was up on a lab table having blood samples taken. Then at nights he would talk with Lindsay. On one night in particular, they were given a surprise visit by Van who appeared out of the blue on the outside of Zeagal and Lindsay’s cell. “What are you doing here?” asked Zeagal surprised.
“I followed the army to this city and joined up with a rebellion faction where I made a plan to get you out. The rebellion wants you on their side.”
“How did you even get in here?” asked Lindsay curiously through the cell wall.
“They have spies within Guard. Some of the researchers are a part of it and they let me in. Most of them are being forced to work here anyways so they hate Orin and the Empire as much as the people trapped here.”
“Well then how are you planning to get us out? There are soldiers here aren’t there? It’s a miracle that you evaded them this time.” A concerned Zeagal replied.
Van thought for a minute and shrugged his shoulders saying, “Well if things get bad we’ll kill them, no big deal.”
“No big deal!?!” Lindsay said loudly who then realized that being loud was a bad thing and covered her mouth. “Killing someone,” she continued more quietly, “will not only rob them of a future, but completely ruin the lives of their families, you know that Van. How can you talk about a human life like it’s no big deal?”
“You have to remember that if we hesitate at all to kill these people, they will kill us. We would have no other choice.” answered Van. “Not killing them is saying that our lives are just as worthless, and that’s not true.”
“Well it’s a lie to say their lives are any more or less worthless than ours,” Lindsay shot back.
“Lindsay and I are valued to the empire for abilities that we ourselves do not understand. Do you really think they would just kill us?” interrupted Zeagal.
“No,” said Van, “but I do not have the same abilities as you two. I would surely be executed, and how do you think these people would treat you after you tried to escape? Death is almost certainly its equal.”
“If that is true,” answered Zeagal, “then we truly do have no other option. We must fight.”
Lindsay frowned and stared down at the floor, “agreed,” she said reluctantly.
“Then it’s settled,” Van stood up and walked away from the wall of the cell, “In a few days time I will visit here again, and I won’t leave without you.”

***

Those few days passed quickly and were full of more tests and exercises that left Zeagal more tired than ever. He had already set up a routine of sleeping right after he got done to avoid conflict with the tests that sometimes just randomly came up. Lindsay didn’t even have tests anymore; she had been used by the empire since she was a small child and the only reason she was still there was because she was a Guardian. Lindsay instead offered support and advice to Zeagal when needed and always let him vent. Van came as he said late in the night after everyone left and began to pick the lock on the cell’s door with his new one handed sword startling Lindsay in the process. She jumped up from her bed, “Hey, what the hell is going on? Van?!?”
“Be quiet.” Van answered. He was wearing a red shirt torn at the bottom; one sleeve was torn off at the shoulder. His pants were black as well as his boots. He also had a loop for his sword on his belt.
“Sorry, but you could have said something. When are we leaving?” Lindsay answered.
“Not for a while, we need to do some surveillance first, wake Zeagal up.”
“Not now, he had a long day. He needs rest if he is going to help at all.”
“Fine, come on then.” Van’s efforts paid off and the door to the cell swung open. “So,” said Van leading taking leading her across the threshold and down the main aisle, “How have you been lately?”
“What do you mean?” Lindsay asked.
“You know what I mean. Remember, after we were used by the armies to cross into Old Archea I got left behind by the army in some town,” he explained, “I was told I was not a Guardian like they had first thought and that’s why I was abandoned.”
“Oh, I’ve been great…” she said sarcastically. She stopped and stood in the aisle while Van continued on. “Hey, you and Zeagal are friends right? Well does he know, about the empire that began this war and the armies he sent to find and exterminate Guardians and the wall dividing the past and future?” Lindsay asked staring at the floor. “I know we were just little kids and all, but it’s still important”
Van looked back and saw Lindsay standing a ways back. “No.” He said flatly. Van started walking over to her.
“Why?” Lindsay asked looking up at Van who was now facing her. “He deserves to know…” Lindsay said trailing off. “And I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know if I would ever see you again. To tell you the truth I made kind of myself forget everything about our time together, I didn’t want to remember. Then you showing up brought it all back.”
“I didn’t want anyone to know where I came from. That’s why I didn’t say anything. Plus I don’t remember much myself since we were so young. If people found out regardless of how, they might think I was a spy. We’ll tell him soon, don’t worry because I agree, especially if Zeagal is a Guardian like you, he deserves to know about everything.”

~end~
 
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Zeagal

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I'll look into that. Thank you for bringing that to my attention.
It's funny because my english teacher who edited it previously didn't say much at that part.
 

DJQuackQuack

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This was definitely a good chapter, and I liked the introduction of another character you had. Once I wake up tomorrow expect some critism, cause right now I am sleepy...
 

Zeagal

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Lindsay or Orin, both are pretty important....criticism is more of what I need now. Did you happen to catch the connection between chapter 2 and the prologue?
 
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