Help/Support ► Oh joy, not this again

[Papou]

It might be the way you talk, the things you talk about, and whether or not you're coming off as a "try-hard". Just relax, and let people come to you. If they don't, it might be the way you look. There's nothing any of us can base our advice on because we don't know these things about you.

This.

 

[revarai20]

Please tell me your not trying to fit in. You just don't seem like the type of person who wants to fit in anyway. I know you, well not know you know you but at least know you well enough. Anyway I'd say that you should try talking to your friends about it again. Have you made your point clear, if not, then do so. If they were your true friends, they'd definately listen. =]

 

[Urbane]

If they hurt you, Emotionally or physically, they're probably not your friends. Try and meet new people. But if they don't like you for some past action, it's probably never gonna go away... Anyways, these jerks are not your friends. End Of Story, find someone else to hang with.

 

[daxter fan]

From my impression I think you got low self confidence and maybe low self esteem- which is the reason why you can't find a date too. You can't fit in because you can't pick your words to fit the converstation and you're afraid that you will say the wrong thing. You are also a sensitive person.
My advice is that you work on your self esteem and confidence.
about your self esteem, do a list of what you hate about yourself and things you like about yourself. Try and fix the things you hate for example: fat-> work out, dumbass-> say reversed things from what you think
and self confidence, just get laid. (not that hard even for you, that's why the tooth fairy invented alcohol)

 

[Firo]

From the sound of things, it appears as though you're coming on a tad strongly for most peoples' tastes; try being a tad more subtle with your words and actions until other people become more comfortable around you.

This

 

[Danica Syer]

I put in red for the fun of it. Thanks for your advices by the way.

i have similar problems, mostly its people who snub me because they think their better. although if that's how they feel about you then they're probably losing out on a great friend, and as for your friends, well I'm not sure what to say about them, maybe you could give them a taste of their own medicine, although that doesn't work that often I've found, i hope you have better luck.

Yeah, that could be it with my classmates. It happens. I know, thanks for your advice. It's fine.

Well if you consider these people your friends, then they are obviously not and they will most likely never be.

Sorry but how would you know this? What if my friends aren't the heartless/insensitive kind? Sorry, I just don't think they aren't really that kind....eithier that or...never mind...

How old are you? Not trying to be a creeper or whatever but being 20 is a lot different then being in high school. So assuming that you are in high school

I'm not 20. I'm 19.
And yeah, you'd be correct, I'm in High School....because of the stupid birthday deadline not because I was dumb not enough to move on.

I suggest that you stick with your true friends and stop trying to fit in; it only makes you look worse.

They are....but I think we have issues and okay, I’ll just come out and say it: WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD I TRY TO FIT IN? Sorry for the caps but I just felt like that had to be said. I mean sure I will admit that I sound like it but I’m not that kind of person, I mean I do want to but not as much as most people try to assume. Seeing I need to talk to my classmates about things like projects and works together on ideas so yeah, it sucks they don’t consider my options and then they leave me out.

I have this friend who tries way too hard to fit in and he always looks like a dumbass.

Yeah. I know that's lame. Who would of done it?

So just be yourself and find out who your true friends are and don't let them get to you. Many people in high school are bitches, especially the girls so just don't worry about it and don't worry about them.

Thanks I try to be myself. Nobody likes me for who I am but it’s understandable. I won’t but I must talk it out with them AGAIN but they are my friends.

You're just one of those people that no matter how hard you try, you just don't fit in.

Close but the part of trying to fit in. Not true about 99 percent of the other time.

I think people call them "loners", or something stupid like that

Fixed. I’m only a loner if my friends leave me out.

You might have a few friends you can talk to and get along with.

But in the end your not meant for companionship. I don't know that is my best crack at the situation.

What does that mean? Are you saying I’m meant to have any friends? Thanks for trying though but I’m asking: “Why are my friends leaving me out and what should I do?” not “Why do I try to fit in and I’m being left out.” Though it does look like the questions like that, analyze more and I’ll correct what I said.

I'm kind of reverse. Alot of people like me, and try to be my friend, but I seek isolation( Only keeping a couple true friends).

That’s great, enjoy the company (unless they peer pressure you).

It might be the way you talk, the things you talk about, and whether or not you're coming off as a "try-hard".

Nailed it.

Just relax, and let people come to you. If they don't, it might be the way you look. There's nothing any of us can base our advice on because we don't know these things about you.

True. I agree with this. Thanks, a bunch. No assumptions here, that’s good, thanks for not trying to assume the situation or anything like that.

aim lower... people are nicer and more accecting when they are farther down the pecking oder

Aim lower? Um, okay….clarify more. Are you saying I want to fit in too and that I’m possibly aiming high. If aiming high is it, then that’s not true. Accecting is that accepting? Can’t read that part. Oder=order? What? Sorry, clarify with me if you like.

Ditch your friends.

I have done that and that doesn’t work.

Tell them that you don't need to take their shit. If they don't want to treat you like a friend, than you have no reason to be their friend. Stick to your true friends, friends you know you can count on.

Thanks………….I guess……..I’ll do that if I’m really ticked off…….

what kinda crowd do you try to fit in with?

I’m not trying to fit in and why the heck would I even try to fit in? I’m not trying to fit in.

If they dont listen to you tell 'em to fuck off. Well dont say that just do something like sit with other people and stuff. If they really are your friends then they'll try to get you back to them.

None of my other friends are in my lunch period. I might as well try to become a loner.

As for me, I'm inbetween. A lot of people like me and I like a lot of people and we just come to each other like a giant group.

Well that’s good…..your lucky. No, I mean what I said. Just doesn’t come out on the internet you know, being read well.

Aime lower and try not to push yourself on them.

Maybe you're just awkward.

Maybe you don’t really know my situation that well. I’m pretty good with people, just quiet and shy at times.

From the sound of things, it appears as though you're coming on a tad strongly for most peoples' tastes; try being a tad more subtle with your words and actions until other people become more comfortable around you.

Yeah……….that’s half true. Good advice though for me if I would like to learn how to socialize better, thank you anyway.

I seem to have the same problem as you. My friends would ignore me and I'll just be there watching their conversation until someone notices. But I've known them since forever, but in your case they don't sound like friends to me. I think you should be with people who are true friends or people who you feels comfotable with. I hope for the best that you can find a solution to your problem.

Thanks. You understand my situation But my friends, I’ll have to talk it out, not assume they aren’t true friends, when I did, they were hurt by it.

Hi, trust me, I am going through the same, and I have gone through it, a lot of times, so the situation that i am in now, i am pretty used to it. don't worry, i know what you are going through.

Thanks…..yeah, that sucks.

Or you could just take the easy way and tell them how you feel. But they'll most likely make fun of you.....

They will not. My friends don’t make fun of me. We tease each other and so forth but it’s not like we’re you know, freniemies, if that’s even the right word for it…..or maybe not (I meant the word).

It's okay.

Friends come and go, don't worry about them - you'll eventually find new ones that will pay attention to you.

True, my parents always tells me that. Conforting words.

Please tell me your not trying to fit in. You just don't seem like the type of person who wants to fit in anyway. I know you, well not know you know you but at least know you well enough. Anyway I'd say that you should try talking to your friends about it again. Have you made your point clear, if not, then do so. If they were your true friends, they'd definately listen. =]

YOU NAILED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If they hurt you, Emotionally or physically, they're probably not your friends. Try and meet new people. But if they don't like you for some past action, it's probably never gonna go away... Anyways, these jerks are not your friends. End Of Story, find someone else to hang with.

Ehhhhhhh what? I don’t think they are trying to hurt me, now that I think about it thoroughly….and my friends can’t be jerks. IT’S NOT THE END OF STORY UNTIL

From my impression I think you got low self confidence and maybe low self esteem- which is the reason why you can't find a date too.

Sorry and excuse me for sounding rude: Who cares if I can’t find a date yet? I’m not even ready for a date and

You can't fit in because you can't pick your words to fit the converstation and you're afraid that you will say the wrong thing.

First off, I’m not good with words and you’d be correct but as the fitting in part, I don’t want to fit in!
And sorry for the capslock but: THANK YOU FOR BEING THE 4TH OR 5TH PERSON TO TELL ME THAT.

You are also a sensitive person.

Your wrong.

My advice is that you work on your self esteem and confidence.

about your self esteem, do a list of what you hate about yourself and things you like about yourself. Try and fix the things you hate for example: fat-> work out, dumbass-> say reversed things from what you think
and self confidence, just get laid. (not that hard even for you, that's why the tooth fairy invented alcohol)[/quote]

Once again, don’t mean to sound rude and if I do, my apologies in advance: Do you really think you know me? If you do, do you really know me in real life? I don’t think you know me in real life. Please don’t try to assume. So instead of throwing words you call advice, here’s something for you to ask me next time: ‘Do you have self-confidence/esteem issues? You sound like you do but I want to clarify by you.’ Now that’s better then wasting my time reading these words, will it not? Thank you and by the way, why WOULD I EVEN CARE ABOUT ‘just get laid’? I think I read better advice relating to self-confidence but thank you for wasting my time.


Okay this for those who kept saying I’m trying to fit in:

I KNOW I SOUND LIKE IT BUT I’M NOT TRYING TO FIT IN. I’M TRYING TO AT LEAST HAVE A BETTER FRIENDSHIP WITH MY FRIEND AND FOR THE CLASSMATES, I’M TRYING TO WORK WITH THEM. NOT FIT IN. Sorry if I’m saying all of that in capslock. Yeah, I need to chill, anyway, that’s just saying for the record.

 

[Gatorade]

I'm not saying that you are trying to fit in, I'm just warning you so you don't try. Like I said, it will make you look worse.

And what I meant by the friends thing is that obviously they aren't your real friends if they are treating you like shit. You deserve better. Not just you in particular, but no one deserves to be treated like crap from their "friends".

 

[Leonard]

I'm currently in a similar situation like you are, although it's probably not so severe.
So maybe I can help you in form of my own experiences I've made over the last few years. :3

I'm a rather shy person, I don't really attract attention often or act like a clown in class. I'm pretty introverted, and that's probably also the impression I give most people around me. So often, when I try to take part in a conversation with other people, things I say/my opinions get overheard or ignored, simply because I'm often not a very conspicuous person.

On the other hand, popular people and class clowns seem to have no problem at all entering a conversation whatsoever around here. They just say whatever they have on their mind, and nobody seems to be bothered by it.

Now, I know that I live in a completely different area with different surroundings regarding school and the people I hang out with, but maybe you're situation may be, in a way, similar?

Try to see things from their perspective and see if you can find anything that you may be doing wrong, when you approach them.

 

[revarai20]

YOU NAILED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously?
Any good luck with your friends. =]

 

[Deleted member 74488]

Join the club...

 

[revarai20]

Join the club...

I'm pretty sure she's already in the club.... =]

 

[New2Ya]

I feel as if my friends and or classmates always leave me out whenever it comes to working together, joining in a conversation and or whenever. For my friends, when I do explain to them, they understand but then they don't really do anything about it although they have invited me to go to Sadie Hawkins dance with them since I can't find a date (no surprise there) but then I couldn't go and that was it but for some reason, they never seen and I always join in but then one of them accuses me of interrupting her or being "rude" and if that's not it, what is? Also my classmates know I exist and yet I try to talk to them (you know without butting in and so forth) but some of them I talk to treat me like I'm just blah and they give me raised eyebrows and looks. Anyway, I like to know why can't I seem to stop being left out of things even when I try to join in and all and why has this always happen to me more then 97.9% of my life? It'd be great if any of you can give me words even such: Hahahaha...this makes me laugh. or "You lose. Hahahaha...I don't know." XD

And yeah I know it happens in life but I don't get why it seems to happen to me alot? It seems like I always have this problem (that and several issues that you don't want to know unless you know me in real life).

But please help me if your really serious and helpful and good with advice.
Thanks a bunch!

Okay, I think I understand what you mean.

It's like it doesn't matter what you say, people always seem to misinterpret what you're saying, leaving you wondering if they even listened to what you just said. It's like everything you say is bended in other people's minds.

First thing I need to make you understand that this has partly to do with you. You know that, no doubt, otherwise you wouldnt ask for advice about how you should handle your friends more nicely, but where lays the problem? I'm not a shrink and you're not in front of me in real life, so I can't judge you on that. My best advice on this matter would be analysing yourself as honest as possible. When we normally judge ourselves, we distort the image a little to our liking, so we like ourselves a little better. We ignore traits we don't like, and are really blind for it, really. Most of the times we don't even know we ignore it.

What you could do, but that does sound weird and scary, but is to voicerecord your conversations for a day. Not to stalk people, but to listen to yourself talking. Hearing it from someone's else point of view. It may surprise you. I'm doing to the same for interviewing (I'm studying journalism, you see), though not in secret, but it's the same point in the end.

Also understand that people turning you down make you question yourself more, which makes you more aware of what you say. However it works against you, because you're too busy trying to say the right thing, ending up saying something that isnt sincere or genuine. It's completely natural, so I'm not attacking you on this. If you don't agree with me on this, no matter. But then definetly try out my advice above with voicerecording, to hear yourself having conversations with people. It really helps.

Something else: try to look positive at life at any time possible. These feelings you have right now can give have a negative effect on your life in general, because without knowing, you might look sad or angry or arrogant even. Instead, put on a sincere smile when you walk on the street. Not only does that give you a positive feeling in your whole body (proved by scientists) but the world around you will feel more comfortable around you.

I hope this can help.

 

[Danica Syer]

I'm not saying that you are trying to fit in, I'm just warning you so you don't try. Like I said, it will make you look worse.

And what I meant by the friends thing is that obviously they aren't your real friends if they are treating you like shit. You deserve better. Not just you in particular, but no one deserves to be treated like crap from their "friends".

Sorry. Yeah, I don’t really see what the big deal about fitting is in is anyway. Even if I were to try and fit in, then I wouldn’t realize I was really dumb until too late. But thanks for your input anyway. I really appreciate it. My friends are doing okay for now and we have resolved but thanks, I’ll take that in mind as well and thanks for your time, hope I didn’t waste it. XD

I'm currently in a similar situation like you are, although it's probably not so severe.
So maybe I can help you in form of my own experiences I've made over the last few years. :3

I'm a rather shy person, I don't really attract attention often or act like a clown in class. I'm pretty introverted, and that's probably also the impression I give most people around me. So often, when I try to take part in a conversation with other people, things I say/my opinions get overheard or ignored, simply because I'm often not a very conspicuous person.

On the other hand, popular people and class clowns seem to have no problem at all entering a conversation whatsoever around here. They just say whatever they have on their mind, and nobody seems to be bothered by it.

Now, I know that I live in a completely different area with different surroundings regarding school and the people I hang out with, but maybe you're situation may be, in a way, similar?

Try to see things from their perspective and see if you can find anything that you may be doing wrong, when you approach them.

I think these advices were great and quite helpful. Yes, Lenny (Leonard), I should analyze myself more in some ways and see what I’ve been doing wrong and so far I’ve been doing that a lot and so far it’s been helping me. But thanks again for that advice and glad we both can relate to each other.

Seriously?
Any good luck with your friends. =]

Thanks. It's resolved.

Join the club...

Thanks a bunch....

Okay, I think I understand what you mean.

It's like it doesn't matter what you say, people always seem to misinterpret what you're saying, leaving you wondering if they even listened to what you just said. It's like everything you say is bended in other people's minds.

First thing I need to make you understand that this has partly to do with you. You know that, no doubt, otherwise you wouldnt ask for advice about how you should handle your friends more nicely, but where lays the problem? I'm not a shrink and you're not in front of me in real life, so I can't judge you on that. My best advice on this matter would be analysing yourself as honest as possible. When we normally judge ourselves, we distort the image a little to our liking, so we like ourselves a little better. We ignore traits we don't like, and are really blind for it, really. Most of the times we don't even know we ignore it.

What you could do, but that does sound weird and scary, but is to voicerecord your conversations for a day. Not to stalk people, but to listen to yourself talking. Hearing it from someone's else point of view. It may surprise you. I'm doing to the same for interviewing (I'm studying journalism, you see), though not in secret, but it's the same point in the end.

Also understand that people turning you down make you question yourself more, which makes you more aware of what you say. However it works against you, because you're too busy trying to say the right thing, ending up saying something that isnt sincere or genuine. It's completely natural, so I'm not attacking you on this. If you don't agree with me on this, no matter. But then definetly try out my advice above with voicerecording, to hear yourself having conversations with people. It really helps.

Something else: try to look positive at life at any time possible. These feelings you have right now can give have a negative effect on your life in general, because without knowing, you might look sad or angry or arrogant even. Instead, put on a sincere smile when you walk on the street. Not only does that give you a positive feeling in your whole body (proved by scientists) but the world around you will feel more comfortable around you.

I hope this can help.

Thanks for not judging me and I know this quite alot to take in, but thanks, I read the whole thing, I did come back and read it and so far this is really helpful. THANKS A BUNCH!

By the way, I resolved this problem with my friends and they understand (well finally got to the point) and apologized. So hopefully, all it’s all good, if it’s not, I’ll deal with this on my own. Well thanks so much guys, many (with exceptions of few whom I won’t mention) were a helpful bunch! Thanks so much guys, seeing how much I needed help and providing with me with whatever you guys had. Also thanks a bunch, New2ya, your advice was really insightful and yeah, this pretty much helps. Oh and same to you, Gatorade, your advice was really helpful too.

Once again, thank you so much for your help and time! ^_^

 

[Leonard]

I think these advices were great and quite helpful. Yes, Lenny (Leonard), I should analyze myself more in some ways and see what I’ve been doing wrong and so far I’ve been doing that a lot and so far it’s been helping me. But thanks again for that advice and glad we both can relate to each other.

No problem at all, buddy. <3

 

[Danica Syer]

Problem solved. Don't need anymore advice. Thanks for your input, every one of you, I guess...
CLOSED.