Help/Support ► life changes

[Chuman]

i really hate dumping my problems on other peope but at the same time, this neverending pile of shit stacks itself always. i've been changing lately, not just one or two things but a disastrous cocktail of them. my family is dysfuntional to say the least. my mom raised us mostly, she sheltered my siblings completely, not only homeschooling but to the point where we couldn't interact with any kids our age or leave the house.

serious shit went down (she was diagnosed with MS) and we were forced to interact and leave our holes. i was just under 14 at the time, going out to do shopping and heavy lifting, doing scrap loads with my father and the like, but i was left a socially awkward wreck. these were the happy days of my life, i thought it was fun going out for my dad and helping take care of myself but the glamour wore off.

after shitstorms over the next two years, the bulk of my family was in motels while my mother and one sister were in a nursing home leaving us all essentially homeless until we managed to get a small house to live in. however, the older i get, the more i wanted to get out, have friends, but especially, be away from my family. we are always together, all the time except for when my cousin or uncle takes me to the store.

i practically want to take off and not look back but i feel fucking terrible about even thinking of it. my family is in a complete state of disrepair and most of the shit i omitted, i was once told on this site that withholding part of a truth is lying, and they were right. but i'm not comfortable with sharing what little i am. bottom line is, i don't know what would happen if i left, yet i feel like i'm wasting away myself by staying.

i just feel like i need to talk, in case anybody is listening. i have no plans of being a runaway, i'm just tired and lonely and i would rather bury myself in a video game or television thsn be with my family because i can never leave our house for a while, even if i did, i have no idea what i'd do. my position has got to be a familiar one to someone.

 

[robvandam111]

You'll be fine Chu, and especially at your age. You still have plenty of miles for things to discover. As of now, you're fine talking to people and you should be comfortable talking to people outside. I'm a home type of guy, I have felt despair time to time for who I am and with the things that's happening in my house. Just make sure you graduate and once you have that you'll notice all of the possibilities of your surroundings. Again, you're only young. Things will start to open up for you, just watch. Keep interacting with people and if some body says something harmful. Don't feel neglect or anything. Be happy with you and you'll be happy with the things around you.

 

[KingdomKey]

I'm a stuck at home type of person as well. It's good you won't runaway, because you probably wouldn't be able to get far and most likely regret it. :c

What you need to remember is to worry about YOU. Do what makes yourself happy. I know how conflicting it is to want to care for your family but feeling weighed down by their burdens at the same time. The thing is, you're going to have to realize you can't fix everyone's problems. Yes, you can help do little things to help them along, but don't take their responsibilities onto your shoulders. If you do, you'll only suffer in the long run, because you'll be putting them first instead of yourself. I've been there and it wasn't fun. So if you have the urge to leave, start saving any spare change you may have and keep adding onto it as the years go by. And most importantly, keep getting an education, because it'll help you find a job and help you get a place of your own in the near yet far future.

And I'm going to take a leap and say, you probably can't stay with any other relatives for a short while? Such as a grandparent? Sometimes a week away from your intermediate family can give you a clear mind... I suppose the next best thing is to walk around your town if it's safe enough. Or create some sort of sanctuary/private space to be inside of for a few hours to keep away from everyone, if you can. I'd suggest more ideas, but I'm not sure if you're in school or have anything close by for you to go to; such as a mall and ect. The main thing is to keep calm and remember it will get better.

As far as people goes, keep your head up high and don't shy away from people looking your way. Be proud of yourself. You're also young and you'll fit in just fine, if you find people your own age and talk about things you may have in common with them. Remember, you're not going to be the only one that's socially awkward or nervous upon meeting others. And there's people on the forum that you can talk to as well and get to know. Which will keep some of the loneliness at bay.

 

[Taochan]

I don't agree that withholding the truth is lying really. It's definitely not being honest but you're entitled to share what you're comfortable with and you shouldn't feel obligated to do more than that.

Are you planning on going to college once you're old enough?

 

[noxy]

One of my best friends, who is more like a little sister to me (she's my ex's little sister), went through a really tough time as well when she was your age.

Not due to having your types of issues, but literally having no support system in her family. She was pretty much kept under lock and key in spite of being a really good student (she wasn't even allowed out of the house at one point other than to go to school). She started skipping class almost everyday at only 13 years old though she was keeping up with her schoolwork and her grades stayed good. Everyone in her family treated her like a baby and it was ridiculous.

After I moved back to Nashville from Phoenix, she actually ended up running away and stayed gone for 6 months. And yes, she dropped out of school during that time.

But, when she finally went back, her mom realized what was wrong and they fixed their relationship. She got back in school, busted ass, and in spite of being a semester behind, graduated a year early and went on to college at Arizona State. She finished college by age 19 or 20.

She now makes something in the neighborhood of $150k/yr at only 22 years old doing accounting.

I'm not saying you should run away. Don't. Things might be rough now, but I'm sure you're more than capable of working hard to achieve something great with your life.

Hang in there, kiddo. You'll be fine.