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Help/Support ► Losing Her



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Antiquity

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Yes, I'm back. So I have this friend of mine who's a girl. I met her last semester in my Algebra class, and we've been friends ever since. Anyways, towards the end of the semester, she would pass notes to me (we sat next to each other and our teacher didn't really seem to care) about her cutting herself. I said that she should stop, plain and simple. Our friend Brittany said that she couldn't go near anything sharp, including silverware, which worked for a while.

But she later got a hold of those things and started again. Just last week, she cut herself too deep while she was shaving. She said she felt tired, had a headache, and that her arm wouldn't stop bleeding. I basically took care of her with in the classes we had together. She said she wouldn't tell her parents and wouldn't go to the nurse even though the next day she told me she almost passed out and was annoyed that a bunch of people were worried about her. She said she started thearpy Feb 1st.

Okay, so what else can I do to help her before she starts again? Just so I can be ready if the thearpy doesn't help, cause she's really close to going over the edge and I'm sometimes her main support.

P.S. She says she's not emo, but I don't believe her. She's too preppy and hyper. *shrugs*
 

Joy

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Tell someone. A parent, a teacher, the nurse, whoever. It needs to stop. believe me, as much as she'll hate you, if ou want her to stop, getting someone involved is better than what's going on now. The way I see it, at least.
 

Tobuoi

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It's funny (or rather, "a strange coincedence" as the situation's not exactly humorous) that you bring this up, cos I'm having similar problems with my friend. However, I'm sure that my friend is taking part in such acts as a means of attention-getting. And THAT, my dear, is the first issue of discussion. What exactly is making your friend act out in such ways? Attention, or an actual disorder of sorts?

Perhaps it'd be best to give you a brief description of what my friend's been up to and as much as I care about her, I've never witnessed such moronic behavior up close, before:

We get back from winter break and she finds out that the first guy that she's had a crush on in years and he didn't like her back. Boo-hoo. So she goes to the nurse and goes home. Doesn't show up to school for another two weeks, but continues to hang out with her new loser-druggy friends. She comes back, complains about her "sensative spots" (her sliced up arms which she feels no shame in showing off to the entire world) and aside from that, talks about nothing else other than how much weight she's lost and how fabulous she is for it. Oh, and she's also taken to taking semi-pornographic pictures of herself. Charming.
Anyways, she goes to the nurse and basically sets herself up for attention...now, she's going to therapy and her mummy and daddy take her out for steak afterwards.

See, the problem here is not that she's suicidal, but rather, she can't find any other suitable way to make herself stand out and her moron parents are rewarding her for it. Little do they know that they're helping her completely frack up her social life. Needless to say, none of the friends that she's had for years now have really talked to her.

Anyways, sorry to be so long with this and I hope that you don't think that I'm going off on my own little rant, but I really think that it's important for you to first establish what the problem is. If your friend just wants attention, it'd be best if you sat down with her and very reassuringly told her, "You have friends who like you because YOU are interesting, so you don't need to cut your wrists or anything like that." I don't mean to sound like a shrew, but saying, "Don't cut yourself" almost makes it worse. They probably started doing it in the first place so that you would say that. It's a very cheap and easy way to get attention for them. I'm not saying to ignore the problem, of course, but you have to deal with it in ways that they won't expect because if you give them what they expect, you'll be giving them what they want and you'll be rewarding them for taking part in harmful and stupid behaviors. :O

And as Time mentioned, outside help is always useful in these situations. But you must seem assertive. Don't be too sweet and passive about it if that doesn't work.
 

Joy

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Yeah, Toboui is right. make sure it's an actual cry for help rather than a cry for attention.
 

Antiquity

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You guys are basically right. I am focusing on getting her outside help. Both me and her parents (not together of course) were trying to get her to go to our school counselor (I don't think they know she's cutting herself, they just noticed she listens to Screamo and wears dark clothes most of the time and that's why they think she should see the counselor). I'm just hoping therapy will help just as much.

Tobuoi you are so right. I think she acts this way out of stress as she told me. It might be an ounce/ a pound of attention since she always tells me and the rest of her friends. Another cause might be cause she thinks she's fat. I told her that if she thinks she's fat than I must be obese (I'm not really, she has a basically regular weight, but I weigh a lot less than she does even though she's shorter than me. Brittany just thinks she doesn't eat enough even though she does. No offense).

She never tells her parents or any other adult. She says if she tells them she'll be grounded in a note she passed me the week she cut herself too deep. She'd risk her health over getting grounded which proves she's also not really thinking.

She's just...I don't know.
 
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Divine Light

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tell her parents..........get her into some councilling if you can. what has the world come to this days....*sighs*
 

stephaknee

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I agree that someone needs to know. And expanding on what Tobuoi was saying, I'd opt that all cutters do it for attention. And you're giving her exactly what she wants. You're actually rewarding her behavior, which will just reinforce the habit. She probably won't intentionally kill herself (people who cut usually don't want to die), but she may slip up and do some damage, accidentally.

So sit, have a talk with her, and be a little harsh. And if that doesn't work, she'll probably grow out of it eventually. Most teens do.
 
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Divine Light

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could be kingdom.....hmmm....you shouldn't keep it a secret though things like that are dangerous....Someone needs to know..If you dont tell someone I WILL lol.
 

Max

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It sounds like you need to take everyone's advice, and tell someone. I'm not saying it will get exactly this bad, but you'll regret not telling someone the day she bleeds to death in her bathroom having gone too far. That may not be the best example, but im just saying, let someone know.
 

Antiquity

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tell her parents..........get her into some councilling if you can. what has the world come to this days....*sighs*

I think her parents may already know, or at least notice her strange behavior and what not (The next day after she cut herself, her dad said she was scaring her cause she was all tired and not as preppy). She went to the counselor (about 2 weeks after her parents told her to go see her in the first place -_-), but she didn't tell me what happened. I'm just hoping therapy is helping.

you definately need to tell someone, like everyones been saying. If you really care, you'll tell someone.

I'm hoping to tell someone soon, but I just want to see how things are for a little bit. Last time someone "told" an adult that she wasn't eating (just cause she wasn't eating as much as the person who told), her parents were all crying and stuff and she got all mad. I'm so close though, just need to find out where the counselor office is o_O

I agree that someone needs to know. And expanding on what Tobuoi was saying, I'd opt that all cutters do it for attention. And you're giving her exactly what she wants. You're actually rewarding her behavior, which will just reinforce the habit. She probably won't intentionally kill herself (people who cut usually don't want to die), but she may slip up and do some damage, accidentally.

So sit, have a talk with her, and be a little harsh. And if that doesn't work, she'll probably grow out of it eventually. Most teens do.

I didn't really think I was rewarding her. I actually told her that she might accidentally kill herself that way when we were passing notes. I swear she's now trying to get some attention, she was all complaining last week of how fat she felt (eating in front of a person who has to skip breakfast alot!) and I had to keep reminding her how think she was. I should sit and talk with her whenever we get the time and I should be harsher since she doesn't really take me seriously. The way she's just acting...I'm almost to the brink of slapping her and pinning her to the wall (but I'm a nonviolent person, so hopefully I'll be able to control myself).

i know a girl who used to cut herself, she stopped when she got more friends, and a boyfreind... may she needs happyness....

I'm not too sure happiness is what she needs. She's got a group of friends (even though we're scattered throughout the school), she's got a boyfriend (but I think they might be breaking up. Not like it would work out anyways, Freshman + Junior = o_O, but the cutting has been happening even before she had a b/f). Her parents sorta spoil her, she usually gets what she wants, etc. She said it was cause of stress.

could be kingdom.....hmmm....you shouldn't keep it a secret though things like that are dangerous....Someone needs to know..If you dont tell someone I WILL lol.

Kingdom? *ponders in the library* It's not much of a secret since she basically told most of her friends, she's just been keeping it from her parents. I'll try to get to someone soon.

It sounds like you need to take everyone's advice, and tell someone. I'm not saying it will get exactly this bad, but you'll regret not telling someone the day she bleeds to death in her bathroom having gone too far. That may not be the best example, but im just saying, let someone know.

I know what you mean, and I will get someone to help. That's what my friends did for me in elementary school (I wasn't cutting myself, but it has to do with my last thread in the H&S section). I'd hate to regret something like this, as if regretting almost everything isn't bad enough. I wouldn't really mind getting all of her friends together and having something close to an intervention. So I'll try soon.
 

TheLastKnight

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You sure you're not the one being emo? Just kidding

Someone certainly needs to be told. If no one is, it could be a suicidal attempt coming. Man...Emo much?(Just kidding again)
 

Antiquity

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You sure you're not the one being emo? Just kidding

Someone certainly needs to be told. If no one is, it could be a suicidal attempt coming. Man...Emo much?(Just kidding again)

Uwhaaaaa?! lol, I'm trying to get to that point soon. We're on winter break, so I can't get into the school (not like I can drive anyway). Her boyfriend just broke up with her earlier this week. She said he was just using her to see if he still liked her and I guess not. She was all upset/depressed the next day, so this break up might lead her to doing it again which I'll have to talk to her about.
 
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