Chapter 13: The Unfair Trail. Escape from Wonderland!
Everyone was brought into a courthouse. It seemed like almost everybody, mostly the card soldiers, were present. Alice and the Straw Hats were placed at the bar while two guards stood next to them, making sure they didn’t try to make a run for it. Robin looked around to see if she saw anyone she recognized during the journey, and she noticed the Cloaked Man amongst the jurors. The white rabbit rushed in to the room. He was blowing a trumpet to alert everyone that the trail has begun.
The rabbit raced up to his podium and introduced everyone in the court room.
White Rabbit: Your majesty… members of the jury… loyal subjects…
King: A-hem…
The king taps the white rabbit with his fan, just to make sure the rabbit announced him too.
White Rabbit: *sighs*…and the king.
The King smiled, tipping his crown and looking all around the room.
White Rabbit: The prisoners at the bar is charged with enticing her majesty, the Queen of Hearts, into a game of croquet, and thereby willfully…
Alice attempted to say something, but was shut out by the guards.
White Rabbit: …and with malice aforethought, teasing, tormenting, and otherwise annoying our beloved…
Queen: Never mind all that! Get to the part where I lose my temper.
The white rabbit skipped everything else written on the scroll and got to the last part.
White Rabbit: Bwbwbwl… thereby causing the queen to lose her temper.
Queen: Now, Ha ha… Are you all ready for your sentence?
Alice: Sentence?
Nami: But shouldn’t there be a verdict first before—
Queen: Sentence first! Verdict afterwards.
Alice: But that just isn’t the way it’s—
Queen: ALL WAYS ARE—
Alice: Your ways, your majesty.
Queen: Yes, my child.
Zoro: Okay, huddle!
The Straw Hats quickly huddled around to come up with something to get them out of this jam.
Zoro: All right, even I know that this is getting us nowhere!
Sanji: For once you’re right, this whole trial is completely one sided.
Robin: And if this keeps up, we’ll all lose our heads.
Brook/Chopper: EEEHHH?!?!
Nami: Okay, so does anyone have any ideas?
Luffy: *raises hand* ohh, ohh, ohhh!
Nami: Any ideas that don’t involve beating stuff up and getting us in more trouble.
Luffy retracts his hand in disappointment.
Robin: Let’s save that for a last resort.
Usopp: OHH! I got it!
Sanji: A headache?
Usopp: No…a plan! If I can confuse the queen using some legal talk, she’d might forget about the charges and let us leave.
Franky: You sure that’s gonna work? Remember, everything here is as crazy as the locals.
Robin: And at this point, it just might work.
Nami: But the question is, do you know any legal talk?
Usopp: Trust me! I used to listen to Perry Mason and Phoenix Wright on the radio. I know what I’m doing.
Chopper: Good Luck!
Brook: *whispers* We have a radio?
Luffy: *whispers* Who’s Perry Mason?
Zoro: *Whisper* No idea…Who’s Phoenix Wright?
Usopp goes up to the bar alongside Alice, just as the Queen was about to pass sentence.
Queen: OFF WITH THEIR—
Usopp: OBJECTION!
The whole courtroom gasps as Usopp’s loud objection had just interrupted the Queen, who was quite irritated that someone had interrupted her mid-sentencing.
Queen: On what grounds?!
Usopp: On the grounds that there is insufficient evidence towards any form of conviction against us. The Prosecution has made no effort to back their claims and all charges are merely contradictive and hearsay. Therefore, I call for an immediate dismissal and furthermore—
By this time the Queen had enough of Usopp’s objection, takes the gavel and slams it down multiple times.
Queen: SILENCE!
The roar of the Queen’s voice sends Usopp flying from the bar and lands flat on his back with a thud. The other Straw Hats came to look over Usopp.
Robin: Well…that went well.
Sanji: You probably should’ve use a Habeas corpus on her first.
Usopp: Oh, shut up!
Queen: Now where was I…oh, yes! OFF WITH THEIR—
King: Consider, my dear. Uh… we called no witnesses… Uh… couldn’t we hear… maybe one or two? Ha? Maybe?
Queen: Oh, very well…BUT GET ON WITH IT!
King: First witness! First witness! Ah, we’ll call the first witness.
White Rabbit: The March Hare.
Two guards carried in the March Hare by his ears, as he sipped his cup of tea without showing any signs of pain. The Straw Hats were surprised that he was called as a witness.
Nami: Oh, you've got to be kidding, him?
Chopper: He wasn't even there!
Zoro: Well, that’s not stopping them from putting him on the stand.
The guards fling the hare to witness stand, who remains unfazed as he sips his tea.
King: Oh, oh, what do you know about this uh… unfortunate affair?
March Hare: Nothing.
Queen: Nothing whatever?
March Hare: Nothing whatever!
Queen: THAT'S VERY IMPORTANT! Jury, write that down!
The members of the jury frantically wrote that down on the chalkboards. The Cloaked Man pretended he did, but he sketched a childish picture of the Queen with the subtitle “Big, Fat Loudmouthâ€.
Alice: Unimportant, uh… your majesty means of course…
Queen: SILENCE!
The Queen yelled in her face, blowing her back a little.
Queen: Next witness.
White Rabbit: The Dormouse.
Two cards carried out a teapot very delicately and gently, placing it in front of the Queen. The Queen took the top off and was about to do her usual yelling.
Queen: WELL—
The guards shushed her to be very quiet and delicate with him, since the dormouse was very sensitive.
Queen: What have you to say about this?
Dormouse: Twinkle, twinkle, little bat. How I wonder…
Queen: *whispers* That’s the most important piece of evidence we’ve heard yet. *shouts at the jury* WRITE THAT DOWN!
The jurors mumbled “Twinkle, Twinkle†as they wrote it down, after getting knocked out of their seats by the Queen.
Alice: Twinkle, twinkle. What next?
White Rabbit: The Mad Hatter!
Nami: Does that answer your question?
The guards brought in the Hatter as he bowed to the Queen; they poked his butt with their spears, sending him flying onto the witness stand.
Queen: Off with your hat!
Mad Hatter: Oh, my! He he he!
The Hatter laughed, taking off his hat, which had a teapot, cup and saucer all ready for tea.
King: And eh… where were you when this horrible crime was committed?
Mad Hatter: I was home, drinking tea. *squirts some tea into his cup* Today you know is *sips tea* my unbirthday.
King: Why, my dear! Today is your unbirthday too!
Queen: It is?
March Hare & Mad Hatter: It is?
Cards: It is?
Straw Hats: It is?!
The Hatter and the Hare rolled out a tablecloth filled with singing teapots and the like. As it rolled out, a big cake appears before the Queen, who was more than happy to receive it.
Mad Hatter, March Hare and Cards: A very merry unbirthday!
Queen: To me?
Alice: Oh no!
Mad Hatter, March Hare and Cards: To you! A very merry unbirthday!
Queen: For me?
Mad Hatter, March Hare and Cards: For you!
The Hatter pulls out a bunch of lit candles out of his hat and places them all over the cake.
Mad Hatter: Now blow the candle out, my dear and make your wish come true! He he he.
The Queen blows away all the candles, along with most of the frosting. The cake goes kaboom and in its place, a hatbox. The Queen wasted no time opening it to reveal a special crown with a string of white pearls to go with it.
Mad Hatter, March Hare and Cards: A very merry unbirthday, to you!
Alice sat by, bored, and then she saw the crown was starting to change. As it turns out the crown was no crown, it was the Cheshire Cat! The other Straw Hat soon took notice and was surprised that he would show up now.
Alice: Oh! Your majesty!
Queen: Oh, yes, my dears?
Franky: Look! There he is now!
Queen: Huh? Where? Who?
Alice: The Cheshire Cat!
Luffy: He’s on your head!
The Queen looked up to see the Cheshire Cat in place of her new crown, but the sneaky feline vanishes before she could grab him.
Queen: CAT!
Unfortunately, the Queen just said the secret word out loud, causing the Dormouse to leap out of his teapot and into a panicked frenzy.
Dormouse: Cat! CAT!? Cat cat cat cat!
The Mad Hatter and March Hare ran to catch their friend again. Luffy, unable to contain himself, follows suit.
March Hare: There he goes, There he goes!
Mad Hatter: Oh, this is terrible!
Luffy: Get the mouse!
The mouse and the trio races over the Queen (actually they stepped over her), and up onto a nearby banner. The banner falls from the combined weight and falls on top of the Queen. All three dove into a banner after mouse, creating a whole mess of confusion as the Queen tries to wrangle herself out from under the banner.
King: Catch him! Stop him!
March Hare: Bop him! Catch him! Head him off!
Mad Hatter: Somebody help me! Catch him!
Luffy pulls himself out from the banner and spots the dormouse making a run for it. He stretches out and manages to grab him by tip of his tail.
Luffy: I got him! I got him! Now what!
Mad Hatter: Get me the jam, the jam! Quick!
King: The jam! The jam! By order of the king!
Alice rushes over to the witness stand, where a jar of jam just happened to be there, and takes the jar over. The March Hare takes a large spoonful of the stuff and prepares to fling it at the dormouse…
Queen: The jam! Let me have it!
…of course, the Hare misses and the Queen ends up getting splatted with jelly all over her face.
Robin: *to readers* Well…she did ask for it.
Luffy started to laugh at the sight of it, causing him to release the Dormouse by accident. The King tried to hit the dormouse on the head with the mallet, but had little success.
Usopp: *to the King* You’re doing it wrong…allow me!
Usopp swipes the mallet from the King and starts chasing after the dormouse.
Usopp: The trick is a well-placed hit with equal force…like this!
Usopp leaps up into the air and was right on top of the rodent.
Usopp: USSOP HAMMER!
Usopp swings the mallet down hard and fast, but the Dormouse leap away at the last second, causing Usopp to bean the Queen square on her royal noggin. Alice and the other Straw Hats gasps in horror whilst Luffy was on the floor, still laughing his head off. Usopp looked around to see if he got his target.
Usopp: Get I get him?
Nami: No…but if you don’t get rid of that mallet, you’re gonna be the one who’s gonna get it.
Nami points at the Queen, who was directly under the mallet, sending chills through every nerve in his body. As the Queen was starting to come to, Usopp quickly passes the mallet to the March Hare, who passes it to the Mad Hatter who gives it Alice who was holding the jam jar.
Queen: SOMEBODY'S HEADS ARE GONNA ROLL FOR THIS!
The Queen ripped out of the banner and saw Alice who dropped the things and put her hands in her pockets.
Queen: AHA!
Alice then remembered and noticed something she nearly forgot all about in her pockets.
Alice: The mushroom!
Nami sees Alice taking her mushrooms and eat them. Getting an idea she quickly grabs each of the other pieces from the crew and rushes over to Luffy, who was still in a laughing fit.
Nami: Oh, Luffy!
Luffy: Huh?
Nami: EAT!
Nami takes the mushroom pieces, shoves them down Luffy’s throat and bashes him on the head causing him to swallow them all.
Chopper: Nami! What did you do that for?!
Queen: OFF WITH THEIR—
The Queen started to yell, but then suddenly stopped as Alice and Luffy grew large in size, both of their heads hitting the ceiling.
Nami: That’s why.
They looked down and saw the guards trying to fight them, but had little to no avail.
Alice: Oh, pooh. I’m not afraid of you!
Luffy: You think you can scare us? Take this!
Luffy kicks his foot, blowing away most the card soldiers. Alice picks up some of them like normal cards.
Alice: Why, you’re nothing but a pack of cards!
Alice tosses away the cards as they floated back down.
Luffy: Ehh…it was a lousy hand anyway.
King: 'Rule 42: All persons more than a mile high must leave the court immediately'!
Alice: We are not a mile high!
Luffy: And we’re not leaving so nyeh*sticks tongue*!
Queen: Hehehe… sorry! Rule 42, you know!
Alice: And as for you, your majesty!
The Queen panicked and used her tiny husband as a shield.
Alice: Your majesty indeed! Why, you’re not a queen, but just a-
And as Alice was telling the Queen off, she and Luffy were shrinking back to normal size.
Alice: -a fat, pompous, bad tempered old ty-
Alice stops herself the minute she realized she’s back to her normal size. The others clapped their hands over Luffy’s mouth to prevent him from saying anything at all. The Queen smiled evilly as the preverbal ball was back in her court.
Alice: -tyrant.
Queen: Hmhmhmhm… and uh… what were you saying, my dears?
The Cheshire Cat reappears on the Queen’s head with one last trick
Cheshire Cat: Well, they simply said that you’re a fat, pompous, bad tempered old tyrant, hahahaha!
Luffy pulls away the hands from his mouth to get in one last say.
Luffy: AND WE MEANT EVERY WORD OF IT TOO, YA BIG LOUDMOUTH!
Well…that did it. As the mischievous cat laughs away into thin air, the queen really loses her temper and had only one thing to say…
Queen: OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!!!!
The card soldiers erupted with applause as they dove and swarmed to arrest Alice and the Straw Hats, who rushes out of the courtroom, knocking away any soldiers that got in their way.
King: You heard what her majesty said! *gets trampled by card soldiers* Off with their heads!
The White Rabbit blows on his trumpet to call out more cards as our heroes ran out of the castle with about 52 decks worth of card soldiers hot on their tails.
Sanji: You just had to call her a big loudmouth, Luffy!
Luffy: Who cares, it was worth it!
Sanji: Any brilliant ideas?
Franky: Aside from keep running?
Zoro: Head for the hedge maze! We can lose them in there!
Usopp: Provided we don’t lose each other first!
Zoro: JUST FLOOR IT!
The group races into the maze as the cards followed suit. The chase continued for about 15 minutes as even the Queen and King took part in the chase. The chase ended when the gang runs (quite literally) into a deck of spades, knocking them over in the process. The Queen runs over the cards on her side, causing an incline that stopped the gang in their tracks.
As they slid down the card slide, they noticed the hedge maze vanishing and suddenly wind up in another caucus race, led by the Dodo, of course. The racers included the Queen, the King, the Mad Hatter, the March Hare, Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dum, the Walrus, the Carpenter, some Oysters and a deck’s worth of card soldiers.
Caucus Racers: Forward, backward, inward, outward, here we go again! No one ever loses and no one can ever win. Backward, forward, outward, inward, bottom to the top, never a beginning…
Alice and the Straw Hats pulled themselves out of the caucus and started running across a beach, with the Queen and her cards chasing after them.
Queen: Off with their heads! Off with their heads!
The group kept on running as the rocks they jumped over turned into teapots; they suddenly find themselves back at the Hatter and Hare’s tea party. Just then the Hatter and the Hare appear out of nowhere and grabs Alice.
Mad Hatter: Just a moment! You can’t leave a tea party without having a cup of tea, you know!
Alice: But- but we can’t stop now!
March Hare: Ah, but we insist! You must join us in a cup of tea!
The two nuts pushed Alice and the Straw Hats into a giant cup of tea, which seemed to be more spacious than it looked. Luffy, Chopper, Brook and Robin suddenly froze up, mainly because if you remember; Devil Fruit users can’t swim. Zoro and Sanji managed to grab them and placed all four onto Franky.
They came out seeing that the tea turned into water…an ocean at that. As they swam, the Queen was riding at them, using the same method the travel the Dodo did earlier on.
Queen: OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!
The group immediately noticed the Caterpillar, smoking on top of his mushroom.
Alice: Mr. Caterpillar, what will we do?
He turned to them, not seeming to enjoy their company and blew smoke at them.
Caterpillar: Who are you?
As Alice and the Straw Hats coughed from the smoke, they suddenly feel solid ground on their feet. The ocean around them disappears as the Caterpillar’s smoke swirls into a tunnel that stretched for miles. The group wasted no time running as the Queen and her soldiers were right behind them.
Queen: There they go! Don’t let them get away! Off with their heads!
The tunnel went on for a while until the group came upon the Doorknob. They reached out, desperately trying to grab it. They finally managed to grab it and tried to open the door...however…
Doorknob: OWW! Still locked, you know.
Usopp: Sorry, but that Queen is right behind us! We just gotta get out!
Doorknob: Oh, but you are outside. Well, at least *to Alice* you are.
Alice: What?
Straw Hats: Huh?
Nami: What're you talking about?
Doorknob: See for yourself!
The doorknob opened his mouth wide to show what he was talking about. The group looked into and saw Alice out in the riverbank, asleep under a tree, with Dinah in her lap.
Alice: Why, why that’s me! I’m asleep!
Usopp: What the sec! How she can be here and yet be out there at the same time?!
Robin: If she’s sleeping out there, then could all of this be—
Queen: Don't let them get away! Off with their heads!
The group turns around to see the Queen and her mob rushing at them, and this time they were cornered with nowhere else to run. By this point, Luffy has had enough…
Luffy: ARGHHH!!! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
Luffy rushes at the mob at full speed before anyone could react. He pulls his arms way back for an attack.
Luffy: GUM-GUM—
Queen: OFF WITH THEIR—
Suddenly, the Queen felt something hit her across her chest; it was Luffy, deliver a well-placed and well deserved hit.
Luffy: BAZOOKA!
The impact sends the Queen flying far into the distance, prompting the mob to stop and proceed to dogpile on Luffy.
Luffy: Oh no, you don’t! GUM-GUM FIREWORKS!
Luffy jumps into the air and spins around rapidly. He then stretches and wraps himself in his own arms and legs like a rubber ball. He then lets loose, sending his arms and legs flying at the mob. Both he and the mob were soon swirled into a big multicolored cloud of a brawl.
Usopp: That a boy, Luffy!
Zoro: Looks like he did actually something right for once today.
Suddenly they noticed a few of Luffy’s attacks stretching out from the cloud…and flying straight at them!
Franky: Or not!
Brook/Chopper: EEHH?!
Sanji: Somebody, do something!
Alice: Alice: Alice, wake up! Please wake up, Alice!
Alice attempts to wake the other Alice on the other side up, while Nami and Usopp desperately tried to pry the door open to get out. But they were too late; the attacks finally reached them, mere inches away from hitting them all.
Straw Hats: LUFFY!!!!!!!
Suddenly, just before the fists made contact, everything went bright white. The last thing Alice could hear was a distant voice calling her name…
Voice: Alice! Alice!
The voice revealed to be Lorina in the real world, who was calling to her young sister to wake up.
Lorina: Alice! Alice! Will you kindly pay attention and recite your lesson?
Alice finally stirs up from her slumber. Her mind still fresh from her ‘adventure’, she heard to the word ‘recite’, and suddenly shot up to recite.
Alice: Huh? Oh. Oh! Uh… how doth the little crocodile, improve his shining tail. And pour the waters of the…
Lorina: Alice, what are you talking about?
Alice: Oh, I’m sorry, but you see, the Caterpillar said…
Lorina: Caterpillar? Oh, for goodness sake. Alice, I… Oh, well. Come along, it’s time for tea.
Lorina led Alice out of the garden for tea as Alice picked up Dinah. Alice was glad to be home after the long adventure she had. Even if it was just a crazy dream…Or was it? One thing was for sure, Alice knew that she would remember this dream for a long, long time…and the new yet, strange friends she met along the way.
Epilogue: A Dream within Dreams. On to the Next Adventure!
Well, that was it…Alice got out of Wonderland safe and sound, and all’s well that ends—but wait! You’re probably wondering what happened to the Straw Hats. Well…let’s rewind the clock about ten minutes or so; our friends had just learned that Alice had been asleep this entire time and were desperately trying to wake her up from their side. Luffy, finally having enough, charges at the mob with fists flying, creating a swirling mess of colors. Unfortunately, some of Luffy’s fists started flying right at them. Just as the attacks made contact, everything goes bright white. The crew suddenly felt a slight jolt to their bodies. They wake up to discover that they’re back on the deck of the Thousand Sunny. And the cause of their sudden wakeup call was Luffy, who was fighting in his sleep. His arms and legs were flailing around, trying to hit some invisible enemy. Some of them manage to hit the crew, much to their annoyance and decided to wake their captain up….the hard way!
Nami/Sanji/Zoro: KNOCK IT OFF!
Nami, Sanji and Zoro kicked Luffy, causing him to fly into the mast with a bang! The impact wakes Luffy up in a shock.
Luffy: Who?! What! When! Where!? Why! How?!
Franky: Well that got him up.
Robin: Is everyone all right?
Sanji: Aside from Luffy’s sleep fighting, were fine.
Usopp: So…what just happened?
Chopper: And how did we get back to the Sunny?
Brook: The last thing I remember; we were being chased by practically everyone in Wonderland.
Franky: Yeah…and then Luffy went bananas and everything went blank after that.
Usopp: Hey wait! Where’s Alice?
Chopper: Did you think they got her?!
Robin looks around to find the Infinity’s Eye lying right beside them. She grabbed it, flipping through the written pages until she found the last page for Alice in Wonderland, letting out a sigh of relief.
Robin: She made it.
Chopper: Really! How?
Robin: All of it was just a dream…nothing more. She managed to wake up back home, safe and sound.
Usopp: So wait! You mean to tell us right everything we went through…all of that was just some dream?!
Robin: Pretty much.
Nami: Well I for one I’m glad that’s over. Cause there’s no way I’m going back to that place again, even if you paid me!
Franky: You said it.
Brook: But to be honest, I thought it was fun, in spite of the bad stuff.
Zoro: Yeah…if you were into all of that wackiest.
Nami: Well at least we can relax a bit and---
Nami notices that Luffy was not at the mast and she looked around frantically around to see where he went to.
Nami: Wait… where’s Luffy?
Robin: I thought he was—*notices the Infinity’s Eye was missing from her hands* and where’s the book?
Usopp: Oh…no…
Sanji: He wouldn’t…
Nami: FIND HIM!!!!!
The crew looked around frantically looked for Luffy, who had already taken the Infinity’s Eye to the upper deck and began to skim through it…until he found something to caught his eye.
Luffy: Oooh…this looks good.
The rest of the crew arrives too late as Luffy puts his hand on the page and it starts to glow light blue.
Nami/Zoro/Sanji/Franky/Chopper/Usopp/Brook: LUFFY!!!!!
Robin: Well…here we go again.
The Infinity’s Eye’s pages begin to turn rapidly as a light blue aura begins to envelop the crew, pulling them into the book and its blinding light.
Well, the Straw Hats adventures in Wonderland may be over…but their new adventure has just begun!
Everyone was brought into a courthouse. It seemed like almost everybody, mostly the card soldiers, were present. Alice and the Straw Hats were placed at the bar while two guards stood next to them, making sure they didn’t try to make a run for it. Robin looked around to see if she saw anyone she recognized during the journey, and she noticed the Cloaked Man amongst the jurors. The white rabbit rushed in to the room. He was blowing a trumpet to alert everyone that the trail has begun.
The rabbit raced up to his podium and introduced everyone in the court room.
White Rabbit: Your majesty… members of the jury… loyal subjects…
King: A-hem…
The king taps the white rabbit with his fan, just to make sure the rabbit announced him too.
White Rabbit: *sighs*…and the king.
The King smiled, tipping his crown and looking all around the room.
White Rabbit: The prisoners at the bar is charged with enticing her majesty, the Queen of Hearts, into a game of croquet, and thereby willfully…
Alice attempted to say something, but was shut out by the guards.
White Rabbit: …and with malice aforethought, teasing, tormenting, and otherwise annoying our beloved…
Queen: Never mind all that! Get to the part where I lose my temper.
The white rabbit skipped everything else written on the scroll and got to the last part.
White Rabbit: Bwbwbwl… thereby causing the queen to lose her temper.
Queen: Now, Ha ha… Are you all ready for your sentence?
Alice: Sentence?
Nami: But shouldn’t there be a verdict first before—
Queen: Sentence first! Verdict afterwards.
Alice: But that just isn’t the way it’s—
Queen: ALL WAYS ARE—
Alice: Your ways, your majesty.
Queen: Yes, my child.
Zoro: Okay, huddle!
The Straw Hats quickly huddled around to come up with something to get them out of this jam.
Zoro: All right, even I know that this is getting us nowhere!
Sanji: For once you’re right, this whole trial is completely one sided.
Robin: And if this keeps up, we’ll all lose our heads.
Brook/Chopper: EEEHHH?!?!
Nami: Okay, so does anyone have any ideas?
Luffy: *raises hand* ohh, ohh, ohhh!
Nami: Any ideas that don’t involve beating stuff up and getting us in more trouble.
Luffy retracts his hand in disappointment.
Robin: Let’s save that for a last resort.
Usopp: OHH! I got it!
Sanji: A headache?
Usopp: No…a plan! If I can confuse the queen using some legal talk, she’d might forget about the charges and let us leave.
Franky: You sure that’s gonna work? Remember, everything here is as crazy as the locals.
Robin: And at this point, it just might work.
Nami: But the question is, do you know any legal talk?
Usopp: Trust me! I used to listen to Perry Mason and Phoenix Wright on the radio. I know what I’m doing.
Chopper: Good Luck!
Brook: *whispers* We have a radio?
Luffy: *whispers* Who’s Perry Mason?
Zoro: *Whisper* No idea…Who’s Phoenix Wright?
Usopp goes up to the bar alongside Alice, just as the Queen was about to pass sentence.
Queen: OFF WITH THEIR—
Usopp: OBJECTION!
The whole courtroom gasps as Usopp’s loud objection had just interrupted the Queen, who was quite irritated that someone had interrupted her mid-sentencing.
Queen: On what grounds?!
Usopp: On the grounds that there is insufficient evidence towards any form of conviction against us. The Prosecution has made no effort to back their claims and all charges are merely contradictive and hearsay. Therefore, I call for an immediate dismissal and furthermore—
By this time the Queen had enough of Usopp’s objection, takes the gavel and slams it down multiple times.
Queen: SILENCE!
The roar of the Queen’s voice sends Usopp flying from the bar and lands flat on his back with a thud. The other Straw Hats came to look over Usopp.
Robin: Well…that went well.
Sanji: You probably should’ve use a Habeas corpus on her first.
Usopp: Oh, shut up!
Queen: Now where was I…oh, yes! OFF WITH THEIR—
King: Consider, my dear. Uh… we called no witnesses… Uh… couldn’t we hear… maybe one or two? Ha? Maybe?
Queen: Oh, very well…BUT GET ON WITH IT!
King: First witness! First witness! Ah, we’ll call the first witness.
White Rabbit: The March Hare.
Two guards carried in the March Hare by his ears, as he sipped his cup of tea without showing any signs of pain. The Straw Hats were surprised that he was called as a witness.
Nami: Oh, you've got to be kidding, him?
Chopper: He wasn't even there!
Zoro: Well, that’s not stopping them from putting him on the stand.
The guards fling the hare to witness stand, who remains unfazed as he sips his tea.
King: Oh, oh, what do you know about this uh… unfortunate affair?
March Hare: Nothing.
Queen: Nothing whatever?
March Hare: Nothing whatever!
Queen: THAT'S VERY IMPORTANT! Jury, write that down!
The members of the jury frantically wrote that down on the chalkboards. The Cloaked Man pretended he did, but he sketched a childish picture of the Queen with the subtitle “Big, Fat Loudmouthâ€.
Alice: Unimportant, uh… your majesty means of course…
Queen: SILENCE!
The Queen yelled in her face, blowing her back a little.
Queen: Next witness.
White Rabbit: The Dormouse.
Two cards carried out a teapot very delicately and gently, placing it in front of the Queen. The Queen took the top off and was about to do her usual yelling.
Queen: WELL—
The guards shushed her to be very quiet and delicate with him, since the dormouse was very sensitive.
Queen: What have you to say about this?
Dormouse: Twinkle, twinkle, little bat. How I wonder…
Queen: *whispers* That’s the most important piece of evidence we’ve heard yet. *shouts at the jury* WRITE THAT DOWN!
The jurors mumbled “Twinkle, Twinkle†as they wrote it down, after getting knocked out of their seats by the Queen.
Alice: Twinkle, twinkle. What next?
White Rabbit: The Mad Hatter!
Nami: Does that answer your question?
The guards brought in the Hatter as he bowed to the Queen; they poked his butt with their spears, sending him flying onto the witness stand.
Queen: Off with your hat!
Mad Hatter: Oh, my! He he he!
The Hatter laughed, taking off his hat, which had a teapot, cup and saucer all ready for tea.
King: And eh… where were you when this horrible crime was committed?
Mad Hatter: I was home, drinking tea. *squirts some tea into his cup* Today you know is *sips tea* my unbirthday.
King: Why, my dear! Today is your unbirthday too!
Queen: It is?
March Hare & Mad Hatter: It is?
Cards: It is?
Straw Hats: It is?!
The Hatter and the Hare rolled out a tablecloth filled with singing teapots and the like. As it rolled out, a big cake appears before the Queen, who was more than happy to receive it.
Mad Hatter, March Hare and Cards: A very merry unbirthday!
Queen: To me?
Alice: Oh no!
Mad Hatter, March Hare and Cards: To you! A very merry unbirthday!
Queen: For me?
Mad Hatter, March Hare and Cards: For you!
The Hatter pulls out a bunch of lit candles out of his hat and places them all over the cake.
Mad Hatter: Now blow the candle out, my dear and make your wish come true! He he he.
The Queen blows away all the candles, along with most of the frosting. The cake goes kaboom and in its place, a hatbox. The Queen wasted no time opening it to reveal a special crown with a string of white pearls to go with it.
Mad Hatter, March Hare and Cards: A very merry unbirthday, to you!
Alice sat by, bored, and then she saw the crown was starting to change. As it turns out the crown was no crown, it was the Cheshire Cat! The other Straw Hat soon took notice and was surprised that he would show up now.
Alice: Oh! Your majesty!
Queen: Oh, yes, my dears?
Franky: Look! There he is now!
Queen: Huh? Where? Who?
Alice: The Cheshire Cat!
Luffy: He’s on your head!
The Queen looked up to see the Cheshire Cat in place of her new crown, but the sneaky feline vanishes before she could grab him.
Queen: CAT!
Unfortunately, the Queen just said the secret word out loud, causing the Dormouse to leap out of his teapot and into a panicked frenzy.
Dormouse: Cat! CAT!? Cat cat cat cat!
The Mad Hatter and March Hare ran to catch their friend again. Luffy, unable to contain himself, follows suit.
March Hare: There he goes, There he goes!
Mad Hatter: Oh, this is terrible!
Luffy: Get the mouse!
The mouse and the trio races over the Queen (actually they stepped over her), and up onto a nearby banner. The banner falls from the combined weight and falls on top of the Queen. All three dove into a banner after mouse, creating a whole mess of confusion as the Queen tries to wrangle herself out from under the banner.
King: Catch him! Stop him!
March Hare: Bop him! Catch him! Head him off!
Mad Hatter: Somebody help me! Catch him!
Luffy pulls himself out from the banner and spots the dormouse making a run for it. He stretches out and manages to grab him by tip of his tail.
Luffy: I got him! I got him! Now what!
Mad Hatter: Get me the jam, the jam! Quick!
King: The jam! The jam! By order of the king!
Alice rushes over to the witness stand, where a jar of jam just happened to be there, and takes the jar over. The March Hare takes a large spoonful of the stuff and prepares to fling it at the dormouse…
Queen: The jam! Let me have it!
…of course, the Hare misses and the Queen ends up getting splatted with jelly all over her face.
Robin: *to readers* Well…she did ask for it.
Luffy started to laugh at the sight of it, causing him to release the Dormouse by accident. The King tried to hit the dormouse on the head with the mallet, but had little success.
Usopp: *to the King* You’re doing it wrong…allow me!
Usopp swipes the mallet from the King and starts chasing after the dormouse.
Usopp: The trick is a well-placed hit with equal force…like this!
Usopp leaps up into the air and was right on top of the rodent.
Usopp: USSOP HAMMER!
Usopp swings the mallet down hard and fast, but the Dormouse leap away at the last second, causing Usopp to bean the Queen square on her royal noggin. Alice and the other Straw Hats gasps in horror whilst Luffy was on the floor, still laughing his head off. Usopp looked around to see if he got his target.
Usopp: Get I get him?
Nami: No…but if you don’t get rid of that mallet, you’re gonna be the one who’s gonna get it.
Nami points at the Queen, who was directly under the mallet, sending chills through every nerve in his body. As the Queen was starting to come to, Usopp quickly passes the mallet to the March Hare, who passes it to the Mad Hatter who gives it Alice who was holding the jam jar.
Queen: SOMEBODY'S HEADS ARE GONNA ROLL FOR THIS!
The Queen ripped out of the banner and saw Alice who dropped the things and put her hands in her pockets.
Queen: AHA!
Alice then remembered and noticed something she nearly forgot all about in her pockets.
Alice: The mushroom!
Nami sees Alice taking her mushrooms and eat them. Getting an idea she quickly grabs each of the other pieces from the crew and rushes over to Luffy, who was still in a laughing fit.
Nami: Oh, Luffy!
Luffy: Huh?
Nami: EAT!
Nami takes the mushroom pieces, shoves them down Luffy’s throat and bashes him on the head causing him to swallow them all.
Chopper: Nami! What did you do that for?!
Queen: OFF WITH THEIR—
The Queen started to yell, but then suddenly stopped as Alice and Luffy grew large in size, both of their heads hitting the ceiling.
Nami: That’s why.
They looked down and saw the guards trying to fight them, but had little to no avail.
Alice: Oh, pooh. I’m not afraid of you!
Luffy: You think you can scare us? Take this!
Luffy kicks his foot, blowing away most the card soldiers. Alice picks up some of them like normal cards.
Alice: Why, you’re nothing but a pack of cards!
Alice tosses away the cards as they floated back down.
Luffy: Ehh…it was a lousy hand anyway.
King: 'Rule 42: All persons more than a mile high must leave the court immediately'!
Alice: We are not a mile high!
Luffy: And we’re not leaving so nyeh*sticks tongue*!
Queen: Hehehe… sorry! Rule 42, you know!
Alice: And as for you, your majesty!
The Queen panicked and used her tiny husband as a shield.
Alice: Your majesty indeed! Why, you’re not a queen, but just a-
And as Alice was telling the Queen off, she and Luffy were shrinking back to normal size.
Alice: -a fat, pompous, bad tempered old ty-
Alice stops herself the minute she realized she’s back to her normal size. The others clapped their hands over Luffy’s mouth to prevent him from saying anything at all. The Queen smiled evilly as the preverbal ball was back in her court.
Alice: -tyrant.
Queen: Hmhmhmhm… and uh… what were you saying, my dears?
The Cheshire Cat reappears on the Queen’s head with one last trick
Cheshire Cat: Well, they simply said that you’re a fat, pompous, bad tempered old tyrant, hahahaha!
Luffy pulls away the hands from his mouth to get in one last say.
Luffy: AND WE MEANT EVERY WORD OF IT TOO, YA BIG LOUDMOUTH!
Well…that did it. As the mischievous cat laughs away into thin air, the queen really loses her temper and had only one thing to say…
Queen: OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!!!!
The card soldiers erupted with applause as they dove and swarmed to arrest Alice and the Straw Hats, who rushes out of the courtroom, knocking away any soldiers that got in their way.
King: You heard what her majesty said! *gets trampled by card soldiers* Off with their heads!
The White Rabbit blows on his trumpet to call out more cards as our heroes ran out of the castle with about 52 decks worth of card soldiers hot on their tails.
Sanji: You just had to call her a big loudmouth, Luffy!
Luffy: Who cares, it was worth it!
Sanji: Any brilliant ideas?
Franky: Aside from keep running?
Zoro: Head for the hedge maze! We can lose them in there!
Usopp: Provided we don’t lose each other first!
Zoro: JUST FLOOR IT!
The group races into the maze as the cards followed suit. The chase continued for about 15 minutes as even the Queen and King took part in the chase. The chase ended when the gang runs (quite literally) into a deck of spades, knocking them over in the process. The Queen runs over the cards on her side, causing an incline that stopped the gang in their tracks.
As they slid down the card slide, they noticed the hedge maze vanishing and suddenly wind up in another caucus race, led by the Dodo, of course. The racers included the Queen, the King, the Mad Hatter, the March Hare, Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dum, the Walrus, the Carpenter, some Oysters and a deck’s worth of card soldiers.
Caucus Racers: Forward, backward, inward, outward, here we go again! No one ever loses and no one can ever win. Backward, forward, outward, inward, bottom to the top, never a beginning…
Alice and the Straw Hats pulled themselves out of the caucus and started running across a beach, with the Queen and her cards chasing after them.
Queen: Off with their heads! Off with their heads!
The group kept on running as the rocks they jumped over turned into teapots; they suddenly find themselves back at the Hatter and Hare’s tea party. Just then the Hatter and the Hare appear out of nowhere and grabs Alice.
Mad Hatter: Just a moment! You can’t leave a tea party without having a cup of tea, you know!
Alice: But- but we can’t stop now!
March Hare: Ah, but we insist! You must join us in a cup of tea!
The two nuts pushed Alice and the Straw Hats into a giant cup of tea, which seemed to be more spacious than it looked. Luffy, Chopper, Brook and Robin suddenly froze up, mainly because if you remember; Devil Fruit users can’t swim. Zoro and Sanji managed to grab them and placed all four onto Franky.
They came out seeing that the tea turned into water…an ocean at that. As they swam, the Queen was riding at them, using the same method the travel the Dodo did earlier on.
Queen: OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!
The group immediately noticed the Caterpillar, smoking on top of his mushroom.
Alice: Mr. Caterpillar, what will we do?
He turned to them, not seeming to enjoy their company and blew smoke at them.
Caterpillar: Who are you?
As Alice and the Straw Hats coughed from the smoke, they suddenly feel solid ground on their feet. The ocean around them disappears as the Caterpillar’s smoke swirls into a tunnel that stretched for miles. The group wasted no time running as the Queen and her soldiers were right behind them.
Queen: There they go! Don’t let them get away! Off with their heads!
The tunnel went on for a while until the group came upon the Doorknob. They reached out, desperately trying to grab it. They finally managed to grab it and tried to open the door...however…
Doorknob: OWW! Still locked, you know.
Usopp: Sorry, but that Queen is right behind us! We just gotta get out!
Doorknob: Oh, but you are outside. Well, at least *to Alice* you are.
Alice: What?
Straw Hats: Huh?
Nami: What're you talking about?
Doorknob: See for yourself!
The doorknob opened his mouth wide to show what he was talking about. The group looked into and saw Alice out in the riverbank, asleep under a tree, with Dinah in her lap.
Alice: Why, why that’s me! I’m asleep!
Usopp: What the sec! How she can be here and yet be out there at the same time?!
Robin: If she’s sleeping out there, then could all of this be—
Queen: Don't let them get away! Off with their heads!
The group turns around to see the Queen and her mob rushing at them, and this time they were cornered with nowhere else to run. By this point, Luffy has had enough…
Luffy: ARGHHH!!! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
Luffy rushes at the mob at full speed before anyone could react. He pulls his arms way back for an attack.
Luffy: GUM-GUM—
Queen: OFF WITH THEIR—
Suddenly, the Queen felt something hit her across her chest; it was Luffy, deliver a well-placed and well deserved hit.
Luffy: BAZOOKA!
The impact sends the Queen flying far into the distance, prompting the mob to stop and proceed to dogpile on Luffy.
Luffy: Oh no, you don’t! GUM-GUM FIREWORKS!
Luffy jumps into the air and spins around rapidly. He then stretches and wraps himself in his own arms and legs like a rubber ball. He then lets loose, sending his arms and legs flying at the mob. Both he and the mob were soon swirled into a big multicolored cloud of a brawl.
Usopp: That a boy, Luffy!
Zoro: Looks like he did actually something right for once today.
Suddenly they noticed a few of Luffy’s attacks stretching out from the cloud…and flying straight at them!
Franky: Or not!
Brook/Chopper: EEHH?!
Sanji: Somebody, do something!
Alice: Alice: Alice, wake up! Please wake up, Alice!
Alice attempts to wake the other Alice on the other side up, while Nami and Usopp desperately tried to pry the door open to get out. But they were too late; the attacks finally reached them, mere inches away from hitting them all.
Straw Hats: LUFFY!!!!!!!
Suddenly, just before the fists made contact, everything went bright white. The last thing Alice could hear was a distant voice calling her name…
Voice: Alice! Alice!
The voice revealed to be Lorina in the real world, who was calling to her young sister to wake up.
Lorina: Alice! Alice! Will you kindly pay attention and recite your lesson?
Alice finally stirs up from her slumber. Her mind still fresh from her ‘adventure’, she heard to the word ‘recite’, and suddenly shot up to recite.
Alice: Huh? Oh. Oh! Uh… how doth the little crocodile, improve his shining tail. And pour the waters of the…
Lorina: Alice, what are you talking about?
Alice: Oh, I’m sorry, but you see, the Caterpillar said…
Lorina: Caterpillar? Oh, for goodness sake. Alice, I… Oh, well. Come along, it’s time for tea.
Lorina led Alice out of the garden for tea as Alice picked up Dinah. Alice was glad to be home after the long adventure she had. Even if it was just a crazy dream…Or was it? One thing was for sure, Alice knew that she would remember this dream for a long, long time…and the new yet, strange friends she met along the way.
Epilogue: A Dream within Dreams. On to the Next Adventure!
Well, that was it…Alice got out of Wonderland safe and sound, and all’s well that ends—but wait! You’re probably wondering what happened to the Straw Hats. Well…let’s rewind the clock about ten minutes or so; our friends had just learned that Alice had been asleep this entire time and were desperately trying to wake her up from their side. Luffy, finally having enough, charges at the mob with fists flying, creating a swirling mess of colors. Unfortunately, some of Luffy’s fists started flying right at them. Just as the attacks made contact, everything goes bright white. The crew suddenly felt a slight jolt to their bodies. They wake up to discover that they’re back on the deck of the Thousand Sunny. And the cause of their sudden wakeup call was Luffy, who was fighting in his sleep. His arms and legs were flailing around, trying to hit some invisible enemy. Some of them manage to hit the crew, much to their annoyance and decided to wake their captain up….the hard way!
Nami/Sanji/Zoro: KNOCK IT OFF!
Nami, Sanji and Zoro kicked Luffy, causing him to fly into the mast with a bang! The impact wakes Luffy up in a shock.
Luffy: Who?! What! When! Where!? Why! How?!
Franky: Well that got him up.
Robin: Is everyone all right?
Sanji: Aside from Luffy’s sleep fighting, were fine.
Usopp: So…what just happened?
Chopper: And how did we get back to the Sunny?
Brook: The last thing I remember; we were being chased by practically everyone in Wonderland.
Franky: Yeah…and then Luffy went bananas and everything went blank after that.
Usopp: Hey wait! Where’s Alice?
Chopper: Did you think they got her?!
Robin looks around to find the Infinity’s Eye lying right beside them. She grabbed it, flipping through the written pages until she found the last page for Alice in Wonderland, letting out a sigh of relief.
Robin: She made it.
Chopper: Really! How?
Robin: All of it was just a dream…nothing more. She managed to wake up back home, safe and sound.
Usopp: So wait! You mean to tell us right everything we went through…all of that was just some dream?!
Robin: Pretty much.
Nami: Well I for one I’m glad that’s over. Cause there’s no way I’m going back to that place again, even if you paid me!
Franky: You said it.
Brook: But to be honest, I thought it was fun, in spite of the bad stuff.
Zoro: Yeah…if you were into all of that wackiest.
Nami: Well at least we can relax a bit and---
Nami notices that Luffy was not at the mast and she looked around frantically around to see where he went to.
Nami: Wait… where’s Luffy?
Robin: I thought he was—*notices the Infinity’s Eye was missing from her hands* and where’s the book?
Usopp: Oh…no…
Sanji: He wouldn’t…
Nami: FIND HIM!!!!!
The crew looked around frantically looked for Luffy, who had already taken the Infinity’s Eye to the upper deck and began to skim through it…until he found something to caught his eye.
Luffy: Oooh…this looks good.
The rest of the crew arrives too late as Luffy puts his hand on the page and it starts to glow light blue.
Nami/Zoro/Sanji/Franky/Chopper/Usopp/Brook: LUFFY!!!!!
Robin: Well…here we go again.
The Infinity’s Eye’s pages begin to turn rapidly as a light blue aura begins to envelop the crew, pulling them into the book and its blinding light.
Well, the Straw Hats adventures in Wonderland may be over…but their new adventure has just begun!
