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King Sora X

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Okay, so before you go and judge me, take a good read, and then make your mind up whether or not I'm an attention whore.

Okay so in the past week or so, I've been thinking of what has happened to me in the last year and a half.

First and definitely most important, I graduated high school, and that was the most important to me. Secondly, I've been productive in my writing, and graphic design, and that too is something that makes me happy. Now here is where the bad part kicks in. The final thing that happened to me this year and ahalf was that I got my heart broken and not yet healed from it.

It was in the winter of 09, and I was "dating" this girl that I met through my sister, and everything was great. To be frankly honest, I thought that I found someone who really understood me, and really got me - and I did. Even though that was true, there was one bad thing with all of this: her Ex. She was going through mixed feelings for her EX and I. Your probably thinking I was the rebound or something. So, yeah that might of been true, but I really didn't care at the time. It wasn't until one horrible night that she informed me that she was pregnant with his child. And right then and there, I was totally crushed. It was then that I felt so lost, and had no perspective of anything. It was at this time of my life that I came to terms that life wasn't worth living and all that crap.

It's been over a year since all of that has happened, and even to this very day, I still think of the sorrow and despair she put me through, and I'm even thinking of the very thing that scared my whole family to death, and not to mention all of my friends(those i felt comfortable telling, anyways). Just yesterday, I found myself going through my dresser for a knife that I keep in there for protection just in case someone tries to break in or something xD. I always come so close to cutting my wrist, but I always chicken out at the last second. But I fear that, one day I might actually cut my wrist, and I'm scared to death about the consequenses, and what they might hold for my family and friends. I love them all very much, and I always have to put on a "mask" of sorts to just keep them from asking question after question about if I'm alright or not.

What I'm really asking is that, am I going crazy or something? To tell the truth, I'm really lost.
 

Enchanted Rose

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I really feel for you, because it's terribly hard to have your heart-broken no matter what the situation is. And even if it happened a long time ago, it's very easy to feel empty and desolate when you look back at it.

It can take a long time to properly recover, but you've moved forward in other aspects of your life, and I think you should look forward to new emotional bonds that will form, and the future relationships you will have. You should also enjoy the support of your family and friends, which you clearly do have.

I know you're feeling down right now, but try not to get into that kind of despairing mood where you sit and reflect and also relive the sufferring. As I just said, concentrate what you want now; the life that you live should be on your own terms and not hampered by the past.

You're not crazy, but there is a possibility that you are depressed - in which case, you should firstly try and 'talk it out', but definitely do not repress this, or retreat into yourself.

Don't hesitate to PM me if you want to have a chat about this, or anything else.
 

scubasteve

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dude no joke i'd murder that bitch

on the plus side she is pregnant at (i'm guessing) a young age which means her life is pretty much over
 

_EX

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I did some thinking about this after I read it a few hours ago.
It took a while to comprehend because I have never experienced anything like it. I cant tell you what your next step should be or anything like that. The reason I came back here after trying to put myself in your shoes is to say this :
When you get through this, every other problem in your life will be nothing.

I know that this situation would be the hardest thing I would have ever needed to get over. This would hurt a person on so many levels that it would really make that person great when they get through it.
It will not be sudden and it will not be easy but as soon as you realise your life is in the right place, you will know that you can pretty much breeze through everything now. Id like to think you could even laugh in the face of your future problems

Like a war veteran going back to the battlefield. You have been through the hardest part so everything is much easier.

I hope this helps you. I can assure you this is not said in some cheap way to trick you into feeling a false sense of self esteem, like if I said "plenty more fish in the sea" or something like that. It really is true. You will be set in life once you achieve this. Good luck.
 

MasterAqua

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I'm...pretty sorry to hear that. But, remember, you didn't made anything wrong. You can't blame yourself for anything that happened, to be honest, I think it is mostly her fault.

About suicide...I must confess, I had that problem too for other reasons. You shouldn't even think of doing something like this, let alone actually doing it. When the tought pop ups in your head, remember those four things:
1) Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. There's no turning back.
2) When we feel...depressed...we tend to see things from the very narrow perspective of the present moment. A week or a month later, things could look completely different and way better.
3) Most people have at one point contemplated suicide, but now they live happily.
4) It won't fix anything.
 

<3

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Okay. This may have happened awhile ago, I may even be too late to help. But, trust me when I say your life is not worth the shit it goes through after you go down this path. I say trust me because I was an idiot and I began cutting myself when I was only 13, I still do it today (and it has gotten a lot worse), I have tried to commit suicide twice in one week not so long ago, and it screws with you. Try having appointments everyday with every single kind of doctor, being in mental wards every so often, being moved away from your family for months on end because you have been admitted into a ward. The self hate you have for yourself when you start intensify. And I assure you, no girl, no broken heart is worth that. The idea of harming yourself to deal with the pain only works for a brief second and it screws with you in a way no one, not even yourself will understand. Please, I beg you, do not loose yourself over a girl. Speak to someone, anyone, before this gets out of hand. Your life is worth it and I believe if you take that first step, you'll feel a lot better. The pain will always be there, but you will learn from it, and learn to deal with it. I have faith in you, King, you are very strong. So, continue to say no to the knife, laugh at it even, laugh at the stupid idea of it controlling your life.

Alright. Rant over. Hope I helped in anyway, and good luck <3
 

Hero

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Don't want to take away attention from the OP's issue, but I went through a similar situation like his. Granted, his is MUCH worse seeing as the chick became pregnant, but nevertheless I can relate. I still think of my girl periodically, and it's been happening frequently as of late. Glad to see I'm not crazy and that I can as much time as I need to to recover.

King Sora X: You're not crazy, but don't commit suicide. Suicide, in general, is a selfish act. It's selfish for you to leave everyone you know and love behind. Like others have said, it accomplishes nothing.
 
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everlight

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I feel sorry for you. Still, you're so lucky because there are so many people who wants to help you in this thread. Also, you said that you have love from your family and your friends. This may or may not help that much, but try to write down in a paper ALL of what you will lost and who will grieve if you do that suicide thing.

Stack it in any place that you think will see it quite often. This may help you to avoid the thought of doing suicide. There are so many ways to your future, but please remember that life s only once. :)
 

Dogenzaka

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Killing is easy once you forget the taste of sugar
If you let some dumb bitch who isn't worth worrying about ruin your life, then the pregnant bitch isn't really the one who's losing out on her young life. You are.

When you get through this, every other problem in your life will be nothing.
You will be set in life once you achieve this. Good luck.

Don't promise him this. Because it's not true.

Things worse than an ex who cheats on you come up in life. Life is full of shit that is a million times worse than what half of the sheltered American teenagers in this thread can conceive in their minds. And if you can't move on from a bitchy ex, worse shit is going to kill you in this life.

So don't promise him this.
 

_EX

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Don't promise him this. Because it's not true.

Things worse than an ex who cheats on you come up in life. Life is full of shit that is a million times worse than what half of the sheltered American teenagers in this thread can conceive in their minds. And if you can't move on from a bitchy ex, worse shit is going to kill you in this life.

So don't promise him this.

Not trying to start an argument or anything but I still believe what I said to be true.
Emotionally, this would be the worse experience in my life if it happened as the OP described. I understand that there are more traumatic things that can be experienced but they are probably all very unlikely to happen.
I dont feel bad about generalising to help someone

I dont remember promising him it either.
 

Nyangoro

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I dont remember promising him it either.

IWhen you get through this, every other problem in your life will be nothing.

The use of the word "will" implies a 100% certainty. As such, you are assuring him that nothing will be worse after this event. This assurance can be considered a promise. You don't need to actually say the words "I promise" for it to be a promise.
 

Alaude Drenxta

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The real truth is, it doesn't get any easier from here. =/

High school graduate? Good, welcome to the real world my friend.
Things only get better and easier if you make them that way, so my best advice to you is, pick yourself up, dust off whatever skills you may have, and put them to use. Look forward, not back. Looking back just wastes the day away, and you'll never get anything done that way.
 

Taochan

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I don't think you're going crazy at all; you were put through a really painful time and you haven't healed yet. Maybe if you feel comfortable you should find a counselor or something. You need to look at reasons to stay around, like the family and friends who love you. You mention the writing and graphic design that makes you happy, keep doing that. Look for things that make you happy and focus on them.
 
D

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Not trying to start an argument or anything but I still believe what I said to be true.
Emotionally, this would be the worse experience in my life if it happened as the OP described. I understand that there are more traumatic things that can be experienced but they are probably all very unlikely to happen.
I dont feel bad about generalising to help someone

I dont remember promising him it either.
The use of the word "will" implies a 100% certainty. As such, you are assuring him that nothing will be worse after this event. This assurance can be considered a promise. You don't need to actually say the words "I promise" for it to be a promise.
The naivety is so thick it hurts.
jesus fuck just let it go.
 
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