Not titled yet, because the last story title didn't make sense.



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Moonlight Aqua

~Living in a dream~
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So I'm going to re-re-rewrite the story I posted a while ago because I didn't like it and I had some good ideas. If anyone wants to help with editing... FOR FREE, I'll be happy to work with you.

Here's the new new chapter of this story... enjoy.

Chapter 1

In this abandoned dark city, each corner seemed like a threat. Each building, with its gloomy lighten windows, looked like monstrous creatures. Each sound a surprise; making even the most single whispers of the wind, a howl from a monster; The World That Never Was, the name of this world seems appropriate. The only sounds in this empty city were my footsteps, running down the dark streets, looking for an exit and the shadows; skittering around, waiting for an opening to attack me.


Each twist and turn of this city was like an endless maze, making me feel desperate. But no matter where I went, I couldn't find the portal. Where are those guys? I started to get worried and scared. They said they would meet me on the other side of it, yet here I am… alone in this horrible place with just my weapon and an adrenaline rush to help me. As I turned to a street, I saw a streetlight; a beacon of safety in this dark desolate world. And quickly as I could, I ran straight to the streetlight and stood there, waiting around for the monsters…


A few minutes passed and no sound came from anywhere. I took a deep breath, slid down the streetlight's post and sat down for a rest.


As I was sitting, a recurring thought came to mind: How did I get to this point? Where I actually have to walk in this creepy place, all alone? Where I have to fight for my life? This thought has come up all the time… ever since I came to and got caught into these whirlwind of events...
[HR][/HR]​

As Alexa rode home from work, she was already irritated. It’s been a long week and it’s going to get harder. Her manager has been biting her head off because she didn’t clean her area right, her co-workers seem to not want to help her clean at the end of the shift, she has a ton of homework to do and has 3 tests to do on Friday. So it can be imagined, it wasn’t a really good week.

She arrived home around 8 in the evening and went inside her two story home, where who she shared with her father and two young siblings, Saniya and Michael. Right when she opened the door, she knew this wasn’t going to be a good night. The house was a mess, toys all over the house, crayons and paper spread on the floor and down the hall, to the left where the living room resides. Crumbs of food leading to the end of the hall to the kitchen and books spreading from the library on the right of the hall to the living room, each evidence showing who was responsible for this mess. “Alexa! Saniya! Big sissy is home!” shouted a small voice from the living room, one of the culprits. In a blink of an eye, two figures jumped on Alexa and tackled her to the ground with kisses. Usually, Alexa welcomes the “welcome home” committee with a smile, but today wasn’t a good day. “Get off!” She screamed, scaring the children. They saw in her face, anger; they knew it wasn’t a good idea to bother her more, but little Michael, who is only three, doesn’t know better. “Alexa! Alexa! Guess what?! I got The Ivalice Alliance comic today! Look! LOOK!” he cried, as he pushed the comic into his older sister’s face. Alexa was not amused… she got the comic and pushed it back to the boy. “Stop Michael!” She sighed, she doesn’t have the patience today for his antics. “I going to get something to eat. Did dad make dinner yet?” She said as she got up and started to walk toward the kitchen, picking up things as she walked down the hall. “No… he fell asleep as soon as he came home.” Said Saniya. Alexa turned to face Saniya with anger, “Are you kidding me?” She cried to the six-year-old. “You haven’t eaten? I told dad I was going to be late today!” This was seriously… not her day.

As tired as she was, she has to feed her siblings and father, she’s the only one. Her mother died a few years back, from sickness; since then, she’s been the one in charge of the family wellbeing, while her father works. It’s been hard on the 17-year-old, with studies and getting a job to help with the family, but it’s something she had to get used to and accept. As she started to cook spaghetti and meatballs, she ordered the children to clean their mess, much to their chagrin. After an hour, the food was ready and everything was cleaned up.

After dinner, the children continued to bother their older sister, making her angrier and angrier. It was worst around later that night, when she tried to study for her exams. The children kept knocking on her door, unlocking it and bringing things or disrupting her for the most random of things. It became too much that before bedtime, she got up and screamed, “ENOUGH! GOD! YOU GUYS ARE THE MOST ANNOYING CHILDREN EVER!” Little Michael started to weep. “JUST STOP! I’M TRYING TO STUDY! CAN”T YOU SEE THIS? GOD YOU GUYS ARE SO STUPID! LEAVE ME ALONE! I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU RIGHT NOW! GO TO BED NOW!” Michael started to bawl and ran out of Alexa’s room to his room in tears. Saniya looked down on the ground and started to weep as well and walked out of the room in silence.

Alexa did feel a bit bad, but it needed to be done. She went back to studying, working as hard as she could from falling asleep. A few hours passed and she woke up with a start! She found herself on her desk, with books spread around her. She heard something, something that woke her up, but she wasn’t sure what it was. She sat there for a while, listening intently as she could. Crash. What was that?

She got up and started to walk out of her room. It was probably the children, who sometimes get up at the middle of the night, sleepwalking. She decided to go to their room, to check on them, but when she did, she was shocked to see someone there besides the children. In the middle of the pink and blue room, was a man in a black cloak with a ton of zippers on it. His face was hooded, it was hard to see who he was. In his hand was a pair of cards, moving them around like a fan, floating a bubble to him; which held the children inside, sleeping soundly.

Alexa was frozen in front of the door, trying to process all this. Was this really happening? Someone kidnapping her younger siblings? It finally clicked as the man held out his free hand and in the direction it was held, a black and purple portal appeared. He started to walk towards it with the bubble in hand, when Alexa noticed this. She ran as fast as she could toward him, in turn, tripped on a toy and ran into him and pushed both of them inside. As they both rolled inside, the portal closed and she found herself in a hallway of some sort, with white and black symbols floating around them. As she was trying to get used to her surroundings,the man recovered first and quickly got up the floor, running with the bubble.

Alexa noticed and got up as fast as she could to run after him. But as soon as she started running, she felt ill; like her energy was being sapped from her. But she ignored the feeling and continued to run, but time passed, she felt more and more tired, she wanted to get out of here...now. Soon she came to a bright light, did he run in this direction? She didn’t care… she just wanted to leave this horrid place, she was feeling so tired. She used her last of her energy to run and jump in this light, to run from this feeling and as soon as she did, she felt herself blacking out. The last thing she saw, was the blue sky and the portal disappearing as soon as she came out of it.
 
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KingdomKey

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This was a really great start! In a way, you could feel the anger and guilty brewing from Alexa's frustration. I'm actually kind of curious how she ended up being a nobody? (A guess for now.) On the other hand, its great how you mention her fatigue from running inside of the portal after the cloak figure and shortly after, blacking out from being drained by the darkness. (Is what I imagine it to be. What with her not having a cloak to protect herself from the ominous darkness and shadows lurking inside of it.) I do look forward to hopefully reading more. And I'll give it a shot at editing it, Aqua. I can't promise you I can do it all of the time or right away but, I'll do what I can. :3
 

Moonlight Aqua

~Living in a dream~
Joined
Oct 15, 2009
Messages
1,433
Location
Kingdom Hearts, Texas
  • Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn
  • Kingdom Hearts HD 1.5 ReMIX
  • Rising Star
  • Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance
  • The World Ends with You: Solo Remix
This was a really great start! In a way, you could feel the anger and guilty brewing from Alexa's frustration. I'm actually kind of curious how she ended up being a nobody? (A guess for now.) On the other hand, its great how you mention her fatigue from running inside of the portal after the cloak figure and shortly after, blacking out from being drained by the darkness. (Is what I imagine it to be. What with her not having a cloak to protect herself from the ominous darkness and shadows lurking inside of it.) I do look forward to hopefully reading more. And I'll give it a shot at editing it, Aqua. I can't promise you I can do it all of the time or right away but, I'll do what I can. :3
Thank you! I'm thinking of having her have one, but... eh, I feel it's too not needed for the story. It was in the old version of this story, that she had one. Yup, she was being drained because of the darkness, we can't all be superhuman like Sora. xD

That would be awesome, when ever we can do it, we can do it. It's just for fun, no rush or anything. THank you!
 
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