Awesome chapter =D
they have maleficent on their side
they have maleficent on their side
Fanfiction ► Nobody's Perfect. . . ((no spoilers))
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wow!!!! this is getting better!!!!....once again your use of vocabulary is amazing!!!! good job!!! cant wait till the next chappy!!! (=
((Thanks guys... but seriously, I need your feedback on what I asked in the author's note. No Disney worlds or Disney worlds? Riku or no Riku? If you don't know what I'm talking about, look up at the last post above the actual RP, above the bold text. Thanks again for the input!))
Sorry, this fanfic is hard to read. Not because of the "big" words (by the way, what are the big words?), but it seems somewhat dull... I don't particularly like your writing style, bu that is just me. (Also take into consideration that I am absolutely sick of fanfictions that put sora as main character (they seem so alike), so you might not want to think about what I mentioned)
((Finally some constructive criticism!! -goes to write problems down- As for your comment on Sora's role, the main characters are Namine, Roxas, and Sora. Each chapter has a different take and different thoughts and feelings, since I put this fanfic in the hands of three. I have to say for myself, this chapter was a dull one... mostly because of the lack of conversation between Leon and the others and Sora and his friends. I agree with you, Sora fanficcies are a little common, but I am shuffling between characters. I appreciate your input, and the criticism is good to get some ideas flowing in my brain. So, thank you BHKiller!! Now I can start to better my writing skills!))
Now I can start to better my writing skills!))hmmm......well i love your writing style!!! but thats just me!!...as for riku....i dunno...it might be intresting........hmm....i say do it!!!....it seems like it would give more life to story if ya know what i mean??....and disney worlds.....maybe have them every now and then..... .......just not focusing the story around them....like what your doin now!!!.........i dunno.....maybe listen to what others have to sya first.......cuz im not good on these types of things....
.......just not focusing the story around them....like what your doin now!!!.........i dunno.....maybe listen to what others have to sya first.......cuz im not good on these types of things....I say no to the disney worlds =\
as for riku...Yea =D
Just dont make him another main character
give him a small role
as for riku...Yea =D
Just dont make him another main character
give him a small role
disney worlds are ok sometimes they bore the hec out of me but if its needed in the story than yea go for it
Oh riku is a big no.
Many people screw up his character when they try to portray him... so I would say don't waste your time...
Disney Worlds- if they are necassary, otherwise... you could do wihout them
Axel... have no idea what you're talking about...
You really like constructive criticism... can you give some for mine... everyone who has posted on mine gives no tips (except for Fenris)
Many people screw up his character when they try to portray him... so I would say don't waste your time...
Disney Worlds- if they are necassary, otherwise... you could do wihout them
Axel... have no idea what you're talking about...
You really like constructive criticism... can you give some for mine... everyone who has posted on mine gives no tips (except for Fenris)
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Me: Awsome chapter! Even though.. I should really read stuff over and over againO_O For a minute I thought you said,"I'm tired... when are we gonna fight Leon!"for some reason, lol. I'm weird!
Gem: Maybe incluse Riku! Just make him.. a small character...O_O
Nanala: And also, Maybe you should include Disney worlds sometimes!=^_^=
Thea:... Sorry if we seem blunt...
Gem: Maybe incluse Riku! Just make him.. a small character...O_O
Nanala: And also, Maybe you should include Disney worlds sometimes!=^_^=
Thea:... Sorry if we seem blunt...
so whens the next one comin out???? i cant wait im getting impatient!!!
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But like why dont you put in Kairi?Cuz if you didnt realise(If you hadnt noticed this this then you are probably stupid) about 70% of Sora's misson was to save Kairi wasnt it
((Alright... I'll add in the quartet of characters... I'm sorry for the huge delay.. reports and such.. well, I'll add in the next chapter on this post, so check back in a 20 minutes to see if I have... so much fanfic, so little time...))
"Truth be told... I don't remember you."
Roxas stared at Namine, unsure of what to do. "Namine...?" His face turned serious. "What do we have to talk about?!" Namine laughed, and jumped off the platform. "This." She pulled out a notebook, and opened it delicately. As she turned to the right page, she showed him the image. It was Roxas, delicately drawn on a cylinder pillar. The pillar's surface showed a brown-haired boy, a duck, a dog, a silver-haired teen and a red-haired girl. "What does this all mean?" Roxas tried to ponder the image when a blast of water popped from his feet. "?!" Roxas looked down at his feet, seeing a pool of water, and deeper he could see the familiar silhouette of the cylinder pillar. Water engulfed him, descending him into the water towards the pillar. Namine held her hands together nervously as a hooded man appeared behind her. Grabbing her, they disappeared in a black dust, which was all he could see before his memories completely disappated in the water.
Roxas awoke near the bottom of the sea, the hole he left from completely undetectable. Landing on his feet upon the familiar pillar structure, he saw that it was black. As he took his first steps, a bright light was exposed, revealing a vibrant colored pillar that stretched downward for as long as eternity. Seagulls escaped the light, flying majestically far away. Roxas turned to face them, his mind off with the seagulls, free with flight as they faded into the murky waters. "Where... am... I?" Roxas spoke to himself, aware that this seemed exactly alike to his dream. He turned to the right, a silver majestical sword hovering over a gold pedestal. Turning to the center, the pedestal ascended again, except its weapon was a mystic blue staff that lingered above. Finally, he turned left, where the pedestal drifted a valiant shield. Each was brightly shown in a flash of light that had an unknown source.
What you choose.. will forever decide the fate of your life. But your life... is not as you wanted it to be. The sword caught his attention, and he immediately walked in front of it, examining it. The knight's sword... a powerful weapon, a heroic battler. Roxas lost interest and turned to the staff. Carefully approaching it, he eyed the magical item. The magician's staff... a power of destruction, an intellectual intrigue. As he shifted to the shield, the words of the weapon dangled in his mind, leaving a lingering impact. The guardian's shield... protection against all, a defender of justice. Roxas began to think before choosing a weapon. After much thought, he grabbed his choice: the defender's shield. The pedestals were vanquished, leaving him to the cylinder portal. With no way to escape, he charged towards the tip of the pillar, before staggering away as a behemothic silver beast rose from the depths. His shield glistened as he began battle with the argent enemy.
Roxas started by jumping onto the beast's hand, slashing and hacking until he met the shoulder. The beast was quick to fight, trying to grab Roxas as he ascended and descended the creature. There is futility in your actions... Words burned into Roxas' skull as he fought. In the end, you will be the one to fall into oblivion. Roxas swiped at the foot but missed. Do not be afraid... life is meaningless if you cannot remember. Roxas turned angry, furiously pounding the beast as it spoke. But that is not all... He was propelled by a beam into the cylinder pillar, the beast ready to kill him. You exist... because of someone else. You are nothing.. but a remnant of what is truly important. Roxas immediately got up, and pounced on the beast. Everything else didn't matter except the monster. Roxas wanted to kill him.. kill him because he knew it was inevitable.
Roxas had pestered the beast until its last moment, but when Roxas tried to finish the monster, his shield disappeared in a flash of light. Dropping to his knees, Roxas looked up at the enemy. Emotionless, it had regained its energy and prepared to attack. Silver vines trapped Roxas into being unable to escape as the fiend prepared to kill Roxas. The seas around him turned pitch black as Roxas began to feel faint. The monstrocity stood in front of him before Roxas completely blacked out.
"Truth be told... I don't remember you."
Roxas stared at Namine, unsure of what to do. "Namine...?" His face turned serious. "What do we have to talk about?!" Namine laughed, and jumped off the platform. "This." She pulled out a notebook, and opened it delicately. As she turned to the right page, she showed him the image. It was Roxas, delicately drawn on a cylinder pillar. The pillar's surface showed a brown-haired boy, a duck, a dog, a silver-haired teen and a red-haired girl. "What does this all mean?" Roxas tried to ponder the image when a blast of water popped from his feet. "?!" Roxas looked down at his feet, seeing a pool of water, and deeper he could see the familiar silhouette of the cylinder pillar. Water engulfed him, descending him into the water towards the pillar. Namine held her hands together nervously as a hooded man appeared behind her. Grabbing her, they disappeared in a black dust, which was all he could see before his memories completely disappated in the water.
Roxas awoke near the bottom of the sea, the hole he left from completely undetectable. Landing on his feet upon the familiar pillar structure, he saw that it was black. As he took his first steps, a bright light was exposed, revealing a vibrant colored pillar that stretched downward for as long as eternity. Seagulls escaped the light, flying majestically far away. Roxas turned to face them, his mind off with the seagulls, free with flight as they faded into the murky waters. "Where... am... I?" Roxas spoke to himself, aware that this seemed exactly alike to his dream. He turned to the right, a silver majestical sword hovering over a gold pedestal. Turning to the center, the pedestal ascended again, except its weapon was a mystic blue staff that lingered above. Finally, he turned left, where the pedestal drifted a valiant shield. Each was brightly shown in a flash of light that had an unknown source.
What you choose.. will forever decide the fate of your life. But your life... is not as you wanted it to be. The sword caught his attention, and he immediately walked in front of it, examining it. The knight's sword... a powerful weapon, a heroic battler. Roxas lost interest and turned to the staff. Carefully approaching it, he eyed the magical item. The magician's staff... a power of destruction, an intellectual intrigue. As he shifted to the shield, the words of the weapon dangled in his mind, leaving a lingering impact. The guardian's shield... protection against all, a defender of justice. Roxas began to think before choosing a weapon. After much thought, he grabbed his choice: the defender's shield. The pedestals were vanquished, leaving him to the cylinder portal. With no way to escape, he charged towards the tip of the pillar, before staggering away as a behemothic silver beast rose from the depths. His shield glistened as he began battle with the argent enemy.
Roxas started by jumping onto the beast's hand, slashing and hacking until he met the shoulder. The beast was quick to fight, trying to grab Roxas as he ascended and descended the creature. There is futility in your actions... Words burned into Roxas' skull as he fought. In the end, you will be the one to fall into oblivion. Roxas swiped at the foot but missed. Do not be afraid... life is meaningless if you cannot remember. Roxas turned angry, furiously pounding the beast as it spoke. But that is not all... He was propelled by a beam into the cylinder pillar, the beast ready to kill him. You exist... because of someone else. You are nothing.. but a remnant of what is truly important. Roxas immediately got up, and pounced on the beast. Everything else didn't matter except the monster. Roxas wanted to kill him.. kill him because he knew it was inevitable.
Roxas had pestered the beast until its last moment, but when Roxas tried to finish the monster, his shield disappeared in a flash of light. Dropping to his knees, Roxas looked up at the enemy. Emotionless, it had regained its energy and prepared to attack. Silver vines trapped Roxas into being unable to escape as the fiend prepared to kill Roxas. The seas around him turned pitch black as Roxas began to feel faint. The monstrocity stood in front of him before Roxas completely blacked out.
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Me: That's okay!
Gem: by the way, we'll probably edit this post a little when you post the chapter, lol.
Nanala:..O_O
Thea:.. Yes Nanala, Gem and Tao are currently weird..>.<
Gem: by the way, we'll probably edit this post a little when you post the chapter, lol.
Nanala:..O_O
Thea:.. Yes Nanala, Gem and Tao are currently weird..>.<
coolness!!!! i still love it!!!
Hmm... to quick paced. Why did he just go up to Namine? Would you go up to a stranger like that? And why did you ask "What do we have to talk about?"
He has never met her before and yet he asks a question that seems to come out of the blue?
Do they know eachother? Or did I just sub conciously skip something (re-reads it... nope, don't think so), I am lost, but that's just me
He has never met her before and yet he asks a question that seems to come out of the blue?
Do they know eachother? Or did I just sub conciously skip something (re-reads it... nope, don't think so), I am lost, but that's just me
...when are ya gonna update????
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Me: Meh, who knows when we'll get an update.. lol
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