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Help/Support ► Mom wants a Divorce!



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Killa DeX

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My mom says she's fed up with my Dad and she wants to divorce him. After they have been married for 24 years, she wants a divorce. She says its because of my dad drinking. He drinks a little and once in a while comes home drunk but i told him today she wanted too, and he looked sad i hope this makes him stop drinking. But i need advice if they do divorce i dont think i can choose between them.
 

Iridium

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If it's not official (as in papers have been drawn) then I wouldn't worry about it just yet. Have you ever considered taking him to AA meetings?
 

Lifes.Lover

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My mom says she's fed up with my Dad and she wants to divorce him. After they have been married for 24 years, she wants a divorce. She says its because of my dad drinking. He drinks a little and once in a while comes home drunk but i told him today she wanted too, and he looked sad i hope this makes him stop drinking. But i need advice if they do divorce i dont think i can choose between them.

This isn't your problem. It's your parents.

If they really need to divorce, then they will, and there's nothing you can do about it. If they do divorce, look on the brighter side of things and realize that they might possibly be happier apart than together.

Also, there's little chance that there's going to be a divorce after 24 years of marriage.

My mother has been married to my father for 38 years. She threatens him with divorce just about every year. She deserves to, too, because my dad can be a real prick.

But she doesn't, because she loves him, faults and all, and 38 years is a long time to just throw away like that.

It might be much the same with your mother and father. But, if they do divorce, understand that it was probably for the better, at least for them.

You wouldn't want them stuck in a miserable marriage, right?
 

Lifes.Lover

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Alcoholics Anonymous.

It's basically rehab meetings for alcoholics, who want to get better.

I dont even know what a AA meeting is. My mom is also worried because he goes to the bar and drinks and then gets behind the wheel she doesnt want him to kill himself or worse someone else, she says sometimes shes worried and cant even sleep.

It sounds like she's worried, not upset.

She still loves him, apparently. This is something that the two of them need to work out. Nothing you do will change that. They need to talk, and come to terms with his alcohol problem.
 

Killa DeX

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My mom is also worried because he goes to the bar and drinks and then gets behind the wheel she doesnt want him to kill himself or worse someone else, she says sometimes shes worried and cant even sleep.
 

Ta-Chan

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I'd say don't worry so much, although this can be quite upsetting

I'd say have a serious talk with one of your parents about how worried you are, If you're willing to.
 

Killa DeX

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My mom has talked to him tons of times and she says talking is over its time for action. I mean i want her to be happy but i dont want it to end like this i cant see myself going on with my parents like this.
 

Lifes.Lover

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My mom has talked to him tons of times and she says talking is over its time for action. I mean i want her to be happy but i dont want it to end like this i cant see myself going on with my parents like this.

No kid wants that.

But don't be so selfish. If it's what they wants, then it's what they need. Not everything can be or has to be about you.
 

Gildragon

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My mom says she's fed up with my Dad and she wants to divorce him. After they have been married for 24 years, she wants a divorce. She says its because of my dad drinking. He drinks a little and once in a while comes home drunk but i told him today she wanted too, and he looked sad i hope this makes him stop drinking.

Well if he's not committing adultery then this is personally no reason to divorce someone just beause they drink. unless he's like an angry drunk and beats your mom or something. (even then I'm still against the idea). If he just is ignoring his wife's wishes for him to stop and that's it. this is a minor problem and one they should work out. possibly through marriage counseling.


Killa DeX said:
But i need advice if they do divorce i dont think i can choose between them.

Generally in these cases you dont' get to.


But don't be so selfish. If it's what they wants, then it's what they need. Not everything can be or has to be about you.

If a child is concerned for his own well being after a divorce its not being selfish. The parents need to consider what will happen to their children as a result of the divorce. the fact that children are often ignored in the divorce process really pisses me off. its just a matter of who gets custody, which is very ofter based on nothing except a law preference usually favoring the mother. even if the father would be a better parent. He should be concerned. his parents are a part of him. what happens to them will affect him (and I would know) Its not selfish by any means.
 

Shadow_

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I know its hard and all my parents divorced when I was only 4 years old and then my dad past away when I was about to turn 20 this year on Febraury. But I had to be strong, I know its hard and all, but yo udo have to look on the bright side for Christmas you'll get twice the amount of gifts I know its bad to look at that way, but there trying to cheer you up.
 

Archetype00x

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I'm telling you this from personal experience; there's really nothing you can do besides support your parents and give love where needed. It's between them to work it out, and it's up to your father to get healthy, and your mother to have faith in his ability to do so.
 

Lifes.Lover

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If a child is concerned for his own well being after a divorce its not being selfish. The parents need to consider what will happen to their children as a result of the divorce. the fact that children are often ignored in the divorce process really pisses me off. its just a matter of who gets custody, which is very ofter based on nothing except a law preference usually favoring the mother. even if the father would be a better parent. He should be concerned. his parents are a part of him. what happens to them will affect him (and I would know) Its not selfish by any means.

There's a difference between being concerned about his own well-being after a divorce, and wanting to keep his parents together for his own selfish reasons.

And sorry, but it's looking more like he wants to keep them together for his own reasons, and not because he thinks they'd be happier together than apart.

Also, the law is becoming more and more favorable towards the father nowadays. My sister had a baby with some guy. She tried to get him involved, tried to get him to care about the child (who's now five), and tried to get them to interact with each other. But the father wouldn't have it. He's seen his kid maybe twice in five years. My sister had to fight for child support and won that after three years. Forget back child support.

Now, five years later, he's trying to fight for the right to have his name be put on the birth certificate and to have her name legally changed to his. And he's winning, even though he's had nothing to do with her for five years. The only reason he wants it is to get insurance benefits and tax breaks. He still doesn't want anything to do with her.

So, the law is becoming more favorable towards the father.

But that's not the point in this discussion, since the boy is old enough now to either choose which to live with, or to alternate between the two.

Also, there's every chance that they won't get divorced, since it seems like the mother doesn't really want to divorce him.
 

Shadow_

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Well if they do get a divorce you will be able to pick who you want to live with, you pick who you feel most comfortable. Like when my parents got divorced I was young to pick but they picked my mom I think it was a good choice, because my dad would drink and hang out with pool buddies.
 

Ta-Chan

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Well if they do get a divorce you will be able to pick who you want to live with, you pick who you feel most comfortable. Like when my parents got divorced I was young to pick but they picked my mom I think it was a good choice, because my dad would drink and hang out with pool buddies.
Sometimes custody isn't settled like that
 
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