Help/Support ► my girlfriend had something happen to them.

[Shadow Key]

it's been a really really long time since i last posted on this forum, but i really have no idea where else to turn to. and you guys, from what i remember, are fairly intelligent people, so here i go.

my girlfriend was raped. i'm one of the few that know. i'll explain details if requested. and i know it's something that she has to deal with herself, and i can't be her white knight, and i'm supporting her in the best ways i can.

but it's really taken a toll on me. i can't get these thoughts out of my head, and i really need some help. i already have professional help, but i kind of just need someone to talk to because frankly, i respect my girlfriend's decisions, i know i can't make her do anything. but it's really killing me. i'm losing sleep and randomly getting sad because of it.

i understand if the admins can't keep this specific thread up, but some help would be really nice.

cheers.

 

[Nutari]

If you are eluding to her being (fill in the blank) then by God you are in a nightmare. The most you can do is stay by her side and make sure that she knows it wasn't her fault, EVERY. STEP. OF. THE. WAY. If you abandon her she will be thoroughly convinced you left her because some monster had sex with her.

 

[ajmrowland]

was it(highlight to read) Statutory or actual rape?

Sorry, I have no right to ask that but dont think im unsympathetic. the real important thing is to be by her side, and hopefully let it blow over.

 

[KeyofEvil'sBane]

Is this something that has only just happened, or was it a horrible experience from her past?

Either way, you need to show her how much you care for, and show her you are willing to go through all of this together with her step by step. Once she starts to become more accepting of it, maybe try to convince her to see a psychiatrist as well.

 

[theirlosthearts]

Just make sure you're available when she needs you, and be sure that she knows you're there for her. Sadly, you can't make everything go away, so just do all that you can to make her life easier.

i can't get these thoughts out of my head

Could you clarify what these thoughts are?

 

[Shadow Key]

thanks guys. i'm trying my hardest. i love her all my heart, i really do. i don't ever plan on leaving her, i know that for a fact.

i'm not sure what kind it was, i didn't ask, i was more concerned about just being there. pretty sure it was actual using my context clues.

it's from the past.

thinking about it, knowing that this monster did that to her.

 

[MESMAR_RISING]

Kinda went through the same thing with someone that I previously dated.

As previously stated, there's not a whole lot that you can do about the situation. Don't force her to see anyone if it's not something that she wants to do. As much as you want to help her, you're just going to make the situation worse. I'm not saying that you're doing so, but even pushing her to seek help isn't going to make the situation better. I know that sounds counter-intuitive, but part of it is that she needs to regain some semblance of control.

Was it something that happened during childhood and she was betrayed by an authority figure or more recent? Saying that it's from the past is not specific enough.

In the situation of my previous relationship it was something that had happened not long before we started dating. The best advice I can give you without anymore information would be not to focus on it. Again, I know it may sound somewhat counter-intuitive, but other than being supportive (which it sounds like you are), there's not a whole lot that you can do. If she talks about it re-instill that it's not her fault, but don't dwell on it.

How did she bring this up with you?