Well, I kind of seriously suck at writing poems, but some friends of mine thought that I should try to get some feedback on them. I know that they might be crappy, but I hope that I can at least get some helpful advice on what to do better from now on.
Here's my first one that I wrote a while back when I first finished Kingdom Hearts. Sorry, if it's kind of long, but I was impressed with other people's Kingdom Hearts poems, and well...Let's just say that it came out long, because I could not get my muse to shut up the whole time.
Thanks for reading everybody. Oh and yes, before anybody asks, this was the very first poem that I wrote. If anybody likes it, then I'll try to see if I can post my other ones on here.
Here's my first one that I wrote a while back when I first finished Kingdom Hearts. Sorry, if it's kind of long, but I was impressed with other people's Kingdom Hearts poems, and well...Let's just say that it came out long, because I could not get my muse to shut up the whole time.
Kingdom Hearts
It was so unfair
Why was he chosen
Why wasn’t it me
I was always the stronger one
He always looked up to me
But I guess that it was my fault
That he was chosen, and not me
My heart wavered when the darkness came
But his heart stayed strong and then
He was given true power
Power that I felt that I needed
To continue to be the stronger one.
He journeyed through worlds
Giving his power to others
While I was being maniplated
I had chosen to become a puppet
Because I thought that would lead me
To true power
But I was wrong
My heart became shrouded in darkness
And I began to drown
In my own power.
As I was drowning
He appeared wielding that power
To try to save me
But I was too far in darkness to be saved
He wouldn’t accept that fact
So he decided to still try
We fought and he won
He then sacrificed himself
To save our sister.
As I drifted into the darkness
I saw him disappear into the darkness as well
There was nobody left to help our sister
So I sacrificed my own soul
To guide her out of this place.
My spirit kept the darkness at bay
As she made her escape
But I noticed something
There was the faintest shadow of darkness
Following her the whole way
I realized who’s darkness it was
And I decided to let it go.
As I saw her leave
I saw the darkness that followed her change
Into the form of him
I always knew of their feelings
For one another
The feelings that brought him back
And I knew that it wouldn’t work for me.
I felt the darkness
Beginning to seep into my very soul
I tried to fight back
Because now I knew
That I truly wanted to be
With my brother and our sister
But I was too weak and I disappeared
Along with the darkness.
A short time later
I heard his voice
The voice of my brother
Crying out for help
As he fought the darkness
I decided that I would help him
But the power that I had before
Was now gone
All I could do was watch
I finally saw him win
And run towards where I was
But it was too late.
The door that kept us seperated
Was now opening and darkness
Was beginning to leak out
I saw my brother trying to open the door wider
To try to get to me
I shook my head at him
And then I began to close the door on myself
I couldn’t let this kind of power hurt anybody else
My brother finally gave in and began to help me
Before the door closed between us
I told my brother
“Take care of her.”
It was so unfair
Why was he chosen
Why wasn’t it me
I was always the stronger one
He always looked up to me
But I guess that it was my fault
That he was chosen, and not me
My heart wavered when the darkness came
But his heart stayed strong and then
He was given true power
Power that I felt that I needed
To continue to be the stronger one.
He journeyed through worlds
Giving his power to others
While I was being maniplated
I had chosen to become a puppet
Because I thought that would lead me
To true power
But I was wrong
My heart became shrouded in darkness
And I began to drown
In my own power.
As I was drowning
He appeared wielding that power
To try to save me
But I was too far in darkness to be saved
He wouldn’t accept that fact
So he decided to still try
We fought and he won
He then sacrificed himself
To save our sister.
As I drifted into the darkness
I saw him disappear into the darkness as well
There was nobody left to help our sister
So I sacrificed my own soul
To guide her out of this place.
My spirit kept the darkness at bay
As she made her escape
But I noticed something
There was the faintest shadow of darkness
Following her the whole way
I realized who’s darkness it was
And I decided to let it go.
As I saw her leave
I saw the darkness that followed her change
Into the form of him
I always knew of their feelings
For one another
The feelings that brought him back
And I knew that it wouldn’t work for me.
I felt the darkness
Beginning to seep into my very soul
I tried to fight back
Because now I knew
That I truly wanted to be
With my brother and our sister
But I was too weak and I disappeared
Along with the darkness.
A short time later
I heard his voice
The voice of my brother
Crying out for help
As he fought the darkness
I decided that I would help him
But the power that I had before
Was now gone
All I could do was watch
I finally saw him win
And run towards where I was
But it was too late.
The door that kept us seperated
Was now opening and darkness
Was beginning to leak out
I saw my brother trying to open the door wider
To try to get to me
I shook my head at him
And then I began to close the door on myself
I couldn’t let this kind of power hurt anybody else
My brother finally gave in and began to help me
Before the door closed between us
I told my brother
“Take care of her.”
Thanks for reading everybody. Oh and yes, before anybody asks, this was the very first poem that I wrote. If anybody likes it, then I'll try to see if I can post my other ones on here.