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Fanfiction ► Legacy of the Marauders (an HP story)

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Aug 2, 2005
in my room, where else?
Chapter 1: Love and Therapy

James Potter was in the library to glance through books that might inspire ideas for pranks.

"Oy, Potter, how did you get here? Did someone open your cage?" jeered the icy voice of Severus Snape.

James spun around and gaped at Snape as if in awe.

"What are you gawking at?" Snape spit.

"Nothing, it's just that you are living proof that dragon manure can grow legs and walk," volunteered James casually.

Snape's lips curled into a sneer. "Dragons are fascinating, as is all of nature. You should get Lupin a book on it while you are here since he loves nature, in spite of what it did to him," he retorted.

James' blood boiled with rage, no one spoke ill about his friends without suffering the consequences. He whipped out his wand and transfigured Snape's backpack into manure. Then he saw Lily Evans, who had just walked into the library to drop a book in the return slot, shoot him a disgusted look and go back out to the corridor.

"Hold up, Evans," called James. He quickly caught up with her.

"I am busy. Could I ignore you later?" Lily inquired stiffly as she hastened her pace.

James easily kept in step with her. "I know what it must have looked like in there, but you have not any idea what the git said. Please, try to see things from my perspective," requested James, running his hand through his messy hair in a flirtatious manner.

"I would like to see things from your point of view, Potter, though I can't seem to get my head that far up my arse," Lily scornfully stated.

"Why do you treat me this way?" demanded James, steeping in front of her so as to bar her path. "Why? I would go to the ends of the earth for you."

Ignoring his question, she responded, "If you would go to the ends of the earth for me then go and stay there!" She angrily pushed passed him and stalked off.


Remus was in the Marauders' dormitory jumping atop his bed joyfully for no reason, a task usually left to Peter.

Suddenly, the doorknob clicked. Remus abruptly sat down and appeared the image of complete calmness as Peter and Sirius gaited inside.

"I know you were going to try to get Jessie to go out with you," Peter was saying to Sirius. "How did you make out?"

Sirius grinned with mischief as he replied, "I made out with her very well. Thank you for asking."

Peter seemed puzzled and Remus merely shook his head.

"Where's Prongs?" inquired Sirius.

As if on cue James came through the door shouting, "I am going to murder Snivellus! I shall take his tongue and tie him up with it and light his greasy hair on fire! Then I'll feed the burnt corpse to the giant squid!" He muttered as an afterthought, "But I doubt even he would want it."

"What happened? Should we go find him and hex him into next year?" offered Sirius seriously.

"No, it wouldn't change what Evans saw," James answered moodily.

"Ooooooh," said Sirius, Remus, and Peter comprehendingly in unison.

Remus got out a quill and a scroll of parchment, which he held like a clipboard, and put on a spare pair of James' spectacles, so he looked exactly like a psychologist. "Tell us everything in your own words using descriptive terminology. We're all friends here, so do not be afraid to be open."

James stared at him like he was insane at first, yet he then obligingly lay down on the bed, pretending that it was a couch, and told the other Marauders about the incident.

"What astounds me is that you actually knew where the library was," Sirius stated.

Remus questioned, "Well, Mr. Potter, how did Evans' rejection make you feel?"

"Like crap," responded James simply.

"Hmm, I see," said Remus, scrawling a note on the "clipboard." "Do you think perhaps you fear future rejections from her?" He was frightfully good at imitating a shrink.

"Prongs doesn't know the meaning of the word fear," Peter announced.

Sirius quipped, "He doesn't know the meaning of most words."

"That's it, Padfoot!" James tossed a pillow at Sirius' head.

Consequently, Sirius started to smack James in the face with his own pillow.

James leapt up from the bed and tackled Sirius.

Remus was laughing with amusement, but Peter looked genuinely anxious.

"Guys, do not kill each other," squeaked Peter.

"Aww, how come?" asked Sirius comically as he overpowered James and commenced suffocating him with a pillow.

Peter shrieked girlishly with terror.

James and Sirius ceased attacking one another for Peter's sake and cracked up.

Once they regained control of themselves James wondered aloud, "Does Lily really like lilies?"

No one knew.

"If we were plants what sort of plants would we be?" asked Peter

Remus answered without hesitation, "Obviously, a lupine."

"A mandrake, maybe," James thoughtfully responded.

Sirius jovially volunteered, "A Whomping Willow."

"I guess I'd be a blender," informed Peter.

"A blender is not a plant. It is a muggle electronic device," Remus explained calmly.

"It could be," insisted Peter.

"No, it couldn't," said Remus.

James inquired, "Can you prove that?"

"Not right now; there are not any electrical outlets at Hogwarts," replied Remus.

"You're only making excuses. Without evidence we are going to assume that a blender is a plant," declared Sirius.

"You know what happens when you assume," Remus pleasantly remarked.

"What?" questioned Peter.

"You make an ass of u and me," answered James bluntly.

"I don't get it," whined Peter.

"Honestly, Wormtail, if you were any slower you would be going backwards," Sirius spat.

Peter gazed at the floor in an ashamed manner; therefore Remus shot Sirius a look.

So Sirius changed the subject back to blenders. "We should add it to the Marauders' Code. A blender is a plant: rule number 957."

"But that is not right," Remus sighed.

"How did the direction 'right' become associated with the term correct? Why not left?" asked James.

Remus said exasperatedly, "Fine, it isn't left."

"It is now," Sirius, James, and Peter said together.

"I give up." Remus closed his bed hangings and fell asleep while his fellow Marauders debated if a blender sounded more like a tree, a flower, a fungus, or a shrub.

They decided on a shrub, so when Remus awoke they could tell him, "You must bring us a shrubbery or we will say ni!" from Mighty Python and the Holy Grail.
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New member
Nov 20, 2005
Defying Gravity & Dancing Through Life!
How 'bout I post instead? That was hilarious! I love it! I always wanted Rowling to go into more detail of the Marauders' lives. Now, I'll sit back and enjoy your interpretaion! I hope you don't mind me putting a link to this in my siggy.
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New member
Nov 20, 2005
Defying Gravity & Dancing Through Life!
You're quite welcome. I love Harry Potter and was really excited when I saw who your focus was. I love Sirius and Lupin and love hearing about the gang's antics in Rowling's books. *bows down to Elphaba_1* Fear not, for I will be here to read all your new chapters whenever they are posted.


Aug 2, 2005
in my room, where else?
i had a little free time last night, so here' the new chapter

Chapter 2: Stupid Things

Sirius, Remus and Peter woke up because they heard James singing, or trying to sing, to the melody of Humpty Dumpty,
"Wake up you slugabeds!
Get off your lazy asses!
If you don't get ready,
we're going to be late for our classes!"

Remus yawned and groggily got out of his four-poster, and Peter did likewise. Sirius just kept sleeping and snoring rather loudly. Remus shook Sirius, Peter pulled off his blankets, and James dumped icy cold water all over him. He shook his head like a dog and remained asleep. The three of them tilted his mattress so that he slid off and hit the stone floor with a hard thud. No effect. They gave up and got dressed and headed to Charms.

Remus was taking notes from tiny Professor Flitwick as he reviewed for the N.E.W.T.s. James and Peter were playing tic-tac-toe.

"Do you think the person who made tic-tac candies also invented tic-tac-toe?" inquired Peter.

"Tic-tacs; one and a half calourie breath mints! Breathe friendly!" said the voices inside Peter's head. They were constantly reciting advertizements. This random fact is not in any way significant to the plot, and it is never going to be...I don't think...

"I dunno...It might be worth investigating," James answered. He won the fifth game against Peter that lesson and remarked, "I do not want to play anymore."

"Then what are we supposed to do?" Peter asked.

James gazed at Lily in fascination, and did not respond.

Suddenly, Sirius bounded angrily through the classroom door. Glowering at his comrades, he demanded, "Why didn't you wake me up?"

The three chaps burst out laughing.

"Mr. Black, please take your seat," squeaked Flitwick. "I'm sorry, but I am going to have to give you a detention for your tardiness."

Sirius exalted, "Now I'm one up on Prongs!" The two of them had an ongoing competition since first year of who could get the most detentions before graduation.

The rest of the day passed without incident until it was time for the Christmas feast.

"Are you guys ready to do this?" James gravely questioned Sirius, Remus, and Peter outside of the crowded Great Hall.

Remus inclined his head in an affirmative.

"As ready as I will ever be," commented Sirius.

"No. I can't do it," Peter whined.

"You have to," said James. "We all lost the bet and we all have to do it."


As the Marauders sat around the tree by the lake Peter picked a wildflower out of the ground and sniffed it. "Hey, it smells pretty!"

"Brilliant deduction," commented Remus with slight sarcasm. He was not as cheerful as usual because he had P.M.S., Pre-Moon Sickness.

"What did you expect it to smell like?" Sirius scornfully inquired.

"Hot chili peppers mixed with coconuts," answered Peter truthfully.

"You're insane," James told Peter simply.

"Well, it's ridiculous-" Remus began but was cut off by his friends laughing, "Ridikkulus!"

He waited for their laughter to abate before continuing. "To think that a flower would carry that aroma, but I think it sounds quite nice as a food combination."

Peter fearfully edged away from Remus. "Are having odd taste buds contagious?"

"Oh, yes," joked James. "And the results can occasionally be fatal."

Peter edged even farther away.

Sirius chuckled, "Calm down, Wormtail; he was only kidding. It is just that Moony gets weird food cravings around his time of the month."

"I do not," Remus contradicted while dunking a chocolate bar in a glass of pickle juice.

James watched the up and down dunking motion and it reminded him of the rising and falling of flying broomsticks in Quidditch (almost everything made him think of the sport). "Who do you think is going to win the Slytherin verses Ravenclaw game next week? I'm sure Ravenclaw'll beat the evil candles."

"Definitely," Sirius stated.

"Those candles won't know what hit them," agreed Peter.

"You shouldn't call someone a candle; it's rather offensive. Anyway, I think that they both have a probable chance of winning. Each of the teams have been practicing frequently," pointed out Remus fairly.

"Yeah and Prongs and Evans will have a child together," Sirius sarcastically remarked.

James jabbed Sirius hard in the ribs with his elbow. "The Slytherins have not won one match this season. Not to mention all of the jelly beans that the Ravenclaws have been eating."

Remus conceded, "I suppose you're left; no one can beat the Ravenclaws at anything once they've eaten jelly beans."

James nodded. "If Ravenclaw loses I swear, I'd (Loud music suddenly started playing so you could not hear what James said.)."

"Really, Potter?" came Lucius Malfoy's drawl as he strode over to the Marauders with Crabbe, Goyle, and Snape. "I would love to see that. Would you care to make a wager?"

"I reckon so," said James casually. "What did you have in mind?"

"If Slytherin loses the four of us have to do what you said, but if Ravanclaw loses then the four of you must do it," Malfoy coolly stated. "Unless the legendary Marauders are scared-"

"Never!" James exclaimed. "We'll do it!"

Peter groaned. He did NOT want to agree to this. James had a tendency of speaking for the entire group and the others did not mind. Sirius invariably supported James one hundred percent and it never irritated Remus, not much besides his lycanthropy bothered him, thus Peter never brought it up. James is like a brother to me, yet sometimes I wish that I had a say in things. Someday I will, he thought.

Malfoy grinned wickedly, "Excellent." He and James shook on it and the Slytherins walked away.

-End of Flashback-

"Could I just ask one question?" whimpered Peter.

James nodded. He was abnormally anxious about what they were about to do, so he had a determined expression on his face that he typically wore before he played a Quidditch match or watched Cinderella. That movie never failed to make him cry hysterically; he thought it was beautiful when the glass slipper was put on Cinderella's foot and the prince knew that she was his one true love.

"Does this outfit make me look fat?"


"But black is supposed to be slimming!" cried Peter.

"Sorry, but you still look wide enough to listen intently to quills," elabourated James.

Sirius stated, "Prongs, even if that made sense it would be stupid."

"Stupid things are funny," James insisted.

"Sometimes stupid things are just stupid," argued Sirius.








"AWESOME!" Sirius randomly regained his composure. "Let's get this over with."

"Wait!" called Sapphire, Remus' girlfriend with long golden hair and dark sapphire blue eyes, rushing over to them. "Before you guys go in there I want you to know that no matter what anyone says about you after you do this I'll always-" She broke off sobbing.

"Always what?" questioned Remus gently, embracing her tightly.

"I'll always let you all play with my hair curlers," she murmured through her tears.

"Thank you; that means a lot to us," the four Marauders said solemnly. Then they walked into the Great Hall...
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Aug 2, 2005
in my room, where else?
lol, yea, we need more ppl, seems like I'm still not popular in the fanfic section

wait a minute O_O.........anime_keitostyle, ur a Wicked luver? I guess u can tell I am too since the username says all
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Apr 30, 2005
Ultra-Tech Facilities
I say that I'm in love with this fan fic now. That chapter was great/funny. lol, funny yet random arguement about stupid things being stupid.


Aug 2, 2005
in my room, where else?
Man! I Feel Like a Woman!

They walked into the Great Hall wearing tight, sleeveless black dresses with pantyhose and high-heeled shoes.
"I’m going out tonight. I’m feelin’ all right;
gonna let it all hang out!
Wanna make some noise, really raise my voice
Yeah, I wanna scream and shout!" sang Peter loudly, blushing furiously.

Everyone was staring at the Marauders in confusion, except for Crabbe, Goyle, Snape, and Malfoy, who were sniggering.

"No inhibitions, make no conditions,
get a little outta line!
I ain’t gonna act politically correct;
I only wanna have a good time!" James winked, hiding any trace of shame that he felt about having to do this, and the Great Hall rang with appreciative laughter.

"The best thing about being a woman
is the prerogative to have a little fun and," Remus paused and did a perfect pirouette.

Then the four chaps broke into grapevines while singing, "Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy; forget I’m a lady!
Men’s shirts, short skirts!
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild, yeah, doin’ it in style!
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action; feel the attraction!
Colour my hair, do what I dare!
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free, yeah, to feel the way I feel!
Man! I feel like a woman!"

Sirius sang, "The girls need a break; tonight we’re gonna take
the chance to get out on the town!
We don’t need romance! We only wanna dance!
We’re gonna let our hair hang down!" He ran his hand through his thick, dark hair causing many girls to squeal.

The foursome clapped to the beat of the music and the staff and students, minus the Slytherins, joined in. The Marauders chanted, "The best thing about being a woman
is the prerogative to have a little fun and," they all paused and did a perfect pirouette like Remus had earlier, "Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy; forget I’m a lady!
Men’s shirts, short skirts!
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild, yeah, doin’ it in style!
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action; feel the attraction!
Colour my hair, do what I dare!
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free, yeah, to feel the way I feel!
Man! I feel like a woman!"

Whistling and enthusiastic applause could be heard throughout the hall.

James and Sirius blew a kiss and the Marauders skipped to the Gryffindor table smiling.

At the Slytherin table Snape screeched, "Why did we bother bribing the Ravenclaws to lose! Even when the Marauders should be humiliated they are happy because everyone still loves them!"


After Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, and Snape made the bet with the Marauders and gaited away Goyle muttered, "What if we do not win the bet? I do not want to be in a sexy dress and sing 'Man! I Feel Like Woman!' during the Christmas feast."

"We shall win because I'll make sure the Ravenclaws lose the match," assured Malfoy smoothly.

"How?" Crabbe asked.

"With bribery, of course. I have tons of money."

Goyle replied, "Ravenclaws don't want wealth or power. We do."

Malfoy answered impatiently, "Don't be thick if you can help it! I am going to use my money to buy the one thing Ravenclaws can't resist and need to be successful."

"You don't mean..." breathed Crabbe.

"I do," drawled Malfoy.

"That's immoral, nefarious, unethical, dastardly, evil, foul, loathsome...(four hours later)...wicked, hateful, despicable, sinister, sinful, diabolical, and unjust!" Snape exclaimed. "It's genius!"

"I know," Malfoy calmly simpered. "Now come; we must go get their weaknesses. To Honeydukes! We must purchase their entire stock of jelly beans!"

"Are we going to give the Ravenclaw team all the jelly if they agree to lose on purpose?" inquired Snape.

"Why wouldn't we?" Malfoy asked.

"It's just that I like to eat them when I play hopscotch," Snape admitted quietly.

"You play hopscotch?" said Crabbe incredulously.

"Sometimes," murmured Snape. "Usually in a Pikachu outfit."

"That's sickening," Goyle told Snape matter-of-factly.

"What's wrong with Pikachu?" he demanded. "I mean, it's not as if I like Jigglypuff."

"What's wrong with Jigglypuff? I happen to think she is sort of cute!" growled Malfoy.

"Oh, yeah, if you like pink puff balls that sing worse than Professor Trelawney," Snape remarked.

Malfoy forgot about being angry and became interested. "When did you hear the mental divination teacher sing?"

"One time I was-"

Crabbe laughed stupidly, "And one time at band camp!" Snape's glare silenced him.

Snape continued, "As I was saying, one time I was walking past the North Tower during afternoon break and I heard her singing the theme song to Friends. It was painful to my ears."

"How painful," drawled Malfoy.

"It ached the way your tongue aches after you accidentally staple it to a brick," explained Snape.

The other Slytherins nodded in understanding.

"Uh, Severus?" questioned Goyle.


"I never meant that it was sickening that you dressed up as Pikachu and played hopscotch. I thought it was sickening that you liked jelly beans."

Malfoy and Snape appeared irritated, and Malfoy asked, "Do you even like the black ones?"

Goyle shook his large head.

Snape's eyes flashed dangerously. "You do not even like the black jelly beans? Then you must face the consequences." His hand plunged into his robes and he pulled out a small glass bottle containing thick, blood red liquid.

Goyle swallowed nervously. He knew that Snape was exceptionally gifted in potions, and he shuddered as he thought of what the possible effects of that creepy liquid might be.

"This is ketchup," stated Snape. He smiled vindictively while Goyle quivered with terror. "Yes, ketchup, and I'll give it to you and make certain that you never obtain a hot dog or chips to put it on."

Goyle ran away screaming.

"He's an even worse runner than Lucetta," chortled Malfoy.

At the sound of Lucius' twin sister's name Snape's heart skipped a beat, however, he did his best to ignore it. "Let's go to Hogsmeade and get the bloody jelly beans."

-End of Flashback-

At the Gryffindor table the Marauders sipped their pumpkin juice without a trace of embarrassment.

"How could you guys go through with it?" questioned Sapphire, impressed.

"Remind ourselves of how pretty we look," said Sirius. He sang, "I feel pretty, oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and-" He stopped himself just before he said "gay."

"You are pretty," Remus agreed.

"Thanks. I know."

"Pretty annoying."


James sipped his pumpkin juice with his pinky finger sticking out as he chuckled at his best mate.

Lily stared at him. "Potter, why are you doing that?"

"When in doubt pinky out," James quoted Sponge Bob.

"Your ego is so large I don't think that you doubt anything."

"I doubt one thing."

"What's that?"

"I doubt that you will be able to resist my charm forever."

Lily stomped out of the Great Hall, disgusted. Or at least, she wanted to be disgusted. She could not deny that James could be charming and that tight black dress showed off the lean muscle he acquired from all those years of playing Quidditch. No! I am not attracted to Potter. I am not attracted to Potter. Keep telling yourself that, Lily.

"Bye beautiful!" James shouted at Lily's retreating back. She flipped him off.

Sirius laughed, then turned to Remus and remarked, "You should have done a split during our little performance."

"You can do a split?" inquired Peter.

Remus told Peter in an undertone, "I've had to learn a lot of stretching exercises to lessen the muscle tension I get from transforming, so, yeah, I know how."

"Do it," urged Peter.

"I don't want to."

"Do it."








"Do what?" asked James.

Remus sighed. He stood up and did a perfect split to shut everyone up.

Almost all of Hogwarts' male students cringed simultaneously.

Remus laughed.

"A guy should not be able to do a split," one HufflePuff boy commented.

"Why not?" questioned Remus in his pleasant tone, still on the floor in the position of a split.

"It violates numerous laws of nature," volunteered James.

Remus asked, "Where are these laws written?"

"They're unwritten laws and, next to the Marauders' Code, those are the most important rules," James responded.

"I thought rules were meant to be broken," said Peter, confused.

Sirius commented, "Yeah, Prongs. Just because you don't have the balls to do a split doesn't mean Moony can't do it."

Peter said to Remus, "Congrats, you have balls."

Remus stood up and walked away muttering, "My friends are driving me insane. I need chocolate."

"You already were insane," called James. "As for you," James glared at Sirius. "Don't you have a detention to get to?"

"Bollocks! I forgot." Sirius went to his detention with Flitwick.

Her's an extra bonus of how Lupin got a grlfriend:

Remus Lupin was walking outside on the grounds making his prefect rounds in the quiet snowy air and saw the most amazing thing his eyes had ever beheld.

Sapphire McGonagall was dancing gracefully as the snow drifted about her, the stars and crescent moon illuminating her perfect figure and gleaming blond hair until she slipped on a patch of ice.

Remus dashed over to her and helped her up.

"Thanks," said Sapphire. Next, she looked down at the snowflakes on the black sleeve of her Hogwarts uniform. "I like this one best." She pointed at one by her wrist.

"But no two snowflakes are alike, so how do you know you won't see one later that you'll like better?" inquired Remus reasonably.

"When I find the one I just know." She smiled sweetly.

Remus blushed.

Sapphire leaned closer to him until their lips met.

He kissed her back at first, however, after a moment he pulled away. "Sapphire, I can't," he stated in a soft, regretful tone.

"Why not?" Sapphire was hurt.

"Because you would not like me if you knew everything about me," informed Remus sadly.

"Nothing could change how much I care for you," replied Sapphire.

Remus stared directly into her sapphire blue eyes. "I am a werewolf," he told her quietly, yet clearly.

"I know."

"How did you find out?" questioned Remus, shocked.

"Remember when we studied boggarts in third year? Well, I noticed that the boggart became a full moon when it faced you," she answered, and added, "I never judged you for it, nor have I told anyone."

He hugged her. "How can you be so clever and kind and perfect?"

Now, it was Sapphire's turn to have her cheeks become slightly pink.

Remus saved her the trouble of having to reply by putting his mouth over hers.
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