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Nifleheim



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Mordecai

And The Hero Fails
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Nifleheim


The road was slick and rain still pattered down ahead of my nice Infinity. For some reason my parents decided to surprise me with the new car on my birthday last winter. It was a nice gift, but out of place, taking all of our recent, rough times into consideration. My mother wasn't the problem; it was my father. I got more than a bad feeling whenever he would cast his glare in my general direction, now. A sad story, since you normally think of a family being happy - mine isn't. At least, not when I'm around.

Before I knew it the rain stopped pouring like it was the apocalypse and lingered in a slight mist. I would have loved for it to have stopped completely, but it was better than half a mile ago, where the showers were making it almost impossible to see. Though, I suppose it didn't matter, since the last person I saw was about thirty miles back. I wasn't going to hit anyone or anything and with no turns on the road ahead ( that's what the map said ) I felt it was all right. I had this overwhelming feeling that I wouldn't be seeing anyone else for a long time. I wish I had been right.

Winds started up, howling in their strange ways and whistling by the windows and pounding on the hood with bass drum beats, more intense because the car was against it. It was nothing less of an annoying storm that the weather man forgot to tell you about. Even though I tokk the precaution of sitting down at my parents house and tuning in to the news to catch a glimpse at the forecast for the week, I ended up in a deathly haze that washed over my grand prix white birthday present. There was little I could do, but I know what I wanted to do - I wanted to slap that weather man in his sharp cheek bone for lying to me. In any case, I was stuck in an oncoming storm of great magnitude, it seemed.

Once it hit me I couldn't see straight. Patches of grass flew from the sides of the road and flopped on to my windshield. Anyone else would have had it by now, especially my girlfriend, but I refused to submit. I'm a hardheaded guy.

Music was a great passerby. There was a brown leather case to my left, and I picked it up cautiously, still looking at the road while I tried to put in a CD. It was a stupid move, considering the weather, but I didn't care. I felt a need to overcome the rain and the fog and everything else that mother nature lashed out at me with.

Led Zeppelin filled the car, Communication Breakdown to be exact, and it was probably the rain that caused me to be in a mood where I could enjoy that much. When I see rain I think of the color blue and when I see blue I think of led. When I think of Led, I instantly think of a song, and normally that song perfectly matches my mood. You can't resist an urge for Led Zeppelin.

About half an hour later, when the CD was almost done playing, the rain and wind completely let up. I could see fifty feet ahead and past that was blanched. In every direction was white, fifty or so feet away. Signs were swallowed up behind me and I noticed the white become thicker as I sped back into the mist. I wasn't sure where I was anymore; I hadn't seen a sign for ages. My destination was West Virginia and I had come from California. I figured I was still somewhere in Nevada - I left around three hours ago from a friend's house in Vegas.

Just as fast as the rain stopped, the fog did, then came rolling in again,. It was worse the second time. I found myself wanting to stop right there and take a nap, maybe wait it out, but I decided that was valuable time I could be spent getting close to home.

Something weird happened after that. I can't really think of any words to describe it in a way that anyone would understand in all seriousness, but I know that it was serious. While tapping the face of my horn on the steering wheel, the fog just stopped. I went from literally being totally blinded by the fog to clear trails and a grey sky. Fifteen minutes later it styarted again, just as thick and odd as the mist I escaped from twenty miles before. One second, maybe less, I was out of any sort of fog. The next second I was in it, and the strange thing was was that the wind only blew through the part that didn't have any of it. I hadn't slept in a while so I figured it was that, but still, my imagination had its way with it for a bit. The fog must have muffled the sound of the wind, not been devoid of it. So I looked on and drove at around sixy five. I was in a hurry to get out of it. Not one of my best ideas, I guess.

Now, I know some queer events have taken place in my life, but this was the beginning of some of the most unimaginable. A figure on the right side of the road, that started off as just a dark blotch of mist, grew in size as I neared it. The edges of the figure were ruffled and I could quite make out any defining featurres; the features that would tell me what kind of sign it was, or if it was a person. Squinting didn't really help and by this time I had slowed way the hell down just to be cautious. Finally I could make out what it was - a woman.

The car crept up on her, purring softly, and she kept walking. Maybe she didn't know I was behind her. So I sped up to pass her a bit and get her attention. Within a minute or two, she finally noticed the white vegicle to her left and jumped up and down with glee. Just what I needed; a nutcase. Still bobbing, she grabbed the handle of the door and swung it open, sliding in the seat buttocks first. It was a nice view, to say the least.

"Thank you. Really, thanks." She finally sat all the way down in the seat, but was fighting to shut the door all the way.
"Yeah, no problem. I'm sorry I took you out of the nice weather here, though." It was a stupid joke.
"It's fine. I hate nice weather," she said with a little giggle.

She had a cute voice. Come to think of it, she had a cute face, and a tightbody. If I had to guess than, I'd say she was around twenty, at most.

"So what were you doing out there," I said finally.

She gave me a sigh and began to explain. Basically what I got out of it was her step brother Boon kicked her out of his car because they had an argument. Something else that I couldn't remember about it, but seemed important, was also the reason, but hey I wasn't writing I report on her. I didn't listen to that part. Just watched her talk when I could manage taking my eyes off of the road. Then when she was finished I thought about being stranded in the fog alone, like she had been. It terrified me.

"Where are you heading?"
"West Virginia," she said. That made me laugh.
"Same. I guess I'll take you there, or drop you off at the next stop, your choice."
"Yeah. That would be great. If my brother isn't at the next stop, would you mind taking me all the way?"
"Not at all." That was that. I was going to take her all the way.

We talked for a little while. It was mostly small talk, but it was conversation. She laughed a few times in that way that girls laugh that makes you want to hold them. She was a pretty intelligent young woman, also. I already had seen that in her face, but as soon as she started speaking to me, I knew it.

She nestled in her seat and dozed off for a while. I wondered how anyone could manage sleeping in a stranger's car, then assumed that she was just beat from arguing with her brother. I could tell that he was quite a character. I delved into my own little fantasy just then and imagined myself telling this guy off; I don't know why, but I did. It might have been a way to take my mind off of the chilling - chilling as in sending a chill up your spine and neck - mist that enveloped the car. At one point, I thought about opening the door to follow the lines on the road, to be extra safe, but I might have woken her up.

Thirty minutes later she woke up. Her face wasn't as pale, and her chest was calmer now, moving up, then down, in small rhythmic motions. Her cuteness was the only thing on my mind at this point, until she broke the uncomfortable silence.

"Sorry." I think she meant about falling asleep in my car. That or about burdening me with a filled passenger seat. Neither bothered me.
"Don't worry about it. So.. What's your name?" She looked at me like asking a hitchhiker's name was against some national code.
"Sarah Ann Weaver. Miss Weaver, if you'd like." She wasn't married.
"Deven. Deven Alan Green. Deven only." I was equally formal, and that made her smile a bit.

Sarah started to tell me about herself. Apparently, she attended some college near her apartment in West Virginia. Really, I didn't pay attention well enough to commit the name of the school to memory. All I could think about was how cute she was. I get like that sometimes; when I see a girl I can just tell if I could love them to death or not. The way I met my girlfriend was the same way. My friend introduce us at a party one night, and I adored her. Her name is Samantha. I love that name. I also love the name Sarah. This is about the time I found myself in a future predicament.

The fog hadn't let up yet. In fact, I'd say it thickened twofold. But that might have been the time I spent staring into it. It was mesmerizing, the fog. It had a way of making you beyond the point of bored, sending you into a whole other sort of... thing. How it did this, I have no clue, but it was disturbing. You could gaze into it and be afraid, excited, or confused - I experienced all of those on that road that day - and it would climax in you dreading it.

"I've never seen anything like this fog." I realized that I sounded concerned, then wish I had said it a little more optimistically.

She agreed with a nod, then maybe realized that I couldn't quite see her. Then she giggled, but it was no playful titter - it was definitely a I'm-not-really-liking-it-either giggle.

"I've seen thick fog before, but nothing like this. On top of it, every time we hit a dead spot," we hit dead spots like the one I went through before seeing her, "there's wind, but there isn't any bit of breeze in the fog itself. It's strange. Maybe it's so thick it's muffled."

I was beginning to like her. She thought like me. Just then I wanted to kiss her. That would have been a kicker. A story to tell the grand children that my wife, assuming it is Samantha, would eventually find out after I had a few drinks in a bar one night with my buddies and came home to be interrogated. It was very... Soap Opera. Sam watched those. I thought they were funny.

"As long as the road keeps staight and I can see the lines, I'm sure we'll be fine." I didn't think that there was any real danger ahead, but I think that I felt something when I said that.

I thought it was a lie. A little white lie to keep her from being afraid; if I had known what come afterward, I would have kicked her out of the car, perhaps not even have picked her up in the first place. But unfortunately that wasn't the way it happened. This is how it happened.

"Yeah, you're probably right. But it's still eerie." She expressed herself well. She wasn't trying to be macho.

I shook my head in agreement as we rolled up to a stop sign slowly. Just in case, I did the right thing; you never know where a camera is hidden. Even though the misty substance that was the fog would have hid my license plate number from any picture, even if it had been but three feet away from the lense, I felt the need to slow down and check it out. Especially with Sarah in my car. I wanted to seem like a model citizen.

The stop sign was engulfed by the fog as we drove away. I saw it disappear in my rear view mirror. Scary thoughts crossed my mind... like, what if we broke down right then and there? Would we disappear too? Were there other people out here? Who knew? I sure didn't. Sarah didn't seem to. Time would tell.


The first chapter.
 

Nyangoro

Break the Spell
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LOL @ Norse underworld reference (definitely curious to see how that plays out). I won't comment on the story, since most horror novels start out very similarly. However, it was decent from a technical standpoint. There weren't any glaring errors that need major revision. Though, it could do you some good to let a word processor scan this for you. It'll help weed some of the errors out.

Also, you may want to add in more depth. The lead sounds like your typical "down-on-his-luck" kind of guy. If you give our characters a bit more depth (improved backstory, idiosyncrasies, general profile, etc.) it'll help save your story from being the tedious linearity that most horror novels tend to become.

I'll keep an eye out for this one, good luck!
 

Mordecai

And The Hero Fails
Joined
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Shuffling a Valentine.
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I'm actually working on a prologue because of that very reason. I just haven't written all of it yet. And.. yeah. Believe it or not, I wrote the first four chapters without knowing what Nifleheim even was. Thanks for the crit. I'll put up the second chapter if I get enough comments.
 
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