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My Work in Progress

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New member
Dec 9, 2010
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Dark Abyss
This is a story that im trying to write, so leave a comment on how i can make it better, if its bad, if its good, and/or if you have any story idea, im open for suggestions. I'll also be making and commenting when i make a change or add. Please don't steal my work, ive worked hard to get this much. If you hate it dont say you do, just tell me what i need to work on.
[FONT=&quot]Chapter: 1

[FONT=&quot] “Get up, it’s the first day of school,” my mom yells from the door way.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Just give me five more minutes.” I grumble[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “I will not, you have thirty minutes before school starts, and the bus comes in ten, so get out of that bed.” [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] So all of that was a dream; I wish I was senior, but eighth grade is good for me. I sit up with my eyes still closed. I get out of my bed and head over to my closet. I open up the door and start rummaging through all my clothes, tossing things I don’t want to wear on the floor. This year is going to be different because I am going to be in the eighth grade, the top of the middle school.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] If you can’t tell, I’m pretty excited for this school year. I haven’t seen my friends since baseball ended in June. Plus, we have football in the fall, basketball in the winter, and track and soccer in the spring. My friends and I are going to kill the seventh graders in the sports. Except soccer, because nobody except me plays. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] I put on a red t-shirt and shorts. I slip my tennis shoes. I go to the bathroom and brush my teeth. I look at my self in the mirror, and think the whole time, what a stud. I then go down stairs into the living room.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Do you want something to eat Drake?” my mom asks from the kitchen.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “No mom, I’m fine.” I answer.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] I look down the street from the window to see if the bus is coming. I don’t see it so I plop down on the couch. I look around my house. Our house is pretty big compared to some of the other houses in town. It’s a two story house with a basement. The bedrooms are up stairs. The living room, kitchen, and [/FONT][FONT=&quot]dinning room are on the ground level. The entertainment room is in the basement. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] I flip on the TV to see what’s going on with the world. When it flickers on the news is talking about some wild-fires in California, typical, floods occurring in India, and some big hurricane system moving through the Gulf of Mexico. Luckily, we live in the middle of all of it, St. Louis, Missouri. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] I see the bus coming and go into the kitchen.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Bye mom,” I say.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Be careful; don’t pick on any of the seventh graders.” She says. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “I won’t.” I say. I head out the door and look up at the sky, looks like it’s going to be another normal day. I stop staring at the sky and get on the bus as it open the doors.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Yo” Hunter said as I sat by him on the bus.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Sup” I said.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “We should be beast at sports this year; we have gotten better over the summer. Plus I heard that some new kids moved in, wonder if their any good at football?” [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] That’s one thing about Hunter that can get old, he talks non-stop about football. Personally, I find it amusing, because he can get very riled up about it.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Haha, all you worry about is football, isn’t it?” I asked, he gave me a just-stop-taking-look, and he didn’t answer. Partly because I’m right and partly because we ask him that every time he brings up football. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] We just talked about random things as we rode to Creek View Junior High. We talked about how cool it would be if we were famous. I would want to be famous for either some kind of sport or becoming rich at a young age. Of course Hunter would want to become famous in football, no surprises there. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] When we got to school, we went to our first hour class, which is the same for both of us, gym. We walked in the doors and see coach Gockel, as always, sitting in his chair with the computer in front oh him. I followed Hunter into the locker room, and we went to our regular lockers. I went to locker number 40, and he went to locker number 2, our favorite numbers of course. As we were getting changed, I thought I heard a weird beeping sound, but thought I was just hearing things; as it was still early in the morning, if you count 8:00 early like I do. So we went and sat down on the bench and waited for coach Gockel, to call out roll. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] Once he was done, we played my favorite game, along with everybody else’s, dodge ball! He split us up into two man teams, each corners of the gym, and one group in the middle. Hunter and I, being the two best in the class, were not on the same team. After the first four games, it was tied, my team, and Hunter’s. As soon as coach yelled “GO!” my teammate, Carl, threw his ball. Now the first rule in dodge ball is, “don’t throw your ball too early”. Apparently Carl doesn’t know a thing about dodge ball, because someone catches it, and now he’s out. So now it’s 2-on-2-on-2-on-2-on-1. About half way through the game, I threw the ball at Jacob Hamp, so now it’s me against Hunter and his teammate. His teammate throws a ball, I catch it, but Hunter throws his ball and nails me in the chest. I’m out, and his team won. At the end of the period, we go back into the locker room to change, and then I hear it again. I hear that faint beep, but now it’s faster than before. I ask Hunter if he hears it.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Wait, I think I hear it” he says. Then Carl puts his ear up to the wall.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]“I think I can hea….”[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Then his voice cuts out cause it sounded like a freight train just ran through the gym wall as the bomb exploded. Dust and ruble flew everywhere, I heard some people scream. I fly back into the lockers hard. I fall to the knocked out. When I opened my eyes to see what just happened, I saw people dressed in purple coming out of the wall. As I became oriented again, I noticed they were coming strait for me, and then everything happened so fast. I felt a sharp pain in the back of my head; as I was falling toward the floor, I caught a glimpse of people in white coming from the wall. I hit the floor and went out cold. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] I sat up quick and started coughing up water. When I wiped the water from my eyes, I look up and saw a guy I didn’t know.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Come on, get up, you’ve been out for days.” the guy said smiling, and he offered me his hand. I took it, rose up on the bed with my feet dangling over it, and rubbed my head, which now has a huge knot on it from the person who hit me. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “The names Blade,” he said, “now Mr. Gen will be wondering what’s taking so long for me to wake you, so we better get going.” And he left the room. I looked around the room and saw no windows, no pictures, nothing. It was just an empty room with a now wet bed.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Where exactly are we going, who is Mr. Gen, and where are we?” I asked, as I ran out the door to catch up to him.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]“Mr. Gen will explain everything.” Blade said.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] He led me through a series of hallways and doors, this placed seemed huge. After about ten minutes of roaming around, we came to a door with the letters Mr. Gen’s Office embroidered on the name plate. Blade knocked on the door three times, then five, then two. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Some sort of password?” I asked[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]“Come in” said a rough voice on the other side of the door before I could get an answer. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] Blade opened the door and the smell of the ocean hit me. As we walked in, I noticed that there were mini-fountains everywhere, and conch shells, and even an aquarium. In front of the aquarium was an oval shaped desk with a leather chair behind it. Then the chair swiveled around and I saw the mysterious Mr. Gen.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] Mr. Gen was wearing a Hawaiian T-shirt, some Bermuda shorts, a pair of tan colored sandals, and sunglasses. He looked like he just came back from the Bahamas. He got up and took off his glasses, he was probably around 6’1, weighed a good 230 pounds, and was very tan. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Mr. Blade, Drake, have a seat, we need to talk about some things.” Mr. Gen said, with a voice that has distinct sound that somehow reminded me of water.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “How do you know my name,” I say as I sit on one of the many lounge chairs, “and where are we?”[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “We are in a remote area in the Florida Keys.” He answered.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] That’s when I looked around and saw that there were no windows in his office. At the same time, I smelled the ocean, but I didn’t know if it was coming from the ocean, or all the mini-fountains in Mr. Gen’s office.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Ok, why am I here?” I asked with a confused look on my face. I saw him take a quick glance at Blade before answering. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Um, you and I are not like other people.”[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “What do you mean?”[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “There are other people like us too, even Blade here is different.”[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “What do you mean by different?” I ask impatiently.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Everything will be explained back at base, but we need to leave now if we’re going to catch the next plane.” [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] He leaves the room and Blade motions for me to follow, and then he closes the door as I pass him and comes along. We go through more hall ways, stairs, and doors before we finally get outside. Once we get out, I look around at the building and realize that it was an abandoned warehouse building. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] We walk through the harbor and get into what looks like a speedboat.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Head toward the airport,” Mr. Gen tells the driver. Blade is looking through a magazine of LIFE, and Mr. Gen was staring at the water with an empty gaze. I noticed that the cruiser was going exceptionally fast. I also noticed that the water in front of the boat was calm, and everywhere else it was choppy. I wondered if Mr. Gen had anything to do with this, but I wasn’t going to ask, it seemed too absurd. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] Then we finally got to the airport. We went through security and baggage claim like you normally would. We waited in the waiting room for what felt like forever, but finally our plane came. We flew for about six hours to L.A in a private jet. When we got there, we took a taxi to what seemed like the middle of nowhere. The cab driver let us out on a random road. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Where are we going? I’m tired of all this traveling!” I ask, looking around, and seeing nothing for miles and miles. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Calm down, we are almost there. Just one mile up this road and we will finally be at base.” says Mr. Gen, walking in the direction he mentioned. I head in the way he was going with Blade bringing up the back as usual. As I walk, I look around at the wide open ocean, and think how awesome it would be to go for a swim right now, because it feels like its one hundred degrees! I feel a breeze hit my face and notice how good it feels. Maybe this place won’t be as bad as I think.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Here we are.” says Blade as he passes me and stands by Mr. Gen. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] They are standing on what looks like a cliff. I head over and it was like somebody punched me in the gut as I lost my breath to just how magnificent this “base” was. I saw there was a huge lake on the right side with what looked like miles of woods behind it. In the front near us was a humongous mansion that was decorated neatly. The upper-right corner was detailed with fire, upper-left was detailed with the sky, the lower-right was detailed in rocks and mountains, and the lower-left had water. The left side of the valley looked like the mansion broke apart into four big houses. There was a water, earth, wind, and fire house. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] Smack dab in the middle was of course the biggest thing yet, a huge coliseum. From afar, it looked like the Roman Coliseum. It was a tan-ash-grey color with pillars all around it. There were entrances on all sides. It looked like it was easily a hundred yards in length. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] Mr. Gen, Blade, and I walk down the hill toward the mansion. That’s when I notice there are other kids at the base; they all looked at us as we walked. I looked around at them; it didn’t look like they were much older. I saw one that looked like he was ten, and another that looked around seventeen. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] We got to the mansion and went inside. It was just as nice inside as it was on the outside. Each section was painted as it was on the outside. We walked up to a counter with a guy that looked familiar, but I just couldn’t remember where I seen him before. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “I see you finally made it Mr. Gen.” said the guy behind the counter.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Yes, it was a very tiring day of traveling, and we will need to get some sleep,” Mr. Gen turned to face me, “since we do not know where you belong yet, you will have to stay here in the Imporium.” He raised his hands, implying that the mansion was the Imporium. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “What do you mean, where I belong?” I asked scrunching my brows together. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “I’m sure you have many questions, but those will have to be answered tomorrow. Now we need to try to get some sleep.” Mr. Gen turned and whistled, and seconds later, a boy around fourteen came into view, “Stan here will show you to your room. In the morning, come to the pavilion behind the arena, that’s where I’ll be waiting for you.” [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] Mr. Gen then did a one hundred and eighty degree spin and walked off with Blade right behind him. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] I turned to face Stan, “So where is my room?”[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Just follow me.” said Stan, and he took off down a hallway toward the right. I was right on his heels; we came to a door with the number twelve, on it. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Here we are, this is the room you will be staying in until we find out where you belong.” said Stan as he walked away.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] I opened the door to a small, but cozy room. It had a desk on left side, a bathroom in the right corner, and a bunk bed on the right wall. The top bunk was empty, but the bottom held a boy who was probably sleeping because I could hear faint sounds of snoring. I went to the bathroom, then took off my shoes and got in bed. As soon as my head hit that pillow, my eyes closed simultaneously. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] When I woke up, I saw a boy staring at me with a blank expression on his face. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Get up dude, we have to go eat.” said the boy. I sit up and jump to the floor. The boy throws me a bag.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “There are your clothes, since I can tell you don’t have anything other ones.” he says. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “So what would your name be?” I ask as I get dressed.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “I’m Blaise, the camp’s best fire controller.” said the peculiar boy.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Fire controller, what do you mean?” I asked. I could tell he knew I had no idea what he was talking about.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Listen, it will all be clear very soon,” said Blaise, “but I was told to take you to the pavilion, so I will.”[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] Blaise went outside the door and waited for me to get dressed. I put on the clothes he gave me, which fit perfectly. I wonder what he was talking about. Controlling fire, that’s impossible, insn’t it? I pushed that though out of my mind and went out of the room to meet up with Blaise.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] Blaise and I leave the Imporium, via the back door, and head toward the pavilion. I look around and can’t believe what I’m seeing. People flying right over our heads, things bursting into fire, water putting it out almost simultaneously. Then the ground starts shaking violently.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “What is that?” I asked Blaise while trying to keep my balance.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “It’s just some people messing around,” he answered, “you worry too much man.”[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Sorry, I’m just not used to the ground shaking and no one panicking!” I replied, half shouting.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] A few seconds later the ground stop shaking and I heard Blaise laughing quietly. I just ignored the fact that he was amused to how little knowledge I knew, and started walking again. We come up to the pavilion and I couldn’t believe what I saw. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] “Drake!” I heard a very familiar voice call.[/FONT]

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