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Fanfiction ► One-Shot: Abducted.



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Katattack

Thank You Jonathan Larson
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Jun 23, 2005
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Recounting my exploits as an Anarchist. =D
Original story, humorous sci-fi oneshot I wrote cause I am extremely bored right about now.

Amme (Yes, GoH. You're teh main character. Sorry if I OoC you.) looked out the window, gazing at the dull, gray sky. She contemplated one of life's greatest questions. "Does cheese exist beyond Earth?" As she pondered, she noticed a strange light glistening outside her window.

Suddenly having an outburst of astronomy enthusiasm, Amme leapt out the window, parachuting over to her telescope, and scuba diving the rest of the way. She got up, without any moisture on her clothes, and looked back towards the strange light.

Even more strange, it was glowing three different colors. Green, red, and a seemingly identical color to green, actually about .23 shades lighter than the original color green.

Amme slapped the telescope, sending it spinning, and it mystically landed right on the light. Looking through the lense, she saw.... a slightly bigger bright light. Disappointed, Amme threw a rock with the force of a softball player I know who can throw it to home from OUTFIELD. OUTFIELD.

Dead on, the rock hit a lamp post, rebounded, smacked a hawk that was heading for a rat-owl mix, and hit the strange light. With incredible speed, the glowing wonder zoomed over to Amme, hovering about twenty feet above her.

"Twenty-eight point four feet, actually." Amme said, to no one in particular. Before you could say, "Oh shiz-nap, that zoomin' technicolor light is headin' straight for me-BSSHOOOOOOMM!!!!!" Amme was beamed up into the alien space craft.

Amme blinked slowly, her eyes adjusting to the dim lighting that could only come from a Walmart Brand Energy Conserving Bulb. She stood up slowly, rubbing her eyes, and staring straight into the face of... an ALIEN.

Two, actually. And not the kind from another country. Oh, no. These were from... and the corny dramatic music sounded... Outer Space. So anyway, they were about three feet high, had four tentacles, and purple tricycles attached at the bottom of their stomaches.

"Gyornarg Shbleegen!" The first alien said, waving a tentacle.

"Umm... no hablo... whatever you're speaking." Amme said, and the writer decided to be kind and drop the "Sue" act. =D

The aliens, or as they prefer, "Outer-Wordly-Sight-seers" mumbled to eachother, and smacked each other on their heads repeatedly.

"Better?" One of the aliens faced Amme.

"Uh..." Amme shuffled away from the aliens slowly. "Yeah."

"We just want to ask you a couple of questions." One of the aliens stated. "Please don't be afraid."

"Umm... can you tell me your names? I... Well... People will think I'm crazy anyway, so I might as well get the whole story straight." Amme asked slowly.

The OWS stared at eachother. Finally, one stepped forward.

"I am Nedington." Nedington said.

"Yes, and I am Nedora." The other Ows said, in a slightly lower tone.

"Alright. I'm..." Amme wondered whether she should tell them her real name. She decided on the only name that came to her during that time. "I'm... Rugby Salmonface."

"Alright. Now, we are exploring you're planet. Observing the dominate species, that's Aardvarks, and the sub-species, that's... what are you called?" Nedington asked.

"We're humans." Amme said, still contemplating why Aardvarks were the dominate species.

"Yes. And, tell us, are you aquatic creatures?" Nedora proceeded to ask.

After answering various questions of this sort, what the atmosphere contained, the progress humans have made in evolution, and the proper etiquette in fine dining.

The questions were relatively easy to answer, and after reciting the capitals of every country, state, province, etc... Amme was getting a little bored. That is... until THE question was asked.

"And by what means does your species reproduce?" Nedora asked, checking the last question - The middle names of every American and Mexican president - off.

"What?!" Amme exclaimed, standing straight up, knocking back her chair, and hitting her head on the roof of the saucer.

The Neds were as surprised as she was. "It's a simple question..." Nedington said, waving a tentacle casually.

Amme shook her head. "No! It's not!" Geez. Weren't alien abductions supposed to be quick and painless?! "Wouldn't you rather cut me open and take a look inside me? See what my organs look like?" Amme asked, hopefully.

"No, that is not neccessary. We have already examined the human anatomy." Nedora gestured toward a corner- whoa. A corner of a circular room? Contemplate THAT. -a corner of the room containing a man Amme hadn't noticed. He was dead alright. His skin was a dull gray, his eyes sunken in, and his hair uncombed.

Lucky son of a-

"The question, miss Face." Nedington reminded her. Amme sighed, and reluctantly began. Crazy Jim the cat-lady had raved about her experience with Aliens. Roasting marshmallows over a new hair cut. Here SHE was giving some aliens The Talk.

Several embarassing minutes later, the aliens stopped her.

"We only needed to know whether humans reproduce without a second human or not." Nedington stated casually.

"You. Could. Have. Flippin'. Told. Me. That." Amme replied, irratated and embarassed. "I want to go home."

"Of course! That was all we needed from you! Toaster Struedel?" Nedington offered.

The aliens were happy to give Amme a ride back to her home. As she climbed down the hatch to the ground, Nedington shouted down to her.

"Rugby! Rugby! Look!" He held a small, round, teal, fuzzy mini-Ned. "Nedora's egg just hatched! We've decided to name it...." Nedington's last word was barely, but clearly heard over the noise from the take-off.

"Amme!"



Short, I know, but just a boredom-fic.
 
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