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Hakumei Zero

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Well there is this multicultural project and I was wondering if I did okay.

Topic: What does communities, our Nation, our world mean to me?

What does being in a diverse school affect me?


And here it is:

Have you ever heard this statement before?

"And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

Free at last! Free at last!

Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

If you have, then you know this was said by Martin Luther King. His ideal of diffrent cultures being free, and working together as one, is running threw my generation's vains. Our Nation has came a long way since Dr. Martin Luther King spoke those words. Even today in my school; we have people of diffrent cultures working together or hanging out without even caring about each others race. To us, we are just people with diffrent culture we can share, and learn from. I feel this way because I was raised around so many diffrent cultures that I don't judge others, or look at them diffrent upon their appearence. Instead I ask "Where are you from?", "How is it like?", and "Can you teach me?" these are some of my favorite to ask . With all the diversity, there is more communication to get to know one another. We can tell about where we grew up, and how it was like for us.

I feel so far as I've been with South East high school; I can saftly say I feel comfortable here. Its small but yet it is widley diverse with Latinos, African Americans, Native Americans, Orientals, and we also have a Sister school in China! With this in mind, to me this makes our school bigger than our other local schools; because we get along and race doesn't effect us. But you see its not just my school that believes in multicultul, its the nation...the continent... THE WORLD! It may seem like the world doesn't care but for only their people in their country, but when their is a disaster like the Tsunami that hit Asia in the fall last year. The world just didn't stand there and watch India suffer, but instead regaurdless of religion or race, people came from all around the world to help them with money, boats, rescues, and homes that is what the true nature of humans can do no matter the color or what another says.

Next, I feel that the most important thing that cultral diversity has brought, is food! There is so many diffrent kind of foods in the US brought from diffrent cultures; that...one...two... its more than my ten fingers and toes put together to compare. With all the varity of food in US, its brung alot of diffrent cultures together because they are trying new things and liking it. For me, I have always liked trying new things. If there is food I come accross that I dislike, then I simply go on to another type or style of my liking.
 

Hakumei Zero

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Dawning Twilight said:
so what'syour question it sounds like one big statement with rhetorical questions wedged in there....

Well, I guess I need to see from people opionions if I kept on topic. I hate these kind of essays, ot downgrades my creative writitng. Bare with it please.
 

stephaknee

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I didn't read most of it, but I can say you need to work on punctuation. You have a lot of word mix ups (threw, through; their, there, and there).

You shouldn't use cliches, either. "It's more than I can count on my fingers and toes." A bunch of really useless and overused phrases shouldn't be in there. Ugh, one of my biggest pet peeves is the misuse of punctuation with quotations. Both commas and periods go inside the quotation marks. "This is a sentence clause," or "This is a sentence."

Also, seeing as you're writing the essay, it's a big no-no to write things like "I feel, I think, in my opinion." It's your work, we know that's how you feel; it's unnecessary to say so.
 

Sora 31

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Feb 27, 2006
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Pretty good! id give it anywhere form a b to an A. i like how you explained your feelings about your school and its differences.
 

Hakumei Zero

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baka ushi said:
I didn't read most of it, but I can say you need to work on punctuation. You have a lot of word mix ups (threw, through; their, there, and there).

You shouldn't use cliches, either. "It's more than I can count on my fingers and toes." A bunch of really useless and overused phrases shouldn't be in there. Ugh, one of my biggest pet peeves is the misuse of punctuation with quotations. Both commas and periods go inside the quotation marks. "This is a sentence clause," or "This is a sentence."

Also, seeing as you're writing the essay, it's a big no-no to write things like "I feel, I think, in my opinion." It's your work, we know that's how you feel; it's unnecessary to say so.

Okay I did a couple things, hows this:

Have you ever heard this statement before?

"And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

Free at last! Free at last!

Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

If you have, then you know this was said by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. His ideal of diffrent cultures being free, and working together as one, is running through my generation's vains. Our nation has come a long way since Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. spoke those words. Even today in my school we have people of different cultures working together or hanging out without even caring about each others race. To us, we are just people with diffrent cultures we can share and learn from. I feel this way because I was raised around so many different cultures that I don't judge others, or look at them differently based on their appearence. Instead I ask "Where are you from?", "What is it like?", and "Can you teach me?" these are some of my favorite to ask . With all the diversity, there is more communication to get to know one another. We can tell about where we grew up, and how it was like for us.

I feel so far for as I been with Southeast High School; I can safely say I feel comfortable here. Its small but yet it is widely diverse with Latinos, African Americans, White Americans, Asians, and we also have a Sister school in China! With this in mind, to me this makes our school better than our other local schools; because we get along and race doesn't effect us. But you see its not just my school that believes in multicultural education, its the nation...the continent... THE WORLD! It may seem like the world doesn't care , but when there is a disaster like the Tsunami that hit Asia in the fall last year, the world just didn't stand there and watch India suffer, but instead regardless of religion or race, people came from all around the world to help them with money, boats, rescues, and homes that is what the true nature of humans can do no matter the color or what another says.

As we reffer to this passage, quoted from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr's " I have a dream" speech.

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream today!"

I truly feel that time has changed in many aspects since Dr. Martin Luther King Jr made his speech, in fact if it hadn't change I wouldn't be here today. My parents wouldn't have been together if it hadn't been for his dream, I would not exist to see this day, and so as many of you! I feel that because of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr's dream, that his dream is now a reality. We are here, this is our dream!
 

Hakumei Zero

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Jan 29, 2006
Messages
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Dawning Twilight said:
just to add something your grade *as in 6th, 7th, 8th and etc* will mostly define what ggrade you shall get....

Well after everything was corrected, I had to completly delete the last paragraph from the first essay that I posted. But I think that my new one is way better.

Oh im in 10th grade.
 
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