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So, out of pure boredom, I felt like starting a story. :/
I don't expect any of you to think it's good. I don't even think it's that great.
Also, you'll learn the main character's name in due time. And the actual plot of the story. There's more than this. Much more. I've got it all in my head somewhere. This chapter's pretty short by the way, but whatever. So, here goes.
Oh, How Unfortunate.
Oh, the profanity. – 1
How creepy. The creaks coming from upstairs aren't letting me fall asleep at all. I wonder what they could be doing up there. Why are they up there, anyways? And why aren't they letting me sleep? I thought sleep was an important part of your health. I'd assume anything disrupting your health is rude. Hm. How rude. They should really stop.
Also, I live alone. Alone alone. As in, I live in a lonely house, with two bedrooms, a bathroom, a kitchen, and a fridge. Oh, that reminds me. I think I'm running low on groceries. I should buy some sometime this week. What should I buy? I guess I should buy some lettuce. Salad is always good. I wonder if any of those creepy creaks would want any of my salad. Maybe they're vegetarians. They'd love my salad. Or, wait. Maybe they're carnivores. I'd better make steak sometime this week, then.
Hey, Maria was good at cooking steak. I wonder how she's doing. I think I'll see if I can visit her tomorrow. Well, if I'm not too drowsy. Those creaks sure do like invading the privacy of my home. I wonder when they'll stop. Probably never. Maybe they've always been there. Or maybe I'm just delusional. I wonder what Maria would say about that. Maybe she'd try to cook steak and fix everything. But, does steak fix everything? I guess, maybe it does sometimes. I'm hungry.
~. . .~
I lifted my blanket off of me, and slipped out of bed. I was still wearing my clothes. Huh. I thought I had taken those off.
It was pitch black around me. My clock was dead. I'd need to buy new batteries for it, I guess. I stumbled around my room, until I tripped forward and hit my head against the door. Holding my head in pain, I reached out for the doorknob, but couldn't find it. I walked forward a little bit. And a little bit more. And some more. And finally, as I walked forward just a bit more, I felt my bedroom door's doorknob. Pushing against my stomach. It hurt. I would try to express the pain to you, but I honestly can't.
Now holding my stomach, letting go of my throbbing head, I reached for the doorknob. Turning it, I opened the door, and, out of drowsiness, I had forgotten to move out of the way of the inward-swinging door. My forehead felt the full impact of the rectangular piece of wood. Today was just not my day, was it?
Cautiously, I made my way to the kitchen, turning on every possible light I could on the way. The creaks upstairs made the place creepy, so I turned on the television. The voices would calm me down, I'm sure. I made my way to the fridge, and opened the door. Looking inside, I saw nothing of immediate interest, and, with a sigh, closed it.
Next, the cupboards. I opened each cupboard, one after the other, but came up with nothing. There was nothing in my pantry either. I looked over at the stove. The green, digital numbers said 3:26 AM. That late, huh? Or is it actually early? Which is it? Late, or early? I guess I'll never know.
Walking back to my room, with all the lights on, I glanced at my bedroom floor. There was a soft pillow on the ground. That must have been the cause of my trip earlier. I picked it up and threw it across my room. I heard a thud, and the ground shook a little. A tad bit startled, I walked over to where I had just thrown my pillow. On the ground was an 8-Ball. Y'know. Those little black balls that looked like the pool balls. You'd ask it a question, shake it, and it'd give you an answer.
I picked it up off the ground, and dusted it off a bit. I decided to ask it a question.
“Is today going to be a regular day?” I asked.
I shook it. I shook it hard. Maybe I thought this would help me sleep. Maybe I thought it'd make the creaks go away. Not that I could hear the creaks very well. The TV was kinda loud. The funny thing is, I did end up sleeping after, and the creaks did go away.
It said, “Better not tell you now.”
How odd.
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So, yeah, I don't expect you to think it's good. But either way, go ahead and say anything about it.
Yeah, the chapter's are definitely going to be longer. Blame that on me being tired, and on me not being able to think of anything else that would fit the chapter.
Yeah... Trust me. This is a weird idea I've come up with. It's kind of insane, in a way. Insane, or psychotic? I'm not sure exactly what to call it. Just, wait for the next chapter. I think the third chapter will get the main plot going.
So. I finished chapter two. It's... really weird. And I can't believe I finished it that fast. It's kind of short as well. Longer than the first chapter, though. No real plot-spoilers yet, but we now know the main character's name, and there are two other characters introduced. Well, here it is:
Oh, you tease. – 2
It was a measly 5:53 AM when I woke up. I don't even remember when I had fallen asleep. I looked around me. I didn't see the walls of my room like I usually did. That's when I realized I was on the floor. I went to get up, but my bed-frame was in the way. My torso had been under my bed. My head started to ache. Again.
I slid out from under my bed, and started to get up. My right foot firmly placed itself around that 8-ball. I fell backwards, back onto the floor. I turned around on my back, and tried to get up again. Success. I picked the 8-ball up, and put it back on its respective shelf. My pillow was lying in front of the shelf. I picked that up, placed it on my bed, and fell asleep again. It was 6:11 AM.
~. . .~
I woke up around 8 AM to an annoying ringing sound. I kept my eyes closed, and tried to ignore it. Ring, ring, ring. It paused. Ring, ring, ring. It paused again. Ring, ring. There were only two rings that time. There was no ringing for a while, it seemed. About a minute later, I heard it again. Ring, ring, ring. Ring, ring, ring. Ring, ring, ring. Ring, ring. That's when I realized that I had a phone.
Groggily, I got out of my bed. My blanket was at the edge of it. I walked over to my closet quickly, when I realized I was wearing clothes. Ring, ring, ring. The ringing started. Ring, ring, ring. Where was the phone? Ring, ring, ring. I walked out of my room, into the main room. Ring, ring. I walked over to where I usually had my phone. It wasn't there. Go figure. I walked into the second bedroom, and looked around a bit. No phone in sight. Why did I have a second bedroom, anyways? I live alone. Ring, ring, ring. There it was again. Ring, ring, ring. The sound was faint. Ring, ring, ring. It obviously wasn't in here. Ring, ring. Maybe I should have followed the sound earlier. It stopped. I walked out into the main room. I walked into the bathroom, not finding any results there either. Ring, ring, ring. I decided to follow the sound, this time. Ring, ring, ring. It was coming from the kitchen. Ring, ring, ring. I walked in to the kitchen and looked around. Ring, ring. Nothing. Where could the phone be? I sat down, waiting for the next call. I looked over at the stove. It was 8:23 AM. Huh. Ring, ring, ring. There it was. Ring, ring, ring. Oh, that's where it was. Ring, ring, ring. How did it end up there? Ring, ring. I opened the door.
It was in the fridge.
I grabbed the phone up, and quickly clicked the talk button. All I heard was a dial-tone. I missed the call. I waited. Sure enough, the phone started to ring again. I clicked 'Talk'.
“Jacques, Jacques, Jacques, Jacques, Jacques, Jacques, Jacques!” was what came out of the receiving end of the phone.
It was Geoffrey. I'd never tell him, but he was kind of immature for a twenty-something year-old. I guess you could tell by looking at him, though. He was one of those bulky guys who always wore Hawaiian shirts and swim trunk-like shorts. Hawaiian. Hawaiian pizza's good. I should go get some.
“Jacques! Are you there!? I've got news, I've got news!” Geoffrey's gruff voice did not fit his attitude.
“Yeah, I'm here,” I replied. “What did you call me about? You woke me up, you know.”
“Who cares? This is better than sleeping!” Somehow, I doubted that.
“Well, hurry up and tell me.” I was getting impatient. “I'm getting impatient.”
“Well, I can't tell you right away. That would ruin the dramatic suspense.”
“Who cares about suspense!? This isn't a soap opera.”
“Hey. Soap operas are good, okay? They're so heartwarming at times, and then, at other times, they can invoke the craziest rage! It's like a party, but it's stuck in a small colour box.”
“What are you talking about? Soap operas are nothing like parties.”
“Sure, they are. Sometimes it feels like you're right there with the main heroine, getting your heart broken by every guy you seem to pass.”
“And getting an STD from every one of those guys, as well.”
“Shut up, let me finish.”
“Go ahead. It's not like I'm listening anyways.”
“God, I hate you.” He paused for a little bit. “What were we talking about again?”
“I don't know, you phoned me, didn't you?”
“Oh, right. Why didn't you answer right away?”
“Couldn't find my phone. Don't ask where it was.”
“I won't. But, anyways. This is crazy news!” He paused.
“Hurry up and tell me, already!”
“Fine. You spoil-sport,” he whined. “Okay. You know how tomorrow's Friday, right? Well, guess what's this Sunday?”
“I don't know! But, you do! So why aren't you telling me!?”
“The circus is coming to town!”
At this point, I felt like drop-kicking the phone. I would never actually, though. I'd be out of a phone. And I doubt I had the strength to do any damage, anyways. I didn't say anything. And neither did Geoffrey for a while. It was like one of those scenes in a movie where you know that everyone was feeling stupid. Except, this time, one of the actors was in denial.
I finally said something. “The... circus.” I tried to hide the disbelief in my voice.
“You sound disappointed.” It didn't work.
“It's the circus. Isn't that for kids?”
“No way, man! Here, I won three tickets. You're coming with me, and you'll see how awesome it is.”
“I'm sure I'll be in awe. Wait, three tickets? Who else is going?”
“I don't know. I thought you'd invite someone.”
“Me? I'm a social outcast. You're my only friend, and even then, sometimes I wish you weren't.”
“That's a little mean. Probably true, though. Whatever. I'm giving you the extra ticket anyways. Meet me at the pizza parlour downtown, and I'll give it to you there.”
“Fine. Hey, where did you win the tickets anyways?”
“Oh. Where? Some shop somewhere opened up a new lottery. There are a bunch of prizes to be won. I'm pretty sure everyone wins something when they participate, too. You should check it out sometime. But not right now, you're meeting me at Frank's. See you in a bit.”
“Wait, what's the shop called?”
“Um. Let's see. What was it called... what was it called? I don't know, I forget. All I know is it was somewhere uptown, and it sold those 8-Balls you're so fond of.”
Well, wasn't that creepy?
~. . .~
I made it to Frank's in record time. Even before Geoffrey did. Then again, he was always late for things. Even if he set everything up. It's even weirder that he lives downtown, and I live uptown. I'm sure he should've been here before me. Well, whatever. There was no use waiting for him. I was craving Hawaiian pizza.
I quickly ordered some Pepsi and a small Hawaiian. After the waitress spilled my Pepsi all over my shirt, and dropped the pizza face-down on the table, I concluded that today was definitely not my day. The waitress swiftly apologized and got me another Pepsi, carefully placing it on my new table. They needed to clean the old one. When she asked if I wanted another Hawaiian, I declined the offer. I lost my craving when it had splattered all over the table. For some reason, I could only think of those weird horror movies with the fake blood.
I sipped my Pepsi contently, looking around at my surroundings. I was sitting outside. Everything was pretty normal. Or so I thought. There was the McDonald's across the street, with it's golden arches emanating its self-ego. Cars and trucks whizzed by each other on the road. Everyone was in such a hurry. I think there was almost an accident, too. I forget.
I got bored of everything around me, and looked back at my table. There was something strange. There was a girl sitting across from me, and I hadn't even noticed her. Did I know her? She was wearing a white dress-shirt over a blue tank-top. Her belt was oddly coloured. Pinks, and blues, and yellows everywhere. She was wearing a skirt that went down to her knees, as well.
She kept staring at me. It was as if something was on my face. I wouldn't doubt it. There was probably some pepperoni hanging off of my chin. I looked at a window. My face looked pretty normal. I looked back at the girl. I had decided to say something.
“Um, hello. I'm sorry. I have a horrible memory. Have I met you somewhere?”
She just kept staring. She was kind of pretty. She had blonde hair that went just past her shoulders. Her bangs were nice, too. She had these shiny earrings on, as well. If she wasn't so creepy, I'd try to seduce her. Not that I'd be able to, in the first place.
“My name's Alice,” she finally replied. “No, you don't know me.”
“Oh, well, my name is Jacques. Nice to meet you,” I said, as I extended my arm out, in gesture of a handshake.
She didn't move her hands. She didn't move her eyes either. They were fixed intently on me. It was kind of unnerving. I didn't like eye contact.
“Okay...” I withdrew my hand, and scratched my head, looking around.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement. I looked over, and Alice started to get up. I was about to say goodbye, when she grabbed me by the arm. I thought she might be taking me somewhere. I was wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong.
She put her foot in front of mine, and pushed me forward. I went tumbling to the ground, and ran into a flowerbed. I sprawled out on my back, and opened my eyes in time to see Alice's fist coming straight for my face. Ouch. That was my nose. I squealed in pain, and held my nose with both of my hands. I looked up at her, and saw her coming for me. I closed my eyes, braced for impact, when I felt lips on my cheek. She kissed me. What was that about?
She whispered into my ear, “Bye,” and she walked away, treating me like a speed bump. Her foot went into my stomach, and I could feel my digestive acids sloshing around. What a bizarre lady.
Today was probably the worst day of my life, so far. My face had probably gone through so much physical trauma, it'd never be the same. There was an upside, though. Alice was wearing strawberries.
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Again, I don't know what goes on in my mind sometimes. Critique as you like. Oh, and it goes from past to present to past tense randomly. I really can't tell sometimes. So I decided to use that to my advantage. Just blame it on the main character being horrible at writing. (his character is lazy)
Haha, thanks. Yeah, I plan to explain Alice one of these days. Not now of course. But, now you finally get to know the plot in the next chapter! If all goes well, I'll have it up today, or sometime really early tomorrow. Maybe 2 AM again.
And yes, I like Geoffrey, too. But I like Jacques better.
That was a good chapter. It was interesting and funny to begin with. Just one question.
When Jacques was talking about stawberries, did he mean Alice's underwear?
That was a good chapter. It was interesting and funny to begin with. Just one question.
When Jacques was talking about stawberries, did he mean Alice's underwear?
Ahaha, sorry for the confusion. But, Jacques ran into the flowerbed. They weren't on it.
It's like those flowerbeds you see outside coffee shops sometimes. Jacques seems to attract pain.
Wow. I'm on a roll. By the way, you do learn about the plot in this chapter, but not like, straight up. It's like, the intro to the actual start of the story. (wow, three chapters in, technically, a day. Then again, they're small chapters.) Again, it's not the best, but whatever. I think it's a tad bit longer than the second chapter, but I'm not completely sure. Anyways, here goes.
Oh, the humanity. – 3
Alice was long gone. I really didn't care, though. Geoffrey still hadn't made it, yet. And I was wondering why no one asked why I was on the ground. I really didn't care. I just lay there, it seemed like a few hours. It was probably only, like, ten minutes though. My sense of time is horrible. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a really vivid green approaching me. It must've been Geoffrey. He was wearing his green Hawaiian shirt today.
“Hey, bud,” he said, looking down at me. “The chairs aren't comfortable enough?”
I just looked at him. I didn't feel like saying anything. Geoffrey seemed to take that as a cue.
“I guess the chairs aren't comfortable, then! Well, then, I'm sure you are.”
And with that, his massive figure made its way on top of mine. My vision was blocked by the seat of his shorts. I knew what was coming next. I struggled, and tried to yell at him, to no avail. I could not budge the man. I had almost slipped my way out from under him, though, when I heard the noise, and I knew it was too late. The stench of his bodily gases filled the chambers of my nose, and all I could hear was the laugh of an immature, twenty-something year-old.
I punched him in his side, and he finally lifted himself off of me. Fearing for myself, I got up off the ground. I made my way to my table, and sat down, Geoffrey following me. Almost instantly, he grabbed what remained of my Pepsi, and chugged it. There went two dollars. We kind of just sat there. He never did ask me why I was on the ground. He reached into his pocket and pulled out two pieces of paper.
“Here you go,” he said, handing me two tickets.
I held the tickets out in front of me. Row J, Seat 15, and 16. The date was for this Sunday. The ticket was a little weird, though. I couldn't find any name anywhere.
“Hey, uh, Geoff...” I said slowly.
“What's up, Jacques?” he replied, flipping his way through a menu that had been handed to him by a waitress.
I looked up from the tickets. “What's the name of the circus? I can't see it anywhere on the ticket.”
He put the menu down, and grabbed the tickets from me. He then flipped them around, so their backsides were facing me. Sure enough, the name 'Circle of Fiends' was written down in red. An almost blood-red. It was a bit eerie.
Geoffrey handed the tickets back to me, saying, “It's going to be great. Trust me.”
I stuffed the tickets into my jean pocket. “Yeah, sure, it will. It'll probably be about as interesting as my big toe.”
“How interesting is that?”
“Not very interesting, at all.”
“Oh. So you were being sarcastic.”
“No, of course not.”
“Oh, then you were being serious?”
Sometimes, it confuses me as to how Geoffrey graduated from High School. Top of the grade. Sometimes I imagine that the rest of his grade was just a bunch of monkeys. And there are usually only three of them. Sometimes I imagine a fourth one, but he's usually just there to crawl around on the ground, like a Marine. I have a weird imagination.
“Oh, hey,” I started. “What time is the show at, anyways?”
“Eight in the morning,” Geoffrey replied calmly, resuming where he left off in the menu.
“Eight in the morning!? That's way too early! When does it end?”
“How should I know? I'm not psychic.” You're not a lot of things, actually.
“Do you really expect me to be up that early?”
“You were up that early today.”
“Because your phone call woke me up.”
“Then I'll just phone you again. At six.”
“Six!? That's worse than death!”
“Liar. I bet you didn't go to bed until six, like you usually do.” He's got me there. “Just go to bed at 10 PM or something, on Saturday. Set your alarm, or something.” Oh, right. I needed new batteries for my alarm clock.
“Fine. Whatever. This circus is sounding worse and worse as we talk about it. Let's talk about something else.”
“Why aren't you ordering anything?” Geoffrey asked bluntly.
“What?”
“There's a menu in front of you. Aren't you hungry?”
“You're not my dad. I'm old enough to decide whether I want to eat or not.” The truth is, my stomach still hurt from when Alice stepped on it. I started revisiting the scene that had played out. Why did she just do that? That hurt. It was rude, too. I can't believe she would do that. And what was with the kiss afterward? Did she think that would make everything better? Well, it helped. But, it didn't make everything better. The strawberries helped a bit, too. Actually, why did she even sit at my table? Why did she keep staring at me?
Geoffrey was looking at me weirdly. “Is there something wrong?” I asked.
“No. You just look like you're in deep thought.” Probably because I am. “Whatever. I ordered a large Meat Lover's. You're eating whether you want to or not.”
“But, I don't want--”
“I just said you're going to eat whether you want to or not, buddy. You should listen better.” He then put his finger onto my chest. “By the way, you've got something on your shirt.”
I knew this joke. But, I must have been too tired to realize it. I looked down to where Geoffrey had his finger positioned. In one quick motion, I saw his finger flick upwards, into my nose, pushing my face upwards. It stung a little. Geoffrey put his hands on his chest, and laughed heavily. I just glared at him. And that's when I felt something weird. I felt this before. Just a little while earlier.
I looked around. Nothing out of the ordinary. I looked at the street. Cars still drove by in a hurry. Then, I looked across the street. In front of the McDonald's, sitting on a bench, was none other than Alice. Her eyes were fixated on me. From far away, I could see her full body. She was actually really pretty. If she wasn't so creepy, I would definitely try to date her.
Suddenly, I found that I had gotten up, and out of my chair. Geoffrey was still laughing. Hard. He looked like he was about to fall out of his chair. He didn't notice as I started to walk across the street. There was a crosswalk nearby. I don't know how I got this crazy idea, but I had it. And it seemed like I wasn't letting go of it. I slowly reached into my pocket, as I made my way across the street. Her face was getting clearer. Her eyes were this vivid green. About as vivid as Geoffrey's shirt. What a coincidence. I found myself standing in front of her. I was towering over her, as she looked straight into my eyes. I pulled my hand out of my pocket, and offered her a small, sharp, and rectangular piece of paper.
“Hey,” I found myself saying. “Want to go to the circus?”
~. . .~
I was walking home, after saying my goodbyes to Geoffrey. We didn't do much else other than eat that Meat Lover's pizza. I really didn't feel like doing much else. When Geoffrey had noticed that I was gone, I was already across the street again, and sitting at the table, holding my newly-bleeding nose. Alice had made it her objective to punch me in the face every time we meet, apparently. Nonetheless, she had taken the ticket, and gave me the simple response of “I'll think about it.” before walking off and kicking me in the shin.
As I walked uptown, I noticed a store to my right. I stopped and stared at the sign posted outside. It read, “Fred's Fantastic Fortunes and Fantasies”. Astounding alliteration, Batman. Under the sign, was another sign, which read, “For this week only, win a prize in our lottery! Everyone wins! Have at it!” I looked through the window of the shop, and saw some 8-balls. This must have been where Geoffrey won those tickets. I decided to try it out.
I opened the door of the store, and a small bell rang out. There was a man behind the counter to my left who immediately stopped what he was doing and looked up at me. He greeted me, and went back to whatever he was doing. It looked like a crossword puzzle. I looked around myself. There were these weird blocks of rectangular wood aligned on the walls. I walked up to one of them. It was wrapped in plastic, and had a price tag on it. There was a picture under the blocks. It explained that the blocks were actually folded up fans. They had a fortune written on them, when you opened it. What a novelty. It was $12.95. Directly behind me was a shelf. And on this shelf were several Magic 8-Balls. They came in a variety of sizes and colours. I think a few of them were actually just plush. Most of them were about $15.99. There were a few that were cheaper, and a few that were more expensive. The most expensive one was about $21.50. It was pretty big. It was also this bright, neon blue colour.
I walked up to the counter, where the man who had initially greeted me was standing behind. There was this little bell on the counter, so I rang it a few times, just for fun. The man looked up at me.
“You didn't have to ring it,” he said. He sounded annoyed.
“Sorry, it just looked so tantalizing.” I smiled weakly. “Um, anyways. I came here to try out this lottery you have going on. What do I do? Does it cost much?”
He dropped his crossword puzzle. Well, it was actually Sudoku, now that I could see it, but it didn't really matter. He dropped down, and I heard shuffling of drawers from behind the counter. He stood up, and handed me a little card.
“It doesn't cost anything, and all you have to do is scratch out your prize,” he said.
There was a little gray box in the middle of the card. There was nothing else on the card, though. Just that one box.
“I don't really have any coins on me. Can I borrow one, quick?” I asked.
He reached into his pocket and handed me a small, silver dime. I started to chip away at the gray material on the box. I could start seeing some ink. I kept scratching away. And away. And away. The box wasn't as small as I thought it was. I finally finished scratching off all the gray material, and I could clearly see what was written on the card. I handed it to the man behind the counter, and he told me I could claim the prize that was written on the card. I walked towards those 'Fortune Fans', as that little display had called them, and picked one off of the wall. I didn't feel like opening it in the store, so I said thank you to the man, and walked out of the store. The little bell chimed.
I examined the little block of wood through the plastic, as I made my way home. I tried opening the fan, but I could only open it a little, as the plastic was too tight. I looked up. It was still pretty bright out. The sun was directly above me. It must have been noon. I held the fan in my left hand, and let my right hand into my pocket. I felt the sharp, crisp edges of the ticket. Afraid I might accidentally break the ticket along its perforation, I quickly took my hand out of my pocket. I wouldn't want to miss the circus, now that Alice might be going. Wait, was that really a good thing? She had punched me in the face twice. Without warning, as well. Well, I guess the first time she warned me. I mean, she did trip me. Even so, she was really pretty. And for some odd reason, I felt like I had a chance with her. Call it woman's intuition. But, less woman, and more man.
I started twirling the fan around in my hand, the plastic crinkling the whole time. As I walked further and further, my curiosity grew and grew. Finally, I couldn't wait to open the fan, for some reason. I stopped, and held the plastic in both of my hands. I tried to rip it open. Didn't work. I tried again. Didn't work. I tried from a different angle. Again, it didn't open. Finally, looking around, I decided to rip it open with my teeth. Making sure I didn't bite the fan, I grabbed the plastic firmly in-between my teeth, and with my hands, I pulled down. With enough force, the plastic finally ripped, and the fan fell out, onto the ground. I bent down and picked up the thing. It was now slightly open. I slowly opened the fan the whole way, thinking about that whole 'dramatic suspense' thing Geoffrey had been talking about earlier today.
It was a weird fortune. I don't think you'd find it in any fortune cookie. Anywhere. I reread it. And re-reread it. No matter how many times I read it, it still was weird to me. I had never heard of a fortune like this before.
It read, “Today will be the day you find that you are the destroyer of man. Depression is your weapon, and humankind is your victim. You will spread your disease across the world, until you are the last to stand. Have a wonderful day.”
I think I almost started laughing. I forget.
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Again, not the best. But, whatever. I liked this chapter for some reason. Say what you want.
