O' Starry Night



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SorasTwilight

New member
Joined
Aug 15, 2009
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341
Location
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She was the stars that twinkled
In the sky.
He was the ocean, crashing
Towards the tides.

Her dreams we're always up at
The starry clouds
His love flowed and crashed
With the love he vowed.

When the stars dimmed one by one
Her eyes turn cold, her soul, numb.
His waves of love start to rest
As his demeanor was truly upset.

Now the stars are still
With no reflection in the ocean,
But faintly you hear
Two hearts beating
Two hearts going as undefeated.
 

KingdomKey

The Traveler
Joined
Sep 25, 2010
Messages
6,260
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Quite beautiful to read. I ought to say towards the end it felt like there was hope for them both. A strength of a warrior, unblemished by the stars going out and being separated.

I normally don't critique anything. I hope you don't mind me pointing out one or two errors I found. Nothing bad, I promise. And you don't have to change it and leave it as it is too. To be honest, I know next to nothing on poetry or things like this. So take this as a grain of salt, please! C:

Her dreams we're always up at
"were"

Her eyes turn cold, her soul, numb.
"Her eyes turn cold, her soul numb."
 
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