i may not be able to show all of this toa younger audience. only veiw if you are at least 15, or if you dont care about this warning. if that is the case, then it is not my fualt
Approach the urinal.
Unzip one's pants, and extract the tool of fluid ejection.
Aim the tip of fluid ejection instrument towards the bottom of urinal. (This helps to avoid splash-back.)
Begin ejection of fluid, being sure not to spill fluid beyond the bounds of the urinal.
When fluid flow ceases initiate shut down process by shaking instrument to ensure all fluid has been ejected.
Return instrument to pants.
Zip pants making sure to avoid fluid ejection instrument.
Flush urinal.
Approach sink and wash hands.
Congratulations, you have successfully urinated.
1. Waste no time. This vital. Walk in, do your business. Wash your hands. Walk out. A rest room's functioning is directly dependent on the efficiency of the men using it. For as long as they have existed, men's rooms have prided themselves to be far superior to women's rooms because of their greater speed. Don't ruin it for the rest of us.
2. Speech is your enemy. Never, ever, under any circumstance say a single word while within a bathroom. Not to a friend, not to a lover not to Jesus himself. Not only does this grate against all good things and the way of nature, it ruins the efficiency of the bathroom.
Take this example: Steven walks into the bathroom and unzips himself. While he is relieving himself his best friend Eddy walks in. They strike up a conversation about unix and pretty soon, loose track of time.
So there they are, standing at the urinals, discussing the advantages of open source developement. Well, Sammy walks in and he desperately needs to take a piss. But he can't, the two chatter bugs are there in front of the urinals laughing it up. So, he runs to the only toilet only to discover that someone has missed the toilet with their monster loaf and now he's standing knee deep in butt pudding.
Sammy does the only thing he can do, he pukes all over the place, while at the same time unleashing a torrent of kidney juice in his pants.
Steve and Eddy automaticly turn around to see what all the fuss is about. So far not a problem right? WRONG! It turns out that our old friends have not finished relieving themselves and they spray each other, the floor, and the soap dispenser with filtered mountain dew. Well, they do what comes naturally to any man in this situation and begin to toss cookies.
So there they are, three guys puking, and pissing all over the floor. When they finish they simultaneously make a mad dash for the sink. Well of course only one person can use a sink at a time so it eventually degenerates into a fight. Eddy manages to kill them both and begins to clean himself up.
The security guard hears all the noise and decides to take a look. The poor guy takes just a peek and he knows he's gonna need backup. So to make a long story short the cops are called in and a sniper paints the walls with Eddy's brain.
Now a biohazard team is called in to clean things up. They obviously need to close down the bathroom so all the men are forced to either soil themselves or go to another building. Two guys meet and they start a conversation. Repeat. This eventually leads to the destruction of organized society as we know it. Don't end the world.
3. Never make eye contact. This could be seen as a proposition and could result in an unwanted beating or a sexual encounter that will put you into a therapist's chair for a long, long time. This also runs against everything we've ever been taught.
25 ways not to tell someone that you're in love with them
1. Ever made it with an aardvark? We're quite rare.
2. What's your platform... on hair?
3. You've _got to help me_... I'm in love with someone you know and don't know how to tell them.
4. ~I have only twelve days to live!~
5. I'll put a link to you on my web page...
6. Wanna see what's in my fish?
7. I can't write anymore; I need a new disposable muse.
8. SHOW US YER TITS! (Note: the variants show your tits and show us your tits are also perfectly feasible in their unfeasibility.)
9. It's better to be lonely than to be with inferior people.
10. I wish people would start saying what they meant.
11. That poem isn't about -you- per se...
12. I _told_ you I wasn't ticklish.
13. That's all right; I want to pay for it.
14. What's your ICQ number?
15. Can I play with your piercing?
16. ... never mind
17. I want to get you, and cut you up, so you will be mine.
18. Yes, I think you're weird, but I _like_ weird.
19. Want a piggyback ride?
20. You're more than welcome to stay here.
21. HOW 'BOUT A *MANWICH*, BABY!!!
22. Stuff like that _never_ happens to me.
23. I'd like you to come to my reading on Sunday.
24. Is it nice to be wanted?
25. (pauses and grimaces.)