I always thought I was an average guy going into his sophomore year of highschool. I didnt really fallow the crowd in clothing (i get clothes from American eagle, hot topic, target whatever I like I buy) and I had friends from all types of "clicks" at least I thought so. Untill 2 weeks ago I was happy to go back to school but when I went to volleybal tryouts I notice and learned that most people I saw at my tryout and others has changed to be one of those kids the kid who does drugs and drinks, found there special someone(for this year at the most<_<) and parties too much for there own good. I have also noticed that people who I thought were my friends have soon forgotton about me and now think I am werid for no good reason. Now that I look back on my freshmen year it wasnt a very good one I got put in a class I didnt want becuase I quit another, I lost my 2 best friends to a private school but still see only on weekends sometimes, I made some new friends but no one I could really feel like I could trust and I wasnt even sure if they really liked me as a person let alone a friend, I broke my ancle in volleybal becuase I landed it on it and I coulnt play for the whoel season(when I landed it looked like an L), and I met a girl who broke my heart under 24 hours.
My freshmen year was an "ok" at best but through the whole thing I kept dreaming that this year will be better becuase I will become friends with the right people aka those kids you wished you talked to when on 6th grade orientation and alwasy look like they are having a good time when they are together and you fall in love with that new girl in school that no one really knows. I know that that will never happen but I am not sure if I am really able to except that yet.
Anyway on top of that stuff my grandparent have lived with me adn my family since I was about 3 and this past year my grandfather been getting sicker oldage andnow I can barely remember what he was like before which really tares me up inside since when he finally passes on I won't remember what he used to be like. Becuase of this my father has been overworked becuase on top of his job which he hasnt been enjoying lately he runs my town's basketball leagues and couches 3 teams. He is alwasy working hard and I might have not noticed this till recently. My mother has also been working hard and trying to keep things normal but stil worrys about my grandfather and my father and cause them to fight. Also my grandmother hasnt really accept the fact that her husband is slowly dieing and she bottles it up and then lashes it out on him when he sees things or acts stubborn. My 2 aunts and uncle have been visiting more often my father has been taking most of the load since he lives with us and I have been trying to help as much as I can but we, as a family, havent discussed what is happening to him. This is what was racing through my mind the whole school year and summer. I have discussed with someone I felt I can trust and he feels for me but he told me for my school problems I should become more out-goinging and stop careing what other people think, which I though was funny becuase I didnt even know I did. I asked a girl that I know and suprislying trust even though she and I are from 2 different worlds on her opoion and she said I should also be more out-going becuase I apparently never was.
This shocked me the most becuase my parents always told me I was too out-going and I should shut up. The girl told me not to care about the kids at school since she says people thinks she is werid too even though she has had many boyfriends, is popular with many friends, and is the vice-president of student council of my school. Her of all people said not to care what they think? Isnt she one of those kids? I mean I was referring to her friends and past boyfriends. She wasnt mad but actually insightful and understanding. Listen I dont like the girl in any relationship way but for some reason I felt I dont know really it was werid. Now for all I know this girl was just pitting me and is probly laughing about this with all of those kids right now. Anyway now that I look back on this past year people who I thought were my friends were now one of those kids thinking I am werid and I dont know what. This past week I have felt alone even around my family who I spend the most time with. Those thoughts have been coming into my head but if I did that to myself I know I will be letting down everyone who actually cared for me so I will keep going and see what I can do to make my life better.
I feel like I am trapped in a wave, moving forward but about to crash
thanks for reading
My freshmen year was an "ok" at best but through the whole thing I kept dreaming that this year will be better becuase I will become friends with the right people aka those kids you wished you talked to when on 6th grade orientation and alwasy look like they are having a good time when they are together and you fall in love with that new girl in school that no one really knows. I know that that will never happen but I am not sure if I am really able to except that yet.
Anyway on top of that stuff my grandparent have lived with me adn my family since I was about 3 and this past year my grandfather been getting sicker oldage andnow I can barely remember what he was like before which really tares me up inside since when he finally passes on I won't remember what he used to be like. Becuase of this my father has been overworked becuase on top of his job which he hasnt been enjoying lately he runs my town's basketball leagues and couches 3 teams. He is alwasy working hard and I might have not noticed this till recently. My mother has also been working hard and trying to keep things normal but stil worrys about my grandfather and my father and cause them to fight. Also my grandmother hasnt really accept the fact that her husband is slowly dieing and she bottles it up and then lashes it out on him when he sees things or acts stubborn. My 2 aunts and uncle have been visiting more often my father has been taking most of the load since he lives with us and I have been trying to help as much as I can but we, as a family, havent discussed what is happening to him. This is what was racing through my mind the whole school year and summer. I have discussed with someone I felt I can trust and he feels for me but he told me for my school problems I should become more out-goinging and stop careing what other people think, which I though was funny becuase I didnt even know I did. I asked a girl that I know and suprislying trust even though she and I are from 2 different worlds on her opoion and she said I should also be more out-going becuase I apparently never was.
This shocked me the most becuase my parents always told me I was too out-going and I should shut up. The girl told me not to care about the kids at school since she says people thinks she is werid too even though she has had many boyfriends, is popular with many friends, and is the vice-president of student council of my school. Her of all people said not to care what they think? Isnt she one of those kids? I mean I was referring to her friends and past boyfriends. She wasnt mad but actually insightful and understanding. Listen I dont like the girl in any relationship way but for some reason I felt I dont know really it was werid. Now for all I know this girl was just pitting me and is probly laughing about this with all of those kids right now. Anyway now that I look back on this past year people who I thought were my friends were now one of those kids thinking I am werid and I dont know what. This past week I have felt alone even around my family who I spend the most time with. Those thoughts have been coming into my head but if I did that to myself I know I will be letting down everyone who actually cared for me so I will keep going and see what I can do to make my life better.
I feel like I am trapped in a wave, moving forward but about to crash
thanks for reading
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